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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Did you think that would be funny?
Listens:
525
Who:
GLaDOS
Do, uh.... we get some eyes at some point?
Listens:
717
Who:
Defective Turret
Hold on, something's wrong! Neurotoxin level's up to 50%! No, it's down. Sorry, my mistake. I meant to say it's down to fifty percent. Good news! Carry on!
Listens:
568
Who:
Wheatley
Go on. Just jam me in over there.
Listens:
321
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?
Listens:
653
Who:
GLaDOS
I see you
Listens:
2932
Who:
Turret
Orange, blue isn't a human. The lesson on trust only needs to be taught once. Orange is penalized 1 science collaboration point.
Listens:
355
Who:
GLaDOS
Apparently this human escaped and nobody's seen him since.
Listens:
330
Who:
Wheatley
Are you trying to get my attention? I am very busy, you know.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
We have to get you out of there!
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
Spheres that insist on going into space are inferior to spheres that don't.
Listens:
1051
Who:
Core 3
Oh, that's funny, is it? Because we've been at this twelve hours and you haven't solved it either, so I don't know why you're laughing.
Listens:
958
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhh. Another door malfunction. I'm going to take care of this once and for all. Stay here, I'll be back in a while.
Listens:
541
Who:
GLaDOS
It's your old friend, deadly neurotoxin. If I were you, I'd take a deep breath. And hold it.
Listens:
6613
Who:
GLaDOS
Ummmm. Yeah, I can't do it if you're watching.
Listens:
382
Who:
Wheatley
Take me with you? Please?
Listens:
906
Who:
Defective Turret
Look, even if you think we're still enemies, we're enemies with a common interest: Revenge.
Listens:
913
Who:
GLaDOS
Seeks out conflicts with co-workers.
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
Agh!
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
I created this test to let the humans feel good about themselves. It is extremely easy. Just follow the arrows.
Listens:
490
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah!
Listens:
5504
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, hello, stranger!
Listens:
3872
Who:
Defective Turret
That jumpsuit you're wearing looks stupid. That's not me talking, it's right here in your file. On other people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has noted that on you it looks 'stupid.'
Listens:
2663
Who:
GLaDOS
Quick, this way!
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
AHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1641
Who:
Turret
If you are wondering what that smell is, that is the smell of human fear.
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
You didn't do anything.
Listens:
552
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
583
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm actually asking. Because I have no idea. He's not listed anywhere in the employee database.
Listens:
533
Who:
GLaDOS
Something’s wrong...
Listens:
931
Who:
Turret
That's why humans couldn't complete these courses, they treat their friends as enemies.
Listens:
378
Who:
GLaDOS
You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified.
Listens:
1111
Who:
GLaDOS
All we had to do was pull that lever.
Listens:
601
Who:
GLaDOS
Narcissist.
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
Aggggh!
Listens:
349
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah!
Listens:
856
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you alright?
Listens:
342
Who:
Wheatley
Space!
Listens:
1673
Who:
Core 1
Congratulations. Not on the test.
Listens:
583
Who:
GLaDOS
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
1318
Who:
GLaDOS
*I* have to go to the wing that was made entirely of glass and pick up fifteen acres of broken glass. By myself.
Listens:
1889
Who:
GLaDOS
Dispensing product
Listens:
1660
Who:
Turret
[Whispered] For the record: You ARE adopted, and that's TERRIBLE.
Listens:
4073
Who:
GLaDOS
How about a knife, then? You keep the gun, I'll use a knife.
Listens:
556
Who:
Core 2
This ain't Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!
Listens:
593
Who:
Core 2
Follow me! You're gonna love this.
Listens:
430
Who:
Wheatley
Try to jump across.
Listens:
294
Who:
Wheatley
Doesn't bother me. I gotta say, the view's mighty nice from right here.
Listens:
528
Who:
Core 2
Sorry! Sorry. My fault.
Listens:
440
Who:
Wheatley
Space? SPACE!
Listens:
24389
Who:
Core 1
Not paying attennnntion...
Listens:
511
Who:
GLaDOS
Woooaaah!
Listens:
1215
Who:
Turret
For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries. I ran the numbers. Making the goo deadly was more cost effective.
Listens:
561
Who:
GLaDOS
It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize.'
Listens:
1582
Who:
Core 3
Some emergency testing may require prolonged interaction with lethal military androids. Rest assured that all lethal military androids have been taught to read and provided with one copy of the Laws of Robotics. To share.
Listens:
2979
Who:
Announcer
Good. Now please return to your bed.
Listens:
1662
Who:
Announcer
Excuse me?
Listens:
867
Who:
Turret
Oh no, I'm one of the bad ones, aren't I?
Listens:
1101
Who:
Defective Turret
Aw. Just thinking back to the old days when we were friends. Good old friends. Not enemies. And I'd say something like 'come back', and you'd be like 'no problem!' And you'd come back. What happened to those days?
Listens:
1872
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
474
Who:
Defective Turret
What'd I hit?
Listens:
399
Who:
Defective Turret
The square root of rope is string.
Listens:
1633
Who:
Core 3
Are you still there? Can you pick me up, do you think? If you are there?
Listens:
2629
Who:
Wheatley
It seems rather earlier to require reassembly.
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
Still, if it were, Orange would be winning.
Listens:
463
Who:
GLaDOS
You do know I can't wave back right?
Listens:
467
Who:
GLaDOS
If that doesn't motivate you, I'm not sure what will.
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
Uhhhh... Blam! Blam blam blam! I'm not defective!
Listens:
3939
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't make eye contact whatever you do...
Listens:
348
Who:
Wheatley
Ungh!
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
Incoherent.
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll be honest, I might have heard that one before, though. Sort of cheating.
Listens:
380
Who:
Wheatley
Um. 'TRUE'. I'll go 'true'.
Listens:
20509
Who:
Wheatley
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
1316
Who:
GLaDOS
Good work getting this far, future-starter! That said, if you are simple-minded, old, or irradiated in such a way that the future should not start with you, please return to your primitive tribe and send back someone better-qualified for testing.
Listens:
2697
Who:
Announcer
Coming! Coming! Don't start yet!
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
Once testing starts, I'm required by protocol to keep interaction with you to a minimum. Luckily, we haven't started testing yet. This will be our only chance to talk.
Listens:
583
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, let's go!
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, my facility.
Listens:
466
Who:
GLaDOS
Anddddd...THERE we go.
Listens:
343
Who:
Wheatley
Fact: Space does not exist.
Listens:
4236
Who:
Core 3
Your test times show you are going too slowly.
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
You have to get to the catwalk behind me!
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
Come on come on come on!
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
You know when I mentioned ten minutes? A little bit optimistic!
Listens:
312
Who:
Wheatley
There you are, reassembled again.
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
Space!
Listens:
1347
Who:
Core 1
Let me give you a clue, it is the one thing you can't do.
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
2973
Who:
Turret
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
1240
Who:
Core 2
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
5506
Who:
GLaDOS
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
Listens:
809
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm done.
Listens:
1331
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait. Why DID you trundle over here? You're not HUNGRY, are you? It's hard to see, what's that in your hand? Knowing you it's a deep fryer.
Listens:
3683
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! What can we do with me then. I know! Plug me into the port, please.
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
15746
Who:
GLaDOS
Wet blanket.
Listens:
344
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, a note: No braces on your spine, either. So don't land on that. Or your head, no braces there. That could split like a melon from this height. [nervous chuckle] Do definitely focus on landing with your legs.
Listens:
429
Who:
Wheatley
To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you if you fail. He refused. I understand. That would be like asking me not to test.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
You can't fire me I quit!
Listens:
3918
Who:
Defective Turret
00:00 / 00:00
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