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But the real point is - oh, oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen this coming.
Listens:
2238
Who:
Wheatley
Noooooo!
Listens:
2052
Who:
Turret
Well, well, well. Welcome to MY LAIR! Lemme just flag something up: According to the control panel light up there, the entire building's going to self destruct in about six minutes. Pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the light's on the blink. But just in case it isn't, I actually am going to have to kill you. As discussed earlier.
Listens:
8638
Who:
Wheatley
It won't.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
Response
Listens:
2860
Who:
Announcer
Can I get some bullets here? Anybody got bullets?
Listens:
742
Who:
Defective Turret
Do you understand what I'm saying? Just tell me 'Yes'.
Listens:
330
Who:
Wheatley
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Listens:
2301
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.
Listens:
636
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
2116
Who:
Wheatley
Searching
Listens:
875
Who:
Turret
Space wanna go wanna go to space wanna go to space
Listens:
1029
Who:
Core 1
Sentry mode activated
Listens:
2120
Who:
Turret
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
12032
Who:
Announcer
You didn't do anything.
Listens:
556
Who:
GLaDOS
That jumpsuit you're wearing looks stupid. That's not me talking, it's right here in your file. On other people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has noted that on you it looks 'stupid.'
Listens:
2676
Who:
GLaDOS
All right. I'm officially no longer paying attention to you.
Listens:
321
Who:
GLaDOS
Good luck!
Listens:
392
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Plan B, subsection one: Stand still so I can bring you back.
Listens:
703
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang.
Listens:
594
Who:
Defective Turret
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
20112
Who:
Announcer
Those of you helping us test the repulsion gel today, just follow the blue line on the floor.
Listens:
1056
Who:
Cave Johnson
Every time you fail, it's a reminder of the way things used to be. But then there you are. Again. Like nothing happened.
Listens:
487
Who:
GLaDOS
Probably.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
2045
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
518
Who:
Defective Turret
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
7329
Who:
GLaDOS
BIRD BIRD BIRD BIRD
Listens:
107380
Who:
Wheatley
I'm speaking in an accent that is beyond her range of hearing...
Listens:
7102
Who:
Wheatley
Nothing. Nothing.
Listens:
346
Who:
GLaDOS
Abrasive personality.
Listens:
443
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
428
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, brilliant. You DID find a portal gun! You know what? It just goes to show: people with brain damage are the real heroes in the end aren't they? At the end of the day. Brave.
Listens:
2932
Who:
Wheatley
Keep moving! Just keep moving!
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
That is a potato battery. It's a toy for children. And now she lives in it.
Listens:
3785
Who:
Wheatley
Come on, you've already solved it.
Listens:
652
Who:
Wheatley
In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Listens:
607
Who:
Wheatley
Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that.
Listens:
1098
Who:
GLaDOS
A... A... A... A... A... A.
Listens:
569
Who:
Wheatley
That's right. The facility is completely operational again.
Listens:
2547
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, that transpired just as you said it would.
Listens:
335
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, and don't bother trying to portal out of here, because it's impossible, okay? I thought of everything.
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
Plug me in, and I'll take you up.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes indeed. Yes indeed.
Listens:
2256
Who:
Defective Turret
I was outside watching some deer frolic. You don't even care about the outside do you?
Listens:
825
Who:
GLaDOS
And that's why I can't help you solve these tests.
Listens:
614
Who:
GLaDOS
Look who's back, were you scared to continue those tests?
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Central core is eighty percent corrupt.
Listens:
2485
Who:
Announcer
Still. It's a better plan than exploding. Marginally.
Listens:
345
Who:
GLaDOS
No, no, I'm sure it's this way. I'm definitely sure it's this way.
Listens:
312
Who:
Wheatley
Careful... Careful...
Listens:
340
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome to the enrichment center. [cough]
Listens:
6385
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ohhhh. Another door malfunction. I'm going to take care of this once and for all. Stay here, I'll be back in a while.
Listens:
548
Who:
GLaDOS
For that Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
639
Who:
GLaDOS
[yelling]
Listens:
662
Who:
Wheatley
Let's keep moving. The factory entrance must be around here somewhere.
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
1558
Who:
GLaDOS
How you doing down there? You still holding on?
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
1389
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, so the bad news is the tests are MY tests now. So they can kill us.
Listens:
515
Who:
GLaDOS
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
536
Who:
GLaDOS
Hostile to new ideas.
Listens:
356
Who:
GLaDOS
Or maybe he still is, in which case, wow, that's kind of sad.
Listens:
1638
Who:
GLaDOS
Not you, test subject, you're doing fine.
Listens:
1836
Who:
Cave Johnson
Just so you know, I have to go give a deposition. For an upcoming trial. In case that interests you.
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
Please refrain from doing those childish gestures while you are out there.
Listens:
363
Who:
GLaDOS
times in this test. Not that it matters. It doesn't. So congratulations job well done.
Listens:
365
Who:
GLaDOS
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
1355
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, that transpired just as you said it would.
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's go - let's go to space. Let's go to space.
Listens:
1043
Who:
Core 1
That's not funny.
Listens:
1865
Who:
GLaDOS
And it almost killed me.
Listens:
475
Who:
GLaDOS
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
1034
Who:
Core 1
Ay. Double Pee-Ell-Ee.
Listens:
476
Who:
Wheatley
So that's a complete reassembly. New vitals. Spit-shine on the old ones. Plus we're scooping out tumors. Frankly, you oughtta be paying us.
Listens:
1731
Who:
Cave Johnson
Okay, that's long enough. Are you dead yet? How about now?
Listens:
663
Who:
Wheatley
Oh.
Listens:
571
Who:
Defective Turret
Annnnnnnnd... Nothing.
Listens:
3348
Who:
Wheatley
Space.
Listens:
1006
Who:
Core 1
Hold on, hold on, hold on... Almost there...
Listens:
390
Who:
Wheatley
Malfunctioning
Listens:
1296
Who:
Turret
Yes, I see you.
Listens:
818
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
Listens:
881
Who:
GLaDOS
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
35354
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m scared!
Listens:
981
Who:
Turret
Am I interrupting your important conversation?
Listens:
533
Who:
GLaDOS
Press the button again.
Listens:
1098
Who:
GLaDOS
But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.
Listens:
947
Who:
Wheatley
Caroline, are the compensation vouchers ready?
Listens:
1082
Who:
Cave Johnson
Calibrating Orange's weight...
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
Initiating surprise in three... two... one.
Listens:
3618
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, that felt really good.
Listens:
1489
Who:
Wheatley
Ignores task at hand. Won't for long.
Listens:
526
Who:
GLaDOS
You know how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a belated birthday present for you. Well... more of a belated birthday medical procedure. Well. Technically, it's a medical EXPERIMENT. What's important is, it's a present.
Listens:
3062
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
1398
Who:
GLaDOS
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
1306
Who:
Announcer
I don't want this!
Listens:
19521
Who:
Caroline
Did you put a virus in them? It's not going to work either. I've got a firewall, mate. Literally, actually, now that I look around. There appears to be literally a wall of fire around this place. Alarming. To say the least.
Listens:
24631
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent.
Listens:
329
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. I am sure if I had the time to repair these tests, you would have never completed them. So again, congratulations on completing the broken easy tests.
Listens:
513
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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