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Oh, come ON!
Listens:
755
Who:
Defective Turret
Well, on with the test.
Listens:
259
Who:
Wheatley
How was that?
Listens:
327
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah!
Listens:
5120
Who:
GLaDOS
'Hygiene.' Huh. That's all it says.
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
It wasn't anything personal. Just... you know. You DID kill me. Fair's fair.
Listens:
420
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, can you write down all the ways you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior?
Listens:
251
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
1245
Who:
Announcer
Stop touching each other!
Listens:
570
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay don't panic! Allright? Stop panicking! I can still stop this. Ahh. Oh there's a password. It's fine. I'll just hack it. Not a problem... umm...
Listens:
850
Who:
Wheatley
I want to be plugged in, please!
Listens:
242
Who:
Wheatley
Are you broken? It looks like you're malfunctioning.
Listens:
589
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, I'll stop the elevator. Anything? Take your time...
Listens:
365
Who:
GLaDOS
Nothing. Nothing.
Listens:
281
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
Listens:
2095
Who:
Cave Johnson
The humans can't free themselves.
Listens:
243
Who:
GLaDOS
I honestly never thought we would need to track how many times died in the hub.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
Clearly that was blue's fault. Blue is penalized 3 science collaboration points.
Listens:
268
Who:
GLaDOS
I am a coiled spring right now. Tension and power. Just... I'm a muscle. Like a big arm muscle, punching through a brick wall, and it's hitting the wall so hard the arm is catching on fire. Oh yeah.
Listens:
3613
Who:
Core 2
So. If you've got any reservations whatsoever about this plan, now would be the time to voice them.
Listens:
236
Who:
Wheatley
Click click click! Still defective!
Listens:
2110
Who:
Defective Turret
Well. Have fun soaring through the air without a care in the world.
Listens:
560
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
692
Who:
Defective Turret
Uh oh.
Listens:
370
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on! I thought I fixed that.
Listens:
565
Who:
Wheatley
I need backup!
Listens:
632
Who:
Turret
I'll give you a hint. Button. That's all I'm gonna say. One word. Button.
Listens:
383
Who:
Wheatley
The other? Well...
Listens:
262
Who:
GLaDOS
Insecure.
Listens:
265
Who:
GLaDOS
Just go.
Listens:
3357
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't move, though. That's the problem now.
Listens:
829
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, I can see it! The feeder tube's just in the next room!
Listens:
243
Who:
Wheatley
For this next test, the humans originally requested helmets to avoid brain injuries. I ran the numbers. Making the goo deadly was more cost effective.
Listens:
488
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on! Over here! This way!
Listens:
240
Who:
Wheatley
AH!
Listens:
511
Who:
Wheatley
Going to space.
Listens:
924
Who:
Core 1
Ummmm. Yeah, I can't do it if you're watching.
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
This is.... yeah. Ummm. Hm. Okay. Don't want to alarm you, but if you've got a plan, of any kind, now would be a great time for us to switch to your plan.
Listens:
492
Who:
Wheatley
Exactly how painful are we tAGHHHHHH!
Listens:
1034
Who:
Wheatley
Great work! Because this message is prerecorded, any observations related to your performance are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
2779
Who:
Announcer
Back again? Maybe you can just stay and live here in the hub?
Listens:
250
Who:
GLaDOS
eight
Listens:
491
Who:
GLaDOS
We haven't entirely nailed down what element it is yet, but I'll tell you this: it's a lively one, and it does NOT like the human skeleton.
Listens:
2285
Who:
Cave Johnson
Takes long lunches.
Listens:
282
Who:
GLaDOS
You have a gift for these tests. That’s not just flattery. You are great at science.
Listens:
776
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
1266
Who:
Defective Turret
Ohhhh, here we go... here it comes...
Listens:
349
Who:
Wheatley
I, uh... I am a bad man.
Listens:
774
Who:
Defective Turret
And another thing! You never caught me. I told you I could die falling off that rail. And you didn't catch me. You didn't even try. Oh, it's all becoming clear to me now. Find some dupe to break you out of cryosleep. Give him a sob story about escaping to the surface. Squeeze him for information on where to find a portal gun.
Listens:
3983
Who:
Wheatley
Good news is, the lab boys say the symptoms of asbestos poisoning show a median latency of forty-four point six years, so if you're thirty or older, you're laughing. Worst case scenario, you miss out on a few rounds of canasta, plus you forwarded the cause of science by three centuries. I punch those numbers into my calculator, it makes a happy face.
Listens:
20083
Who:
Cave Johnson
Best of luck, lady!
Listens:
399
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't forget! Thorn! Side!
Listens:
570
Who:
Core 2
Don't like space. Don't like space.
Listens:
3691
Who:
Core 1
Space.
Listens:
931
Who:
Core 1
Good.
Listens:
503
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you understand what I'm saying? At all? Does any of this make any sense? Just tell me, 'Yes'.
Listens:
312
Who:
Wheatley
Moody.
Listens:
260
Who:
GLaDOS
No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!
Listens:
502
Who:
Wheatley
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
Listens:
793
Who:
GLaDOS
Space space space. Going. Going there. Okay. I love you, space.
Listens:
1335
Who:
Core 1
Plus, I put a lot of effort in getting this lair ready for you. It'd certainly teach me a lesson if you simply died, painlessly, twenty feet from the door. I'd be furious. I'd be like RRRRR. I got my just desserts. No more than I deserve. Why not teach me a lesson by jumping in the old masher?
Listens:
746
Who:
Wheatley
Firing
Listens:
630
Who:
Turret
You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look up at the ceiling. [BUZZER]
Listens:
2615
Who:
Announcer
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Man, that sounded a whole lot better in my head.
Listens:
855
Who:
Core 2
Target acquired.
Listens:
8728
Who:
Turret
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
6441
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
479
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey lady.
Listens:
1396
Who:
Core 1
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space.
Listens:
2082
Who:
Core 2
If you are a non-employee who has discovered this facility amid the ruins of civilization, welcome! And remember: Testing is the future, and the future starts with you.
Listens:
3097
Who:
Announcer
I did everything you asked!
Listens:
3046
Who:
Turret
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
1114
Who:
Announcer
Or maybe he still is, in which case, wow, that's kind of sad.
Listens:
1478
Who:
GLaDOS
Your eagerness to test pleases me. Your inane gesturing does not.
Listens:
236
Who:
GLaDOS
You're not part of the control group, by the way. You get the gel. Last poor son of a gun got blue paint. Hahaha. All joking aside, that did happen - broke every bone in his legs. Tragic. But informative. Or so I'm told.
Listens:
3381
Who:
Cave Johnson
Maybe I shouldn't send you outside of the official testing courses, you are picking up some bad human traits.
Listens:
361
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! But I did find something. Reminds me: I've got a big surprise for you two. Seriously. Look forward to it.
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
Moody.
Listens:
245
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
2697
Who:
Turret
For instance, Blue, you just lost two opportunity advisement points.
Listens:
238
Who:
GLaDOS
Oo. Oo. Oo. Lady. Oo. Lady. Oo. Let's go to space.
Listens:
17282
Who:
Core 1
Do you need real encouragement? Let's see if this helps.
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
Most of them are simply good test subjects.
Listens:
250
Who:
GLaDOS
An extra special bonus course that ends with us finding and freeing humans!
Listens:
267
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't believe you came back.
Listens:
445
Who:
GLaDOS
[out of breath] Okay. That's probably the bird, isn't it? That laid the eggs! Livid!
Listens:
932
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Wow! Good! I did not think that was going to work.
Listens:
834
Who:
Wheatley
Undelete, undelete! Where's the undelete button?
Listens:
2374
Who:
Wheatley
Okay! No, don't worry! Don't worry! I've got it I've got it I've got it! THIS should slow it down!
Listens:
292
Who:
Wheatley
So much space. Need to see it all.
Listens:
1822
Who:
Core 1
Go press the button! Go press it!
Listens:
876
Who:
GLaDOS
Duck and weave, duck and weave! Ohh, the sweet science.
Listens:
450
Who:
Core 2
There we go. Lift called.
Listens:
247
Who:
Wheatley
Are you okay? Are you - Don't answer that. I'm absolutely sure you're fine. There's plenty of time for you to recover. Just take it slow.
Listens:
438
Who:
Wheatley
Orange, Blue and I were just discussing your behavior on the last few tests.
Listens:
236
Who:
GLaDOS
[fast gibberish]
Listens:
5194
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
934
Who:
GLaDOS
This course was created and then abandoned by humans. They tend to do that, create something wonderful and then abandon it.
Listens:
891
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, let's get started. This first test involves something the lab boys call 'repulsion gel.'
Listens:
1052
Who:
Cave Johnson
00:00 / 00:00
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