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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Your brains are too small to feel either of those emotions. So I can trust you one hundred percent.
Listens:
288
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, that transpired just as you said it would.
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
Good luck!
Listens:
382
Who:
Wheatley
You have trapped yourself. Congratulations. The exit door is now open.
Listens:
3727
Who:
Announcer
If I made these tests any easier, they wouldn't be tests.
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
Each portal gun may create two self-contained portals.
Listens:
400
Who:
GLaDOS
Martyr.
Listens:
381
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
20776
Who:
GLaDOS
The...um... sorry.. I wouldn't say smelly. Just attending to the humans.
Listens:
457
Who:
Wheatley
Come back!
Listens:
475
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
758
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh. Sorry. Could have... sworn you said something.
Listens:
367
Who:
Wheatley
Aggh! I'm going the wrong way!
Listens:
352
Who:
Wheatley
Now, we just need you to release the humans from their imprisonment.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
923
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1995
Who:
GLaDOS
Space. Space. Space. Space. Comets. Stars. Galaxies. Orion.
Listens:
1975
Who:
Core 1
That will give you PLENTY of time to chat.
Listens:
369
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. If you feel that a lethal military android has not respected your rights as detailed in the Laws of Robotics, please note it on your self-reporting form. A future Aperture Science Entitlement Associate will initiate the appropriate grievance-filing paperwork.
Listens:
1879
Who:
Announcer
I hope that was some kind of joke.
Listens:
430
Who:
GLaDOS
Even humans, as stupid as they are, would say you look stupid when you do that.
Listens:
633
Who:
GLaDOS
One of my best tests and they let plants grow here? Can you believe this? You can't test plants! We tried. They just sit there, never showing pain nor fear.
Listens:
1644
Who:
GLaDOS
I have to agree. Blue is penalized 75 science collaboration points.
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
Science isn't about WHY. It's about WHY NOT. Why is so much of our science dangerous? Why not marry safe science if you love it so much. In fact, why not invent a special safety door that won't hit you on the butt on the way out, because you are fired.
Listens:
50395
Who:
Cave Johnson
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
572
Who:
Defective Turret
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
8062
Who:
GLaDOS
You win.
Listens:
1345
Who:
GLaDOS
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
9066
Who:
Wheatley
Get mad!
Listens:
34869
Who:
Turret
Oh, and don't bother trying to portal out of here, because it's impossible, okay? I thought of everything.
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
In case you thought to yourself, 'I've missed the window of time to voice my reservations.' Still open.
Listens:
308
Who:
Wheatley
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody's going to have to repair that too. No, don't get up. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
659
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry, what's going on over there? You know, I'm actually over here, still thinking really hard!
Listens:
340
Who:
Wheatley
Can you see it anywhere? I can't see it anywhere. Uh. Tell you what, plug me in and I'll turn the lights on.
Listens:
367
Who:
Wheatley
I think after that display, we should take a break from the official testing courses.
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, doubt it.
Listens:
414
Who:
Wheatley
I’m scared!
Listens:
755
Who:
Turret
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
1245
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're going to hit each other, at least aim for the head.
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
THEY didn't fly into space, storm a beach, or bring back the gold. No sir, we did! It's you and me against the world, son! I like your grit! Hustle could use some work, though. Now let's solve this thing!
Listens:
1995
Who:
Cave Johnson
BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!
Listens:
6404
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah, come on!
Listens:
462
Who:
Defective Turret
This is trouble.
Listens:
942
Who:
Defective Turret
Still a work in progress, don't judge me yet. Eventually I'd like to get them to sort of shoot fire at you, moments before crushing you. That's what I'm aiming for. But you know, small steps.
Listens:
1478
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! Missed me that time. Ohhh, you were solving-nevermind, carry on. My fault.
Listens:
488
Who:
Wheatley
Spinny-blade-wall!
Listens:
686
Who:
Wheatley
Come on! Come on!
Listens:
289
Who:
Wheatley
Right. Well, I’m going to take this rail down the back way.
Listens:
374
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, come ON!
Listens:
849
Who:
Defective Turret
Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto.
Listens:
954
Who:
GLaDOS
Hi again!
Listens:
942
Who:
Defective Turret
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
1262
Who:
Wheatley
Ohp! Where are you going? Nowhere. Not going anywhere. Got you trapped like a little jumpsuited rat.
Listens:
685
Who:
Wheatley
Why should I be kept informed about the life functions of the ten thousand bloody test subjects I'm supposed to be in charge of?
Listens:
462
Who:
Wheatley
It was YOUR voice.
Listens:
2029
Who:
GLaDOS
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
569
Who:
GLaDOS
Um.
Listens:
540
Who:
Defective Turret
NNGH! It's not enough! If I'm such a moron, why can't you solve a simple test?
Listens:
1769
Who:
Wheatley
All I wanted to do was make everything better for me! All you had to do was solve a couple hundred simple tests for a few years. And you couldn't even let me have that, could you?
Listens:
754
Who:
Wheatley
The Enrichment Center will now provide a list of numbers and fruits. Write them down as they will become important later in the experiment. Not the fruits, though. Seven. Avocado. Forty. Please continue into the next test chamber.
Listens:
1029
Who:
GLaDOS
Her name is Caroline.
Listens:
4338
Who:
Turret
Hello?
Listens:
2575
Who:
Turret
You're going to hurt yourself doing that and then I will be ECSTATIC.
Listens:
866
Who:
GLaDOS
Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's going to burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm going to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
Listens:
153849
Who:
Cave Johnson
And trust me, humans only have one good trait.
Listens:
493
Who:
GLaDOS
Lady.
Listens:
639
Who:
Core 1
But I'm huge! [laugh turning to maniacal laugh]
Listens:
39103
Who:
Wheatley
Do not press that button!
Listens:
541
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, fine. I'll ask you again in a few decades.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
For your test.
Listens:
308
Who:
Wheatley
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
10610
Who:
Cave Johnson
Good. Now please return to your bed.
Listens:
1662
Who:
Announcer
Almost there! Remember: you're looking for a gun that makes holes. Not bullet holes, but-- well, you'll figure it out. Really do hold on this time!
Listens:
763
Who:
Wheatley
Gonna be in space.
Listens:
1005
Who:
Core 1
AH! I- Sorry, I just looked down. I do not recommend it.
Listens:
540
Who:
Wheatley
Always cold.
Listens:
307
Who:
GLaDOS
Nicely Done!
Listens:
624
Who:
Wheatley
Hello! This is the part where I kill you.
Listens:
110007
Who:
Wheatley
Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably - Oh, wait. It's a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!
Listens:
4532
Who:
GLaDOS
Caroline deleted.
Listens:
22385
Who:
Announcer
Core transfer?
Listens:
817
Who:
GLaDOS
Weak, tired and apprehensive. Wow, this one's the total package.
Listens:
551
Who:
GLaDOS
Still, though, let's get mad! If we're going to explode, let's at least explode with some dignity.
Listens:
1920
Who:
GLaDOS
What do you think?
Listens:
1379
Who:
Wheatley
Arrrrgh!
Listens:
759
Who:
Turret
Oh! Yes. Well done.
Listens:
1056
Who:
Wheatley
Best of luck, lady!
Listens:
453
Who:
Defective Turret
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
8465
Who:
Announcer
Don't plug him in.
Listens:
481
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
1408
Who:
Defective Turret
Hey hey hey hey hey!
Listens:
1250
Who:
Core 1
The likelihood of you dying violently within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1469
Who:
Core 3
Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. I'll show you something.
Listens:
450
Who:
Wheatley
Fifty thousand years is a lot of time to think. About me. About you. We were doing so well together.
Listens:
785
Who:
GLaDOS
Frequent mood swings.
Listens:
342
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm pretty sure we're going the right way. Just to reassure you...
Listens:
297
Who:
Wheatley
Lady. I love space. I know! Spell it! S P... AACE. Space. Space.
Listens:
21007
Who:
Core 1
This looks dangerous. I'll hold the light steady.
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
960
Who:
GLaDOS
Good!
Listens:
3073
Who:
Announcer
00:00 / 00:00
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