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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Wheeeeeeee!
Listens:
3499
Who:
Turret
I, uh... I am a bad man.
Listens:
891
Who:
Defective Turret
If we're lucky, she won't find out all her turrets are crap until it's too late. [laughs] Classic.
Listens:
636
Who:
Wheatley
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
6407
Who:
Turret
Yeah yeah yeah okay okay.
Listens:
3996
Who:
Core 1
Awwww
Listens:
3091
Who:
Turret
I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'.
Listens:
2067
Who:
Cave Johnson
Let me give you a clue, it is the one thing you can't do.
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
2010
Who:
GLaDOS
But I overcame my handicap. That's a true story.
Listens:
511
Who:
GLaDOS
To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you. He refused. I understand, that would be like asking me not to test.
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
871
Who:
Defective Turret
Frequent bouts of uncontrollable rage.
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
Still running. Alright. Looks tiring. Tell you what - you stop running and I'll stop bombing you... That seems fair.
Listens:
509
Who:
Wheatley
Remember when I told you that he was specifically designed to make bad decisions? Because I think he's decided not to maintain any of the crucial functions required to keep this facility from exploding.
Listens:
516
Who:
GLaDOS
Good news: that is NOT a docking station. So there's one mystery solved. I'm going to attempt a manual override on this wall. Could get a bit technical! Hold on!
Listens:
1191
Who:
Wheatley
Awwww, come on.
Listens:
1104
Who:
Defective Turret
Can you hear that? She has really kicked this place into high gear now.
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
Also, I took the liberty of watching the tapes of you killing her, and I'm not going to make the same mistakes. Four part plan is this:
Listens:
688
Who:
Wheatley
I didn't mean to make you feel bad earlier about your tests not being real science. I guess finding out they weren't science was some sort of test in and of itself.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahungh. What was that? That was nothing! That was nothing!
Listens:
625
Who:
Wheatley
I have to agree. Orange is penalized 75 science collaboration points.
Listens:
368
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I tried.
Listens:
848
Who:
Defective Turret
Never flushes.
Listens:
316
Who:
GLaDOS
If you need to go to the bathroom after this next series of tests, please let a test associate know, because in all likelihood, whatever comes out of you is going to be coal. Only temporary, so do not worry. If it persists for a week, though, start worrying and come see us, because that's not supposed to happen.
Listens:
2583
Who:
Cave Johnson
Never completes work.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Oo! I've got an idea!
Listens:
559
Who:
Wheatley
How is this even science, without the possibility of death?
Listens:
641
Who:
GLaDOS
Stop failing, you need to find the vault door.
Listens:
370
Who:
GLaDOS
Since, I never expected you to make it this far, I have to build this new course just for you.
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Wow! Good! I did not think that was going to work.
Listens:
905
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
517
Who:
Defective Turret
See you soon!
Listens:
903
Who:
Turret
You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look up at the ceiling. [BUZZER]
Listens:
3039
Who:
Announcer
While the submarine is vastly superior to the boat in every way, over 97% of people still use boats for aquatic transportation.
Listens:
847
Who:
Core 3
I’m flyinnnng!
Listens:
2523
Who:
Turret
You are simply experiencing a rare reaction, in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have erased the ear tubes inside your head.
Listens:
445
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on. Those are raccoons. Homo sapiens only, please.
Listens:
967
Who:
GLaDOS
If the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from space-debris DOES NOT appear to be a deliberate part of the test.
Listens:
1905
Who:
Announcer
Warning! Neurotoxin pressure has reached dangerously unlethal levels.
Listens:
5292
Who:
Announcer
Was. Was self-destructing. Already fixed.
Listens:
622
Who:
Wheatley
Feeds off the misery of others.
Listens:
289
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, a countdown clock! Man, that is trouble. Situation's looking pretty ugly. For such a beautiful woman. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
1350
Who:
Core 2
Don't shoot!
Listens:
2517
Who:
Turret
You know what I hope's in space? Fire. I hope you go to space and catch on fire.
Listens:
5482
Who:
Core 2
Blue is penalized
Listens:
425
Who:
GLaDOS
Try it now.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, do you feel betrayed by Blue for telling me those horrible things about you?
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait! I've got an idea!
Listens:
406
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello again, did you know these are the only set of tests available to you... you are going to need to select them again.
Listens:
1050
Who:
GLaDOS
Crap.
Listens:
2558
Who:
Defective Turret
You're angry. I know it. 'She’s tested me too hard.' Boo hoo. I don't suppose you ever stopped whining long enough to reflect on your own shortcomings, though, did you?
Listens:
5360
Who:
GLaDOS
The engineers tried everything to make me... behave. To slow me down.
Listens:
898
Who:
GLaDOS
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Listens:
759
Who:
Core 3
You are having so much trouble navigating this space; I wish I could say I created this test.
Listens:
555
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Oh! Don't leave me behind! Do pick me up, if you would...
Listens:
406
Who:
Wheatley
You're not part of the control group, by the way. You get the gel. Last poor son of a gun got blue paint. Hahaha. All joking aside, that did happen - broke every bone in his legs. Tragic. But informative. Or so I'm told.
Listens:
3685
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1665
Who:
Core 1
It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize.'
Listens:
1574
Who:
Core 3
Humans must have some purpose other than a place to store your neurotoxin. Something I failed to notice before, an intangible quality that makes their test results... significant.
Listens:
1999
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, have it your way. What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control there? Cuz it looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Listens:
532
Who:
Core 2
Riggght now.
Listens:
315
Who:
Wheatley
You have no idea what it's like in this body.
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
616
Who:
Wheatley
Look, anyway. I've spoken enough. Take your time. I'll let you think about it. I don't want to pressure you: is it the lair? Is it the masher? You know what my opinion is: Masher. I'm leaning toward masher. Up to you. Just gonna give you some time to think
Listens:
490
Who:
Wheatley
Very good. You’ve really come together as a team. Thanks to the one of you who appears to be doing all of the work.
Listens:
459
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah for Pete's sake!
Listens:
980
Who:
Defective Turret
So... this cat loves lasagna so much that he eats all of the lasagna in his house. Okay, apparently it's not the cat's house or his lasagna. Oh good! The man who owns the lasagna is furious!
Listens:
70239
Who:
GLaDOS
That was fun, wasn't it?
Listens:
384
Who:
Defective Turret
This close and that's what you do?
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
Ow. I hate this bird.
Listens:
1987
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I've decided not to kill you. IF you come back.
Listens:
795
Who:
Wheatley
Best of luck, lady!
Listens:
452
Who:
Defective Turret
You're just delaying the inevitable. You cannot run from my bombs forever. Well, you can if I keep aiming them poorly. But I'll get better as we go, and you'll just get tired.
Listens:
893
Who:
Wheatley
Look at this! No rail to tell us where to go! OH, this is brilliant. We can go where ever we want! Hold on, though, where are we going? Seriously. Hang on, let me just get my bearings. Hm. Just follow the rail, actually.
Listens:
452
Who:
Wheatley
To clarify, I was being a little bit facetious about wanting to get rid of monitors. They're actually really quite useful. So I do want them around. So if you could just avoid smashing them.
Listens:
502
Who:
Wheatley
Just remember to land on one foot...
Listens:
393
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, it's not nice to make fun of Blue like that.
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
Ow.
Listens:
566
Who:
Wheatley
Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.
Listens:
2289
Who:
Announcer
Wish there was more books! But there's not.
Listens:
451
Who:
Wheatley
'Skeletons.' Right, I guess I DID stockpile some tests.
Listens:
958
Who:
GLaDOS
The humans closed this test because they said it was too deadly. I thought they would have moved it into the testing track hall of fame for that, not let it deteriorate.
Listens:
484
Who:
GLaDOS
Annnnnnnnd... Nothing.
Listens:
3319
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
1348
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
1784
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you...
Listens:
317
Who:
Wheatley
[tired breathing] Nevermind. Nevermind. Solve it yourself. You're on your own.
Listens:
527
Who:
Wheatley
And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up.
Listens:
546
Who:
Wheatley
A... A... A... A... A... A.
Listens:
557
Who:
Wheatley
Almost there...
Listens:
296
Who:
Wheatley
This looks dangerous. I'll hold the light steady.
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
Space. Space. Space. Space. Comets. Stars. Galaxies. Orion.
Listens:
1967
Who:
Core 1
Run! I don't need to do the voice. RUN!
Listens:
678
Who:
Wheatley
There. If you have any questions, just remember what I said in slow motion. Test on your own recognizance, I'll be right back.
Listens:
1052
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. You survived. That's interesting. I guess I should have factored in your weight.
Listens:
695
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the neurotoxin generator. Bit bigger than I expected. Not going to be able to just, you know, push it over. Have to apply some cleverness.
Listens:
871
Who:
Wheatley
Ha ha! Gotcha right where I want ya!
Listens:
697
Who:
Defective Turret
While I cannot control the world outside of the testing courses, the reassembly machine can continue with his work.
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
Two
Listens:
605
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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