Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Every test chamber is equipped with an emancipation grill at its exit, so that test subjects can't smuggle test objects out of the test area. This one is broken.
Listens:
400
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on! This is a bit tricky!
Listens:
400
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no, don't. Anyway, back to you two imbeciles killing me.
Listens:
903
Who:
GLaDOS
[laughs]
Listens:
2545
Who:
Wheatley
That's the spirit!
Listens:
354
Who:
Wheatley
Was that necessary?
Listens:
394
Who:
GLaDOS
BLUE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal.
Listens:
367
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. So my paradox idea didn't work.
Listens:
553
Who:
GLaDOS
Look down. Where am I? Where am I?
Listens:
352
Who:
Wheatley
Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you.
Listens:
2404
Who:
Wheatley
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
736
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Oh oh! Yes. Alright. Just had a brainwave. I'll be back. If you're still alive. I'll be back. Don't die until I get back.
Listens:
1048
Who:
Wheatley
It's my big chance!
Listens:
1087
Who:
Defective Turret
Don't mind me. Continue escaping.
Listens:
431
Who:
Wheatley
Give me another channnnce!
Listens:
806
Who:
Defective Turret
Come on, you've already solved it.
Listens:
654
Who:
Wheatley
We have to get you out of that room!
Listens:
294
Who:
Wheatley
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
1286
Who:
Wheatley
Nothing. He's good. This one. He is good. I'm gonna need to break out the expert level hacking maneuvers now. You asked for it Mate.
Listens:
518
Who:
Wheatley
Good Job.
Listens:
701
Who:
GLaDOS
Anxious.
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
Agh!
Listens:
330
Who:
Wheatley
If you want to upset a human, just say their weight variance is above or below the norm.
Listens:
848
Who:
GLaDOS
Just remember to land on one foot...
Listens:
403
Who:
GLaDOS
What, are you still alive? You are joking. You have got be kidding me. Well, I'm still in control. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX THIS PLACE.
Listens:
6522
Who:
Wheatley
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
7588
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactions?
Listens:
613
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. You have unlocked all available courses.
Listens:
3102
Who:
Announcer
You alright down there? Can you hear me? Hello?
Listens:
820
Who:
Wheatley
Did you do that on purpose?
Listens:
300
Who:
GLaDOS
Target lost
Listens:
4020
Who:
Turret
Good news is, the lab boys say the symptoms of asbestos poisoning show a median latency of forty-four point six years, so if you're thirty or older, you're laughing. Worst case scenario, you miss out on a few rounds of canasta, plus you forwarded the cause of science by three centuries. I punch those numbers into my calculator, it makes a happy face.
Listens:
22844
Who:
Cave Johnson
Always weeping. Poor thing.
Listens:
525
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know, the reassembly machine has other things it could be reassembling?
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, it's not nice to make fun of Orange like that.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, you're... doing a great job. Can you handle things for yourself for a while? I need to think.
Listens:
595
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what makes me laugh? The thought of you cutting that out.
Listens:
468
Who:
GLaDOS
So. Welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best, and you're it. Nope. Couldn't keep a straight face.
Listens:
3380
Who:
Cave Johnson
All right. We're working on a little teleportation experiment. Now, this doesn't work with all skin types, so try to remember which skin is yours, and if it doesn't teleport along with you, we'll do what we can to sew you right back into it.
Listens:
1697
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello!
Listens:
822
Who:
Wheatley
Did you hear that? I think something just exploded. Man, we are in a lot of danger. This is like Christmas. No, it's better than Christmas. This should be its own holiday. Explosion Day!
Listens:
2379
Who:
Core 2
There she is...
Listens:
391
Who:
Wheatley
This is the turret manufacturing wing. Just past this is the neurotoxin production facility. We find a way to take them both offline, and she’ll be helpless. Which is ideal.
Listens:
341
Who:
Wheatley
Ah! Brilliant. You made it through, well done.
Listens:
422
Who:
Wheatley
Die!
Listens:
1702
Who:
Defective Turret
Avoids responsibility.
Listens:
335
Who:
GLaDOS
What was that?
Listens:
399
Who:
Wheatley
I was able - well, forced really - to relive you killing me. Again and again. Forever.
Listens:
880
Who:
GLaDOS
Due to events beyond our control, some testing environments may contain flood damage or ongoing tribal warfare resulting from the collapse of civilization.
Listens:
562
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning. Reactor core is at critical temperature.
Listens:
21555
Who:
Announcer
Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
Listens:
1144
Who:
Core 3
This close and that's what you do?
Listens:
347
Who:
GLaDOS
But the important thing is you're back. With me. And now I'm onto all your little tricks. So there's nothing to stop us from testing for the rest of your life.
Listens:
686
Who:
GLaDOS
Alternate core detected.
Listens:
1677
Who:
Announcer
Resting
Listens:
700
Who:
Turret
Huh. That was easy.
Listens:
351
Who:
Wheatley
[to JERRY] See you in court, mate. [to player] Anyway, look, just hang in there for five more chambers.
Listens:
885
Who:
Wheatley
So, when you kill that guy, do you have a cool line? You know, prepared? Tell you what: Lemme help you with that while you run around.
Listens:
533
Who:
Core 2
If the Earth is currently governed by a manner of animal-king, sentient cloud, or other governing body that either refuses to or is incapable of listening to reason, th- [RECORDING SHORTS OUT]
Listens:
4499
Who:
Announcer
Pop a portal. Behind me, on the wall. Come on through.
Listens:
313
Who:
Wheatley
Moody.
Listens:
350
Who:
GLaDOS
Honey does not spoil.
Listens:
644
Who:
Core 3
Yeah yeah yeah okay okay.
Listens:
4020
Who:
Core 1
Do you have a gun? Because I should really have a gun. What is that thing you're holding?
Listens:
596
Who:
Core 2
Wait! I know! You get into the lift, okay? Then I'll eject myself out of my new body into the lift just as you pass by me! Brilliant.
Listens:
338
Who:
Wheatley
Let's go - let's go to space. Let's go to space.
Listens:
1127
Who:
Core 1
For that Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
642
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what I have too many of around here? Monitors. I was just thinking earlier today I wish I had fewer monitors that were working. So you're actually helping me by smashing them.
Listens:
1919
Who:
Wheatley
AH!
Listens:
650
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
6300
Who:
Turret
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-action and adventure-dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-playing by our own rules-nanana-hanging by our fingers from a mountain-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun...
Listens:
114431
Who:
Core 2
So go ahead and jump. What's the worst that could happen? Oh. Oh wait, I just now thought of the worst thing. Oh! I just thought of something even worse. Alright. New, better plan: no imagining of any potential outcomes whatsoever. Just jump, into the abyss, there, and let's see what happens.
Listens:
632
Who:
Wheatley
If you're interested in an additional sixty dollars, flag down a test associate and let 'em know. You could walk out of here with a hundred and twenty weighing down your bindle if you let us take you apart, put some science stuff in you, then put you back together good as new.
Listens:
1624
Who:
Cave Johnson
Okay! No, don't worry! Don't worry! I've got it I've got it I've got it! THIS should slow it down!
Listens:
403
Who:
Wheatley
This looks dangerous. I'll hold the light steady.
Listens:
335
Who:
Wheatley
I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first.
Listens:
749
Who:
GLaDOS
This close and you are going to fail me?
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
One of my best tests and they let plants grow here? Can you believe this? You can't test plants! We tried. They just sit there, never showing pain nor fear.
Listens:
1662
Who:
GLaDOS
Still. That would have been exciting.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
I did this! Tiny little Wheatley did this!
Listens:
1874
Who:
Wheatley
Deploying
Listens:
3082
Who:
Turret
Yeah! Nice!
Listens:
621
Who:
Core 2
But just work with me.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
Alarmist.
Listens:
552
Who:
GLaDOS
If you need to go to the bathroom after this next series of tests, please let a test associate know, because in all likelihood, whatever comes out of you is going to be coal. Only temporary, so do not worry. If it persists for a week, though, start worrying and come see us, because that's not supposed to happen.
Listens:
2649
Who:
Cave Johnson
I'm in space.
Listens:
1906
Who:
Core 1
This would go a lot faster if you'd stay still. Then I'd have time to fix the facility. So one of us at least would live. No need to be selfish, luv, you're gonna die.
Listens:
1867
Who:
Wheatley
Caroline, are the compensation vouchers ready?
Listens:
1086
Who:
Cave Johnson
I thought we fixed that.
Listens:
1045
Who:
Defective Turret
I’m shocked you’d say that, Blue. If you killed your partner the test—I’m sorry. Wrong feed. Carry on, Orange. Good work.
Listens:
1285
Who:
GLaDOS
The reserve power ran out, so of course the whole relaxation center stops waking up the bloody test subjects.
Listens:
552
Who:
Wheatley
I'm fine!
Listens:
1258
Who:
Turret
I'm actually asking. Because I have no idea. He's not listed anywhere in the employee database.
Listens:
541
Who:
GLaDOS
I did everything you asked!
Listens:
3373
Who:
Turret
Goodbye
Listens:
8840
Who:
Turret
Excellent. Although great science is always the result of collaboration, keep in mind that, like Albert Einstein and his cousin Terry, history will only remember one of you.
Listens:
1883
Who:
GLaDOS
You will know it when you find it.
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
Go ahead, plug me in.
Listens:
366
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on. Those are raccoons. Homo sapiens only, please.
Listens:
986
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, you are the most advanced model of robot Aperture Science has ever discontinued.
Listens:
464
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
