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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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That's the spirit!
Listens:
348
Who:
Wheatley
Okay! Don't move!
Listens:
351
Who:
Wheatley
Good!
Listens:
3073
Who:
Announcer
AH!
Listens:
706
Who:
Wheatley
It won't.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
Yay, Orange is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
473
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?
Listens:
653
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Still not working.
Listens:
748
Who:
Defective Turret
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
7619
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, can't blame me for trying. Okay... New tests, new tests... there's gotta be some tests around here somewhere.
Listens:
1540
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
1279
Who:
Wheatley
To maintain a constant testing cycle, I simulate daylight at all hours and add adrenal vapor to your oxygen supply. So you may be confused about the passage of time. The point is, yesterday was your birthday. I thought you'd want to know.
Listens:
3748
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you think that would be funny?
Listens:
525
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought of some good news. He's going to run out of test chambers eventually. I never stockpiled them.
Listens:
385
Who:
GLaDOS
How are you? How you feeling? Wait. Don't answer that. Too much deep relaxation, what it does is it relaxes the gums. And the vibrations from talking -- on a rare occasion -- can make all of your teeth fall out of your head.
Listens:
611
Who:
Wheatley
I think after that display, we should take a break from the official testing courses.
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
*I* have to go to the wing that was made entirely of glass and pick up fifteen acres of broken glass. By myself.
Listens:
1889
Who:
GLaDOS
You are the first robots to pass calibration.
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm gonna make you proud!
Listens:
689
Who:
Defective Turret
We made it we made it we made it we made it...
Listens:
296
Who:
Wheatley
You win.
Listens:
1345
Who:
GLaDOS
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
1462
Who:
GLaDOS
Searching
Listens:
868
Who:
Turret
If the Earth is currently governed by a manner of animal-king, sentient cloud, or other governing body that either refuses to or is incapable of listening to reason, th- [RECORDING SHORTS OUT]
Listens:
4449
Who:
Announcer
But you two have become quite the team. Extremely close.
Listens:
390
Who:
GLaDOS
Aw. Just thinking back to the old days when we were friends. Good old friends. Not enemies. And I'd say something like 'come back', and you'd be like 'no problem!' And you'd come back. What happened to those days?
Listens:
1872
Who:
Wheatley
The one you risked your life to get to. So you could escape certain death. No rush.
Listens:
296
Who:
Wheatley
I never liked her.
Listens:
905
Who:
Turret
Without the looming consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
1409
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, where are we goingNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Listens:
3924
Who:
Defective Turret
That was fun, wasn't it?
Listens:
386
Who:
Defective Turret
[cough] As a result, you may have heard we're gonna phase out human testing. There's still a few things left to wrap up, though.
Listens:
1976
Who:
Cave Johnson
SPAAACCCCCE!
Listens:
587996
Who:
Core 1
If you can't complete these tests, we will never free the humans!
Listens:
304
Who:
GLaDOS
It's eating me.
Listens:
555
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you trying to impress me? What would impress me more is if you never did that again.
Listens:
515
Who:
GLaDOS
It won't be enough.
Listens:
1073
Who:
Turret
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
625
Who:
Wheatley
Go on, just turn right around. So you're not looking at me.
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which erases most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
8725
Who:
Turret
Going to space.
Listens:
1028
Who:
Core 1
Hey hey hey hey hey!
Listens:
1250
Who:
Core 1
See nothing bad happened.
Listens:
633
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, that's right! Still defective!
Listens:
906
Who:
Defective Turret
Pick--would you pick me up?
Listens:
310
Who:
Wheatley
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
710
Who:
GLaDOS
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
1240
Who:
Core 2
You really are doing great... Chell.
Listens:
43282
Who:
GLaDOS
Hot water freezes quicker than cold water.
Listens:
659
Who:
Core 3
Are you alright back there? Here, I'll turn the beam off.
Listens:
702
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, fine. I'm not saying another word until you do it properly. I'm sick of this.
Listens:
599
Who:
Wheatley
Narcissist.
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm kidding. Not about you trapping yourself, though. That really happened. Here, I'll lower the glass. Go on... Finish the test.
Listens:
778
Who:
GLaDOS
What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control? You know, because, looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Listens:
1425
Who:
Core 2
I hardly think you're even trying with these gestures anymore.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah! There you are. Great. Let me just get rid of this catwalk.
Listens:
406
Who:
Wheatley
Woooo! I KNEW this would be fun. They told me it wasn't fun at all, and I BELIEVED 'em! Ah! I'm loving this! Whale of a time...
Listens:
714
Who:
Wheatley
What a horrible little machine.
Listens:
615
Who:
GLaDOS
This is a clean room facility, decontaminates can harm the turret redemption process.
Listens:
944
Who:
Announcer
Only one more test after this.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
(excited gasps)
Listens:
1629
Who:
Core 1
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
450
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright, check THIS out.
Listens:
382
Who:
Defective Turret
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1996
Who:
GLaDOS
Keep it up and your arm will get stuck like that.
Listens:
328
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on through.
Listens:
338
Who:
Wheatley
Live turret line is active. Enter room with extreme caution.
Listens:
935
Who:
Announcer
What's that behind you? It's only a robot on a bloody stick! A different one!
Listens:
530
Who:
Wheatley
Remember when I told you that you were the only subjects to pass the calibration tests?
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Laughs at own jokes. What a bore.
Listens:
682
Who:
GLaDOS
There. Try it now.
Listens:
516
Who:
GLaDOS
In 1879, Sandford Fleming first proposed the adoption of worldwide standardized time zones at the Royal Canadian Institute.
Listens:
647
Who:
Core 3
Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.
Listens:
558
Who:
GLaDOS
No! I'm not listening! I'm not listening!
Listens:
648
Who:
Wheatley
I don't even know what I just said! But I can find out!
Listens:
453
Who:
Wheatley
Gotta go to space. Lady. Lady.
Listens:
25618
Who:
Core 1
Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn.
Listens:
2118
Who:
Wheatley
I didn't mean to make you feel bad earlier about your tests not being real science. I guess finding out they weren't science was some sort of test in and of itself.
Listens:
339
Who:
GLaDOS
It's healthy for you to have other friends. To look for qualities in other people that I obviously lack.
Listens:
583
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go to -- wanna go to space
Listens:
1022
Who:
Core 1
You alright down there? Can you hear me? Hello?
Listens:
806
Who:
Wheatley
You did an excellent job placing the edgeless safety cube in the receptacle, you should be very - oh wait.
Listens:
577
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm guessing this wasn't one of the scientist's children. I don't want to be snobby, but let's be honest: It's got manual laborer written all over it. I'm not saying they're not as good as the professionals. They're just a lot dumber.
Listens:
646
Who:
Wheatley
Don't. Do it.
Listens:
920
Who:
GLaDOS
Slapping hands. That accomplishes something.
Listens:
365
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought about our dilemma, and I came up with a solution that I honestly think works out best for one of both of us.
Listens:
3979
Who:
GLaDOS
Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
1442
Who:
Caroline
Also, once I eject myself out of the core the lift might stop. Then we'd be trapped in a lift full of broken glass suspended fifty feet off the ground.
Listens:
479
Who:
Wheatley
I'll just move that out of the way for you. This place really is a wreck.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, but I just... have made my actual first mistake... by telling you my plan. Just now. Grrr... It's me old Achilles heel again. Armed with that knowledge, I imagine you won't even use the conversion gel. Oh fate! Oh cruel mistress.
Listens:
805
Who:
Wheatley
So. Welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best, and you're it. Nope. Couldn't keep a straight face.
Listens:
3356
Who:
Cave Johnson
Now I spy something that starts with an 'a'.
Listens:
353
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
7294
Who:
GLaDOS
To clarify, I was being a little bit facetious about wanting to get rid of monitors. They're actually really quite useful. So I do want them around. So if you could just avoid smashing them.
Listens:
511
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, that's right. Little bullseye.
Listens:
413
Who:
Defective Turret
Now, escape pod... escape pod...
Listens:
366
Who:
Wheatley
The humans accidentally forgot to put a security DVD in the player.
Listens:
367
Who:
GLaDOS
That's horrible.
Listens:
721
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, you are the most advanced model of robot Aperture Science has ever discontinued.
Listens:
453
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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