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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Fact: Space does not exist.
Listens:
4005
Who:
Core 3
If I stop watching, I'm sure you'll get bored of this.
Listens:
264
Who:
GLaDOS
You two are going to LOVE this big surprise. In fact, you might say that you're both going to love it to death. Love it... until it kills you. Until you're dead.
Listens:
3310
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
1143
Who:
Wheatley
Ooh. It's dark down here isn't it?
Listens:
271
Who:
Wheatley
Ah for Pete's sake!
Listens:
908
Who:
Defective Turret
Um. You've got a yacht. And... Boys! Loads of fellas. Hunky guys down there. Possibly even a boyfriend! Who's to say at this stage. But, a lot of good looking fellas down there. And, ah, a boy band as well! That haven't seen a woman in years. And they're not picky at all. They don't care if you've got a bit of brain damage. If you've been running around sweating. And... A farm! A pony farm! And... Just jump down, would ya?
Listens:
183308
Who:
Wheatley
Blue! Orange has always been my favorite.
Listens:
555
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing?
Listens:
971
Who:
Turret
No can do.
Listens:
334
Who:
Defective Turret
Ha! Was that your bullet-riddled body, flying out of the room? It was- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren't they? Yeah...
Listens:
1936
Who:
Wheatley
Try something.
Listens:
254
Who:
GLaDOS
We're not safe yet. Quick! Follow the walkway.
Listens:
241
Who:
Wheatley
You won't regret this!
Listens:
624
Who:
Defective Turret
Whoa-ho-ho! Would you look at this. Not too bad, eh? Giant robot. Massive! It's not just me, right? I'm bloody massive, aren't I?
Listens:
552
Who:
Wheatley
See you at the bottom. Good luck!
Listens:
266
Who:
Wheatley
And we're only seeing the top layer. It goes down for miles.
Listens:
253
Who:
Wheatley
I'm pretty sure we're going the right way. Just to reassure you...
Listens:
246
Who:
Wheatley
Doesn't bother me. I gotta say, the view's mighty nice from right here.
Listens:
501
Who:
Core 2
This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.
Listens:
1937
Who:
Cave Johnson
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
5171
Who:
Core 1
All right. We're working on a little teleportation experiment. Now, this doesn't work with all skin types, so try to remember which skin is yours, and if it doesn't teleport along with you, we'll do what we can to sew you right back into it.
Listens:
1587
Who:
Cave Johnson
Still, if it were, Blue would be winning.
Listens:
507
Who:
GLaDOS
He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived. And you just put him in charge of the entire facility.
Listens:
25919
Who:
GLaDOS
This looks dangerous. I'll hold the light steady.
Listens:
242
Who:
Wheatley
I'm not going to lie to you, the odds are a million to one. And that's with some generous rounding.
Listens:
848
Who:
GLaDOS
She was provoking you.
Listens:
770
Who:
Turret
Oh! Look at that. It's turning. Ominous. But probably fine. Long as it doesn't start moving up...
Listens:
497
Who:
Wheatley
I won't let you down!
Listens:
344
Who:
Defective Turret
Orange, I agree. I never noticed that about Blue before.
Listens:
240
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm still here, I'm still working, I haven't forgotten about you!
Listens:
248
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, so, silent contemplation it is. Mysterious button... Sorry. Sorry. Silence. Do not speak. In the silence. Let the silence descend. Here it comes. One hundred percent silence. From now. By the way, if you come up with any ideas, do flag them up. Don't feel you have to stay quiet because I've said absolute silence. So if you come up with an idea, mention it. Otherwise, absolute silence starting... Now.
Listens:
1688
Who:
Wheatley
Moo hoo ha ha ha ha...
Listens:
703
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah! Non-lethal as ever.
Listens:
806
Who:
Defective Turret
No. No. That was the solution. Rrrg! What am I missing?
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
For the sake of this test, I will pretend to be your partner.
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
And again, not playing along. You're ruining what are some really good speeches, actually.
Listens:
376
Who:
Wheatley
Simple word. 'Apple'.
Listens:
532
Who:
Wheatley
Don't let that 'horrible person' thing discourage you. It's just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
Listens:
5974
Who:
GLaDOS
Well... I'll be here during the whole next test.
Listens:
251
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey!
Listens:
785
Who:
Turret
Okay, DON'T PANIC! I can still stop it, not a problem. There's a password! I'll just hack it. Here we go.
Listens:
886
Who:
Wheatley
Where'd you go?
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
485
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeghh!
Listens:
512
Who:
Wheatley
I love space. Love space.
Listens:
961
Who:
Core 1
Do something only a human would do.
Listens:
372
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh great, dancing again.
Listens:
739
Who:
GLaDOS
From here we transport you to the new testing course.
Listens:
253
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhhh, yes she is.
Listens:
341
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
670
Who:
Defective Turret
Well done!
Listens:
610
Who:
Turret
Ha! Death trap!
Listens:
686
Who:
Wheatley
Come on, let's go!
Listens:
241
Who:
Wheatley
FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Listens:
2025
Who:
Wheatley
Warning! All testing courses are currently available.
Listens:
1875
Who:
Announcer
You're on your own.
Listens:
258
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey wait wait wait wait wait wait!
Listens:
544
Who:
Defective Turret
We will both die because of your negligence.
Listens:
1167
Who:
Core 3
Brain Mapping. Artificial Intelligence. We should have been working on it thirty years ago. I will say this - and I'm gonna say it on tape so everybody hears it a hundred times a day: If I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I want Caroline to run this place.
Listens:
2519
Who:
Cave Johnson
I hardly think you're even trying with these gestures anymore.
Listens:
257
Who:
GLaDOS
BAM! Secret panel! That I opened. While your back was turned.
Listens:
405
Who:
Wheatley
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5524
Who:
GLaDOS
Inattentive listener.
Listens:
278
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh. Another door malfunction. I'm going to take care of this once and for all. Stay here, I'll be back in a while.
Listens:
437
Who:
GLaDOS
You're saying to yourself, why should I jump into the pit? I'll tell you why. Guess who's down there? Your parents! You're not adopted after all! It's your natural parents down there in the pit. Should have mentioned it before. But I didn't. So jump on down and reunite with mommy and daddy.
Listens:
2766
Who:
Wheatley
Stalemate detected.
Listens:
3828
Who:
Announcer
Underestimates scope of work. They all do.
Listens:
274
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
1214
Who:
GLaDOS
Machiavellian!
Listens:
939
Who:
Wheatley
Please wave to your partner.
Listens:
546
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, come on!
Listens:
508
Who:
Defective Turret
Here I go!
Listens:
244
Who:
Wheatley
Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
629
Who:
Wheatley
Are we in space?
Listens:
950
Who:
Core 1
I can drop the fake praise.
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
Have you got any ideas?
Listens:
241
Who:
Wheatley
The humans can't free themselves.
Listens:
247
Who:
GLaDOS
Space space going to space oh boy
Listens:
2002
Who:
Core 1
Okay, I'll take that as a no, then.
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
Listens:
777
Who:
Core 3
Alright, this is taking too long. I'll just tell you how to solve the test.
Listens:
238
Who:
Wheatley
You never considered that maybe I tested you to give the endless hours of your pointless existence some structure and meaning. Maybe to help you concentrate, so just maybe you’d think of something more worthwhile to do with your sorry life.
Listens:
2318
Who:
GLaDOS
All I wanted to do was make everything better for me! All you had to do was solve a couple hundred simple tests for a few years. And you couldn't even let me have that, could you?
Listens:
664
Who:
Wheatley
Anything? Take your time.
Listens:
243
Who:
GLaDOS
We haven't entirely nailed down what element it is yet, but I'll tell you this: it's a lively one, and it does NOT like the human skeleton.
Listens:
2303
Who:
Cave Johnson
Long bathroom breaks.
Listens:
289
Who:
GLaDOS
Before the Wright Brothers invented the airplane, anyone wanting to fly anywhere was required to eat 200 pounds of helium.
Listens:
1014
Who:
Core 3
Are you trying to impress me? What would impress me more is if you never did that again.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
To do that, the tests were nothing more than 5 minutes of them walking followed by me praising them for another 10 minutes on how well they walked.
Listens:
287
Who:
GLaDOS
Glorious freedom!
Listens:
22263
Who:
Turret
I don't hate you
Listens:
12447
Who:
Turret
Oh dear.
Listens:
828
Who:
Turret
But now, looking around, seeing Aperture restored to its former glory? You don't have to worry about leaving EVER again. I mean that.
Listens:
381
Who:
GLaDOS
I was going to kill you fast. With bullets. Or neurotoxin. But if you're going to pull stunts like this, it doesn't have to be fast. So you know. I'll take my time.
Listens:
1445
Who:
GLaDOS
While I will receive all the glory for the rescue don't think you two aren't going to get something. The bond you form during these tests will last a lifetime.
Listens:
248
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
1164
Who:
GLaDOS
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
1149
Who:
Cave Johnson
You messed with the wrong turret!
Listens:
18194
Who:
Defective Turret
William Shakespeare did not exist. His plays were masterminded in 1589 by Francis Bacon, who used a Ouija board to enslave play-writing ghosts.
Listens:
2801
Who:
Core 3
00:00 / 00:00
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