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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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I miss this that smell.
Listens:
400
Who:
GLaDOS
Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?
Listens:
546
Who:
Wheatley
Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
Listens:
1386
Who:
GLaDOS
How can you fail at this? It isn't even a test.
Listens:
1609
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
7295
Who:
Cave Johnson
Please put me down
Listens:
1348
Who:
Turret
Say, you're good at murder. Could you - ow - murder this bird for me?
Listens:
4326
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what makes me laugh? The thought of you cutting that out.
Listens:
423
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange now has a Portal Device. Finally.
Listens:
417
Who:
GLaDOS
Once testing starts, I'm required by protocol to keep interaction with you to a minimum. Luckily, we haven't started testing yet. This will be our only chance to talk.
Listens:
468
Who:
GLaDOS
Nonononononono!
Listens:
6862
Who:
Defective Turret
Now, you are just wasting my time.
Listens:
358
Who:
GLaDOS
To start preparing for human testing again, I checked an old suggestion box. The number one request? Less deadly tests.
Listens:
406
Who:
GLaDOS
I think he's getting desperate.
Listens:
288
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
439
Who:
Defective Turret
Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Listens:
697
Who:
Wheatley
Take me with you? Please?
Listens:
861
Who:
Defective Turret
If you had any belongings, please pick them up now. We don't want old newspapers and sticks cluttering up the building.
Listens:
982
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ah, I see. Clever. Verrrrrrry clever.
Listens:
2900
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Nice!
Listens:
565
Who:
Core 2
Blah.
Listens:
1351
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
10444
Who:
Turret
Gotcha!
Listens:
2236
Who:
Turret
On the floor. Needing your help. The whole time. All the time. Needing your help.
Listens:
280
Who:
Wheatley
To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you if you fail. He refused. I understand. That would be like asking me not to test.
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
7714
Who:
GLaDOS
GAAAA!
Listens:
1420
Who:
Wheatley
Don't press it! COME BACK!
Listens:
886
Who:
Wheatley
Hello.
Listens:
932
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, I wouldn't have trusted Orange in that course either.
Listens:
275
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
704
Who:
GLaDOS
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
682
Who:
GLaDOS
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
2001
Who:
Cave Johnson
*cough* PRESS THE BUTTON.
Listens:
33756
Who:
Wheatley
And they said no one would ever die during this test, thanks for proving them wrong.
Listens:
444
Who:
GLaDOS
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
654
Who:
GLaDOS
three
Listens:
645
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I'll take that as a no, then. Fine. Well. May the best man win. Sphere. May the best sphere win. Swap that in. Much more clever. Books.
Listens:
815
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway, look, we're really close to busting out, just hang in there for five more chambers.
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
Remember before when I was talking about smelly garbage standing around being useless? That was a metaphor. I was actually talking about you. And I'm sorry. You didn't react at the time, so I was worried it sailed right over your head. Which would have made this apology seem insane. That's why I had to call you garbage a second time just now.
Listens:
4063
Who:
GLaDOS
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
523
Who:
Wheatley
Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need.
Listens:
844
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. This is the part where he kills us.
Listens:
1610
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
636
Who:
Core 1
Be careful!
Listens:
288
Who:
Wheatley
Undermines others.
Listens:
348
Who:
GLaDOS
There you are
Listens:
2443
Who:
Turret
Ohp! Where are you going? Nowhere. Not going anywhere. Got you trapped like a little jumpsuited rat.
Listens:
662
Who:
Wheatley
Um.
Listens:
476
Who:
Defective Turret
[out of breath] Okay. That's probably the bird, isn't it? That laid the eggs! Livid!
Listens:
997
Who:
Wheatley
Loves sound of own voice. Well, I can fix that.
Listens:
1032
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh. I see. [chuckle]
Listens:
652
Who:
Wheatley
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1222
Who:
GLaDOS
Now she'll argue. She'll say she can't. She's modest like that. But you make her.
Listens:
1790
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
583
Who:
Defective Turret
Howdy, stranger! We're back!
Listens:
870
Who:
Defective Turret
Dispensing product
Listens:
1593
Who:
Turret
He's taking us right TO him! This is PERFECT.
Listens:
341
Who:
GLaDOS
We are currently experiencing technical difficulties due to circumstances of potentially apocalyptic significance beyond our control.
Listens:
4042
Who:
Announcer
Federal Superfund regulations require us to inform you that you must now leave the theater, as measuring the effects of asbestos-lined promotional clothing is not part of today's presentation. Enjoy your free t-shirt. Goodbye.
Listens:
4825
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the last test for the standard course. It's just something I whipped up for you. I thought you might enjoy a challenge for once.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
Uh oh.
Listens:
422
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, that's long enough. Are you dead yet? How about now?
Listens:
606
Who:
Wheatley
As the name implies, there are only two minor differences: One, the board; two, the rules.
Listens:
427
Who:
GLaDOS
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
6499
Who:
Core 1
Just, ah... pick me up. Take me with you.
Listens:
295
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, off you go!
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, how well do you really know Orange? Do you trust Orange? What if I told you, you aren't Orange's first cooperative partner?
Listens:
447
Who:
GLaDOS
Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin.
Listens:
1432
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, go on, just pull that turret out.
Listens:
284
Who:
Wheatley
Your vitals remain well within testing norms, so there is no need to worry about sudden death from collaborative shock syndrome.
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
Hi there!
Listens:
2095
Who:
Defective Turret
It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize.'
Listens:
1560
Who:
Core 3
Dang.
Listens:
540
Who:
Defective Turret
Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Listens:
587
Who:
Core 3
Go on. Just... March on through that hole.
Listens:
277
Who:
Wheatley
Ah. That just cleans right off, does it? Well, that would have been good to know. A little earlier.
Listens:
496
Who:
Wheatley
The first person to prove that cow's milk is drinkable was very, very thirsty.
Listens:
4391
Who:
Core 3
So, once again, just... move along. One small step and everything.
Listens:
297
Who:
Wheatley
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit.
Listens:
542
Who:
Core 3
I feel awful about that surprise. Tell you what, let's give your parents a call right now. [phone ringing] The birth parents you are trying to reach do not love you. Please hang up. [Dial tone]
Listens:
28308
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, fine. I'm not saying another word until you do it properly. I'm sick of this.
Listens:
555
Who:
Wheatley
NOT a team player.
Listens:
501
Who:
GLaDOS
Owwwww!
Listens:
1392
Who:
Turret
Long bathroom breaks.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
597
Who:
Wheatley
I swear I know him...
Listens:
378
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's another core! This one should do it!
Listens:
278
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Get in.
Listens:
284
Who:
Wheatley
You will know it when you find it.
Listens:
272
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what? Go ahead and jump. You've got braces on your legs. No braces on your arms, though. Gonna have to rely on the old human strength to keep a grip on the device and, by extension, me. So do. Do make sure to maintain a grip.
Listens:
433
Who:
Wheatley
And here I thought this room was dangerously unlethal.
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, deleting Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson. The best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one. And I'll be honest.
Listens:
1559
Who:
GLaDOS
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
711
Who:
GLaDOS
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
1350
Who:
GLaDOS
In just a moment, the word 'blah' will be repeated over and over again. If at some point you hear a number rather than the word 'blah', ignore it, it is not important.
Listens:
1836
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
1225
Who:
Turret
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Listens:
1293
Who:
Core 3
So, let's call that three minutes, and then a minute break, which should leave a leisurely two minutes to figure out how to shut down whatever's starting all these fires. So anyway, that's the itinerary.
Listens:
794
Who:
Wheatley
You've got one hour! Solve it!
Listens:
553
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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