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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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AHHHHHHH!
Listens:
2050
Who:
Wheatley
SHUT UP!
Listens:
19385
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, alright.
Listens:
489
Who:
Defective Turret
Being Caroline taught me another valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
909
Who:
GLaDOS
Stalemate detected.
Listens:
4380
Who:
Announcer
Did you do that on purpose?
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
You just solved it, didn't you? I-told you to tell me before you... NNNNGH! Why are making this so HARD for me?
Listens:
561
Who:
Wheatley
Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
Listens:
964
Who:
Announcer
If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.
Listens:
1500
Who:
Announcer
Why should I be kept informed about the life functions of the ten thousand bloody test subjects I'm supposed to be in charge of?
Listens:
452
Who:
Wheatley
I can only place a portal on a white portalable surface.
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
I miss this that smell.
Listens:
423
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you need real encouragement? Let's see if this helps.
Listens:
407
Who:
GLaDOS
Fifty thousand years is a lot of time to think. About me. About you. We were doing so well together.
Listens:
775
Who:
GLaDOS
Sentry mode activated
Listens:
1965
Who:
Turret
And here's the best part. There's a conveyor belt that will convey you in convenient comfort right into the masher. You won't have to lift a finger. Everything's been taken care of. Didn't have to. Didn't have to do that.
Listens:
491
Who:
Wheatley
Oh.
Listens:
396
Who:
Wheatley
Human tapeworms can grow up to twenty-two point nine meters.
Listens:
662
Who:
Core 3
Using your ping tool, please indicate where you would like me to place your two portals. Ping each location.
Listens:
428
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, blue isn't a human. The lesson on trust only needs to be taught once. Orange is penalized 1 science collaboration point.
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
Man, that clock is moving fast. And you are beautiful. Always time to compliment a pretty lady. All right, back to work. Let's do this.
Listens:
748
Who:
Core 2
I love space.
Listens:
1042
Who:
Core 1
Hold on. Run back the other way! I'll turn the bridges back on!
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
Howdy, stranger! We're back!
Listens:
913
Who:
Defective Turret
Yep. Still blind.
Listens:
838
Who:
Defective Turret
Huh. That was easy.
Listens:
346
Who:
Wheatley
Blue is penalized
Listens:
425
Who:
GLaDOS
Very good! You found those useless blueprints.
Listens:
513
Who:
GLaDOS
To complete this test, you need to find a set of blue prints.
Listens:
284
Who:
GLaDOS
Initiating surprise in three... two... one.
Listens:
3596
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, sorry. I'm still cleaning out the test chambers.
Listens:
435
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, credit where it's due: for a little idiot built specifically to come up with stupid, unworkable plans, that was a pretty well laid trap.
Listens:
863
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello? Friend.
Listens:
29211
Who:
Turret
You really are doing great... Chell.
Listens:
43118
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you guess 'sharks'? Because that's wrong. The correct answer is 'nobody.' Nobody but you is that pointlessly cruel.
Listens:
4207
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.
Listens:
939
Who:
Wheatley
Blue now has a Portal Device. Finally.
Listens:
536
Who:
GLaDOS
We all agree you should stop.
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
I know how humans make more humans, and frankly, it's ridiculous. It also assumes that you already have a human, which I hope somebody got fired over. So I came up a with BETTER way.
Listens:
23838
Who:
GLaDOS
We are now going to take a break from the collaboration for an instructional competition.
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
Ow!
Listens:
417
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, hold on now WHOA WHOA WHOA!
Listens:
1621
Who:
Defective Turret
This is the last test for the standard course. It's just something I whipped up for you. I thought you might enjoy a challenge for once.
Listens:
321
Who:
GLaDOS
You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
Listens:
2081
Who:
Core 2
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
2046
Who:
Cave Johnson
Come closer.
Listens:
685
Who:
Turret
Whales are twice as intelligent, and three times as delicious, as humans.
Listens:
1713
Who:
Core 3
Please wave to your partner.
Listens:
614
Who:
GLaDOS
I think he's getting desperate.
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
Listens:
608
Who:
Defective Turret
Tell you what, here's a plan. Let's just both... continue contemplating... in absolute silence...
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on...
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
Explosion imminent. Evacuate the facility immediately.
Listens:
28942
Who:
Announcer
Not a problem. I'll make an exit.
Listens:
356
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. [nervous laugh] Can't do it if you're leering at me. Creepy.
Listens:
542
Who:
Wheatley
And off we go.
Listens:
364
Who:
Wheatley
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
1456
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
1018
Who:
Core 1
You're just delaying the inevitable. You cannot run from my bombs forever. Well, you can if I keep aiming them poorly. But I'll get better as we go, and you'll just get tired.
Listens:
895
Who:
Wheatley
Ah for Pete's sake!
Listens:
981
Who:
Defective Turret
Here it comes, pal!
Listens:
482
Who:
Defective Turret
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
8195
Who:
Announcer
Raseph, the Semitic god of war and plague, had a gazelle growing out of his forehead.
Listens:
877
Who:
Core 3
You didn't think you were the first, did you? [laughs] No. Fifth. No, I lie: Sixth. Perhaps it's best to leave it to your imagination what happened to the other five...
Listens:
846
Who:
Wheatley
That is a potato battery. It's a toy for children. And now she lives in it.
Listens:
3753
Who:
Wheatley
The human vault is just past that opening. I entered the security code but the vault door remains locked. I am going to need you to activate the manual locks on the vault door itself.
Listens:
803
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
603
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange receives
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh wait! I've got it I've got it I've got it! No, I haven't got it.
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
682
Who:
Core 1
You failed so many times in this test, I thought you were becoming human. But then you would just come back again and again and again.
Listens:
527
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no. Change of plans. Hold onto me. Tighter!
Listens:
693
Who:
Wheatley
Dental floss has superb tensile strength.
Listens:
1140
Who:
Core 3
This is the neurotoxin generator. Bit bigger than I expected. Not going to be able to just, you know, push it over. Have to apply some cleverness.
Listens:
884
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
2987
Who:
Turret
I'm starting to think you don't want to rescue the humans.
Listens:
345
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I'll take that as a no, then.
Listens:
402
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, hello! No, we're not stopping!
Listens:
789
Who:
Wheatley
If you had underwear? And a butt? I would pull your underwear... right up your butt.
Listens:
26685
Who:
Core 2
I would prefer to speak to one of you in private but since that is not an option here, I will speak in code that only one of you will understand. Blue: Orange is plotting to destroy you.
Listens:
728
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm--do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to work on the assumption that you're still alive and I'm just going to wait for you up ahead.
Listens:
381
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Sorry. The lift. Sorry. I keep forgetting.
Listens:
492
Who:
Wheatley
The irony is that you were almost at the last test.
Listens:
498
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh. Alright? I don't know whether you're picking up on what I'm saying there, but...
Listens:
347
Who:
Wheatley
AH!
Listens:
703
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no, don't. Anyway, back to you two imbeciles killing me.
Listens:
883
Who:
GLaDOS
Be careful. Hugging can lead to... well, me disassembling you forever.
Listens:
506
Who:
GLaDOS
Why?
Listens:
2440
Who:
Turret
Finish it...
Listens:
378
Who:
Wheatley
Clearly that was blue's fault. Blue is penalized 3 science collaboration points.
Listens:
339
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh! Are you having a laugh?
Listens:
1010
Who:
Wheatley
Oh... can someone reassemble Orange?
Listens:
293
Who:
GLaDOS
Plus, I put a lot of effort in getting this lair ready for you. It'd certainly teach me a lesson if you simply died, painlessly, twenty feet from the door. I'd be furious. I'd be like RRRRR. I got my just desserts. No more than I deserve. Why not teach me a lesson by jumping in the old masher?
Listens:
870
Who:
Wheatley
Go on. Get in.
Listens:
331
Who:
Wheatley
Blue what did you do?
Listens:
377
Who:
GLaDOS
Her name is Caroline.
Listens:
4324
Who:
Turret
Are you alive down there?
Listens:
471
Who:
Wheatley
Uh oh.
Listens:
475
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, I'm uh... I'm a bad man!
Listens:
948
Who:
Defective Turret
Ah! How long's the door been open?
Listens:
397
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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