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Portal 2
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...unless a stalemate associate is present to press the stalemate resolution button.
Listens:
2451
Who:
Announcer
Please ping a white portalable surface.
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh come on... If it makes you feel any better, they abandoned you at birth, so I very seriously doubt they'd even want to see you.
Listens:
820
Who:
GLaDOS
Machiavellian!
Listens:
1079
Who:
Wheatley
This way! This way!
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
Ahungh.
Listens:
341
Who:
Wheatley
Watch out, pal!
Listens:
1094
Who:
Defective Turret
I did everything you asked!
Listens:
3327
Who:
Turret
To clarify, I was being a little bit facetious about wanting to get rid of monitors. They're actually really quite useful. So I do want them around. So if you could just avoid smashing them.
Listens:
509
Who:
Wheatley
First thing I noticed about you: 'Now there's a lady who could resolve any button-based disputes,' I thought. A diamond in the rough, if you will--a a bloody natural. A born dispute resolution advisor in need of a button.
Listens:
562
Who:
Wheatley
Every square inch of the human body has 32 million bacteria on it.
Listens:
625
Who:
Core 3
Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball.
Listens:
1431
Who:
GLaDOS
If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.
Listens:
1501
Who:
Announcer
Also: Look at her, you moron. She's not fat.
Listens:
3634
Who:
GLaDOS
Busybody.
Listens:
300
Who:
GLaDOS
Antisocial.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
No sense of humor.
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, almost there. On the other side of that wall is one of the old testing tracks. There's a piece of equipment in there we're gonna need to get out of here. I think this is a docking station. Get ready...
Listens:
365
Who:
Wheatley
Still, if it were, Orange would be winning.
Listens:
461
Who:
GLaDOS
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
1274
Who:
GLaDOS
Greetings, friend. I'm Cave Johnson, CEO of Aperture Science - you might know us as a vital participant in the 1968 Senate Hearings on missing astronauts. And you've most likely used one of the many products we invented. But that other people have somehow managed to steal from us. Black Mesa can eat my bankrupt--
Listens:
8390
Who:
Cave Johnson
Agh!
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
Locked and loaded!
Listens:
563
Who:
Defective Turret
Resting
Listens:
687
Who:
Turret
Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
1435
Who:
Caroline
GAAAA!
Listens:
1454
Who:
Wheatley
Crushing's too good for him. First he'll spend a year in the incinerator. Year two: Cryogenic refrigeration wing. Then TEN years in the chamber I built where all the robots scream at you. THEN I'll kill him.
Listens:
4324
Who:
GLaDOS
Right on that stick over there. Just put me right on it.
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
14443
Who:
Wheatley
Do not press that button!
Listens:
540
Who:
Wheatley
Canvassing
Listens:
650
Who:
Turret
No thanks! We're good! Appreciate it!
Listens:
375
Who:
Wheatley
All right, you know what, it's gonna be best if you can get him to say something first. It's just better if I have a set-up.
Listens:
430
Who:
Core 2
OW!
Listens:
437
Who:
Wheatley
ORANGE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal.
Listens:
412
Who:
GLaDOS
Here, let me get that for you.
Listens:
288
Who:
GLaDOS
All sealed off years ago, of course.
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
Aw... hates Mondays.
Listens:
1615
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey hey hey!
Listens:
2075
Who:
Turret
I'm gonna make you proud!
Listens:
689
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay. Plan B, subsection one: Stand still so I can bring you back.
Listens:
683
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, can't win 'em all...
Listens:
529
Who:
Defective Turret
Are you... are you sure you're solving these correctly?
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
What's that behind you? It's only a robot on a bloody stick! A different one!
Listens:
525
Who:
Wheatley
Do you have any idea how good this feels?
Listens:
592
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations, you managed to complete this absolutely meaningless test.
Listens:
427
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m flyinnnng!
Listens:
2526
Who:
Turret
The upcoming tests require you to work together as a team.
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, something's wrong! Neurotoxin level's up to 50%! No, it's down. Sorry, my mistake. I meant to say it's down to fifty percent. Good news! Carry on!
Listens:
561
Who:
Wheatley
Irritable.
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm fully connected. I can see everything.
Listens:
574
Who:
GLaDOS
But why don't we all just agree to call it the hub?
Listens:
401
Who:
GLaDOS
Just so you know, I have to go give a deposition. For an upcoming trial. In case that interests you.
Listens:
370
Who:
GLaDOS
What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control? You know, because, looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Listens:
1420
Who:
Core 2
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit.
Listens:
553
Who:
Core 3
You could stand to lose a few pounds.
Listens:
818
Who:
Core 3
Come here, space. I have a secret for you. No, come closer.
Listens:
1888
Who:
Core 1
Hibernating
Listens:
899
Who:
Turret
You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
Listens:
2082
Who:
Core 2
See that?
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
Here we go! Now do it again!
Listens:
2004
Who:
Wheatley
Please stop.
Listens:
1243
Who:
Turret
According to Norse legend, thunder god Thor's chariot was pulled across the sky by two goats.
Listens:
820
Who:
Core 3
Yeah!
Listens:
801
Who:
GLaDOS
Your vitals remain well within testing norms, so there is no need to worry about sudden death from collaborative shock syndrome.
Listens:
422
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m scared!
Listens:
754
Who:
Turret
Okay. What you're doing there is jumping. You just... you just jumped. But nevermind. Say 'Apple'. 'Aaaapple.'
Listens:
3657
Who:
Wheatley
But it's not too late to avoid all of that by simply not using the gel. There you go, I said it. I gave away my plan. But I couldn't watch you hurt yourself like this.
Listens:
374
Who:
Wheatley
Hmm. This emancipation grill is broken.
Listens:
524
Who:
GLaDOS
A gallon of water weighs 8.34 pounds
Listens:
714
Who:
Core 3
So: there's PLENTY of time to recover. Just take it slow.
Listens:
302
Who:
Wheatley
ow.
Listens:
536
Who:
GLaDOS
I am!
Listens:
3116
Who:
Caroline
Had a bit of a brain wave. There I was, smashing some steel plates together, and I thought, 'yes, it's deadly. But what's missing? What's missing?' And I thought lots of sharp bits welded onto the flat bits.
Listens:
1947
Who:
Wheatley
We're not gonna release this stuff into the wild until it's good and damn ready, so as long as you keep yourself in top physical form, there'll always be a limo waiting for you.
Listens:
1014
Who:
Cave Johnson
It shouldn't be hard to stay alive long enough to find him.
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. This is the part where he kills us.
Listens:
1686
Who:
GLaDOS
I forbid you to press it!
Listens:
633
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
587
Who:
Defective Turret
I hope that was some kind of joke.
Listens:
425
Who:
GLaDOS
To your left... you'll see some lights of some kind. Don't know what they do. But very sciencey anyway.
Listens:
661
Who:
Wheatley
This is the main breaker room. Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else.
Listens:
409
Who:
Wheatley
Tell it to the bad guy. Maybe you'll make him so bored his brain'll explode.
Listens:
584
Who:
Core 2
You know what? Go ahead and jump. You've got braces on your legs. No braces on your arms, though. Gonna have to rely on the old human strength to keep a grip on the device and, by extension, me. So do. Do make sure to maintain a grip.
Listens:
476
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
736
Who:
Wheatley
GET YOUR HANDES OFF ME! NO! STOP! No!
Listens:
4728
Who:
GLaDOS
There's another wall over here!
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other’s performance so far.
Listens:
449
Who:
GLaDOS
I think they wanted to punish them by not allowing me to include them in testing.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
If you were human, you would want a reward for completing this test. A reward for testing?!?!
Listens:
408
Who:
GLaDOS
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
722
Who:
Wheatley
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
590
Who:
Wheatley
Wait. Careful. Let me light this jump for you
Listens:
361
Who:
Wheatley
Orbit. Space orbit. In my spacesuit.
Listens:
1257
Who:
Core 1
There she is...
Listens:
375
Who:
Wheatley
There.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah... Made this test myself. Out of some smaller tests. That I found. Lying around.
Listens:
328
Who:
Wheatley
No wait, come back. Sorry. Please. I was going somewhere with that.
Listens:
753
Who:
Wheatley
Stalemate Resolution Associate: Please press the Stalemate Resolution Button.
Listens:
2643
Who:
Announcer
Brilliant you made it through! Well done! Follow me, we've still got work to do. At least she can't touch us back here.
Listens:
468
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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