Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
They'll probably throw you a party.
Listens:
457
Who:
GLaDOS
You've still got to get through the door. Please. Need to get through that door there.
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
You did it!
Listens:
479
Who:
GLaDOS
I am not sure you will need him but he will be there.
Listens:
370
Who:
GLaDOS
HURRY! THIS WAY!
Listens:
361
Who:
Wheatley
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
1397
Who:
Announcer
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
618
Who:
GLaDOS
Not done yet. You've still got to get through the door. Need to get through the door there.
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
20112
Who:
Announcer
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
Listens:
2314
Who:
GLaDOS
You are having so much trouble navigating this space; I wish I could say I created this test.
Listens:
573
Who:
GLaDOS
Good!
Listens:
10817
Who:
Announcer
Warning: Core corruption at 75 percent.
Listens:
5237
Who:
Announcer
No! NO! NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
Listens:
74340
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on! The neurotoxin levels are going down.
Listens:
375
Who:
Wheatley
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
749
Who:
GLaDOS
Brain Mapping. Artificial Intelligence. We should have been working on it thirty years ago. I will say this - and I'm gonna say it on tape so everybody hears it a hundred times a day: If I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I want Caroline to run this place.
Listens:
2802
Who:
Cave Johnson
We're back!
Listens:
2089
Who:
Defective Turret
Space. Space. Space. Space. Comets. Stars. Galaxies. Orion.
Listens:
1978
Who:
Core 1
Don't listen to her, do it.
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
Do not press that button!
Listens:
906
Who:
Wheatley
See nothing bad happened.
Listens:
638
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm going to be honest with you now. Not fake honest like before, but real honest, like you're incapable of. I know you're up to something.
Listens:
514
Who:
GLaDOS
If you are a non-employee who has discovered this facility amid the ruins of civilization, welcome! And remember: Testing is the future, and the future starts with you.
Listens:
3540
Who:
Announcer
All right. We're working on a little teleportation experiment. Now, this doesn't work with all skin types, so try to remember which skin is yours, and if it doesn't teleport along with you, we'll do what we can to sew you right back into it.
Listens:
1695
Who:
Cave Johnson
I'm kidding.
Listens:
912
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
765
Who:
Wheatley
At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system.
Listens:
637
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, I'll stop the elevator. Anything? Take your time...
Listens:
481
Who:
GLaDOS
Give me another channnnce!
Listens:
803
Who:
Defective Turret
Gonna be in space.
Listens:
852
Who:
Core 1
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
2045
Who:
GLaDOS
If we start making a list of things that aren't here, we could be here all night. You know, pens for instance. Let's stick with things we can see. Not stuff that isn't here.
Listens:
359
Who:
Wheatley
But that was worth it.
Listens:
635
Who:
GLaDOS
If you have, in fact, not, you are encouraged to take a moment to reflect on your failure before proceeding into the next chamber.
Listens:
437
Who:
GLaDOS
Have you worked out the one good trait humans have, yet?
Listens:
582
Who:
GLaDOS
Gah!
Listens:
435
Who:
Wheatley
I'm fully connected. I can see everything.
Listens:
585
Who:
GLaDOS
It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
3848
Who:
GLaDOS
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
1355
Who:
Announcer
To clarify, I was being a little bit facetious about wanting to get rid of monitors. They're actually really quite useful. So I do want them around. So if you could just avoid smashing them.
Listens:
518
Who:
Wheatley
Humans find that an admirable trait.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
Nap time
Listens:
3438
Who:
Turret
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha
Listens:
1281
Who:
Defective Turret
I created this test to let the humans feel good about themselves. It is extremely easy. Just follow the arrows.
Listens:
511
Who:
GLaDOS
Here, come and have a look out the window. It's good.
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
I want to be plugged in, please!
Listens:
349
Who:
Wheatley
Might as well give you the tour.
Listens:
346
Who:
Wheatley
Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
Listens:
976
Who:
Announcer
Sorry. That just slipped out. A bit insensitive. Umm... The smelly humans...
Listens:
569
Who:
Wheatley
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
629
Who:
Wheatley
The good news is... well, none so far, to be honest. I'll get back to you on that.
Listens:
373
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's an interesting fact: you're not breathing real air. It's too expensive to pump this far down. We just take carbon dioxide out of a room, freshen it up a little, and pump it back in. So you'll be breathing the same room full of air for the rest of your life. I thought that was interesting.
Listens:
4893
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
11066
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm pretty sure we're going the right way. Just to reassure you...
Listens:
302
Who:
Wheatley
Annnnnnnnd... Nothing.
Listens:
3348
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
1319
Who:
Wheatley
You can't keep going like this forever, you know. I'm GOING to find out what you're doing. Out there. Where I can't see you. I'll know. All I need is proof.
Listens:
718
Who:
GLaDOS
I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They're REALLY small, so they have very tiny little brains. But there're a billion of 'em, so it's only a matter of time until ONE of them notices I'm the size of a planet.
Listens:
979
Who:
Wheatley
While it may appear that I am only tracking your accomplishments using science collaboration points, the truth is every aspect of your performance will be reflected in your final score.
Listens:
391
Who:
GLaDOS
So. Welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best, and you're it. Nope. Couldn't keep a straight face.
Listens:
3368
Who:
Cave Johnson
Because of the technical difficulties we are currently experiencing, your test environment is unsupervised.
Listens:
1049
Who:
Announcer
This final course is training to reach the human vault. So this actually has a purpose. Those other courses were fun, but let's be honest, I need human test subjects for it to be science.
Listens:
394
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what? Go ahead and jump. You've got braces on your legs. No braces on your arms, though. Gonna have to rely on the old human strength to keep a grip on the device and, by extension, me. So do. Do make sure to maintain a grip.
Listens:
481
Who:
Wheatley
Hello!
Listens:
2851
Who:
Wheatley
Did you know that people with guilty consciences are more easily startled by loud noises--[train horn]--
Listens:
36401
Who:
GLaDOS
Almost there...
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
Corruption at 25%
Listens:
880
Who:
Core 3
Well, you bested me this time.
Listens:
408
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello? Can y--no?
Listens:
1401
Who:
Wheatley
Are you going to open the door? At any time?
Listens:
560
Who:
Wheatley
Well... I'll be here during the whole next test.
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
No knife? That's fine. I know all about pressure points.
Listens:
493
Who:
Core 2
Ah. Hmmmm.
Listens:
331
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah.
Listens:
580
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello there!
Listens:
1738
Who:
Defective Turret
Nope. Okay. A... A... A... A... A... C.
Listens:
510
Who:
Wheatley
Every square inch of the human body has 32 million bacteria on it.
Listens:
632
Who:
Core 3
Going to space.
Listens:
1034
Who:
Core 1
You know when I mentioned ten minutes? A little bit optimistic!
Listens:
317
Who:
Wheatley
But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Listens:
2304
Who:
Wheatley
While teamwork is needed to complete these tests, I am not sure I trust the two of you together.
Listens:
300
Who:
GLaDOS
Woooaaah!
Listens:
1220
Who:
Turret
The testing area's just up ahead. The quicker you get through, the quicker you'll get your sixty bucks.
Listens:
1021
Who:
Cave Johnson
So. Boom. Better offer here is just kill yourself. Seems like a lot of effort to walk all the way to my deadly lair, when there's a perfectly serviceable death option right there. Again: not a death trap. Your death would be entirely voluntary. And very much appreciated.
Listens:
1194
Who:
Wheatley
No sense of humor.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, don't sink to Orange's level.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
One minute ago. Less than one minute ago you solved this puzzle. Now you're having problems.
Listens:
792
Who:
Wheatley
If the subject survived the test, we let them purchase the pictures for $5. If the subject died, we gave the photo to their next of kin free of charge.
Listens:
435
Who:
GLaDOS
For your test.
Listens:
312
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an idea, since making tests is difficult--why don't you just keep solving THIS test. Same one. And I can just... watch you solve it. Yes. That sounds much easier.
Listens:
872
Who:
Wheatley
In order to escape, we're going to have to go through HER chamber.
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
I'll be honest, I might have heard that one before, though. Sort of cheating.
Listens:
381
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, this is taking too long. I'll just tell you how to solve the test.
Listens:
297
Who:
Wheatley
Are they killing you? They're killing you, aren't they?
Listens:
666
Who:
Wheatley
[beep] Sarcasm Self Test complete. [beep]
Listens:
314966
Who:
Announcer
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
13058
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh... Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
27271
Who:
Caroline
Alright. He's not even trying to be subtle anymore.
Listens:
870
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning! All testing courses are currently available.
Listens:
2206
Who:
Announcer
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
