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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Good luck!
Listens:
397
Who:
Wheatley
[clap clap]
Listens:
22188
Who:
GLaDOS
Undermines others.
Listens:
366
Who:
GLaDOS
Get going. I'll fill you in along the way.
Listens:
687
Who:
GLaDOS
Keep it up, baby! You're creamin' him!
Listens:
482
Who:
Core 2
But you two have become quite the team. Extremely close.
Listens:
404
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to make your way back out here!
Listens:
335
Who:
Wheatley
[tired breathing] Nevermind. Nevermind. Solve it yourself. You're on your own.
Listens:
553
Who:
Wheatley
Owwww!
Listens:
1011
Who:
Turret
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
1120
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhh, we're so close, plug me in!
Listens:
315
Who:
Wheatley
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-DUN! DUN DUN! Dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-DUN! DUN DUN! nananaDUNDUNDUN dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun...
Listens:
4337
Who:
Core 2
And that makes 10.
Listens:
399
Who:
GLaDOS
Just say 'Apple'. Classic. Very simple.
Listens:
865
Who:
Wheatley
No. No. That was the solution. Rrrg! What am I missing?
Listens:
366
Who:
Wheatley
Come on! We have to go!
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, really? Space? Really? You should have said something! We had no idea!
Listens:
1987
Who:
Core 2
You won't regret this!
Listens:
700
Who:
Defective Turret
Just, ah... pick me up. Take me with you.
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
Slapping hands. That accomplishes something.
Listens:
367
Who:
GLaDOS
eight
Listens:
600
Who:
GLaDOS
Identify yourself or I will shoot.
Listens:
4238
Who:
Defective Turret
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
9138
Who:
Wheatley
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
1315
Who:
Wheatley
During the Great Depression, the Tennessee Valley Authority outlawed pet rabbits, forcing many to hot glue-gun long ears onto their pet mice.
Listens:
1529
Who:
Core 3
Also: Look at her, you moron. She's not fat.
Listens:
3701
Who:
GLaDOS
And to your right, something huge hurtling towards you OH GOD RUN! THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE.
Listens:
2832
Who:
Wheatley
For instance, Blue, you just lost two opportunity advisement points.
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, maybe it's time I did something then.
Listens:
365
Who:
Wheatley
Are you still thinking, or... what's happening?
Listens:
314
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back, testing is available.
Listens:
1108
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
595
Who:
Defective Turret
Good work getting this far, future-starter! That said, if you are simple-minded, old, or irradiated in such a way that the future should not start with you, please return to your primitive tribe and send back someone better-qualified for testing.
Listens:
2756
Who:
Announcer
If the Earth is currently governed by a manner of animal-king, sentient cloud, or other governing body that either refuses to or is incapable of listening to reason, th- [RECORDING SHORTS OUT]
Listens:
4522
Who:
Announcer
clickclickclick
Listens:
527
Who:
Defective Turret
Did I hit it? I hit it, didn't I?
Listens:
488
Who:
Defective Turret
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
764
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't think I'm not onto you too, lady. You know what you are? Selfish. I've done nothing but sacrifice to get us here! What have you sacrificed? NOTHING. Zero. All you've done is BOSS ME AROUND. Well, NOW who's the boss? Who's the boss? It's me!
Listens:
2674
Who:
Wheatley
Edmund Hillary, the first person to climb Mount Everest, did so accidentally while chasing a bird.
Listens:
1844
Who:
Core 3
Resting
Listens:
705
Who:
Turret
Hold on -
Listens:
348
Who:
Wheatley
I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom.
Listens:
17147
Who:
Core 2
Core transfer?
Listens:
836
Who:
GLaDOS
I can only place a portal on a white portalable surface.
Listens:
335
Who:
GLaDOS
You really are doing great... Chell.
Listens:
43623
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
Listens:
620
Who:
Defective Turret
Awwww, come on.
Listens:
1121
Who:
Defective Turret
Hi there!
Listens:
2161
Who:
Defective Turret
If you were wondering how could you annoy me without failing a test. Now you know.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
Once, they even attached an Intelligence Dampening Sphere on me. It clung to my brain like a tumor, generating an endless stream of terrible ideas.
Listens:
1384
Who:
GLaDOS
Waddle over to the elevator and we'll continue the testing.
Listens:
907
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. This is the part where he kills us.
Listens:
1763
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, I certainly expected more from you.
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
You two aren't lost are you?
Listens:
350
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no, I'm one of the bad ones, aren't I?
Listens:
1120
Who:
Defective Turret
Blue, I wouldn't have trusted Orange in that course either.
Listens:
315
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry! Sorry. My fault.
Listens:
454
Who:
Wheatley
This is the last test for the standard course. It's just something I whipped up for you. I thought you might enjoy a challenge for once.
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
If you are a non-employee who has discovered this facility amid the ruins of civilization, welcome! And remember: Testing is the future, and the future starts with you.
Listens:
3582
Who:
Announcer
I think that one was about to say 'I love you.' They ARE sentient, of course. We just have a LOT of them.
Listens:
5546
Who:
GLaDOS
We are currently experiencing technical difficulties due to circumstances of potentially apocalyptic significance beyond our control.
Listens:
4283
Who:
Announcer
Alright, off you go!
Listens:
341
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway, look, the point is we're gonna break out of here, alright? But we can't do it yet. Look for me fifteen chambers ahead.
Listens:
384
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on, I'll stop the elevator. Anything? Take your time...
Listens:
481
Who:
GLaDOS
That's right. Drink it in. You could eat off those wall panels.
Listens:
388
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test involves turrets. You remember them, right? They're the pale spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh wait. That's you in five seconds. Good luck.
Listens:
1799
Who:
GLaDOS
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
7620
Who:
GLaDOS
Now I spy something that starts with an 'a'.
Listens:
373
Who:
Wheatley
We're still doing science sir.
Listens:
1963
Who:
Caroline
Blue receives
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you...
Listens:
333
Who:
Wheatley
If you are alive, can you say something. Jump around so I know you are OK?
Listens:
389
Who:
Wheatley
Yes Mr. Johnson
Listens:
1499
Who:
Caroline
Firing
Listens:
765
Who:
Turret
If he's not getting his solution euphoria, we could be in a lot of trouble.
Listens:
519
Who:
GLaDOS
Underestimates scope of work. They all do.
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you just saying that, or is it really going to hurt? You're just saying that aren't you? No, you're not. It is going to hurt, isn't it?
Listens:
444
Who:
Wheatley
Do it!
Listens:
515
Who:
Wheatley
Shutting down
Listens:
14126
Who:
Turret
Begin juggling test in three. Two. One.
Listens:
858
Who:
GLaDOS
It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
3862
Who:
GLaDOS
It's alright. No, go on, just have a look about.
Listens:
348
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Oh! Don't leave me behind! Do pick me up, if you would...
Listens:
431
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, so it's not the most watertight plan to go confront an omnipotent power-mad A.I. with.
Listens:
469
Who:
GLaDOS
Killing you? Is hard.
Listens:
1526
Who:
GLaDOS
Unconstructive.
Listens:
304
Who:
GLaDOS
If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.
Listens:
1544
Who:
Announcer
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Listens:
2322
Who:
GLaDOS
There. Bing! Perfect. On you go.
Listens:
472
Who:
Wheatley
Explosion imminent. Evacuate the facility immediately.
Listens:
30059
Who:
Announcer
So... this cat loves lasagna so much that he eats all of the lasagna in his house. Okay, apparently it's not the cat's house or his lasagna. Oh good! The man who owns the lasagna is furious!
Listens:
71178
Who:
GLaDOS
Carry on.
Listens:
310
Who:
Wheatley
Riggght now.
Listens:
340
Who:
Wheatley
You were right, Orange. Blue was dumb enough to fall for your trap.
Listens:
648
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
1146
Who:
Defective Turret
Ohhhhhh!
Listens:
434
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, let's try this way.
Listens:
448
Who:
Wheatley
Help!
Listens:
941
Who:
Turret
This way! This way!
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
Designed this test myself. It's a little bit difficult.
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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