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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
1342
Who:
Announcer
I think after that display, we should take a break from the official testing courses.
Listens:
259
Who:
GLaDOS
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which vaporizes most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
871
Who:
Announcer
I hate you so much.
Listens:
12982
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, almost there. On the other side of that wall is one of the old testing tracks. There's a piece of equipment in there we're gonna need to get out of here. I think this is a docking station. Get ready...
Listens:
343
Who:
Wheatley
This body is amazing, seriously!
Listens:
319
Who:
Wheatley
During the Great Depression, the Tennessee Valley Authority outlawed pet rabbits, forcing many to hot glue-gun long ears onto their pet mice.
Listens:
1461
Who:
Core 3
Space!
Listens:
2842
Who:
Core 1
Undelete, undelete! Where's the undelete button?
Listens:
2558
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Yes. Well done.
Listens:
922
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
1275
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang!
Listens:
706
Who:
Defective Turret
Stalemate detected. Transfer procedure cannot continue.
Listens:
2475
Who:
Announcer
Welcome, gentlemen, to Aperture Science. Astronauts, war heroes, Olympians--you're here because we want the best, and you are it. So: Who is ready to make some science?
Listens:
4189
Who:
Cave Johnson
Not so fast!
Listens:
556
Who:
GLaDOS
Avoids responsibility.
Listens:
260
Who:
GLaDOS
Where'd you go?
Listens:
356
Who:
Wheatley
Grab it and attach it to him!
Listens:
289
Who:
GLaDOS
Um. 'TRUE'. I'll go 'true'.
Listens:
19740
Who:
Wheatley
Did you hear that? I think something just exploded. Man, we are in a lot of danger. This is like Christmas. No, it's better than Christmas. This should be its own holiday. Explosion Day!
Listens:
2274
Who:
Core 2
Right. Hmm. I'm gonna have to hack the door so we can get at it.
Listens:
269
Who:
Wheatley
Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Listens:
564
Who:
Core 3
Space going to space can't wait.
Listens:
3044
Who:
Core 1
Come on, solve it!
Listens:
293
Who:
Wheatley
The masher does work. I should point that out. I know we've had a couple of problems in the past. This masher definitely works and it will kill you. If that's one of your concerns about jumping in, the masher will kill you. Painless. Well, it won't be painless, obviously. But it will mash you up.
Listens:
593
Who:
Wheatley
Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
467
Who:
GLaDOS
This time...
Listens:
503
Who:
Defective Turret
While I do need you to be in the room so I can see them, I want to be clear. There is no reason whatsoever for you to look at them.
Listens:
257
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't want this!
Listens:
18757
Who:
Caroline
And here's the best part. There's a conveyor belt that will convey you in convenient comfort right into the masher. You won't have to lift a finger. Everything's been taken care of. Didn't have to. Didn't have to do that.
Listens:
438
Who:
Wheatley
Or maybe he still is, in which case, wow, that's kind of sad.
Listens:
1562
Who:
GLaDOS
If Blue had said those things about me, Blue would never make it to the next reassembly station.
Listens:
258
Who:
GLaDOS
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
649
Who:
GLaDOS
It seems kind of silly to point this out, since you're running around plotting to destroy me. But I'd say we're done testing.
Listens:
454
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
7428
Who:
Announcer
I'm in space.
Listens:
2431
Who:
Core 1
In case you thought to yourself, 'I've missed the window of time to voice my reservations.' Still open.
Listens:
261
Who:
Wheatley
Sir!
Listens:
1321
Who:
Caroline
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
1941
Who:
Announcer
Put me in the game, coach!
Listens:
931
Who:
Defective Turret
Please put me down
Listens:
1286
Who:
Turret
Are you still thinking, or... what's happening?
Listens:
270
Who:
Wheatley
AHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1589
Who:
Turret
Now, escape pod... escape pod...
Listens:
263
Who:
Wheatley
This is the last test for the standard course. It's just something I whipped up for you. I thought you might enjoy a challenge for once.
Listens:
257
Who:
GLaDOS
'Caw! Caw!' Oh, look! There's a bird out here! A Lovely bird. Gorgeous plumage. Majestic. Won't be here long. A lovely bird like that. Once in a lifetime opportunity to see a lovely bird like that. Lovely plumage.
Listens:
4048
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhh, now he's playing classical music.
Listens:
3559
Who:
GLaDOS
I have to agree. Blue is penalized 75 science collaboration points.
Listens:
257
Who:
GLaDOS
Participates unconstructively. Obviously a time-waster.
Listens:
294
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, enough about that first person's file. Let's look at some others.
Listens:
362
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh, the Sun. I'm gonna meet the Sun. Oh no! What'll I say? 'Hi! Hi, Sun!' Oh, boy!
Listens:
3355
Who:
Core 1
Sentry mode activated
Listens:
1579
Who:
Turret
Tell it to the bad guy. Maybe you'll make him so bored his brain'll explode.
Listens:
530
Who:
Core 2
Ohhhh, space.
Listens:
1017
Who:
Core 1
Just so you know, I have to go give a deposition. For an upcoming trial. In case that interests you.
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Still nothing, let's keep moving.
Listens:
263
Who:
Wheatley
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
15246
Who:
GLaDOS
He will most likely kill you, violently.
Listens:
998
Who:
Core 3
Going for it yourself, huh? All right, angel. I'll do what I can to cover you.
Listens:
540
Who:
Core 2
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
1339
Who:
Defective Turret
You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified.
Listens:
1024
Who:
GLaDOS
The first person to prove that cow's milk is drinkable was very, very thirsty.
Listens:
4345
Who:
Core 3
Baking Soda Volcano. Well, at least it's not a potato battery, I'll give it that. Still not terrifically original, though. Not exactly primary research, even within the child sciences.
Listens:
988
Who:
Wheatley
I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop.
Listens:
845
Who:
GLaDOS
The two of you have forged an excellent partnership, with one of you handling the cerebral challenges and the other ready to ponderously waddle into action should the test suddenly become an eating contest.
Listens:
885
Who:
GLaDOS
If you think trapping yourself is going to make me stop testing, you're sorely mistaken. Here's another cube.
Listens:
1078
Who:
GLaDOS
It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize.'
Listens:
1538
Who:
Core 3
Nope. Okay. A... A... A... A... A... C.
Listens:
437
Who:
Wheatley
If we start making a list of things that aren't here, we could be here all night. You know, pens for instance. Let's stick with things we can see. Not stuff that isn't here.
Listens:
302
Who:
Wheatley
Charmless.
Listens:
272
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. You MIGHT want to hang onto to something. Word of advice, up to you.
Listens:
278
Who:
Wheatley
Stay still, please.
Listens:
563
Who:
Wheatley
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
1145
Who:
Core 3
No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
1164
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Listen. I can't do it with you watching. I know it seems pathetic, given what we've been through. But just turn around. Please?
Listens:
317
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, it's alright. Go ahead.
Listens:
270
Who:
Wheatley
Let's keep moving. The factory entrance must be around here somewhere.
Listens:
257
Who:
Wheatley
Go on, just turn right around. So you're not looking at me.
Listens:
267
Who:
Wheatley
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
1196
Who:
Announcer
Quick question: Have you been working out? Because there's no evidence of it. I'm not a plastic cup. We will be landing with some force. So a bit of grip. Just using grip. Classic grip.
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
An extra special bonus course that ends with us finding and freeing humans!
Listens:
287
Who:
GLaDOS
Butterfingers.
Listens:
3875
Who:
Wheatley
Calibrating Blue's weight...
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodbye!
Listens:
3170
Who:
Turret
What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...
Listens:
1828
Who:
Wheatley
Wow.
Listens:
708
Who:
GLaDOS
And we're only seeing the top layer. It goes down for miles.
Listens:
267
Who:
Wheatley
No! NO! NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
Listens:
70155
Who:
GLaDOS
Prometheus was punished by the gods for giving the gift of knowledge to man. He was cast into the bowels of the earth and pecked by birds.
Listens:
43148
Who:
Turret
'Skeletons.' Right, I guess I DID stockpile some tests.
Listens:
910
Who:
GLaDOS
No no, no no, no no, whoa whoa, no, whoa!
Listens:
822
Who:
Defective Turret
Yes, alright, okay. This is getting tiresome. I'm surprised you haven't got anything better to do. I know I have. You've proven you can break screens. Proven. Factual. Well done. Good. Aren't you little miss clever. Little miss smashy-smash.
Listens:
1306
Who:
Wheatley
That's it, no, that's it! Yeah.
Listens:
293
Who:
Wheatley
Aristotle versus Mashy-spike-plate!
Listens:
27662
Who:
Wheatley
Always weeping. Poor thing.
Listens:
470
Who:
GLaDOS
Target lost
Listens:
3801
Who:
Turret
Okay! No, don't worry! Don't worry! I've got it I've got it I've got it! THIS should slow it down!
Listens:
315
Who:
Wheatley
You KNOW her?
Listens:
510
Who:
Wheatley
Avoid defective defective turrets as they may still be active.
Listens:
854
Who:
Announcer
Space space going to space oh boy
Listens:
2098
Who:
Core 1
00:00 / 00:00
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