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Portal 2
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If the subject survived the test, we let them purchase the pictures for $5. If the subject died, we gave the photo to their next of kin free of charge.
Listens:
434
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey lady. Lady.
Listens:
1058
Who:
Core 1
The photos weren't as popular as we had hoped, so we repurposed the cameras.
Listens:
366
Who:
GLaDOS
Be careful!
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
Go ahead and grab another one.
Listens:
439
Who:
GLaDOS
Is that camera is hooked into the lock?
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't forget!
Listens:
1011
Who:
Turret
Crap!
Listens:
1233
Who:
Defective Turret
Welcome, gentlemen, to Aperture Science. Astronauts, war heroes, Olympians--you're here because we want the best, and you are it. So: Who is ready to make some science?
Listens:
4396
Who:
Cave Johnson
We did it! I'm in control of the whole facility now!
Listens:
394
Who:
Wheatley
Humans must have some purpose other than a place to store your neurotoxin. Something I failed to notice before, an intangible quality that makes their test results... significant.
Listens:
2010
Who:
GLaDOS
Good news is, the lab boys say the symptoms of asbestos poisoning show a median latency of forty-four point six years, so if you're thirty or older, you're laughing. Worst case scenario, you miss out on a few rounds of canasta, plus you forwarded the cause of science by three centuries. I punch those numbers into my calculator, it makes a happy face.
Listens:
22511
Who:
Cave Johnson
It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
3829
Who:
GLaDOS
At the time of this recording, Federal disclosure policies require us to inform you that this next test is probably lethal and to redirect you to a safer test environment.
Listens:
1555
Who:
Announcer
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
726
Who:
Wheatley
Dare it. Dare to dream. Shoot for the stars.
Listens:
545
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Okay. Okay listen: New plan. Act natural act natural. We've done nothing wrong.
Listens:
444
Who:
Wheatley
Wait! I've got an idea!
Listens:
407
Who:
GLaDOS
Allright, test's over. You can head on back to your desk.
Listens:
1254
Who:
Cave Johnson
Um. 'TRUE'. I'll go 'true'.
Listens:
20509
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! Death trap!
Listens:
824
Who:
Wheatley
I am not sure how I can make these tests any easier for you.
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, brilliant, yeah. Take one last look at your precious human moon. Because it cannot help you now!
Listens:
2576
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
810
Who:
Core 1
Wait. Careful. Let me light this jump for you
Listens:
367
Who:
Wheatley
Those of you helping us test the repulsion gel today, just follow the blue line on the floor.
Listens:
1047
Who:
Cave Johnson
Wait here. Don't go anywhere. I'll be back.
Listens:
533
Who:
GLaDOS
If your confidence is still not high enough remember no one was created perfect.
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying, because for the first time it's my voice.
Listens:
1647
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't hold on! Come on!
Listens:
319
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, really? Space? Really? You should have said something! We had no idea!
Listens:
1969
Who:
Core 2
If that doesn't motivate you, I'm not sure what will.
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you doing that just to aggravate me?
Listens:
307
Who:
GLaDOS
She was provoking you.
Listens:
834
Who:
Turret
Have you worked out the one good trait humans have, yet?
Listens:
573
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
474
Who:
Defective Turret
I know how we can BEAT him.
Listens:
389
Who:
GLaDOS
I was going to kill you fast. With bullets. Or neurotoxin. But if you're going to pull stunts like this, it doesn't have to be fast. So you know. I'll take my time.
Listens:
1618
Who:
GLaDOS
Right. Let's figure out how to stop this turret line...
Listens:
297
Who:
Wheatley
If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.
Listens:
2088
Who:
Cave Johnson
What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.
Listens:
1168
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. No. I fizzled that one too.
Listens:
573
Who:
GLaDOS
That's his voice up ahead.
Listens:
328
Who:
GLaDOS
Agh! You're alive! Great!
Listens:
507
Who:
Wheatley
Well... Good. Good. Finally, a nemesis worthy of my vast intellect.
Listens:
768
Who:
Wheatley
Hello there!
Listens:
1723
Who:
Defective Turret
[yelling]
Listens:
651
Who:
Wheatley
SOLVE IT! Commanding voice...
Listens:
792
Who:
Wheatley
You were right, Orange. Blue was dumb enough to fall for your trap.
Listens:
634
Who:
GLaDOS
They're not even your screens to break. It's vandalism. It's pure vandalism. You wouldn't do this if this was your house, would you? If I came around to your house smashin' your telly to bits, you'd be furious. And rightly so. Unbelievable.
Listens:
968
Who:
Wheatley
What'd I hit?
Listens:
399
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright. Still nothing, let's keep moving.
Listens:
342
Who:
Wheatley
This way! This way!
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
Just--do the test! Just do the test.
Listens:
322
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going. Going to space.
Listens:
1015
Who:
Core 1
GAH!
Listens:
509
Who:
Wheatley
I'm trouble.
Listens:
380
Who:
Defective Turret
Wow.
Listens:
763
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay... that's probably correct. But where it is incorrect is while I've been stalling you WE JUST PRESSED THE BUTTON! USE THE MOMENT OF CONFUSION I'VE JUST CREATED TO PRESS THE BUTTON!
Listens:
653
Who:
Wheatley
Agh!
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
Silently killing you. Probably. If I had to guess.
Listens:
534
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! It's going faster, which I was... not expecting.
Listens:
296
Who:
Wheatley
THEY didn't fly into space, storm a beach, or bring back the gold. No sir, we did! It's you and me against the world, son! I like your grit! Hustle could use some work, though. Now let's solve this thing!
Listens:
1995
Who:
Cave Johnson
[laugh]
Listens:
41331
Who:
Cave Johnson
Interpreting vague answer as YES.
Listens:
26194
Who:
Announcer
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
988
Who:
Defective Turret
I need backup!
Listens:
718
Who:
Turret
Uhhh, no bullets. Sorry.
Listens:
470
Who:
Defective Turret
I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse.
Listens:
928
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange receives
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. Not on the test.
Listens:
583
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that.
Listens:
55773
Who:
GLaDOS
For the sake of this test, I will pretend to be your partner.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohp! Where are you going? Nowhere. Not going anywhere. Got you trapped like a little jumpsuited rat.
Listens:
685
Who:
Wheatley
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
715
Who:
Wheatley
Fears conflict.
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I tried.
Listens:
857
Who:
Defective Turret
No hard fealings
Listens:
1093
Who:
Turret
Ahungh. What was that? That was nothing! That was nothing!
Listens:
629
Who:
Wheatley
No no, no no, no no, whoa whoa, no, whoa!
Listens:
887
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright, I'm pulling you out.
Listens:
748
Who:
GLaDOS
Until now.
Listens:
345
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't help but notice you're not coming back. Which is disappointing.
Listens:
689
Who:
Wheatley
[out of breath] Okay. That's probably the bird, isn't it? That laid the eggs! Livid!
Listens:
1035
Who:
Wheatley
I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying.
Listens:
1405
Who:
GLaDOS
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
625
Who:
Wheatley
Go on.
Listens:
338
Who:
Wheatley
Anddddd...THERE we go.
Listens:
343
Who:
Wheatley
Did you think the electrical switch was down there?
Listens:
291
Who:
GLaDOS
So... this cat loves lasagna so much that he eats all of the lasagna in his house. Okay, apparently it's not the cat's house or his lasagna. Oh good! The man who owns the lasagna is furious!
Listens:
70594
Who:
GLaDOS
One: No portal surfaces.
Listens:
1041
Who:
Wheatley
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1361
Who:
Wheatley
This door's actually pretty complicated.
Listens:
289
Who:
Wheatley
Go on. Get in.
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
Who ARE you?
Listens:
3617
Who:
Turret
Yes Mr. Johnson
Listens:
1482
Who:
Caroline
Ha! Was that your bullet-riddled body, flying out of the room? It was- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren't they? Yeah...
Listens:
2155
Who:
Wheatley
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
1182
Who:
Core 3
Raseph, the Semitic god of war and plague, had a gazelle growing out of his forehead.
Listens:
887
Who:
Core 3
Steals lunch from staff fridge.
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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