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Portal 2
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Ugh!
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, that's right! Still defective!
Listens:
912
Who:
Defective Turret
You should see yourselves right now.
Listens:
1371
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you smell neurotoxin?
Listens:
609
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that.
Listens:
56059
Who:
GLaDOS
But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.
Listens:
947
Who:
Wheatley
I have to agree. Orange is penalized 75 science collaboration points.
Listens:
377
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Listen. I can't do it with you watching. I know it seems pathetic, given what we've been through. But just turn around. Please?
Listens:
339
Who:
Wheatley
Exactly how painful are we tAGHHHHHH!
Listens:
1276
Who:
Wheatley
Come to gloat?
Listens:
403
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
764
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh my god.
Listens:
2869
Who:
GLaDOS
Prometheus was punished by the gods for giving the gift of knowledge to man. He was cast into the bowels of the earth and pecked by birds.
Listens:
44976
Who:
Turret
Good. You made it to one of the human habitats. We're looking for an artifact. Think of it as an archeological dig.
Listens:
974
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, how well do you really know Blue? Do you trust Blue?
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Didn't go for that, I see. Knew I was lying. Point to you. But you still are inhaling neurotoxin. So, point deducted.
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
You're angry. I know it. 'She’s tested me too hard.' Boo hoo. I don't suppose you ever stopped whining long enough to reflect on your own shortcomings, though, did you?
Listens:
5473
Who:
GLaDOS
AH! I've just done it again.
Listens:
374
Who:
Wheatley
Humans! That's what you look like right now.
Listens:
478
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Play it cool. Play it cool. Here come the space cops.
Listens:
5255
Who:
Core 1
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
6825
Who:
Defective Turret
Are you going to open the door? At any time?
Listens:
560
Who:
Wheatley
If you can't complete this course, those humans will die. Do you want that in your memory banks?
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
This test is so outside the box, I can't-- I mean WON'T even tell you what you are looking for.
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
Yahh. Gehhh!
Listens:
745
Who:
Wheatley
That jumpsuit you're wearing looks stupid. That's not me talking, it's right here in your file. On other people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has noted that on you it looks 'stupid.'
Listens:
2675
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah, crap.
Listens:
1362
Who:
Defective Turret
Identify yourself or I will shoot.
Listens:
4217
Who:
Defective Turret
Right. Hmm. I'm gonna have to hack the door so we can get at it.
Listens:
365
Who:
Wheatley
Do you give up? It was the floor. Lying down on the floor. Is where I am. Needing you to pick me up.
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
I know you.
Listens:
586
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn.
Listens:
2151
Who:
Wheatley
I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom.
Listens:
17094
Who:
Core 2
Good morning. You have been in suspension for nine nine nine... nine nine ni- This courtesy call is to inform you that all test subjects should immediately vacate [FADES OUT]
Listens:
28989
Who:
Announcer
Passive-aggressive.
Listens:
466
Who:
GLaDOS
Thank you - I can't believe I'm thanking these people - for staggering your way through Aperture Science's propulsion gel testing. You've made some real contributions to society for a change, and for that, humanity is grateful.
Listens:
1508
Who:
Cave Johnson
What do you think?
Listens:
1387
Who:
Wheatley
In 1879, Sandford Fleming first proposed the adoption of worldwide standardized time zones at the Royal Canadian Institute.
Listens:
652
Who:
Core 3
Okay. Okay. Okay listen: New plan. Act natural act natural. We've done nothing wrong.
Listens:
445
Who:
Wheatley
Alternate core detected.
Listens:
1666
Who:
Announcer
You just keep testing and testing. With perfect results and no consequences.
Listens:
626
Who:
GLaDOS
For instance, Blue, you just lost two opportunity advisement points.
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
Even humans, as stupid as they are, would say you look stupid when you do that.
Listens:
641
Who:
GLaDOS
Annnnd we're back!
Listens:
905
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah.
Listens:
495
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm sorry. The arrows seem to have rusted off. Good luck.
Listens:
1106
Who:
GLaDOS
Without the looming consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
1432
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken.
Listens:
1087
Who:
GLaDOS
Maybe you ARE getting human emotions.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
I miss this that smell.
Listens:
427
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah.
Listens:
371
Who:
Defective Turret
This place is self-destructing, you idiot!
Listens:
832
Who:
GLaDOS
To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you. He refused. I understand, that would be like asking me not to test.
Listens:
314
Who:
GLaDOS
Always sleeping.
Listens:
553
Who:
GLaDOS
Horrible people skills.
Listens:
989
Who:
GLaDOS
The square root of rope is string.
Listens:
1638
Who:
Core 3
And...?
Listens:
389
Who:
GLaDOS
And FOOLISH! No way out. At my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing.
Listens:
1083
Who:
Wheatley
This next test is very dangerous. To help you remain tranquil in the face of almost certain death, smooth jazz will be deployed in three. Two. One. [SMOOTH JAZZ]
Listens:
81235
Who:
Announcer
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
7571
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m on fire.
Listens:
2510
Who:
Turret
If you are alive, can you say something. Jump around so I know you are OK?
Listens:
382
Who:
Wheatley
YEAH! What's happening?
Listens:
482
Who:
Defective Turret
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
628
Who:
Wheatley
I was confident you could finish.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna do it. I don't want to go in there. Don't... Don't go in there - She's off. She's off! Panic over! She's off. All fine! On we go.
Listens:
608
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
6106
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on. Couldn't we just use that conversion gel?
Listens:
456
Who:
GLaDOS
Whoa-ho-ho! Would you look at this. Not too bad, eh? Giant robot. Massive! It's not just me, right? I'm bloody massive, aren't I?
Listens:
670
Who:
Wheatley
Be honest. You can't even tell, can you? Seamless.
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
Was. Was self-destructing. Already fixed.
Listens:
646
Who:
Wheatley
The other? Well...
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
So. If you've got any reservations whatsoever about this plan, now would be the time to voice them.
Listens:
379
Who:
Wheatley
Get to HER! I'll find you!
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
This lock requires humans.
Listens:
420
Who:
GLaDOS
You're doing great!
Listens:
456
Who:
Core 2
Where we going? What are we doing? Agh!
Listens:
514
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
1233
Who:
Cave Johnson
You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified.
Listens:
1115
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm kidding.
Listens:
911
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha! Missed me that time. Ohhh, you were solving-nevermind, carry on. My fault.
Listens:
499
Who:
Wheatley
That did it! Neurotoxin at zero percent! Yes!
Listens:
375
Who:
Wheatley
I'll wait--I'll wait one hour. Then I'll come back and, assuming I can locate your dead body, I'll bury you. Alright? Brilliant! Go team! See you in an hour! Hopefully! If you're not... dead.
Listens:
847
Who:
Wheatley
Yes it is! We can use it to get out of here!
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
I agree, Orange. That was entertaining.
Listens:
291
Who:
GLaDOS
Please return to the core transfer bay.
Listens:
1452
Who:
Announcer
Here she comes! Keep testing! Remember: you never saw me!
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
Um. 'TRUE'. I'll go 'true'.
Listens:
20567
Who:
Wheatley
If I'd known you'd let yourself get captured this easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling.
Listens:
1980
Who:
GLaDOS
It is tricky. It is tricky. But just... plug me in, please.
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
science collaboration points.
Listens:
780
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, fine. I'll ask you again in a few decades.
Listens:
304
Who:
GLaDOS
You have excellent aim!
Listens:
738
Who:
Turret
Do you remember when we were friends?
Listens:
699
Who:
Wheatley
Did anything happen while I was out?
Listens:
433
Who:
GLaDOS
In summary: walk all the way to certain doom, or give up now. Honorably. Like a samurai! Save yourself a trip. It's win-win for you.
Listens:
416
Who:
Wheatley
AH!
Listens:
708
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway, we're really close to busting out. Just hang in there for - OW!
Listens:
373
Who:
Wheatley
I'm pretty sure we're going the right way. Pretty sure.
Listens:
314
Who:
Wheatley
Did you think that would be funny?
Listens:
529
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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