Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Fact not found.
Listens:
758
Who:
Core 3
What's going on in there?
Listens:
349
Who:
Wheatley
And that's why I can't help you solve these tests.
Listens:
589
Who:
GLaDOS
You're doing a great job of disappointing me.
Listens:
866
Who:
GLaDOS
How would you use it in a sentence? 'Mmm, this apple's crunchy,' you might say. And I'm not even asking you for the whole sentence. Just the word 'Apple'.
Listens:
921
Who:
Wheatley
What is this, like a hobby for you now? I mean, honestly, it's crazy! You've been running around for hours, I'm surprised you have the energy to smash screens willy nilly. Honestly, I'd have a little lie down if I were you. Have a nap.
Listens:
708
Who:
Wheatley
Well, on with the test.
Listens:
315
Who:
Wheatley
We have to get you out of that room!
Listens:
289
Who:
Wheatley
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
1525
Who:
GLaDOS
Illegal operation
Listens:
1187
Who:
Turret
Hmm. This Plate must not be calibrated to someone of your... generous... ness. I'll add a few zeros to the maximum weight.
Listens:
54180
Who:
GLaDOS
So much space. Need to see it all.
Listens:
1919
Who:
Core 1
What a horrible little machine.
Listens:
611
Who:
GLaDOS
Um.
Listens:
537
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh wait! I've got it I've got it I've got it! No, I haven't got it.
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Look. We both said a lot of things that you're going to regret. But I think we can put our differences behind us. For science. You monster.
Listens:
29357
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, you know the old formula: Comedy equals tragedy plus time. And you have been asleep for a while. So I guess it's actually pretty funny when you do the math.
Listens:
19952
Who:
GLaDOS
Pick--would you pick me up?
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
Can you reach that wall back there?
Listens:
288
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
587
Who:
Defective Turret
This is the turret manufacturing wing. Just past this is the neurotoxin production facility. We find a way to take them both offline, and she’ll be helpless. Which is ideal.
Listens:
337
Who:
Wheatley
Well, hello, stranger!
Listens:
3866
Who:
Defective Turret
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
1291
Who:
GLaDOS
It seems kind of silly to point this out, since you're running around plotting to destroy me. But I'd say we're done testing.
Listens:
497
Who:
GLaDOS
Space...
Listens:
1298
Who:
Core 1
Good. If you feel that a lethal military android has not respected your rights as detailed in the Laws of Robotics, please note it on your self-reporting form. A future Aperture Science Entitlement Associate will initiate the appropriate grievance-filing paperwork.
Listens:
1868
Who:
Announcer
Reactor Explosion Timer destroyed.
Listens:
3942
Who:
Announcer
No, you should plug that little idiot into the mainframe!
Listens:
707
Who:
Wheatley
I know I've painted quite a grim picture of your chances. But if you simply stand here, we will both surely die.
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
Ungh!
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
Remember when I told you that he was specifically designed to make bad decisions? Because I think he's decided not to maintain any of the crucial functions required to keep this facility from exploding.
Listens:
517
Who:
GLaDOS
Luckily I'm a bigger person than that. I'm happy to put this all behind us and get back to work. After all, we've got a lot to do, and only sixty more years to do it. More or less. I don't have the actuarial tables in front of me.
Listens:
998
Who:
GLaDOS
Say goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
5658
Who:
Cave Johnson
ORANGE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal.
Listens:
412
Who:
GLaDOS
I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
Listens:
1095
Who:
Wheatley
Remember when I told you that you were the only subjects to pass the calibration tests?
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes! Go and catch one of the crap turrets, and bring it back!
Listens:
1097
Who:
Wheatley
Wish there was more books! But there's not.
Listens:
457
Who:
Wheatley
Laughs at own jokes. What a bore.
Listens:
670
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you trying to get my attention? I am very busy, you know.
Listens:
346
Who:
GLaDOS
We're in space!
Listens:
2595
Who:
Wheatley
All right. I'm officially no longer paying attention to you.
Listens:
315
Who:
GLaDOS
What about that camera?
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
Over there is where they used to keep the old neurotoxin release button. BIG responsibility, the guy in charge of the neurotoxin release button. And guess who he WAS? He wasn't me. But I was his assistant, and I did a lot of his admin.
Listens:
793
Who:
Wheatley
The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Listens:
599
Who:
Core 3
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
548
Who:
GLaDOS
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
616
Who:
Wheatley
Stalemate Resolved.
Listens:
1887
Who:
Announcer
Please go to space.
Listens:
1020
Who:
Core 1
Did my hint help? It did, didn't it? You know, if any of our supervisors had been immune to neurotoxin, they'd be FURIOUS with us right now.
Listens:
1560
Who:
GLaDOS
The way you two just gave up on that test together shows you are really working as a team.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
Very good. You’ve really come together as a team. Thanks to the one of you who appears to be doing all of the work.
Listens:
461
Who:
GLaDOS
She is a gem.
Listens:
3065
Who:
Cave Johnson
FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Listens:
2248
Who:
Wheatley
Please get it off me.
Listens:
546
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Listens:
577
Who:
GLaDOS
Then, then, when I reluctantly assume the responsibility of running the place, you conveniently decide to run off together. Just when I need you most.
Listens:
465
Who:
Wheatley
What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...
Listens:
2045
Who:
Wheatley
You've probably figured it out by now, but I don't need you anymore.
Listens:
307
Who:
Wheatley
I think we're in trouble.
Listens:
376
Who:
GLaDOS
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
1350
Who:
Defective Turret
But why don't we all just agree to call it the hub?
Listens:
401
Who:
GLaDOS
Notice the moat area. Very deadly. Extremely dangerous. Eventually. Not at the moment. Still working on it, still working on it.
Listens:
438
Who:
Wheatley
Just--do the test! Just do the test.
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, check THIS out.
Listens:
381
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, that's funny, is it? Because we've been at this twelve hours and you haven't solved it either, so I don't know why you're laughing.
Listens:
953
Who:
Wheatley
I'll give you credit: I guess you ARE listening to me. But for the record: You don't have to go THAT slowly.
Listens:
416
Who:
GLaDOS
Bam! Bam bam bam! Take that, space.
Listens:
4157
Who:
Core 1
Luckily, by the looks of things he knows as much about test building as he does about logical contradictions.
Listens:
333
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
512
Who:
Wheatley
So: there's PLENTY of time to recover. Just take it slow.
Listens:
302
Who:
Wheatley
I’m sorry, Subject Orange.
Listens:
458
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Walk up to the window. Take a look out.
Listens:
285
Who:
Wheatley
We've had some times, haven't we? Like that time I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I'd die or not when I did, and all you had to do was catch me? Annnd you didn't. Did you? Ohhhh. You remember that? I remember that. I remember that all the time.
Listens:
881
Who:
Wheatley
Helloooooooooooo!
Listens:
2347
Who:
Wheatley
This next test involves discouragement redirection cubes. I'd just finished building them before you had your, well, episode. So now we'll both get to see how they work.
Listens:
532
Who:
GLaDOS
I love space. Love space.
Listens:
1044
Who:
Core 1
Rats cannot throw up.
Listens:
1016
Who:
Core 3
Here we are. The Incinerator Room. Be careful not to trip over any parts of me that didn't get completely burned when you threw them down here.
Listens:
858
Who:
GLaDOS
While I should have left both of you trapped there forever, I do need you for something else.
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
I never liked her.
Listens:
901
Who:
Turret
Done! Hacked!
Listens:
613
Who:
Wheatley
Are you going to open this door? Because it's fairly urgent.
Listens:
371
Who:
Wheatley
Hello.
Listens:
945
Who:
Wheatley
Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you.
Listens:
594
Who:
GLaDOS
Estás usando este software de traducción de forma incorrecta. Por favor, consulta el manual.
Listens:
7407
Who:
Wheatley
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
566
Who:
GLaDOS
[BUZZER NOISE]
Listens:
22350
Who:
Wheatley
'Caw! Caw!' Oh, look! There's a bird out here! A Lovely bird. Gorgeous plumage. Majestic. Won't be here long. A lovely bird like that. Once in a lifetime opportunity to see a lovely bird like that. Lovely plumage.
Listens:
4179
Who:
Wheatley
Quick word about the future plans that I've got in store.
Listens:
284
Who:
Wheatley
No variances detected.
Listens:
525
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay...
Listens:
352
Who:
Wheatley
Come on! We have to go!
Listens:
286
Who:
Wheatley
And they said no one would ever die during this test, thanks for proving them wrong.
Listens:
462
Who:
GLaDOS
If I'd known you'd let yourself get captured this easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling.
Listens:
1968
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh really. That's what the two of you think, is it?
Listens:
328
Who:
Wheatley
He will most likely kill you.
Listens:
804
Who:
Core 3
Participates unconstructively. Obviously a time-waster.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
The upcoming tests require you to work together as a team.
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
times in this test. Not that it matters. It doesn't. So congratulations job well done.
Listens:
361
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!