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Portal 2
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TF2 Music
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Crap.
Listens:
2590
Who:
Defective Turret
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
618
Who:
GLaDOS
Your failing gives me no new data, it just delays the inevitable.
Listens:
355
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait. Why DID you trundle over here? You're not HUNGRY, are you? It's hard to see, what's that in your hand? Knowing you it's a deep fryer.
Listens:
3699
Who:
GLaDOS
Searching
Listens:
875
Who:
Turret
I'm starting to think you don't want to rescue the humans.
Listens:
358
Who:
GLaDOS
Enough! I told you not to put these cores on me. But you don't listen, do you? Quiet. All the time. Quietly not listening to a word I say. Judging me. Silently. The worst kind.
Listens:
1405
Who:
Wheatley
Any ideas? Any ideas? No? No, me neither.
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
*cough* Button.
Listens:
1308
Who:
Wheatley
I can’t keep quiet about this. I think Orange is actively trying to sabotage your success. Let’s keep this between us.
Listens:
401
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactions?
Listens:
613
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhhh, yes she is.
Listens:
429
Who:
Wheatley
If you've cut yourself at all in the course of these tests, you might have noticed that your blood is pure gasoline. That's normal. We've been shooting you with an invisible laser that's supposed to turn blood into gasoline, so all that means is, it's working.
Listens:
3235
Who:
Cave Johnson
The Fact Sphere is not defective. Its facts are wholly accurate and very interesting.
Listens:
2585
Who:
Core 3
To your left... you'll see some lights of some kind. Don't know what they do. But very sciencey anyway.
Listens:
686
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhhh, have you got an idea?
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
Fine, 500 point penalty for Blue.
Listens:
739
Who:
GLaDOS
[to self] Hm. Could be Spanish, could be Spanish. [loud again] Hola, amigo! Abre la puerta! Donde esta--no. Um...
Listens:
2631
Who:
Wheatley
If that doesn't motivate you, I'm not sure what will.
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
Canvassing
Listens:
662
Who:
Turret
Did you guess 'sharks'? Because that's wrong. The correct answer is 'nobody.' Nobody but you is that pointlessly cruel.
Listens:
4257
Who:
GLaDOS
Or maybe he still is, in which case, wow, that's kind of sad.
Listens:
1638
Who:
GLaDOS
So... we're all supposed to be blind, then, right? It's not just me? Alright, fantastic.
Listens:
2275
Who:
Defective Turret
This is art. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, stare at the art. [BUZZER]
Listens:
12032
Who:
Announcer
Yeah, how ya doin'?
Listens:
502
Who:
Defective Turret
If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.
Listens:
2100
Who:
Cave Johnson
Space.
Listens:
1208
Who:
Core 1
Warning! All testing courses are currently available.
Listens:
2206
Who:
Announcer
This looks dangerous. I'll hold the light steady.
Listens:
335
Who:
Wheatley
We're not safe yet. Quick! Follow the walkway.
Listens:
319
Who:
Wheatley
Luckily, you don't feel pain. At any rate, you don't have a way to communicate that you feel pain.
Listens:
618
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on. Those are raccoons. Homo sapiens only, please.
Listens:
981
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
565
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
819
Who:
Wheatley
Has irritating opinions.
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Emotional problems.
Listens:
458
Who:
GLaDOS
And FOOLISH! No way out. At my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing.
Listens:
1085
Who:
Wheatley
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
Listens:
2314
Who:
GLaDOS
All these science spheres are made of asbestos, by the way. Keeps out the rats. Let us know if you feel a shortness of breath, a persistent dry cough or your heart stopping. Because that's not part of the test. That's asbestos.
Listens:
33768
Who:
Cave Johnson
Come closer.
Listens:
687
Who:
Turret
He's taking us right TO him! This is PERFECT.
Listens:
356
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
734
Who:
GLaDOS
Because of the technical difficulties we are currently experiencing, your test environment is unsupervised.
Listens:
1049
Who:
Announcer
The human vault is just past that opening. I entered the security code but the vault door remains locked. I am going to need you to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself.
Listens:
829
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you have a gun? Because I should really have a gun. What is that thing you're holding?
Listens:
593
Who:
Core 2
Glorious freedom!
Listens:
23734
Who:
Turret
If at first you don't succeed, fail 5 more times.
Listens:
30015
Who:
GLaDOS
Look down. Where am I? Where am I?
Listens:
352
Who:
Wheatley
Hi there!
Listens:
509
Who:
Defective Turret
I hope that was some kind of joke.
Listens:
433
Who:
GLaDOS
Well played.
Listens:
469
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh for... They told me if I ever turned this flashlight on, I would DIE. They told me that about EVERYTHING. I don't know why they even bothered to give me this stuff if they didn't want me usin' it. It's pointless. Mad.
Listens:
2039
Who:
Wheatley
Of course the humans only had one try at it, you can just keep trying.
Listens:
341
Who:
GLaDOS
I've got an idea! Do what it says, plug me in!
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
6617
Who:
Core 3
Ungh!
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
6338
Who:
Defective Turret
Please put me down
Listens:
1426
Who:
Turret
Excuse me, you’re squishing me.
Listens:
3508
Who:
Turret
Ow. I hate this bird.
Listens:
2008
Who:
GLaDOS
Puppet master! You're a puppet in a play, and I hold all the strings! And cards, still. Cards in one hand, strings in the other. And I'm making you dance like a puppet. Playing cards.
Listens:
2652
Who:
Wheatley
Without the consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
526
Who:
GLaDOS
Volcano-ologists are experts in the study of volcanoes.
Listens:
579
Who:
Core 3
Failure...
Listens:
1716
Who:
Turret
Are you expecting applause?
Listens:
702
Who:
GLaDOS
You did WHAT?
Listens:
3233
Who:
Wheatley
How you doing down there? You still holding on?
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
Lady.
Listens:
841
Who:
Core 1
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
2045
Who:
GLaDOS
Explosion imminent. Evacuate the facility immediately.
Listens:
29602
Who:
Announcer
Yes. Please. Space.
Listens:
1065
Who:
Core 1
Not you, test subject, you're doing fine.
Listens:
1836
Who:
Cave Johnson
I think after that display, we should take a break from the official testing courses.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry! Sorry. My fault.
Listens:
451
Who:
Wheatley
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
1257
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah. Clickety click click. Right on the money.
Listens:
3324
Who:
Defective Turret
Procrastinator.
Listens:
462
Who:
GLaDOS
Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
Listens:
1144
Who:
Core 3
It's probably nothing. Keep testing while I look for a way out.
Listens:
315
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you two doing?
Listens:
508
Who:
GLaDOS
Almost there! Remember: you're looking for a gun that makes holes. Not bullet holes, but-- well, you'll figure it out. Really do hold on this time!
Listens:
775
Who:
Wheatley
Credit where credit's due: you're both doing a great job of disappointing me.
Listens:
479
Who:
GLaDOS
If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.
Listens:
1524
Who:
Announcer
Hello?
Listens:
1286
Who:
Wheatley
Now let's continue testing.
Listens:
1164
Who:
GLaDOS
No one has ever completed this test before. The humans must have reconfigured it from my original plans.
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome back to the hub, did you fail at selecting the correct course?
Listens:
503
Who:
GLaDOS
Now I spy something that starts with an 'a'.
Listens:
363
Who:
Wheatley
There should be a portal device on that podium over there.
Listens:
335
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Non-lethal as ever.
Listens:
903
Who:
Defective Turret
Excellent work.
Listens:
369
Who:
GLaDOS
I swear I know him...
Listens:
430
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you...
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
I created this test to let the humans feel good about themselves. It is extremely easy. Just follow the arrows.
Listens:
511
Who:
GLaDOS
You know when I mentioned ten minutes? A little bit optimistic!
Listens:
317
Who:
Wheatley
It burns.
Listens:
2876
Who:
Turret
I'm not defective!
Listens:
2360
Who:
Defective Turret
Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home.
Listens:
1308
Who:
Core 1
Today, you will be testing with a partner.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
Not so fast!
Listens:
601
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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