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Let go! Let go! I'm still connected. I can pull myself in. I can still fix this!
Listens:
1136
Who:
Wheatley
Now, maybe you don't have any tumors. Well, don't worry. If you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too.
Listens:
2484
Who:
Cave Johnson
Congratulations. Not on the test.
Listens:
585
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, if you'd done that to somebody else, they might devote their existences to exacting revenge.
Listens:
1395
Who:
GLaDOS
Shake it off! Shake it off!
Listens:
527
Who:
Core 2
[clap clap]
Listens:
21977
Who:
GLaDOS
Thank you - I can't believe I'm thanking these people - for staggering your way through Aperture Science's propulsion gel testing. You've made some real contributions to society for a change, and for that, humanity is grateful.
Listens:
1507
Who:
Cave Johnson
Weak, tired and apprehensive. Wow, this one's the total package.
Listens:
556
Who:
GLaDOS
To maintain a constant testing cycle, I simulate daylight at all hours and add adrenal vapor to your oxygen supply. So you may be confused about the passage of time. The point is, yesterday was your birthday. I thought you'd want to know.
Listens:
3774
Who:
GLaDOS
A bloody bird! Right? Couldn't believe it either. And then the bird--
Listens:
1224
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, fine. I'm not saying another word until you do it properly. I'm sick of this.
Listens:
602
Who:
Wheatley
Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn.
Listens:
2151
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Allright. I have an idea. But it is bloody dangerous. Here we go...
Listens:
546
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, fine. I'll ask you again in a few decades.
Listens:
304
Who:
GLaDOS
Facial grimacing.
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
You seem to have defeated its load-bearing capacity. Well done. I'll just lower the ceiling.
Listens:
573
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, being Caroline taught me a valuable lesson. I thought you were my greatest enemy. When all along you were my best friend.
Listens:
1871
Who:
GLaDOS
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
Listens:
811
Who:
Defective Turret
You know, I'm not stupid. I realize you don't want to put me back in charge.
Listens:
619
Who:
GLaDOS
Please test your device by portaling to that ledge.
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
We're running out of time...
Listens:
451
Who:
GLaDOS
Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve.
Listens:
2573
Who:
Core 3
Alright, now. She can't use her turrets. So let's go and take care of that neurotoxin generator as well.
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
Are you alive down there?
Listens:
477
Who:
Wheatley
Awwww, come on.
Listens:
1110
Who:
Defective Turret
We all agree you should stop.
Listens:
387
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahungh.
Listens:
345
Who:
Wheatley
Let go of me!
Listens:
460
Who:
Wheatley
But I'm huge! [laugh turning to maniacal laugh]
Listens:
39176
Who:
Wheatley
Watch and learn, everybody. Watch and learn.
Listens:
456
Who:
Defective Turret
Back again? Maybe you can just stay and live here in the hub?
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, BRILLIANT! That's brilliant!
Listens:
455
Who:
Wheatley
I was outside watching some deer frolic. You don't even care about the outside do you?
Listens:
823
Who:
GLaDOS
I want to be plugged in, please!
Listens:
347
Who:
Wheatley
Don't worry. You can't die. They will just reassemble you.
Listens:
421
Who:
GLaDOS
Agh, just... I just gotta get it through here...
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center.
Listens:
886
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
731
Who:
Defective Turret
I trust you. You are my favorite cooperative testing subject.
Listens:
317
Who:
GLaDOS
Always sulking.
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
There are 5000 other two subject teams in direct competition with you.
Listens:
348
Who:
GLaDOS
That's it, no, that's it! Yeah.
Listens:
330
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1279
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Just jam me in over there.
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
Non-defective turret testing active.
Listens:
933
Who:
Announcer
Are you scared to save those humans?
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
I created this test to let the humans feel good about themselves. It is extremely easy. Just follow the arrows.
Listens:
503
Who:
GLaDOS
Chronic anxiety. Oh, I can work with that.
Listens:
430
Who:
GLaDOS
[out of breath] Okay. That's probably the bird, isn't it? That laid the eggs! Livid!
Listens:
1042
Who:
Wheatley
We haven't entirely nailed down what element it is yet, but I'll tell you this: it's a lively one, and it does NOT like the human skeleton.
Listens:
2595
Who:
Cave Johnson
Good. This completes the gymnastic portion of your mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
1452
Who:
Announcer
clickclickclick
Listens:
1011
Who:
Defective Turret
All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons? Don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! 'I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?'
Listens:
126726
Who:
Cave Johnson
Right behind me.
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! How'd you like that?
Listens:
447
Who:
Core 2
Sorry about the lift. It's, uh... out of service. Because it melted.
Listens:
520
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
19928
Who:
Announcer
Where we going? What are we doing? Agh!
Listens:
514
Who:
Defective Turret
You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
Listens:
2099
Who:
Core 2
This is a clean room facility, decontaminates can harm the turret redemption process.
Listens:
950
Who:
Announcer
Ok... Here we go...
Listens:
349
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway, look, we're really close to busting out, just hang in there for five more chambers.
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
Response
Listens:
2842
Who:
Announcer
Great work! Because this message is prerecorded, any observations related to your performance are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
3053
Who:
Announcer
Prometheus was punished by the gods for giving the gift of knowledge to man. He was cast into the bowels of the earth and pecked by birds.
Listens:
44950
Who:
Turret
Blue now has a Portal Device. Finally.
Listens:
541
Who:
GLaDOS
I can only place a portal on a white portalable surface.
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
In order to escape, we're going to have to go through HER chamber.
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
Because of the technical difficulties we are currently experiencing, your test environment is unsupervised.
Listens:
1049
Who:
Announcer
Hello?
Listens:
1283
Who:
Wheatley
Space.
Listens:
1041
Who:
Core 1
Let's go in!
Listens:
321
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Look at that. It's turning. Ominous. But probably fine. Long as it doesn't start moving up...
Listens:
641
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Thanks.
Listens:
485
Who:
GLaDOS
Do either of you feel like laughing?
Listens:
1323
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah. Clickety click click. Right on the money.
Listens:
3319
Who:
Defective Turret
That's ridiculous, how do they know for sure the tests are deadly if they could still write the suggestion?
Listens:
427
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what? Go ahead and jump. You've got braces on your legs. No braces on your arms, though. Gonna have to rely on the old human strength to keep a grip on the device and, by extension, me. So do. Do make sure to maintain a grip.
Listens:
480
Who:
Wheatley
You really don't need to keep failing.
Listens:
384
Who:
GLaDOS
For many of you, I realize 60 dollars is an unprecedented windfall, so don't go spending it all on... I don't know. Caroline, what do these people buy? Tattered hats? Beard dirt?
Listens:
2213
Who:
Cave Johnson
Okay! Don't move!
Listens:
356
Who:
Wheatley
This course was originally designed to build confidence in humans.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
I have noticed you two have become extremely close. I'm not sure I like that.
Listens:
328
Who:
GLaDOS
Sounds crazy, I know. But hear me out. Once you get to my lair, death will not be optional. It will be mandatory. No tricks, no surprises: just you dying, as a result of me killing you in a very very gruesome way.
Listens:
1085
Who:
Wheatley
Could you turn around? Is that possible?
Listens:
293
Who:
Wheatley
This would go a lot faster if you'd stay still. Then I'd have time to fix the facility. So one of us at least would live. No need to be selfish, luv, you're gonna die.
Listens:
1864
Who:
Wheatley
Think about this.
Listens:
483
Who:
GLaDOS
This is the neurotoxin generator. Bit bigger than I expected. Not going to be able to just, you know, push it over. Have to apply some cleverness.
Listens:
912
Who:
Wheatley
Stay back.
Listens:
388
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha! I like your style. You make up your own rules, just like me.
Listens:
654287
Who:
Cave Johnson
While I cannot control the world outside of the testing courses, the reassembly machine can continue with his work.
Listens:
306
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. You're upside down now.
Listens:
686
Who:
GLaDOS
Help me, space cops. Space cops, help.
Listens:
4017
Who:
Core 1
The humans can't free themselves.
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
Halley's Comet can be viewed orbiting Earth every seventy-six years. For the other seventy-five, it retreats to the heart of the sun, where it hibernates undisturbed.
Listens:
953
Who:
Core 3
Can you reach that wall back there?
Listens:
292
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, just open the door! [to self] That's too aggressive. [loud again] Hello, friend! Why not open the door?
Listens:
3987
Who:
Wheatley
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
1342
Who:
Announcer
Get to HER! I'll find you!
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
If we start making a list of things that aren't here, we could be here all night. You know, pens for instance. Let's stick with things we can see. Not stuff that isn't here.
Listens:
357
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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