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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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To your left... you'll see some lights of some kind. Don't know what they do. But very sciencey anyway.
Listens:
690
Who:
Wheatley
Fine, 500 point penalty for Blue.
Listens:
761
Who:
GLaDOS
We will attempt to comply with these now non-existent agencies by playing some more smooth jazz.
Listens:
3384
Who:
Announcer
Undermines others.
Listens:
365
Who:
GLaDOS
Space space wanna go to space yes please space. Space space. Go to space.
Listens:
18898
Who:
Core 1
Okay, let's try this way.
Listens:
445
Who:
Wheatley
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space! Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba!
Listens:
19607
Who:
Core 1
Go on. Get in.
Listens:
340
Who:
Wheatley
Probably best to ignore it, though. Just leave it be. We don't know where those panels it's cutting are going. Could be somewhere important.
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent. Although great science is always the result of collaboration, keep in mind that, like Albert Einstein and his cousin Terry, history will only remember one of you.
Listens:
1884
Who:
GLaDOS
[to JERRY] See you in court, mate. [to player] Anyway, look, just hang in there for five more chambers.
Listens:
887
Who:
Wheatley
Come on! Over here! This way!
Listens:
315
Who:
Wheatley
You can't give up now.
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll just move that out of the way for you. This place really is a wreck.
Listens:
364
Who:
GLaDOS
I know you.
Listens:
590
Who:
GLaDOS
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
785
Who:
GLaDOS
You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage.
Listens:
602
Who:
GLaDOS
The automobile brake was not invented until 1895. Before this, someone had to remain in the car at all times, driving in circles until passengers returned from their errands.
Listens:
1112
Who:
Core 3
The likelihood of you dying within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1649
Who:
Core 3
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
15835
Who:
Wheatley
AH! I- Sorry, I just looked down. I do not recommend it.
Listens:
552
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! Death trap!
Listens:
845
Who:
Wheatley
He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived. And you just put him in charge of the entire facility.
Listens:
30921
Who:
GLaDOS
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
12475
Who:
Core 1
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
1292
Who:
GLaDOS
All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons? Don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! 'I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?'
Listens:
127326
Who:
Cave Johnson
Orange, now you're just being cruel. Orange receives 25 science collaboration points.
Listens:
404
Who:
GLaDOS
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Listens:
2232
Who:
Cave Johnson
Going to space.
Listens:
1040
Who:
Core 1
Excellent work.
Listens:
374
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, you go first.
Listens:
384
Who:
GLaDOS
Passive-aggressive.
Listens:
472
Who:
GLaDOS
Still running. Alright. Looks tiring. Tell you what - you stop running and I'll stop bombing you... That seems fair.
Listens:
545
Who:
Wheatley
Helloooo?
Listens:
1137
Who:
Wheatley
This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.
Listens:
2295
Who:
Cave Johnson
What was that?
Listens:
399
Who:
Wheatley
Put me down!
Listens:
991
Who:
Turret
Egotistical.
Listens:
351
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on through.
Listens:
342
Who:
Wheatley
Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin.
Listens:
1559
Who:
GLaDOS
Narcissist.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you notice I didn't even stay to the end of your last test?
Listens:
316
Who:
GLaDOS
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit. They are found in Australians.
Listens:
1047
Who:
Core 3
Cheater.
Listens:
567
Who:
GLaDOS
This is Tic-Tac-Toe-Two.
Listens:
937
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no, don't. Anyway, back to you two imbeciles killing me.
Listens:
905
Who:
GLaDOS
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
634
Who:
Wheatley
It's alright! Everything's good. I just invented some more tests!
Listens:
357
Who:
Wheatley
Are you OK?
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, orange isn't a human. The lesson on trust only needs to be taught once. Blue is penalized 1 science collaboration point.
Listens:
395
Who:
GLaDOS
Just... have a look through the old window.
Listens:
333
Who:
Wheatley
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
546
Who:
Wheatley
Did you think the electrical switch was down there?
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-DUN! DUN DUN! Dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-DUN! DUN DUN! nananaDUNDUNDUN dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun...
Listens:
4328
Who:
Core 2
Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
1163
Who:
Core 1
Alright, you can turn around now!
Listens:
429
Who:
Wheatley
Maybe you two have never met humans? They are as bad as you might think, smelly, gross, annoying, often wanting to try and kill you. But they do make great test subjects.
Listens:
650
Who:
GLaDOS
There you are! I was starting to get worried.
Listens:
296
Who:
Wheatley
Remember before when I was talking about smelly garbage standing around being useless? That was a metaphor. I was actually talking about you. And I'm sorry. You didn't react at the time, so I was worried it sailed right over your head. Which would have made this apology seem insane. That's why I had to call you garbage a second time just now.
Listens:
4254
Who:
GLaDOS
Look how small you are down there! I can barely see you! Very tiny and insignificant!
Listens:
393
Who:
Wheatley
Your failing does not make this science.
Listens:
434
Who:
GLaDOS
Steals lunch from staff fridge.
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
There it is.
Listens:
437
Who:
GLaDOS
It would compromise the test to divulge individual scores. However, I can tell you at least one of you is doing very, very well.
Listens:
400
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you have any idea how good this feels?
Listens:
612
Who:
Wheatley
Can you get out?
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
2990
Who:
Turret
This is not good.
Listens:
2183
Who:
Turret
Wanna go to space.
Listens:
1037
Who:
Core 1
The humans can't free themselves.
Listens:
316
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
1465
Who:
Announcer
This final course is training to reach the human vault. So this actually has a purpose. Those other courses were fun, but let's be honest, I need human test subjects for it to be science.
Listens:
400
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. What you're doing there is jumping. You just... you just jumped. But nevermind. Say 'Apple'. 'Aaaapple.'
Listens:
3693
Who:
Wheatley
Come on. You were raised better than that.
Listens:
360
Who:
GLaDOS
Could you come over here?
Listens:
3465
Who:
Turret
You've still got to get through the door. Please. Need to get through that door there.
Listens:
315
Who:
Wheatley
Awwww, come on.
Listens:
1119
Who:
Defective Turret
The occupation of court jester was invented accidentally, when a vassal's epilepsy was mistaken for capering.
Listens:
714
Who:
Core 3
Or maybe he still is, in which case, wow, that's kind of sad.
Listens:
1651
Who:
GLaDOS
Right. Hmm. I'm gonna have to hack the door so we can get at it.
Listens:
371
Who:
Wheatley
Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks.
Listens:
1135
Who:
Core 3
I hardly think you're even trying with these gestures anymore.
Listens:
387
Who:
GLaDOS
It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize.'
Listens:
1605
Who:
Core 3
Don't worry. You can't die. They will just reassemble you.
Listens:
426
Who:
GLaDOS
Enjoy this next test. I'm going to go to the surface. It's a beautiful day out. Yesterday I saw a deer. If you solve this next test, maybe I'll let you ride an elevator all the way up to the break room, and I'll tell you about the time I saw a deer again.
Listens:
4092
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha! I knew we were going the right way.
Listens:
293
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent! You're a predator and these tests are your prey. Speaking of which, I was researching sharks for an upcoming test. Do you know who else murders people who are only trying to help them?
Listens:
3556
Who:
GLaDOS
And off we go.
Listens:
374
Who:
Wheatley
Ahh!
Listens:
1464
Who:
Turret
Hi there!
Listens:
2160
Who:
Defective Turret
Well, on with the test.
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Listens:
5801
Who:
Wheatley
Fears conflict.
Listens:
329
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes it is! We can use it to get out of here!
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
2867
Who:
GLaDOS
All right. I’m bringing this farce to a close.
Listens:
395
Who:
GLaDOS
The humans accidentally forgot to put a security DVD in the player.
Listens:
376
Who:
GLaDOS
There should be one in the corner.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
Malfunctioning
Listens:
1299
Who:
Turret
The Fact Sphere is always right.
Listens:
785
Who:
Core 3
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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