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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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See nothing bad happened.
Listens:
592
Who:
GLaDOS
Put me in the game, coach!
Listens:
940
Who:
Defective Turret
I trust you. You are my favorite cooperative testing subject.
Listens:
265
Who:
GLaDOS
Was. Was self-destructing. Already fixed.
Listens:
581
Who:
Wheatley
Don't mind me. Continue escaping.
Listens:
379
Who:
Wheatley
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
1230
Who:
GLaDOS
You did WHAT?
Listens:
3137
Who:
Wheatley
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT BUTTON - oh, the door's open! Well done. Let's see what's inside.
Listens:
2795
Who:
Wheatley
New template accepted.
Listens:
1382
Who:
Announcer
Come to gloat?
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't think I'm not onto you too, lady. You know what you are? Selfish. I've done nothing but sacrifice to get us here! What have you sacrificed? NOTHING. Zero. All you've done is BOSS ME AROUND. Well, NOW who's the boss? Who's the boss? It's me!
Listens:
2423
Who:
Wheatley
That's all I can say.
Listens:
1178
Who:
Turret
[beep] Sarcasm Self Test complete. [beep]
Listens:
308291
Who:
Announcer
Welcome to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. You have unlocked all available courses.
Listens:
2946
Who:
Announcer
Sorry to interject again, but if you do NOT push the button the deadly neurotoxin emitters will come back online, at which point she will most likely fill you to brimming with neurotoxin. Not trying to rush you. Just throwing that out for leisurely digestion in your own time.
Listens:
862
Who:
Wheatley
Are you scared to save those humans?
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news.
Listens:
4864
Who:
Cave Johnson
If I made these tests any easier, they wouldn't be tests.
Listens:
265
Who:
GLaDOS
So: there's PLENTY of time to recover. Just take it slow.
Listens:
276
Who:
Wheatley
One moment.
Listens:
277
Who:
GLaDOS
Clearly that was blue's fault. Blue is penalized 3 science collaboration points.
Listens:
304
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you feel more human?
Listens:
654
Who:
GLaDOS
Just--do the test! Just do the test.
Listens:
281
Who:
Wheatley
Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably - Oh, wait. It's a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!
Listens:
4376
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
500
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. So my paradox idea didn't work.
Listens:
452
Who:
GLaDOS
That poster! Go look at it for a second, would you?
Listens:
627
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't listen to him. Jump.
Listens:
449
Who:
GLaDOS
So, let's call that three minutes, and then a minute break, which should leave a leisurely two minutes to figure out how to shut down whatever's starting all these fires. So anyway, that's the itinerary.
Listens:
768
Who:
Wheatley
The first person to prove that cow's milk is drinkable was very, very thirsty.
Listens:
4358
Who:
Core 3
I'm--do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to work on the assumption that you're still alive and I'm just going to wait for you up ahead.
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
Her name is Caroline.
Listens:
4235
Who:
Turret
Now, you are just wasting my time.
Listens:
329
Who:
GLaDOS
No no wait wait waitAGGGHHHH
Listens:
2259
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't like space. Don't like space.
Listens:
3822
Who:
Core 1
Stalemate Resolved.
Listens:
1787
Who:
Announcer
Hey!
Listens:
829
Who:
Turret
And here's the best part. There's a conveyor belt that will convey you in convenient comfort right into the masher. You won't have to lift a finger. Everything's been taken care of. Didn't have to. Didn't have to do that.
Listens:
443
Who:
Wheatley
Unconstructive.
Listens:
265
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Listens:
1008
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
2915
Who:
Turret
Warmer. Warrrrmer. Boiling hot. Boiling--okay, colder. Ice cold. Arctic. Very very very cold LOOK JUST GET ON THE BUTTON!
Listens:
640
Who:
Wheatley
Again, though, for the moment: RUN!
Listens:
393
Who:
Wheatley
In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
Listens:
840
Who:
Core 3
Hey! Hey! Up here!
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
Lacks charisma.
Listens:
265
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, solve it!
Listens:
295
Who:
Wheatley
Ow!
Listens:
976
Who:
Turret
[laugh trailing off] Actually, why do we have to leave right now?
Listens:
1232
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, do do it!
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
See that?
Listens:
278
Who:
Wheatley
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5629
Who:
Core 2
Yeah.
Listens:
528
Who:
GLaDOS
No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
1177
Who:
Wheatley
This is the last test for the standard course. It's just something I whipped up for you. I thought you might enjoy a challenge for once.
Listens:
260
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, DON'T PANIC! I can still stop it, not a problem. There's a password! I'll just hack it. Here we go.
Listens:
939
Who:
Wheatley
Please avoid alerting active turrets or being shot by active turrets.
Listens:
868
Who:
Announcer
The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Orange is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One.
Listens:
385
Who:
GLaDOS
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
1339
Who:
Announcer
*cough* Button. Button.
Listens:
1352
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh, no. The turbines again. I have to go. Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version.
Listens:
1009
Who:
GLaDOS
Destroying them is part of the test. They are no more important to you than you are to me.
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
If at first you don't succeed, quit and try another course.
Listens:
434
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.
Listens:
588
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know, the reassembly machine has other things it could be reassembling?
Listens:
273
Who:
GLaDOS
All I wanted to do was make everything better for me! All you had to do was solve a couple hundred simple tests for a few years. And you couldn't even let me have that, could you?
Listens:
713
Who:
Wheatley
This way! This way!
Listens:
272
Who:
Wheatley
SOLVE IT! Commanding voice...
Listens:
719
Who:
Wheatley
Your brains are too small to feel either of those emotions. So I can trust you one hundred percent.
Listens:
266
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, can't blame me for trying. Okay... New tests, new tests... there's gotta be some tests around here somewhere.
Listens:
1480
Who:
Wheatley
I think after that display, we should take a break from the official testing courses.
Listens:
265
Who:
GLaDOS
Really, not even humans do that anymore.
Listens:
285
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're interested in an additional sixty dollars, flag down a test associate and let 'em know. You could walk out of here with a hundred and twenty weighing down your bindle if you let us take you apart, put some science stuff in you, then put you back together good as new.
Listens:
1538
Who:
Cave Johnson
You know, in some human sports, the winner is the one who scores the fewest possible points?
Listens:
288
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, and don't bother trying to portal out of here, because it's impossible, okay? I thought of everything.
Listens:
285
Who:
Wheatley
The human vault is just past that opening. I entered the security code but the vault door remains locked. I am going to need you to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself.
Listens:
722
Who:
GLaDOS
That's funny, I don't feel corrupt. In fact, I feel pretty good.
Listens:
1642
Who:
GLaDOS
You both need to do something.
Listens:
278
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
8135
Who:
Wheatley
Good. If you feel that a lethal military android has not respected your rights as detailed in the Laws of Robotics, please note it on your self-reporting form. A future Aperture Science Entitlement Associate will initiate the appropriate grievance-filing paperwork.
Listens:
1785
Who:
Announcer
You broke it, didn't you.
Listens:
2502
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh for... They told me if I ever turned this flashlight on, I would DIE. They told me that about EVERYTHING. I don't know why they even bothered to give me this stuff if they didn't want me usin' it. It's pointless. Mad.
Listens:
1913
Who:
Wheatley
What if you froze like that?
Listens:
2149
Who:
GLaDOS
BIRD BIRD BIRD BIRD
Listens:
103392
Who:
Wheatley
ow.
Listens:
486
Who:
GLaDOS
Turret redemption lines active.
Listens:
1590
Who:
Announcer
You have no idea how tiring it is to praise someone for placing an edgeless safety cube into a receptacle designed to exactly fit an edgeless safety cube.
Listens:
574
Who:
GLaDOS
At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system.
Listens:
536
Who:
GLaDOS
The upcoming tests require you to work together as a team.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
Hi?
Listens:
838
Who:
Turret
So much space. Need to see it all.
Listens:
1885
Who:
Core 1
If the Earth is currently governed by a manner of animal-king, sentient cloud, or other governing body that either refuses to or is incapable of listening to reason, th- [RECORDING SHORTS OUT]
Listens:
4230
Who:
Announcer
Programmed in one last tremor, for old time's sake.
Listens:
283
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
Listens:
552
Who:
Defective Turret
But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.
Listens:
894
Who:
Wheatley
I can only place a portal on a white portalable surface.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh good, that's back online. I'll start getting everything else working while you perform this first simple test.
Listens:
813
Who:
GLaDOS
Not interested in anything else. Don't TOUCH anything else. Don't even LOOK at anything else, just--well, obviously you've got to look at everything else to find ESCAPE POD, but as soon as you've looked at something and it doesn't say ESCAPE POD, look at something else, look at the next thing. Alright? But don't touch anything else or look at any--well, look at other things, but don't... you understand.
Listens:
1623
Who:
Wheatley
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
7563
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's go - let's go to space. Let's go to space.
Listens:
988
Who:
Core 1
00:00 / 00:00
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