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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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On three. Ready? One... Two...
Listens:
400
Who:
Wheatley
Just glass. Transparent. Smooth. Not going to hurt you. Have a look.
Listens:
358
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, stop moving.
Listens:
436
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, it's alright. Go ahead.
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
Good. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look down at the floor. [BUZZER]
Listens:
2123
Who:
Announcer
Incoherent.
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
With humans, I would have called that a successful test.
Listens:
304
Who:
GLaDOS
So, let's call that three minutes, and then a minute break, which should leave a leisurely two minutes to figure out how to shut down whatever's starting all these fires. So anyway, that's the itinerary.
Listens:
853
Who:
Wheatley
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
9123
Who:
Core 3
[laugh] Would you pick me up?
Listens:
676
Who:
Wheatley
Fifty thousand years is a lot of time to think. About me. About you. We were doing so well together.
Listens:
800
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry I missed the beginning of that test. I was just talking with the reassembly machine about your becoming human.
Listens:
401
Who:
GLaDOS
I would say extremely deadly but we all know, for you and your amazing ability to be reassembled nothing is deadly.
Listens:
344
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang!
Listens:
759
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
7599
Who:
Cave Johnson
Yes, I see you.
Listens:
818
Who:
GLaDOS
Critical error
Listens:
13761
Who:
Turret
You did it! You powered on the system.
Listens:
591
Who:
GLaDOS
Something is wrong, this door should be opening.
Listens:
398
Who:
GLaDOS
Error. Error. Error. Fact not found.
Listens:
1396
Who:
Core 3
Come on, let's go!
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
Arsonist.
Listens:
372
Who:
GLaDOS
Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
2170
Who:
Caroline
You'll never believe what happened! There I was, just lying there, you thought I was done for, but --
Listens:
422
Who:
Wheatley
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
596
Who:
GLaDOS
Tadah! Only the turret control center. Thank you very much.
Listens:
419
Who:
Wheatley
You're doing a great job of disappointing me.
Listens:
871
Who:
GLaDOS
Carry on.
Listens:
307
Who:
Wheatley
Your ping tool is invaluable for communicating specific locations to your partner.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
See you at the bottom. Good luck!
Listens:
328
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, come ON!
Listens:
857
Who:
Defective Turret
Ohmygodohmygodohmygod! I'm in space!
Listens:
376773
Who:
Core 1
Hey, buddy!
Listens:
727
Who:
Wheatley
Plug me in, plug me in!
Listens:
313
Who:
Wheatley
ORANGE, please observe your partner's favorite animal.
Listens:
530
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, I wasn't going to mention this to you, but I am in PRETTY HOT WATER here.
Listens:
436
Who:
Wheatley
For god's sake, you're BOXES with LEGS! It is literally your only purpose! Walking onto buttons! How can you not do the one thing you were designed for?
Listens:
6193
Who:
Wheatley
Technical... Ummm... You'll need to turn around while I do this.
Listens:
423
Who:
Wheatley
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
2312
Who:
Core 1
Okay! Keep your eye on the turret line, I'm gonna go and hack the door open.
Listens:
337
Who:
Wheatley
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
2901
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's go - let's go to space. Let's go to space.
Listens:
1043
Who:
Core 1
Alright, so, silent contemplation it is. Mysterious button... Sorry. Sorry. Silence. Do not speak. In the silence. Let the silence descend. Here it comes. One hundred percent silence. From now. By the way, if you come up with any ideas, do flag them up. Don't feel you have to stay quiet because I've said absolute silence. So if you come up with an idea, mention it. Otherwise, absolute silence starting... Now.
Listens:
1847
Who:
Wheatley
Commence standing by in three. Two. One.
Listens:
394
Who:
GLaDOS
These things happen.
Listens:
3498
Who:
Turret
Corrupted core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1534
Who:
Announcer
Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.
Listens:
956
Who:
Wheatley
Keep it up and your arm will get stuck like that.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
722
Who:
Wheatley
Getting bored of space.
Listens:
6245
Who:
Core 1
Hey, safe travels, there.
Listens:
400
Who:
Defective Turret
But the real point is - oh, oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen this coming.
Listens:
2239
Who:
Wheatley
Not interested in anything else. Don't TOUCH anything else. Don't even LOOK at anything else, just--well, obviously you've got to look at everything else to find ESCAPE POD, but as soon as you've looked at something and it doesn't say ESCAPE POD, look at something else, look at the next thing. Alright? But don't touch anything else or look at any--well, look at other things, but don't... you understand.
Listens:
1676
Who:
Wheatley
Owwww!
Listens:
1004
Who:
Turret
Are you testing me?
Listens:
395
Who:
GLaDOS
You will need him for the final track.
Listens:
306
Who:
GLaDOS
ORANGE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal.
Listens:
418
Who:
GLaDOS
Look down. Where am I? Where am I?
Listens:
352
Who:
Wheatley
Help!
Listens:
934
Who:
Turret
Get going. I'll fill you in along the way.
Listens:
684
Who:
GLaDOS
THEY didn't fly into space, storm a beach, or bring back the gold. No sir, we did! It's you and me against the world, son! I like your grit! Hustle could use some work, though. Now let's solve this thing!
Listens:
2005
Who:
Cave Johnson
Come on through.
Listens:
341
Who:
Wheatley
The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Blue is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One.
Listens:
382
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.
Listens:
2101
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oops. You trapped yourself. I guess that's it then. Thanks for testing. You may as well lie down and get acclimated to the being dead position.
Listens:
1576
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, almost there. On the other side of that wall is one of the old testing tracks. There's a piece of equipment in there we're gonna need to get out of here. I think this is a docking station. Get ready...
Listens:
368
Who:
Wheatley
One moment.
Listens:
296
Who:
GLaDOS
So much space. Need to see it all.
Listens:
1927
Who:
Core 1
I defy you to tell me there's a purpose to what you're doing.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
And FOOLISH! No way out. At my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing.
Listens:
1085
Who:
Wheatley
ow.
Listens:
647
Who:
GLaDOS
To ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled. The Enrichment Center respects your right to have questions or concerns about this policy.
Listens:
1357
Who:
Announcer
I, uh... don't have any bullets. Are you gonna give me any bullets? Are the bullets up there?
Listens:
4511
Who:
Defective Turret
'Hygiene.' Huh. That's all it says.
Listens:
461
Who:
GLaDOS
You might want to notice the moat area... rather large. Not to mention deadly. [laughs]
Listens:
419
Who:
Wheatley
Game over. Back to testing.
Listens:
774
Who:
GLaDOS
It would compromise the test to divulge individual scores. However, I can tell you at least one of you is doing very, very well.
Listens:
396
Who:
GLaDOS
Calibrating Orange's weight...
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't shoot!
Listens:
2534
Who:
Turret
Here, let me put on some adventure music.
Listens:
993
Who:
Core 2
The Space Sphere will never go to space.
Listens:
18156
Who:
Core 3
Ignores directions.
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
Always weeping. Poor thing.
Listens:
525
Who:
GLaDOS
For that Blue is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
1028
Who:
GLaDOS
MOVE.
Listens:
528
Who:
Wheatley
Gotta go to space. Lady. Lady.
Listens:
25708
Who:
Core 1
Let's keep moving. The factory entrance must be around here somewhere.
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Brilliant, thank you, great.
Listens:
661
Who:
Wheatley
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5930
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry about the lift. It's, uh... out of service. Because it melted.
Listens:
524
Who:
Wheatley
I just hate Blue a little more.
Listens:
432
Who:
GLaDOS
Very good. You’ve really come together as a team. Thanks to the one of you who appears to be doing all of the work.
Listens:
470
Who:
GLaDOS
You have excellent aim!
Listens:
740
Who:
Turret
Being Caroline taught me another valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
933
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
632
Who:
Defective Turret
I agree, Orange. That was entertaining.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
Annnnd we're back!
Listens:
906
Who:
Defective Turret
The dual portal device should be around here somewhere. Once you find it, we can start testing. Just like old times.
Listens:
483
Who:
GLaDOS
Was that course too difficult?
Listens:
381
Who:
GLaDOS
He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived. And you just put him in charge of the entire facility.
Listens:
30664
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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