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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Back, and deadlier than ever!
Listens:
750
Who:
Defective Turret
Lady. I love space. I know! Spell it! S P... AACE. Space. Space.
Listens:
20468
Who:
Core 1
In case you were wondering, you do not need to be crushed to solve this test.
Listens:
272
Who:
GLaDOS
There are 5000 other two subject teams in direct competition with you.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
Who's there?
Listens:
2002
Who:
Turret
There should be a portal device on that podium over there.
Listens:
268
Who:
Wheatley
A, A, A, A, A, A. [NNNT!] No. A, A, A, A, A, B. [NNNT!] Hold on, I've done both of these. Skip ahead. A, B, C... D, G, H.[DING!]
Listens:
170173
Who:
Wheatley
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
1380
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
7029
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent. The Enrichment Center reminds you that bold, persistent experimentation is the hallmark of good science.
Listens:
397
Who:
GLaDOS
If the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from space-debris DOES NOT appear to be a deliberate part of the test.
Listens:
1806
Who:
Announcer
Owwwww!
Listens:
1369
Who:
Turret
You're okay! Great! Come on!
Listens:
295
Who:
Wheatley
This is not good.
Listens:
2015
Who:
Turret
To your left... you'll see some lights of some kind. Don't know what they do. But very sciencey anyway.
Listens:
611
Who:
Wheatley
Done. I guess. I suppose. I wasn't paying attention.
Listens:
366
Who:
GLaDOS
Lady.
Listens:
1099
Who:
Core 1
Ohhhh, here we go... here it comes...
Listens:
391
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, have it your way. What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control there? Cuz it looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Listens:
451
Who:
Core 2
One
Listens:
740
Who:
GLaDOS
Always cold.
Listens:
280
Who:
GLaDOS
[to JERRY] See you in court, mate. [to player] Anyway, look, just hang in there for five more chambers.
Listens:
777
Who:
Wheatley
Science isn't about WHY. It's about WHY NOT. Why is so much of our science dangerous? Why not marry safe science if you love it so much. In fact, why not invent a special safety door that won't hit you on the butt on the way out, because you are fired.
Listens:
48284
Who:
Cave Johnson
The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Orange is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One.
Listens:
375
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, look, we're really close to busting out, just hang in there for five more chambers.
Listens:
273
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
418
Who:
Defective Turret
Ha! I knew we were going the right way.
Listens:
268
Who:
Wheatley
Ahungh.
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
Where do I get my gun?
Listens:
711
Who:
Defective Turret
Earth.
Listens:
1677
Who:
Core 1
Maybe you ARE getting human emotions.
Listens:
280
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, let me explain again. Pop a portal. Behind me. Alright? And come on through.
Listens:
259
Who:
Wheatley
Nonononononono!
Listens:
6793
Who:
Defective Turret
Hold on, I'll stop the elevator. Anything? Take your time...
Listens:
399
Who:
GLaDOS
That extra half volt helps but it isn't going to power miracles. If I think too hard, I'm going to fry this potato before we get a chance to burn up in the atomic fireball that little idiot is going- [bzzpt]
Listens:
3500
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Yes. Well done.
Listens:
922
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhhhh!
Listens:
357
Who:
Wheatley
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
5354
Who:
Core 1
I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop.
Listens:
845
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh... It's you.
Listens:
43775
Who:
GLaDOS
But now, looking around, seeing Aperture restored to its former glory? You don't have to worry about leaving EVER again. I mean that.
Listens:
400
Who:
GLaDOS
And as soon as I can PROVE it, the laws of robotics allow me to terminate you for being a liar.
Listens:
650
Who:
GLaDOS
While the submarine is vastly superior to the boat in every way, over 97% of people still use boats for aquatic transportation.
Listens:
798
Who:
Core 3
Blah.
Listens:
1559
Who:
GLaDOS
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
468
Who:
GLaDOS
Again, though, for the moment: RUN!
Listens:
389
Who:
Wheatley
Today, you will be testing with a partner.
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Blue is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One.
Listens:
355
Who:
GLaDOS
Please stop.
Listens:
1153
Who:
Turret
He's found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... em, just something I came up with to phase out human test subjects.
Listens:
345
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll be honest, I might have heard that one before, though. Sort of cheating.
Listens:
347
Who:
Wheatley
Shutting down
Listens:
13515
Who:
Turret
I'm going to be honest with you now. Not fake honest like before, but real honest, like you're incapable of. I know you're up to something.
Listens:
401
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought you'd be faster at this, but I can appreciate the desire to stop and smell the testing. That other scent you smell? That's the stench of my utter disappointment in you.
Listens:
1547
Who:
GLaDOS
I defy you to tell me there's a purpose to what you're doing.
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
You have to get to the catwalk behind me!
Listens:
258
Who:
Wheatley
The Adventure Sphere is a blowhard and a coward.
Listens:
1071
Who:
Core 3
But I need to protect the humans!
Listens:
4236
Who:
Turret
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
5797
Who:
GLaDOS
Owww!
Listens:
935
Who:
Turret
Coming! Coming! Don't start yet!
Listens:
270
Who:
Wheatley
Time to watch the master.
Listens:
458
Who:
Defective Turret
But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Listens:
2185
Who:
Wheatley
Steals lunch from staff fridge.
Listens:
259
Who:
GLaDOS
Dad! I'm in space! [low-pitched 'space' voice] I'm proud of you, son. [normal voice] Dad, are you space? [low-pitched 'space' voice] Yes. Now we are a family again.
Listens:
455734
Who:
Core 1
Poor self-esteem.
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
To complete this test, you need to find a set of blue prints.
Listens:
257
Who:
GLaDOS
For instance, Blue, you just lost two opportunity advisement points.
Listens:
259
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't listen to her, do it.
Listens:
276
Who:
Wheatley
Go on.
Listens:
276
Who:
Wheatley
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
7334
Who:
Announcer
I'm not going to lie to you, the odds are a million to one. And that's with some generous rounding.
Listens:
885
Who:
GLaDOS
On ya go.
Listens:
261
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, look. There's a deer! You probably can't see it. Get closer.
Listens:
1208
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh well. We have warehouses FULL of the things. Absolutely worthless. I'm happy to get rid of them.
Listens:
899
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember when I told you that you were the only subjects to pass the calibration tests?
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
1705
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Get a big fat eyeful. With your big fat eyes.
Listens:
2342
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
2702
Who:
GLaDOS
Why should I be kept informed about the life functions of the ten thousand bloody test subjects I'm supposed to be in charge of?
Listens:
392
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah... Made this test myself. Out of some smaller tests. That I found. Lying around.
Listens:
282
Who:
Wheatley
'Let there be light.' That's, uh... God. I was quoting God.
Listens:
2234
Who:
Wheatley
All right. I'm officially no longer paying attention to you.
Listens:
274
Who:
GLaDOS
Here we are. The Incinerator Room. Be careful not to trip over any parts of me that didn't get completely burned when you threw them down here.
Listens:
697
Who:
GLaDOS
Go press the button! Go press it!
Listens:
950
Who:
GLaDOS
'Goodbye, Caroline.'
Listens:
23151
Who:
Caroline
Don't press the button!
Listens:
698
Who:
Wheatley
I found two little robots back here. Built specifically for testin'!
Listens:
331
Who:
Wheatley
If the subject survived the test, we let them purchase the pictures for $5. If the subject died, we gave the photo to their next of kin free of charge.
Listens:
392
Who:
GLaDOS
This was another test no one had ever completed before you two. Oh, the science we used to learn with this test. Now the test is useless.
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
There should be one in the corner.
Listens:
259
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. You made it to one of the human habitats. We're looking for an artifact. Think of it as an archeological dig.
Listens:
887
Who:
GLaDOS
What if you froze like that?
Listens:
2134
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry.
Listens:
484
Who:
GLaDOS
That worked just like you said it would, Blue.
Listens:
259
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
1162
Who:
Core 3
Live turret line is active. Enter room with extreme caution.
Listens:
855
Who:
Announcer
I was getting SO lonely down here. It's good to finally hear someone else's voice. I'm kidding, of course. God, I hate you.
Listens:
19735
Who:
GLaDOS
I am not sure you will need him but he will be there.
Listens:
277
Who:
GLaDOS
89% of magic tricks are not magic. Technically, they are sorcery.
Listens:
2347
Who:
Core 3
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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