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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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Would you mind putting your back towards me? So I can see only your back. And not your face.
Listens:
313
Who:
Wheatley
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
1612
Who:
Announcer
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
906
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I've just gotta concentrate!
Listens:
335
Who:
Wheatley
Well, enough about that first person's file. Let's look at some others.
Listens:
409
Who:
GLaDOS
Fire detected in the Stalemate Resolution Annex. Extinguishing.
Listens:
2564
Who:
Announcer
Now, you already met one another on the limo ride over, so let me introduce myself.
Listens:
1104
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ohhhhh, have you got an idea?
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
Did you know that people with guilty consciences are more easily startled by loud noises--[train horn]--
Listens:
36401
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, quick recap: We are escaping! That's what's happening now: we're escaping. So you're doing great. Just keep running!
Listens:
338
Who:
Wheatley
And we're only seeing the top layer. It goes down for miles.
Listens:
335
Who:
Wheatley
Also, I took the liberty of watching the tapes of you killing her, and I'm not going to make the same mistakes. Four part plan is this:
Listens:
704
Who:
Wheatley
Don't take anything with you.
Listens:
417
Who:
GLaDOS
AGH! You look TERRIB--you look good. Looking good, actually. If I'm honest.
Listens:
825
Who:
Wheatley
Give up? Also the floor. Was the answer that time. Same as before. Still on the floor.
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
The locking mechanism can tell you aren't humans.
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
Luckily, by the looks of things he knows as much about test building as he does about logical contradictions.
Listens:
341
Who:
GLaDOS
You did WHAT?
Listens:
3233
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
Listens:
615
Who:
Defective Turret
Can you see the portal gun?
Listens:
537
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, you 'solved' it, but I'm wondering if there are a number of ways to solve them and you're picking all the worst ways.
Listens:
492
Who:
Wheatley
Awful attendance record.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
The most poisonous fish in the world is the orange ruffy. Everything but its eyes are made of a deadly poison. The ruffy's eyes are composed of a less harmful, deadly poison.
Listens:
2432
Who:
Core 3
Go ahead, plug me in.
Listens:
365
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
518
Who:
Defective Turret
Noted.
Listens:
755
Who:
Turret
A... A... A... A... A... A.
Listens:
569
Who:
Wheatley
The average adult body contains half a pound of salt.
Listens:
610
Who:
Core 3
How's that taste, pal?
Listens:
472
Who:
Core 2
Don't worry I'm absolutely guaranteeing you 100 percent that it's this way... Oh it's not this way.
Listens:
722
Who:
Wheatley
You are the first robots to pass calibration.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Owwww!
Listens:
1004
Who:
Turret
Go on. Just... March on through that hole.
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
You're not going to believe this. I found a sealed off wing. Hundreds - HUNDREDS! - of perfectly good test chambers. Just sitting there. Filled with skeletons. Shook them out. Good as new!
Listens:
1415
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhh, space.
Listens:
1086
Who:
Core 1
SURPRISE! We're doing it NOW!
Listens:
6037
Who:
Wheatley
Hopeless. Just hopeless.
Listens:
516
Who:
GLaDOS
If you can't complete this course, those humans will die. Do you want that in your memory banks?
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
ORANGE, please observe your partner's favorite animal.
Listens:
523
Who:
GLaDOS
Annnnd off we go!
Listens:
369
Who:
Wheatley
If we start making a list of things that aren't here, we could be here all night. You know, pens for instance. Let's stick with things we can see. Not stuff that isn't here.
Listens:
359
Who:
Wheatley
Sir, the testing?
Listens:
2491
Who:
Caroline
Ohhh, no. The turbines again. I have to go. Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version.
Listens:
1089
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. You're the tumor.
Listens:
957
Who:
GLaDOS
Always cold.
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
You have a gift for these tests. That’s not just flattery. You are great at science.
Listens:
882
Who:
GLaDOS
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
9285
Who:
GLaDOS
Vent system compromised: Neurotoxin offline.
Listens:
4112
Who:
Announcer
Have you got any ideas?
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
I'm going to space.
Listens:
1005
Who:
Core 1
Blah.
Listens:
1427
Who:
GLaDOS
Good Job.
Listens:
700
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay still, please.
Listens:
636
Who:
Wheatley
Prometheus was punished by the gods for giving the gift of knowledge to man. He was cast into the bowels of the earth and pecked by birds.
Listens:
45038
Who:
Turret
Fifty thousand years is a lot of time to think. About me. About you. We were doing so well together.
Listens:
799
Who:
GLaDOS
GET YOUR HANDES OFF ME! NO! STOP! No!
Listens:
4781
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh. Another door malfunction. I'm going to take care of this once and for all. Stay here, I'll be back in a while.
Listens:
548
Who:
GLaDOS
Come back!
Listens:
478
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry. That just slipped out. A bit insensitive. Umm... The smelly humans...
Listens:
569
Who:
Wheatley
Ahungh. What was that? That was nothing! That was nothing!
Listens:
659
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing?
Listens:
1083
Who:
Turret
I'm trouble.
Listens:
383
Who:
Defective Turret
Now I spy something that starts with an 'a'.
Listens:
363
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, this way
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
Um, hello?
Listens:
1422
Who:
Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
574
Who:
Defective Turret
This body is amazing, seriously!
Listens:
350
Who:
Wheatley
That is a potato battery. It's a toy for children. And now she lives in it.
Listens:
3785
Who:
Wheatley
Please return to the core transfer bay.
Listens:
1456
Who:
Announcer
It's eating me.
Listens:
560
Who:
GLaDOS
Wow.
Listens:
767
Who:
GLaDOS
Watch and learn, everybody. Watch and learn.
Listens:
459
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh those clerks.
Listens:
418
Who:
GLaDOS
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
1319
Who:
Core 3
Yeah!
Listens:
811
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange did what? Are you sure?
Listens:
1111
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah for Pete's sake!
Listens:
987
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, and don't bother trying to portal out of here, because it's impossible, okay? I thought of everything.
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1448
Who:
Defective Turret
Are you scared to save those humans?
Listens:
311
Who:
GLaDOS
Also: Look at her, you moron. She's not fat.
Listens:
3674
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough* Button. Button.
Listens:
1410
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
1267
Who:
Wheatley
How are you? How you feeling? Wait. Don't answer that. Too much deep relaxation, what it does is it relaxes the gums. And the vibrations from talking -- on a rare occasion -- can make all of your teeth fall out of your head.
Listens:
616
Who:
Wheatley
Are you doing that just to aggravate me?
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
2045
Who:
GLaDOS
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-action and adventure-dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-playing by our own rules-nanana-hanging by our fingers from a mountain-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun...
Listens:
114251
Who:
Core 2
But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Listens:
2304
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Oh! Did it kill you? Oh, that would be amazing if it killed you.
Listens:
734
Who:
Wheatley
Passive-aggressive.
Listens:
470
Who:
GLaDOS
[sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned.
Listens:
1409
Who:
Wheatley
Press the button!
Listens:
1408
Who:
GLaDOS
He's found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... em, just something I came up with to phase out human test subjects.
Listens:
387
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't understand!
Listens:
5739
Who:
Turret
Pants were invented by sailors in the sixteenth century to avoid Poseidon's wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea god.
Listens:
2242
Who:
Core 3
All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Listens:
776
Who:
Core 2
The Adventure Sphere is a blowhard and a coward.
Listens:
1132
Who:
Core 3
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which erases most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
Where do I get my gun?
Listens:
774
Who:
Defective Turret
Well, I tried.
Listens:
869
Who:
Defective Turret
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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