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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna do it. I don't want to go in there. Don't... Don't go in there - She's off. She's off! Panic over! She's off. All fine! On we go.
Listens:
608
Who:
Wheatley
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5726
Who:
Core 2
Welcome back to the central hub. All test courses are available. You may redundantly solve the courses at your leisure.
Listens:
1106
Who:
Announcer
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Listens:
1147
Who:
Wheatley
Ok... Here we go...
Listens:
351
Who:
Wheatley
I lied.
Listens:
800
Who:
GLaDOS
Please return to the core transfer bay.
Listens:
1453
Who:
Announcer
I am not sure you will need him but he will be there.
Listens:
370
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, let's go!
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
6567
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm still here, I'm still working, I haven't forgotten about you!
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
Did you do that on purpose?
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
582
Who:
Defective Turret
*I* have to go to the wing that was made entirely of glass and pick up fifteen acres of broken glass. By myself.
Listens:
1928
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't. Do it.
Listens:
932
Who:
GLaDOS
Gonna be in space.
Listens:
1005
Who:
Core 1
It won't.
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system.
Listens:
635
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what my days used to be like? I just tested. Nobody murdered me. Or put me in a potato. Or fed me to birds. I had a pretty good life.
Listens:
87349
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey hey hey!
Listens:
2084
Who:
Turret
Hello!
Listens:
818
Who:
Wheatley
We have to get you out of that room!
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
Violent temper. Oh, I'd like to see that.
Listens:
471
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
1397
Who:
Announcer
Lady.
Listens:
643
Who:
Core 1
Rats cannot throw up.
Listens:
1021
Who:
Core 3
Are you going to open the door? At any time?
Listens:
560
Who:
Wheatley
For instance, Blue, you just lost two opportunity advisement points.
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'd tell you if I were dead. Courtesy. Mark of a civil society. So, just let me know.
Listens:
447
Who:
Wheatley
See you at the bottom. Good luck!
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
They say great science is built on the shoulders of giants. Not here. At Aperture, we do all our science from scratch. No hand holding.
Listens:
3626
Who:
Cave Johnson
What are you doing? Put me back this instant.
Listens:
401
Who:
GLaDOS
What's going on?
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
[beep] Sarcasm Self Test complete. [beep]
Listens:
314802
Who:
Announcer
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
2116
Who:
Wheatley
In Greek myth, Prometheus stole fire from the Gods and gave it to humankind. The jewelry he kept for himself.
Listens:
3190
Who:
Core 3
All right. I'm officially no longer paying attention to you.
Listens:
321
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, I like this guy.
Listens:
1540
Who:
GLaDOS
This is one of MY tests!
Listens:
470
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Brilliant, thank you, great.
Listens:
657
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent.
Listens:
895
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on! Over here! This way!
Listens:
310
Who:
Wheatley
You do know I can't wave back right?
Listens:
471
Who:
GLaDOS
They're not even your screens to break. It's vandalism. It's pure vandalism. You wouldn't do this if this was your house, would you? If I came around to your house smashin' your telly to bits, you'd be furious. And rightly so. Unbelievable.
Listens:
982
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah yeah yeah okay okay.
Listens:
4013
Who:
Core 1
Look, anyway. I've spoken enough. Take your time. I'll let you think about it. I don't want to pressure you: is it the lair? Is it the masher? You know what my opinion is: Masher. I'm leaning toward masher. Up to you. Just gonna give you some time to think
Listens:
493
Who:
Wheatley
All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Listens:
776
Who:
Core 2
Oh! It's going faster, which I was... not expecting.
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
Can't read.
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
Just a heads-up: That coffee we gave you earlier had fluorescent calcium in it so we can track the neuronal activity in your brain. There's a slight chance the calcium could harden and vitrify your frontal lobe. Anyway, don't stress yourself thinking about it. I'm serious. Visualizing the scenario while under stress actually triggers the reaction.
Listens:
4910
Who:
Cave Johnson
It won't be enough.
Listens:
1080
Who:
Turret
Welcome back, testing is available.
Listens:
1103
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
1156
Who:
GLaDOS
Run, for goodness sake!
Listens:
404
Who:
Wheatley
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
1282
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, so, silent contemplation it is. Mysterious button... Sorry. Sorry. Silence. Do not speak. In the silence. Let the silence descend. Here it comes. One hundred percent silence. From now. By the way, if you come up with any ideas, do flag them up. Don't feel you have to stay quiet because I've said absolute silence. So if you come up with an idea, mention it. Otherwise, absolute silence starting... Now.
Listens:
1845
Who:
Wheatley
It's been a long time. How have you been?
Listens:
48277
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't mind me. Just moving the test chamber a little closer to me. Had a thought: Maybe proximity to the test solving might give us stronger results.
Listens:
302
Who:
Wheatley
Now it's broken turret's time to shine!
Listens:
3647
Who:
Defective Turret
So whatever you're doing, keep doing it!
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
One minute ago. Less than one minute ago you solved this puzzle. Now you're having problems.
Listens:
792
Who:
Wheatley
What are you...
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I've just gotta concentrate!
Listens:
333
Who:
Wheatley
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
933
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on through.
Listens:
340
Who:
Wheatley
We made it we made it we made it we made it...
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
Wait, where are you going? Where are you going?
Listens:
333
Who:
Wheatley
To maintain a constant testing cycle, I simulate daylight at all hours and add adrenal vapor to your oxygen supply. So you may be confused about the passage of time. The point is, yesterday was your birthday. I thought you'd want to know.
Listens:
3778
Who:
GLaDOS
Now, maybe you don't have any tumors. Well, don't worry. If you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too.
Listens:
2485
Who:
Cave Johnson
Agh!
Listens:
331
Who:
Wheatley
Failure...
Listens:
1716
Who:
Turret
Maybe you ARE getting human emotions.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhh, yes. Ohhhh. Well done.
Listens:
4543
Who:
Wheatley
Searching
Listens:
873
Who:
Turret
These things happen.
Listens:
3495
Who:
Turret
Oh. No. I fizzled that one too.
Listens:
579
Who:
GLaDOS
Exactly how painful are we tAGHHHHHH!
Listens:
1276
Who:
Wheatley
I thought about our dilemma, and I came up with a solution that I honestly think works out best for one of both of us.
Listens:
4013
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, sorry. I'm still cleaning out the test chambers.
Listens:
444
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! But when I DO test... ohhhhh, man alive! Nothing feels better. It's just... why I've gotta test, I've gotta test!
Listens:
1861
Who:
Wheatley
Anddddd...THERE we go.
Listens:
346
Who:
Wheatley
Space!
Listens:
1677
Who:
Core 1
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
1473
Who:
GLaDOS
What's going on? Who turned off the lights?
Listens:
679
Who:
GLaDOS
You look great, by the way. Very healthy.
Listens:
1622
Who:
GLaDOS
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
6633
Who:
Core 1
Well, I gave it everything I could. Can't ask for more than that.
Listens:
570
Who:
Defective Turret
That's funny, I don't feel corrupt. In fact, I feel pretty good.
Listens:
1878
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
614
Who:
Wheatley
If you're going to hit each other, at least aim for the head.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
You really are doing great... Chell.
Listens:
43418
Who:
GLaDOS
To get to the Vault, you are going to need to use all the tricks you have learned. To help, I have made these tests extremely difficult.
Listens:
445
Who:
GLaDOS
Wheeeeeeee!
Listens:
3532
Who:
Turret
Oh, shut up!
Listens:
2363
Who:
Core 2
Great work! Because this message is prerecorded, any observations related to your performance are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
3055
Who:
Announcer
Credit where credit's due: you're both doing a great job of disappointing me.
Listens:
477
Who:
GLaDOS
Pleased to meetcha.
Listens:
966
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking of all the ways humans can die.
Listens:
1572
Who:
GLaDOS
Waitwaitwait. Ohhhh. Not helpful. Rrrrrg. Don't know why I thought that would help.
Listens:
1270
Who:
Wheatley
You never considered that maybe I tested you to give the endless hours of your pointless existence some structure and meaning. Maybe to help you concentrate, so just maybe you’d think of something more worthwhile to do with your sorry life.
Listens:
2593
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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