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Portal 2
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Yes, hello! No, we're not stopping!
Listens:
781
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Oh! Did it kill you? Oh, that would be amazing if it killed you.
Listens:
716
Who:
Wheatley
Hello? Can y--no?
Listens:
1386
Who:
Wheatley
Not you, test subject, you're doing fine.
Listens:
1784
Who:
Cave Johnson
And there's a flat bit. Not sure what that is. But: noted. If anyone says to me is there a flat bit? Yes, there it is.
Listens:
553
Who:
Wheatley
Tadah! Only the turret control center. Thank you very much.
Listens:
401
Who:
Wheatley
We have to split up here for a moment. Portal up to that passage and I'll see you on the other side.
Listens:
294
Who:
Wheatley
Helloooooooooooo!
Listens:
2322
Who:
Wheatley
Are you still there? Can you pick me up, do you think? If you are there?
Listens:
2582
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, I wouldn't have trusted Orange in that course either.
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
I just have to figure out how. To break us out of here.
Listens:
283
Who:
Wheatley
Second time's a charm...
Listens:
768
Who:
Defective Turret
Every time you fail, it's a reminder of the way things used to be. But then there you are. Again. Like nothing happened.
Listens:
468
Who:
GLaDOS
This is just a thought experiment, just to see how much time you'll waste thinking about these worthless documents. The correct time is zero seconds.
Listens:
488
Who:
GLaDOS
Machiavellian!
Listens:
1055
Who:
Wheatley
AH!
Listens:
4205
Who:
Wheatley
You can't give up now.
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
That extra half volt helps but it isn't going to power miracles. If I think too hard, I'm going to fry this potato before we get a chance to burn up in the atomic fireball that little idiot is going- [bzzpt]
Listens:
3617
Who:
GLaDOS
Pff. Whatever.
Listens:
575
Who:
Core 2
Go on, just turn right around. So you're not looking at me.
Listens:
289
Who:
Wheatley
This is Tic-Tac-Toe-Two.
Listens:
840
Who:
GLaDOS
Critical error
Listens:
13320
Who:
Turret
Hello?
Listens:
1341
Who:
Turret
Oh thank god, you're alright.
Listens:
1824
Who:
GLaDOS
If you have, in fact, not, you are encouraged to take a moment to reflect on your failure before proceeding into the next chamber.
Listens:
418
Who:
GLaDOS
Not entirely, not entirely. Look at the word 'test', on the wall there. That's brand new.
Listens:
380
Who:
Wheatley
Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
Listens:
879
Who:
Core 3
Try one of those childish gestures.
Listens:
457
Who:
GLaDOS
Right. Hmm. I'm gonna have to hack the door so we can get at it.
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
I know we're in a lot of trouble and probably about to die.
Listens:
438
Who:
GLaDOS
And we're only seeing the top layer. It goes down for miles.
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
I’m flyinnnng!
Listens:
2500
Who:
Turret
Yeah... Made this test myself. Out of some smaller tests. That I found. Lying around.
Listens:
310
Who:
Wheatley
You are doing wonderfully.
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
I found two little robots back here. Built specifically for testin'!
Listens:
359
Who:
Wheatley
Wait, what if this hurts? What if it REALLY hurts? Ohhh, I didn't think of that.
Listens:
1957
Who:
Wheatley
Grab it and attach it to him!
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on!
Listens:
282
Who:
Wheatley
AHH!
Listens:
1345
Who:
GLaDOS
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1249
Who:
Cave Johnson
Do you know where I was?
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1288
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. You made it to one of the human habitats. We're looking for an artifact. Think of it as an archeological dig.
Listens:
943
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you.
Listens:
2347
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah.
Listens:
365
Who:
Defective Turret
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
7549
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, you know what? That's close enough. Just hold tight.
Listens:
1592
Who:
Wheatley
Are you still there?
Listens:
57415
Who:
Turret
But it's not too late to avoid all of that by simply not using the gel. There you go, I said it. I gave away my plan. But I couldn't watch you hurt yourself like this.
Listens:
367
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
573
Who:
Wheatley
Narcissist.
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
First thing I noticed about you: 'Now there's a lady who could resolve any button-based disputes,' I thought. A diamond in the rough, if you will--a a bloody natural. A born dispute resolution advisor in need of a button.
Listens:
549
Who:
Wheatley
This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.
Listens:
613
Who:
GLaDOS
Dad! I'm in space! [low-pitched 'space' voice] I'm proud of you, son. [normal voice] Dad, are you space? [low-pitched 'space' voice] Yes. Now we are a family again.
Listens:
460148
Who:
Core 1
I thought we could test like we used to. But I'm discovering things about you that I never saw before. We can't ever go back to the way it was.
Listens:
6853
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
1203
Who:
Core 3
Orange
Listens:
701
Who:
GLaDOS
Did something break back there?
Listens:
628
Who:
Wheatley
Right behind me.
Listens:
286
Who:
Wheatley
A bloody bird! Right? Couldn't believe it either. And then the bird--
Listens:
1171
Who:
Wheatley
Fantastic.
Listens:
891
Who:
Defective Turret
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
703
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, really? Space? Really? You should have said something! We had no idea!
Listens:
1939
Who:
Core 2
Thank you - I can't believe I'm thanking these people - for staggering your way through Aperture Science's propulsion gel testing. You've made some real contributions to society for a change, and for that, humanity is grateful.
Listens:
1457
Who:
Cave Johnson
Long bathroom breaks.
Listens:
345
Who:
GLaDOS
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
7869
Who:
GLaDOS
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1234
Who:
GLaDOS
Earth earth earth.
Listens:
1068
Who:
Core 1
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
5466
Who:
Core 2
ow.
Listens:
703
Who:
GLaDOS
Absolutely no improvement.
Listens:
833
Who:
Defective Turret
Reactor Explosion Timer destroyed.
Listens:
3846
Who:
Announcer
[humming]
Listens:
1834
Who:
Core 1
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
1216
Who:
Wheatley
Come on through.
Listens:
319
Who:
Wheatley
This is the neurotoxin generator. Bit bigger than I expected. Not going to be able to just, you know, push it over. Have to apply some cleverness.
Listens:
795
Who:
Wheatley
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
1256
Who:
GLaDOS
I think these test chambers look even better than they did before. It was easy, really. You just have to look at things objectively, see what you don't need anymore, and trim out the fat.
Listens:
3517
Who:
GLaDOS
Who's there?
Listens:
2056
Who:
Turret
Space...
Listens:
1287
Who:
Core 1
Corruption at 50%
Listens:
1022
Who:
Core 3
Do, uh.... we get some eyes at some point?
Listens:
708
Who:
Defective Turret
The answer is beneath us.
Listens:
2093
Who:
Turret
Sorry, we're closed
Listens:
2081
Who:
Turret
It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize.'
Listens:
1568
Who:
Core 3
Goodnight
Listens:
5857
Who:
Turret
Anyway, look, the point is we're gonna break out of here, alright? But we can't do it yet. Look for me fifteen chambers ahead.
Listens:
330
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Yes. Well done.
Listens:
986
Who:
Wheatley
Pens. Might need those. Don't see any though. So...
Listens:
319
Who:
Wheatley
The lock is looking for two humans.
Listens:
351
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll give you credit: I guess you ARE listening to me. But for the record: You don't have to go THAT slowly.
Listens:
410
Who:
GLaDOS
This is one of MY tests!
Listens:
437
Who:
GLaDOS
Nooooooooo...
Listens:
1602
Who:
Defective Turret
You KNOW her?
Listens:
587
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
1601
Who:
Turret
Oo. Oo. Oo. Lady. Oo. Lady. Oo. Let's go to space.
Listens:
18619
Who:
Core 1
We're still doing science sir.
Listens:
3103
Who:
Caroline
Are you trying to impress me? What would impress me more is if you never did that again.
Listens:
479
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, Orange and I were just discussing your behavior on the last few tests.
Listens:
345
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, that's long enough. Are you dead yet? How about now?
Listens:
626
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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