Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
We're back!
Listens:
1934
Who:
Defective Turret
Histrionic.
Listens:
249
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on...
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
It DOES sound rude. I'm not going to lie to you. It DOES sound rude. It's not. Put me right on it. Stick me in.
Listens:
756
Who:
Wheatley
Owwwww!
Listens:
1304
Who:
Turret
Ah! Brilliant. You made it through, well done.
Listens:
341
Who:
Wheatley
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
6730
Who:
GLaDOS
Aw... hates Mondays.
Listens:
1490
Who:
GLaDOS
In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
Listens:
807
Who:
Core 3
It's not, though.
Listens:
580
Who:
GLaDOS
Turret redemption lines active.
Listens:
1449
Who:
Announcer
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Man, that sounded a whole lot better in my head.
Listens:
860
Who:
Core 2
During the Great Depression, the Tennessee Valley Authority outlawed pet rabbits, forcing many to hot glue-gun long ears onto their pet mice.
Listens:
1420
Who:
Core 3
He's taking us right TO him! This is PERFECT.
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfectionist. What's wrong with that?
Listens:
374
Who:
GLaDOS
Quick question: Have you been working out? Because there's no evidence of it. I'm not a plastic cup. We will be landing with some force. So a bit of grip. Just using grip. Classic grip.
Listens:
271
Who:
Wheatley
I just hate Blue a little more.
Listens:
360
Who:
GLaDOS
I guess quitting that course together is a sign of teamwork.
Listens:
244
Who:
GLaDOS
You only failed
Listens:
554
Who:
GLaDOS
You just solved it, didn't you? I-told you to tell me before you... NNNNGH! Why are making this so HARD for me?
Listens:
499
Who:
Wheatley
To celebrate, I have a surprise for you!
Listens:
567
Who:
GLaDOS
You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well, now we're all going to pay the price. BECAUSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BLOODY DIE.
Listens:
2138
Who:
Wheatley
Don't forget!
Listens:
902
Who:
Turret
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
941
Who:
Core 1
One
Listens:
697
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't want to scare you, but, I'm an Adventure Sphere. Designed for danger. So, why don't you go ahead and have yourself a little lady break, and I'll just take it from here.
Listens:
1414
Who:
Core 2
I can't see a thing. What just happened? Better open fire! [click click click click] Dang!
Listens:
19652
Who:
Defective Turret
Because this message is prerecorded, the Enrichment Center has no way of knowing if whatever government remains offers any sort of Cattle Tuberculosis Testing Credit for taxes.
Listens:
769
Who:
GLaDOS
Machiavellian!
Listens:
956
Who:
Wheatley
In the event that it does, this next test involves exposure to cattle tuberculosis. Good luck!
Listens:
636
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on.
Listens:
812
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Oi oi! I'm up here!
Listens:
367
Who:
Wheatley
You are the first robots to pass calibration.
Listens:
242
Who:
GLaDOS
Avoids responsibility.
Listens:
243
Who:
GLaDOS
In the event that the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from spa
Listens:
699
Who:
GLaDOS
What? No, you pressed that bAGGGHHHHHH
Listens:
868
Who:
Wheatley
After seeing what he's done to my facility -- after we take over again -- is it alright if I kill him?
Listens:
405
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
Listens:
524
Who:
Defective Turret
Press it!
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
You are simply experiencing a rare reaction, in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have erased the ear tubes inside your head.
Listens:
355
Who:
GLaDOS
I see you
Listens:
2736
Who:
Turret
Surprise.
Listens:
5777
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
412
Who:
Wheatley
*cough* Button.
Listens:
1182
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations. Not on the test.
Listens:
518
Who:
GLaDOS
Lady.
Listens:
587
Who:
Core 1
Okay, so it's not the most watertight plan to go confront an omnipotent power-mad A.I. with.
Listens:
356
Who:
GLaDOS
Lucky for you two, while I cannot control the world outside of the testing courses, the reassembly machine can continue with his work.
Listens:
247
Who:
GLaDOS
Nevermind. I have to go... check something. Test on your own recognizance. I'll be back.
Listens:
419
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. You MIGHT want to hang onto to something. Word of advice, up to you.
Listens:
259
Who:
Wheatley
Thought you'd seen the last of us, didn't ya?
Listens:
640
Who:
Defective Turret
Aw. Just thinking back to the old days when we were friends. Good old friends. Not enemies. And I'd say something like 'come back', and you'd be like 'no problem!' And you'd come back. What happened to those days?
Listens:
1712
Who:
Wheatley
And we would have talked our way out of it. Oh! Except you forgot to tell me you'd murdered her. And that she needed you to live, so the only available vent for her rage would be good old crushable Wheatley. Yeah. Little details I remember. Easy little tidbits you could have used to save me from getting crushed if you'd cared, which you didn't, obviously. And still don't.
Listens:
3132
Who:
Wheatley
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5547
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm in space.
Listens:
2354
Who:
Core 1
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
14119
Who:
Wheatley
That's where YOU come in.
Listens:
839
Who:
GLaDOS
Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
1236
Who:
GLaDOS
[hums 'For He's A Jolly Good Fellow']
Listens:
4714
Who:
GLaDOS
Um. You've got a yacht. And... Boys! Loads of fellas. Hunky guys down there. Possibly even a boyfriend! Who's to say at this stage. But, a lot of good looking fellas down there. And, ah, a boy band as well! That haven't seen a woman in years. And they're not picky at all. They don't care if you've got a bit of brain damage. If you've been running around sweating. And... A farm! A pony farm! And... Just jump down, would ya?
Listens:
183661
Who:
Wheatley
Every square inch of the human body has 32 million bacteria on it.
Listens:
555
Who:
Core 3
Are you going to open the door? At any time?
Listens:
450
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, so the bad news is the tests are MY tests now. So they can kill us.
Listens:
429
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you going to open this door? Because it's fairly urgent.
Listens:
317
Who:
Wheatley
And a monitor. Yes. That'll be important, I imagine. I'll keep my eye on that. In case something useful comes up like 'password identified' or something like that.
Listens:
315
Who:
Wheatley
[to JERRY] See you in court, mate. [to player] Anyway, look, just hang in there for five more chambers.
Listens:
731
Who:
Wheatley
We are only two tests away from reaching the humans, are you as excited as I am?
Listens:
245
Who:
GLaDOS
Awwww, come on.
Listens:
999
Who:
Defective Turret
Those people, in the portrait. They look so familiar...
Listens:
317
Who:
GLaDOS
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
623
Who:
Wheatley
I can drop the fake praise.
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
There you are
Listens:
1916
Who:
Turret
You know what makes me laugh? The thought of you cutting that out.
Listens:
390
Who:
GLaDOS
Better yet, don't say anything.
Listens:
246
Who:
Wheatley
Not you, test subject, you're doing fine.
Listens:
1568
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hmm. This emancipation grill is broken.
Listens:
469
Who:
GLaDOS
And we're only seeing the top layer. It goes down for miles.
Listens:
253
Who:
Wheatley
But it's not too late to avoid all of that by simply not using the gel. There you go, I said it. I gave away my plan. But I couldn't watch you hurt yourself like this.
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
14751
Who:
GLaDOS
Let go! Let go! I'm still connected. I can pull myself in. I can still fix this!
Listens:
937
Who:
Wheatley
Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve.
Listens:
2393
Who:
Core 3
ORANGE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal.
Listens:
358
Who:
GLaDOS
You two aren't lost are you?
Listens:
247
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
1113
Who:
Core 3
YEAH! What's happening?
Listens:
399
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah, take the lemons...
Listens:
36144
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're going to hit each other, at least aim for the head.
Listens:
242
Who:
GLaDOS
Ow. I hate this bird.
Listens:
1828
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
613
Who:
GLaDOS
On the floor. Needing your help. The whole time. All the time. Needing your help.
Listens:
242
Who:
Wheatley
You're in this together, aren't you? You've been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you're brain damaged! Then you convince me you're sworn enemies with your best friend over here!
Listens:
771
Who:
Wheatley
Come back!
Listens:
413
Who:
Wheatley
I thought you'd be faster at this, but I can appreciate the desire to stop and smell the testing. That other scent you smell? That's the stench of my utter disappointment in you.
Listens:
1490
Who:
GLaDOS
Nope. Okay. A... A... A... A... A... C.
Listens:
413
Who:
Wheatley
Lactose intolerant.
Listens:
410
Who:
GLaDOS
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
5345
Who:
Cave Johnson
Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball.
Listens:
1356
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait. Careful. Let me light this jump for you
Listens:
243
Who:
Wheatley
Yeghh!
Listens:
515
Who:
Wheatley
Rats cannot throw up.
Listens:
887
Who:
Core 3
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
