Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Hello again. Sorry about exploding you. Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
2759
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m on fire.
Listens:
2434
Who:
Turret
Ohhhhh, yes. Ohhhh. Well done.
Listens:
4418
Who:
Wheatley
With humans, I would have called that a successful test.
Listens:
281
Who:
GLaDOS
It's the lift just there. The thing that looks like a lift. That's what you're looking for. It is confusing, I know.
Listens:
293
Who:
Wheatley
That said, I would really appreciate it if you could test as fast as possible. Caroline, please bring me more pain pills.
Listens:
1601
Who:
Cave Johnson
Right on that stick over there. Just put me right on it.
Listens:
278
Who:
Wheatley
This is AMAZING! We can walk wherever we want! Look, just... go left! No, go right, go right! Don't even care, don't even care, just go where ever you want, couldn't care less.
Listens:
415
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
10444
Who:
Turret
Oops.
Listens:
810
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1367
Who:
Defective Turret
You know, there are test subjects in Africa who don't even have monitors in their test chambers. Why don't you think of that before you break any more of them?
Listens:
1056
Who:
Wheatley
Oh my.
Listens:
662
Who:
Turret
Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
Listens:
1386
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhhh, we just made it! That was close.
Listens:
276
Who:
Wheatley
You should now feel mentally reinvigorated. If you suspect staring at art has not provided the required intellectual sustenance, reflect briefly on this classical music. [MUSIC INTERRUPTED BY BUZZER]
Listens:
5662
Who:
Announcer
Polymerase I polypeptide A is a human gene.
Listens:
614
Who:
Core 3
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1234
Who:
Cave Johnson
Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
Listens:
851
Who:
Core 3
Facial grimacing.
Listens:
296
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1124
Who:
Turret
And there's a flat bit. Not sure what that is. But: noted. If anyone says to me is there a flat bit? Yes, there it is.
Listens:
543
Who:
Wheatley
There we go. I wanted to talk to you for a moment, if I may.
Listens:
297
Who:
Wheatley
Abrasive personality.
Listens:
373
Who:
GLaDOS
I am a coiled spring right now. Tension and power. Just... I'm a muscle. Like a big arm muscle, punching through a brick wall, and it's hitting the wall so hard the arm is catching on fire. Oh yeah.
Listens:
3869
Who:
Core 2
Underestimates scope of work. They all do.
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
Aggressive. I like that.
Listens:
913
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
1065
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. Interesting note, I only created this test to watch test subjects fail and you didn't. You must be very, very proud. I'm building the world's smallest trophy for you.
Listens:
825
Who:
GLaDOS
Think about this.
Listens:
437
Who:
GLaDOS
YES! I KNEW someone was alive in here!
Listens:
384
Who:
Wheatley
Are you still thinking, or... what's happening?
Listens:
285
Who:
Wheatley
You know, being Caroline taught me a valuable lesson. I thought you were my greatest enemy. When all along you were my best friend.
Listens:
1817
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, it's not nice to make fun of Blue like that.
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go to space. Space.
Listens:
991
Who:
Core 1
The lock is looking for two humans.
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
Good job jumping. You must be very proud.
Listens:
803
Who:
GLaDOS
Hmm. This emancipation grill is broken.
Listens:
507
Who:
GLaDOS
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
1223
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, down those stairs, please?
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
2223
Who:
Turret
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
528
Who:
Defective Turret
If I made these tests any easier, they wouldn't be tests.
Listens:
276
Who:
GLaDOS
I agree, Orange. That was entertaining.
Listens:
276
Who:
GLaDOS
Lacks charisma.
Listens:
287
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
2554
Who:
Core 1
Hey hey hey!
Listens:
2042
Who:
Turret
This would go a lot faster if you'd stay still. Then I'd have time to fix the facility. So one of us at least would live. No need to be selfish, luv, you're gonna die.
Listens:
1797
Who:
Wheatley
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
693
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent. I think you have earned a break from the official testing courses.
Listens:
360
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. In the event that oxygen is no longer available in the Enrichment Center, an auxiliary air supply will be provided to you by an Aperture Science Test Associate, if one exists.
Listens:
620
Who:
GLaDOS
Help!
Listens:
837
Who:
Turret
Wait, what if this hurts? What if it REALLY hurts? Ohhh, I didn't think of that.
Listens:
1911
Who:
Wheatley
Plug me in, and I'll take you up.
Listens:
276
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
1111
Who:
GLaDOS
Go ahead, plug me in.
Listens:
335
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfectionist. What's wrong with that?
Listens:
423
Who:
GLaDOS
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
700
Who:
Wheatley
Ah. I tell ya. Humans. Love 'em. Just... The way they look is great. And their... folklore. Wonderful isn't it? Very colorful...
Listens:
919
Who:
Wheatley
Good. You have a dual portal device. There should be a way back to the testing area up ahead.
Listens:
444
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent. Although great science is always the result of collaboration, keep in mind that, like Albert Einstein and his cousin Terry, history will only remember one of you.
Listens:
1748
Who:
GLaDOS
Oo. Oo. Oo. Lady. Oo. Lady. Oo. Let's go to space.
Listens:
18440
Who:
Core 1
GAH!
Listens:
480
Who:
Wheatley
Oh oh oh oh. Wait wait. Wait I know. I know. I know wait. Space.
Listens:
1308
Who:
Core 1
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
1238
Who:
Core 3
Hey lady. Lady. I'm the best. I'm the best at space.
Listens:
3101
Who:
Core 1
Hey.
Listens:
636
Who:
Core 1
Every time you fail, it's a reminder of the way things used to be. But then there you are. Again. Like nothing happened.
Listens:
459
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you do that on purpose?
Listens:
273
Who:
GLaDOS
After seeing what he's done to my facility -- after we take over again -- is it alright if I kill him?
Listens:
446
Who:
GLaDOS
Please stop.
Listens:
1198
Who:
Turret
Corrupted cores! We're in luck.
Listens:
549
Who:
GLaDOS
Is it the lack of mirrors in test chambers that encourages you to do this?
Listens:
276
Who:
GLaDOS
No. Wait, did I do B? Do you have a pen? Start writing these down.
Listens:
423
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
9634
Who:
Cave Johnson
Nope. Okay. A... A... A... A... A... C.
Listens:
471
Who:
Wheatley
That’s right. You're not humans.
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
Pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out pull me out!
Listens:
2848
Who:
Wheatley
Was that course too difficult?
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
You two are going to LOVE this big surprise. In fact, you might say that you're both going to love it to death. Love it... until it kills you. Until you're dead.
Listens:
3463
Who:
Wheatley
Enjoy this next test. I'm going to go to the surface. It's a beautiful day out. Yesterday I saw a deer. If you solve this next test, maybe I'll let you ride an elevator all the way up to the break room, and I'll tell you about the time I saw a deer again.
Listens:
3895
Who:
GLaDOS
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
556
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. You were busy back there.
Listens:
604
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah. That just cleans right off, does it? Well, that would have been good to know. A little earlier.
Listens:
496
Who:
Wheatley
We're so close! Go press the button!
Listens:
1438
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not defective!
Listens:
2284
Who:
Defective Turret
Incoherent.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
Halley's Comet can be viewed orbiting Earth every seventy-six years. For the other seventy-five, it retreats to the heart of the sun, where it hibernates undisturbed.
Listens:
914
Who:
Core 3
But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.
Listens:
914
Who:
Wheatley
Let's look at their files...
Listens:
440
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you broken? It looks like you're malfunctioning.
Listens:
660
Who:
GLaDOS
I shouldn't spoil this, but... remember how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a present for you. Well, I guess it's more of a medical procedure. Well, technically it's more of a medical experiment. You know how excruciating it is when someone removes all of your bone marrow? Well, what if after I did that, I put something back IN that added four years to your life?
Listens:
3429
Who:
GLaDOS
It's like you're just machines.
Listens:
277
Who:
GLaDOS
Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?
Listens:
546
Who:
Wheatley
Please avoid alerting active turrets or being shot by active turrets.
Listens:
900
Who:
Announcer
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
7244
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, nice potato!
Listens:
99462
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay. New plan. Act natural. We've done NOTHING wrong.
Listens:
472
Who:
Wheatley
I just thought you find that interesting, most winners do.
Listens:
311
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this ain't good.
Listens:
1028
Who:
Defective Turret
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
