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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Listens:
1143
Who:
Turret
That is a potato battery. It's a toy for children. And now she lives in it.
Listens:
3659
Who:
Wheatley
Warmer. Warrrrmer. Boiling hot. Boiling--okay, colder. Ice cold. Arctic. Very very very cold LOOK JUST GET ON THE BUTTON!
Listens:
662
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken.
Listens:
1048
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1287
Who:
Announcer
89% of magic tricks are not magic. Technically, they are sorcery.
Listens:
2400
Who:
Core 3
Quick word about the future plans that I've got in store.
Listens:
273
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, I wouldn't have trusted Orange in that course either.
Listens:
275
Who:
GLaDOS
For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries. I ran the numbers. Making the goo deadly was more cost effective.
Listens:
537
Who:
GLaDOS
Caroline... why do I know this woman? Maybe I killed her? Or-
Listens:
3624
Who:
GLaDOS
You did it!
Listens:
439
Who:
GLaDOS
Be careful. Hugging can lead to... well, me disassembling you forever.
Listens:
464
Who:
GLaDOS
I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand. Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you.
Listens:
704
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you ever stop to think that eventually there’s a point where your name gets mentioned for the very last time. Well, here it is: I’m going to kill you, Chell.
Listens:
108516
Who:
GLaDOS
You could stand to lose a few pounds.
Listens:
796
Who:
Core 3
To celebrate, I have a surprise for you!
Listens:
635
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core corruption at 75 percent.
Listens:
4965
Who:
Announcer
For your test.
Listens:
273
Who:
Wheatley
You look great, by the way. Very healthy.
Listens:
1565
Who:
GLaDOS
The point is: If we can store music on a compact disc, why can't we store a man's intelligence and personality on one? So I have the engineers figuring that out now.
Listens:
1961
Who:
Cave Johnson
Good. If you feel that a lethal military android has not respected your rights as detailed in the Laws of Robotics, please note it on your self-reporting form. A future Aperture Science Entitlement Associate will initiate the appropriate grievance-filing paperwork.
Listens:
1814
Who:
Announcer
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
722
Who:
Defective Turret
It'll be fine. Get in.
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
Watch and learn, everyone. Watch and learn.
Listens:
456
Who:
Defective Turret
Hold on! The neurotoxin levels are going down.
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
1163
Who:
Wheatley
Orange do what Blue just did.
Listens:
288
Who:
GLaDOS
GAH!
Listens:
480
Who:
Wheatley
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
1193
Who:
Wheatley
AH!
Listens:
691
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, doubt it.
Listens:
388
Who:
Wheatley
Did you know that people with guilty consciences are more easily startled by loud noises--[train horn]--
Listens:
34749
Who:
GLaDOS
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
2200
Who:
Wheatley
Look who's back, were you scared to continue those tests?
Listens:
284
Who:
GLaDOS
The atomic weight of Germanium is seven two point six four.
Listens:
782
Who:
Core 3
Still held! Still bein' held. That's a great job. You've applied the grip. We're all fine. That's tremendous.
Listens:
308
Who:
Wheatley
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5801
Who:
GLaDOS
Glorious freedom!
Listens:
23193
Who:
Turret
It's alright! Everything's good. I just invented some more tests!
Listens:
294
Who:
Wheatley
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
8339
Who:
Core 1
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
5859
Who:
Cave Johnson
I can't believe you came back.
Listens:
504
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Listens:
5524
Who:
Wheatley
Am I interrupting your important conversation?
Listens:
478
Who:
GLaDOS
A bloody bird! Right? Couldn't believe it either. And then the bird--
Listens:
1141
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
719
Who:
Wheatley
Oh oh oh. This is space! I'm in space!
Listens:
1870
Who:
Core 1
Okay, I'm about to start hacking. It's a little more complicated than it looked from your side. It should take about ten minutes. Keep one eye on the door.
Listens:
716
Who:
Wheatley
Helloooo?
Listens:
1106
Who:
Wheatley
Turret redemption lines active.
Listens:
1630
Who:
Announcer
This should take us right to her. I can't believe I'm finally doing this!
Listens:
274
Who:
Wheatley
Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange.
Listens:
608
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, it's fluttering its wings. Tell you what, mate. I'll come in there for a minute and cover you so you can have a look at this lovely bird! I'll come in. I'll do all the neurotoxin stuff. And then you come out here and look at this. Because it is lovely. It is lovely. You want to get out here fast. Seriously, my pleasure sounds are going to frighten the bird away any second. Ohhh, it's not working, is it? He's not interested in bloody birds.
Listens:
3150
Who:
Wheatley
Game over. Back to testing.
Listens:
757
Who:
GLaDOS
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
1063
Who:
Wheatley
Door?
Listens:
360
Who:
Wheatley
Designed this test myself. It's a little bit difficult.
Listens:
284
Who:
Wheatley
If your confidence is still not high enough remember no one was created perfect.
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control? You know, because, looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Listens:
1377
Who:
Core 2
I just thought you find that interesting, most winners do.
Listens:
311
Who:
GLaDOS
Allright, what have we got?
Listens:
273
Who:
Wheatley
But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.
Listens:
914
Who:
Wheatley
Still. That would have been exciting.
Listens:
272
Who:
GLaDOS
Feeds off the misery of others.
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, let me explain again. Pop a portal. Behind me. Alright? And come on through.
Listens:
286
Who:
Wheatley
The locking mechanism can tell you aren't humans.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
Space. Space. Gonna go to space.
Listens:
1021
Who:
Core 1
This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me.
Listens:
663
Who:
GLaDOS
Put me down!
Listens:
952
Who:
Turret
You are making this harder than it needs to be.
Listens:
286
Who:
GLaDOS
Some emergency testing may require prolonged interaction with lethal military androids. Rest assured that all lethal military androids have been taught to read and provided with one copy of the Laws of Robotics. To share.
Listens:
2877
Who:
Announcer
Do you need real encouragement? Let's see if this helps.
Listens:
367
Who:
GLaDOS
I might have pushed that moron thing a little too far this time.
Listens:
1045
Who:
GLaDOS
I love it, too. So let's get you a dual portal device and go do some science.
Listens:
742
Who:
GLaDOS
We have to split up here for a moment. Portal up to that passage and I'll see you on the other side.
Listens:
282
Who:
Wheatley
To facilitate collaboration, both of you have been equipped with a ping tool.
Listens:
316
Who:
GLaDOS
But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Listens:
2226
Who:
Wheatley
You can't fire me I quit!
Listens:
3864
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
5872
Who:
GLaDOS
They say the old caretaker of this place went absolutely crazy. Chopped up his entire staff. Of robots. All of them robots. They say at night you can still hear the screams. Of their replicas. All of them functionally indistinguishable from the originals. No memory of the incident. Nobody knows what they’re screaming about. Absolutely terrifying. Though obviously not paranormal in any meaningful way.
Listens:
18437
Who:
Wheatley
The average adult body contains half a pound of salt.
Listens:
566
Who:
Core 3
Moody.
Listens:
300
Who:
GLaDOS
While it may appear that I am only tracking your accomplishments using science collaboration points, the truth is every aspect of your performance will be reflected in your final score.
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
BAM! Secret panel! That I opened. While your back was turned.
Listens:
454
Who:
Wheatley
Insecure.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
Nope. Okay. A... A... A... A... A... C.
Listens:
471
Who:
Wheatley
Nobody is going to space, mate!
Listens:
21429
Who:
Wheatley
Gonna be in space.
Listens:
810
Who:
Core 1
Seriously, I'm not joking. Could you just turn around for a second?
Listens:
464
Who:
Wheatley
Whoa!
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Blue is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One.
Listens:
373
Who:
GLaDOS
Where are you going? Don't run! Don't run! I'll tell you why you shouldn't run: The harder you breathe, the more neurotoxin you'll inhale. It's bloody clever, this stuff. Seriously, it's devilish.
Listens:
641
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. It's you. Go away.
Listens:
1884
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, being the last one standing is not the goal.
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh good, that's back online. I'll start getting everything else working while you perform this first simple test.
Listens:
828
Who:
GLaDOS
Fifty thousand years is a lot of time to think. About me. About you. We were doing so well together.
Listens:
730
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.
Listens:
606
Who:
GLaDOS
It's happening sooner than I expected.
Listens:
314
Who:
GLaDOS
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
682
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait, what if this hurts? What if it REALLY hurts? Ohhh, I didn't think of that.
Listens:
1911
Who:
Wheatley
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