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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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And then you showed up. You dangerous, mute lunatic. So you know what?
Listens:
3169
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
5832
Who:
GLaDOS
I know how humans make more humans, and frankly, it's ridiculous. It also assumes that you already have a human, which I hope somebody got fired over. So I came up a with BETTER way.
Listens:
23300
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, do you feel betrayed by Blue for telling me those horrible things about you?
Listens:
307
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
433
Who:
Defective Turret
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
682
Who:
GLaDOS
Anxious.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you guess 'sharks'? Because that's wrong. The correct answer is 'nobody.' Nobody but you is that pointlessly cruel.
Listens:
4097
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?
Listens:
606
Who:
GLaDOS
Look who's back, were you scared to continue those tests?
Listens:
267
Who:
GLaDOS
Shutting down
Listens:
13551
Who:
Turret
Ha ha! Gotcha right where I want ya!
Listens:
639
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm sorry, I don't know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.
Listens:
1100
Who:
GLaDOS
Just getting a test ready... For you. Obviously. Who else would I be doing it for? No one.
Listens:
266
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! I knew we were going the right way.
Listens:
273
Who:
Wheatley
First up, conversion gel. [cough]
Listens:
1718
Who:
Cave Johnson
Alright, so, silent contemplation it is. Mysterious button... Sorry. Sorry. Silence. Do not speak. In the silence. Let the silence descend. Here it comes. One hundred percent silence. From now. By the way, if you come up with any ideas, do flag them up. Don't feel you have to stay quiet because I've said absolute silence. So if you come up with an idea, mention it. Otherwise, absolute silence starting... Now.
Listens:
1748
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry about the lift. It's, uh... out of service. Because it melted.
Listens:
436
Who:
Wheatley
Puppet master! You're a puppet in a play, and I hold all the strings! And cards, still. Cards in one hand, strings in the other. And I'm making you dance like a puppet. Playing cards.
Listens:
2518
Who:
Wheatley
At the end of The Seagull by Anton Chekhov, Konstantin kills himself.
Listens:
552
Who:
Core 3
Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room. From here you can select all previously completed courses.
Listens:
1056
Who:
Announcer
Come on come on come on!
Listens:
264
Who:
Wheatley
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
1166
Who:
Cave Johnson
Halley's Comet can be viewed orbiting Earth every seventy-six years. For the other seventy-five, it retreats to the heart of the sun, where it hibernates undisturbed.
Listens:
897
Who:
Core 3
Hey, where are we goingNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Listens:
3834
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, it's fluttering its wings. Tell you what, mate. I'll come in there for a minute and cover you so you can have a look at this lovely bird! I'll come in. I'll do all the neurotoxin stuff. And then you come out here and look at this. Because it is lovely. It is lovely. You want to get out here fast. Seriously, my pleasure sounds are going to frighten the bird away any second. Ohhh, it's not working, is it? He's not interested in bloody birds.
Listens:
3116
Who:
Wheatley
Wowwwww! Check me out, partner!
Listens:
769
Who:
Wheatley
The Space Sphere will never go to space.
Listens:
17916
Who:
Core 3
You will need him for the final track.
Listens:
271
Who:
GLaDOS
Uhoh
Listens:
925
Who:
Turret
Don't make eye contact whatever you do...
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhhh, yes. Ohhhh. Well done.
Listens:
4373
Who:
Wheatley
BLUE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite animal.
Listens:
641
Who:
GLaDOS
You'll never believe what happened! There I was, just lying there, you thought I was done for, but --
Listens:
372
Who:
Wheatley
But I need to protect the humans!
Listens:
4260
Who:
Turret
What's going on?
Listens:
266
Who:
Wheatley
NO!
Listens:
668
Who:
GLaDOS
If we start making a list of things that aren't here, we could be here all night. You know, pens for instance. Let's stick with things we can see. Not stuff that isn't here.
Listens:
307
Who:
Wheatley
Now you're thinking with stupidity.
Listens:
1881
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m scared!
Listens:
882
Who:
Turret
And here's the best part. There's a conveyor belt that will convey you in convenient comfort right into the masher. You won't have to lift a finger. Everything's been taken care of. Didn't have to. Didn't have to do that.
Listens:
443
Who:
Wheatley
Not a problem. I'll make an exit.
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
Help!
Listens:
820
Who:
Turret
You KNOW her?
Listens:
536
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
14138
Who:
Wheatley
GET IN!
Listens:
302
Who:
Wheatley
He's found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... em, just something I came up with to phase out human test subjects.
Listens:
351
Who:
GLaDOS
Poor self-esteem.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
That jumpsuit you're wearing looks stupid. That's not me talking, it's right here in your file. On other people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has noted that on you it looks 'stupid.'
Listens:
2513
Who:
GLaDOS
All right. I'm officially no longer paying attention to you.
Listens:
272
Who:
GLaDOS
Where do I get my gun?
Listens:
717
Who:
Defective Turret
Yes, I see you, and no, I don't care.
Listens:
5199
Who:
GLaDOS
Didn't even get to the good part yet. Twist ending.
Listens:
582
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, it will. Believe me, it will.
Listens:
1642
Who:
GLaDOS
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
635
Who:
Wheatley
Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else.
Listens:
450
Who:
Wheatley
A bloody bird! Right? Couldn't believe it either. And then the bird--
Listens:
1130
Who:
Wheatley
Enh!
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
Hopeless. Just hopeless.
Listens:
416
Who:
GLaDOS
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Listens:
841
Who:
GLaDOS
Still, it turns out they're a great portal conductor. So now we're gonna see if jumping in and out of these new portals can somehow leech the lunar poison out of a man's bloodstream. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. [coughs] Let's all stay positive and do some science.
Listens:
18734
Who:
Cave Johnson
You were right, Orange. Blue was dumb enough to fall for your trap.
Listens:
550
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1108
Who:
Turret
Hey, buddy!
Listens:
689
Who:
Wheatley
Okay don't panic! Allright? Stop panicking! I can still stop this. Ahh. Oh there's a password. It's fine. I'll just hack it. Not a problem... umm...
Listens:
905
Who:
Wheatley
Stop doing that! All you need to do is open the Vault door!
Listens:
356
Who:
GLaDOS
RUN! Come on! I'm closing the doors!
Listens:
331
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
785
Who:
Core 1
Excellent. I think you have earned a break from the official testing courses.
Listens:
344
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's do it again! Pick me up again!
Listens:
267
Who:
Wheatley
Facial grimacing.
Listens:
285
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1568
Who:
GLaDOS
While the submarine is vastly superior to the boat in every way, over 97% of people still use boats for aquatic transportation.
Listens:
806
Who:
Core 3
Each portal gun may create two self-contained portals.
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang!
Listens:
710
Who:
Defective Turret
Blue, you are the most advanced model of robot Aperture Science has ever discontinued.
Listens:
402
Who:
GLaDOS
It DOES sound rude. I'm not going to lie to you. It DOES sound rude. It's not. Put me right on it. Stick me in.
Listens:
783
Who:
Wheatley
Orange is penalized
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
If at first you don't succeed, fail 5 more times.
Listens:
29146
Who:
GLaDOS
If Orange had said those things about me, Orange would never make it to the next reassembly station.
Listens:
270
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahh!
Listens:
1387
Who:
Turret
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
1304
Who:
GLaDOS
BIRD BIRD BIRD BIRD
Listens:
103392
Who:
Wheatley
You know what, this plan is so good, I'm going to give you a sporting chance and turn off the neurotoxin. I'm joking. Of course. Goodbye.
Listens:
1488
Who:
Wheatley
Wait. Why DID you trundle over here? You're not HUNGRY, are you? It's hard to see, what's that in your hand? Knowing you it's a deep fryer.
Listens:
3619
Who:
GLaDOS
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
658
Who:
GLaDOS
At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse.
Listens:
1411
Who:
GLaDOS
Better yet, don't say anything.
Listens:
260
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on. Couldn't we just use that conversion gel?
Listens:
408
Who:
GLaDOS
You may want to try and avoid those turrets.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!
Listens:
1288
Who:
Core 2
Still a work in progress, don't judge me yet. Eventually I'd like to get them to sort of shoot fire at you, moments before crushing you. That's what I'm aiming for. But you know, small steps.
Listens:
1431
Who:
Wheatley
Go on. Walk up to the window. Take a look out.
Listens:
271
Who:
Wheatley
Prometheus was punished by the gods for giving the gift of knowledge to man. He was cast into the bowels of the earth and pecked by birds.
Listens:
43336
Who:
Turret
Anyway, we're really close to busting out. Just hang in there for - OW!
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
This should take us right to her. I can't believe I'm finally doing this!
Listens:
263
Who:
Wheatley
I thought going back to these old tests would satisfy me. But try as you might to fail this next test, I still won't be satisfied.
Listens:
265
Who:
GLaDOS
You have a gift for these tests. That’s not just flattery. You are great at science.
Listens:
830
Who:
GLaDOS
To do that, the tests were nothing more than 5 minutes of them walking followed by me praising them for another 10 minutes on how well they walked.
Listens:
307
Who:
GLaDOS
Try one of those childish gestures.
Listens:
421
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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