Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
If you need to go to the bathroom after this next series of tests, please let a test associate know, because in all likelihood, whatever comes out of you is going to be coal. Only temporary, so do not worry. If it persists for a week, though, start worrying and come see us, because that's not supposed to happen.
Listens:
2622
Who:
Cave Johnson
Now you're thinking with stupidity.
Listens:
1959
Who:
GLaDOS
Nooooo. No, I don't think it is. I think you're wrong.
Listens:
2158
Who:
Wheatley
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
7525
Who:
GLaDOS
Corruption at 50%
Listens:
1062
Who:
Core 3
You’ve made your point.
Listens:
830
Who:
Turret
Blue receives
Listens:
329
Who:
GLaDOS
Hostile to new ideas.
Listens:
344
Who:
GLaDOS
Please avoid alerting active turrets or being shot by active turrets.
Listens:
974
Who:
Announcer
Here it comes, pal!
Listens:
486
Who:
Defective Turret
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT BUTTON - oh, the door's open! Well done. Let's see what's inside.
Listens:
2851
Who:
Wheatley
We are?
Listens:
694
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go to space.
Listens:
1034
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go to space. Space.
Listens:
1000
Who:
Core 1
*cough* Press the button, would you?
Listens:
1168
Who:
Wheatley
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center.
Listens:
9361
Who:
GLaDOS
Just glass. Transparent. Smooth. Not going to hurt you. Have a look.
Listens:
352
Who:
Wheatley
That's it. Scan it for me.
Listens:
667
Who:
GLaDOS
One of my best tests and they let plants grow here? Can you believe this? You can't test plants! We tried. They just sit there, never showing pain nor fear.
Listens:
1644
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test involves discouragement redirection cubes. I'd just finished building them before you had your, well, episode. So now we'll both get to see how they work.
Listens:
539
Who:
GLaDOS
No, wait. Just kill it and we'll call things even between us. No hard feelings.
Listens:
794
Who:
GLaDOS
The turret factory should be this way I think.
Listens:
307
Who:
Wheatley
*cough* PRESS THE BUTTON.
Listens:
34802
Who:
Wheatley
Uhoh
Listens:
969
Who:
Turret
Don't listen to him. Jump.
Listens:
527
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
10581
Who:
Turret
Is anyone there?
Listens:
7747
Who:
Turret
Come on! We have to go!
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
Wowwwww! Check me out, partner!
Listens:
820
Who:
Wheatley
Histrionic.
Listens:
294
Who:
GLaDOS
Do NOT plug that little idiot into MY mainframe.
Listens:
1905
Who:
GLaDOS
You are making this harder than it needs to be.
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
Agggh...
Listens:
497
Who:
Defective Turret
DANCING is NOT SCIENCE!
Listens:
46766
Who:
GLaDOS
After you told me to turn the beam off, I thought I'd lost you. Went poking around for other test subjects. No luck there. Everyone's still all dead.
Listens:
445
Who:
Wheatley
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
715
Who:
Wheatley
Orange, that transpired just as you said it would.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
They're not even your screens to break. It's vandalism. It's pure vandalism. You wouldn't do this if this was your house, would you? If I came around to your house smashin' your telly to bits, you'd be furious. And rightly so. Unbelievable.
Listens:
968
Who:
Wheatley
If you want to upset a human, just say their weight variance is above or below the norm.
Listens:
837
Who:
GLaDOS
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
715
Who:
Wheatley
Um. You've got a yacht. And... Boys! Loads of fellas. Hunky guys down there. Possibly even a boyfriend! Who's to say at this stage. But, a lot of good looking fellas down there. And, ah, a boy band as well! That haven't seen a woman in years. And they're not picky at all. They don't care if you've got a bit of brain damage. If you've been running around sweating. And... A farm! A pony farm! And... Just jump down, would ya?
Listens:
192408
Who:
Wheatley
Your failing does not make this science.
Listens:
427
Who:
GLaDOS
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
1595
Who:
Announcer
Space. Space. Go to space.
Listens:
1079
Who:
Core 1
Whoa!
Listens:
345
Who:
Wheatley
Space.
Listens:
1001
Who:
Core 1
Don't forget! Thorn! Side!
Listens:
697
Who:
Core 2
Go on!
Listens:
294
Who:
Wheatley
Fact not found.
Listens:
759
Who:
Core 3
That did it! Neurotoxin at zero percent! Yes!
Listens:
370
Who:
Wheatley
'Hygiene.' Huh. That's all it says.
Listens:
450
Who:
GLaDOS
Aggh, see, now I hit that one, I hit that one...
Listens:
319
Who:
Wheatley
As long as I don't listen to what I'm saying, I should be okay.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
That isn't science.
Listens:
2620
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodbye
Listens:
8705
Who:
Turret
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
537
Who:
Wheatley
Oh.
Listens:
402
Who:
Wheatley
There you are
Listens:
2066
Who:
Turret
AH!
Listens:
706
Who:
Wheatley
No no no! Don't do that! Stand right there! [to self] Start the machine start the machine start the machine...
Listens:
797
Who:
Wheatley
Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you.
Listens:
600
Who:
GLaDOS
Here, let me put on some adventure music.
Listens:
977
Who:
Core 2
Ow.
Listens:
577
Who:
Wheatley
At some point in their lives 1 in 6 children will be abducted by the Dutch.
Listens:
5845
Who:
Core 3
You know who ended up, do you know who ended up taking her down in the end? You're not going to believe this. A human.
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
1411
Who:
Wheatley
If groups of hunter-gatherers appear to have made this - or any - test chamber their home, DO NOT AGITATE THEM. Test through them.
Listens:
456
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, give 'em hell, sweetheart!
Listens:
870
Who:
Defective Turret
Congratulations. You're upside down now.
Listens:
682
Who:
GLaDOS
Pop a portal on that wall behind me there, and I'll meet you on the other side of the room.
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
I know how we can BEAT him.
Listens:
389
Who:
GLaDOS
Blabbermouth.
Listens:
464
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute core, are you ready to start the procedure?
Listens:
1334
Who:
Announcer
We could get one of the crap turrets. We could put it in the scanner and see what happens.
Listens:
348
Who:
Wheatley
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
1261
Who:
Wheatley
For your test.
Listens:
308
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, great! Here comes another core!
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Wow! Good! I did not think that was going to work.
Listens:
908
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, I can see it! The feeder tube's just in the next room!
Listens:
289
Who:
Wheatley
Hello there!
Listens:
1723
Who:
Defective Turret
Are you okay? Are you - Don't answer that. I'm absolutely sure you're fine. There's plenty of time for you to recover. Just take it slow.
Listens:
533
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, how ya doin'.
Listens:
828
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey, thanks so much!
Listens:
754
Who:
Defective Turret
Only three more chambers until your big surprise! [maniacal laughter] Ohhh, that's tiring.
Listens:
2168
Who:
Wheatley
This is AMAZING! We can walk wherever we want! Look, just... go left! No, go right, go right! Don't even care, don't even care, just go where ever you want, couldn't care less.
Listens:
457
Who:
Wheatley
Get going. I'll fill you in along the way.
Listens:
678
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
6076
Who:
GLaDOS
We're not gonna release this stuff into the wild until it's good and damn ready, so as long as you keep yourself in top physical form, there'll always be a limo waiting for you.
Listens:
1021
Who:
Cave Johnson
You just keep testing and testing. With perfect results and no consequences.
Listens:
623
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you alive down there?
Listens:
475
Who:
Wheatley
I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault.
Listens:
712
Who:
GLaDOS
Do not press that button!
Listens:
893
Who:
Wheatley
Though it does give me an idea: WHAT if we stand here and let the gentle hum of the laser transport us to a state of absolute relaxation. Might help us think of a way to open the door.
Listens:
358
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations, you managed to complete this absolutely meaningless test.
Listens:
428
Who:
GLaDOS
I can’t keep quiet about this. I think Orange is actively trying to sabotage your success. Let’s keep this between us.
Listens:
397
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes it is! We can use it to get out of here!
Listens:
315
Who:
GLaDOS
You could stand to lose a few pounds.
Listens:
823
Who:
Core 3
If you want to just call it quits, we could just sit here. Forever. That's an option. Option A: Sit here. Do nothing. Option B: Go through there, and if she's alive, she'll almost certainly kill us.
Listens:
551
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
6985
Who:
Wheatley
Interpreting vague answer as YES.
Listens:
26194
Who:
Announcer
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!