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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Blabbermouth.
Listens:
469
Who:
GLaDOS
Gently cleaning the tongue twice a day is the most effective way to fight bad breath.
Listens:
547
Who:
Core 3
But don't worry, you are in the lead.
Listens:
347
Who:
GLaDOS
Hurry!
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
Did anything happen while I was out?
Listens:
432
Who:
GLaDOS
Space...
Listens:
1300
Who:
Core 1
Yes Mr. Johnson
Listens:
1487
Who:
Caroline
I know we're in a lot of trouble and probably about to die.
Listens:
451
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
706
Who:
Wheatley
Hey lady.
Listens:
1060
Who:
Core 1
Uh oh.
Listens:
490
Who:
Wheatley
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
714
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Squeaky-voice! Gimme some of your bullets!
Listens:
2477
Who:
Defective Turret
This should take us right to her. I can't believe I'm finally doing this!
Listens:
289
Who:
Wheatley
Even humans, as stupid as they are, would say you look stupid when you do that.
Listens:
636
Who:
GLaDOS
Are we in space?
Listens:
1048
Who:
Core 1
The likelihood of you dying within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1636
Who:
Core 3
I went and spoke with the door mainframe. Let's just say he won't be... well, living anymore. Anyway, back to testing.
Listens:
1540
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought we fixed that.
Listens:
1027
Who:
Defective Turret
We are?
Listens:
695
Who:
Core 1
Alarmist.
Listens:
542
Who:
GLaDOS
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit.
Listens:
556
Who:
Core 3
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1255
Who:
GLaDOS
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
1321
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
990
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright, so, silent contemplation it is. Mysterious button... Sorry. Sorry. Silence. Do not speak. In the silence. Let the silence descend. Here it comes. One hundred percent silence. From now. By the way, if you come up with any ideas, do flag them up. Don't feel you have to stay quiet because I've said absolute silence. So if you come up with an idea, mention it. Otherwise, absolute silence starting... Now.
Listens:
1836
Who:
Wheatley
That is a potato battery. It's a toy for children. And now she lives in it.
Listens:
3772
Who:
Wheatley
BECAUSE I'M A POTATO.
Listens:
774054
Who:
GLaDOS
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-DUN! DUN DUN! Dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-DUN! DUN DUN! nananaDUNDUNDUN dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun...
Listens:
4301
Who:
Core 2
Since making test participation mandatory for all employees, the quality of our test subjects has risen dramatically. Employee retention, however, has not.
Listens:
2998
Who:
Cave Johnson
Moody.
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
You have been a thorn in my side long enough!
Listens:
899
Who:
Wheatley
Okay... that's probably correct. But where it is incorrect is while I've been stalling you WE JUST PRESSED THE BUTTON! USE THE MOMENT OF CONFUSION I'VE JUST CREATED TO PRESS THE BUTTON!
Listens:
657
Who:
Wheatley
No! I'm not listening! I'm not listening!
Listens:
651
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
Listens:
802
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
427
Who:
Wheatley
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
1802
Who:
GLaDOS
I honestly, TRULY didn't think you'd fall for that.
Listens:
1873
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't even know what I just said! But I can find out!
Listens:
455
Who:
Wheatley
Crushing's too good for him. First he'll spend a year in the incinerator. Year two: Cryogenic refrigeration wing. Then TEN years in the chamber I built where all the robots scream at you. THEN I'll kill him.
Listens:
4352
Who:
GLaDOS
Awwww
Listens:
3107
Who:
Turret
This lock requires humans.
Listens:
420
Who:
GLaDOS
Your destination's probably not going to come meet us here. Is it? So go on.
Listens:
289
Who:
Wheatley
Antisocial.
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah.
Listens:
578
Who:
GLaDOS
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
592
Who:
GLaDOS
Then we'd come and find you. And rip your gross little stupid sphere body out of MY body, and put me back in.
Listens:
485
Who:
GLaDOS
Do hear that? That's the sound of the neurotoxin emitters emitting neurotoxin.
Listens:
1539
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you do that on purpose?
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
Listens:
2401
Who:
Cave Johnson
It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in 1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize.'
Listens:
1585
Who:
Core 3
Thanks anyway...
Listens:
1177
Who:
Turret
*cough* Press the button, would you?
Listens:
1169
Who:
Wheatley
This ain't Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!
Listens:
597
Who:
Core 2
Orange, Blue and I were just discussing your behavior on the last few tests.
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay still, please.
Listens:
636
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, that port looks comfy. Why don't you put me on it, please.
Listens:
295
Who:
Wheatley
Let go!
Listens:
414
Who:
Wheatley
She probably deserved it.
Listens:
862
Who:
Turret
[beep] Sarcasm Self Test complete. [beep]
Listens:
314424
Who:
Announcer
That's ridiculous, how do they know for sure the tests are deadly if they could still write the suggestion?
Listens:
427
Who:
GLaDOS
If you had underwear? And a butt? I would pull your underwear... right up your butt.
Listens:
26840
Who:
Core 2
You’ve made your point.
Listens:
831
Who:
Turret
So. Boom. Better offer here is just kill yourself. Seems like a lot of effort to walk all the way to my deadly lair, when there's a perfectly serviceable death option right there. Again: not a death trap. Your death would be entirely voluntary. And very much appreciated.
Listens:
1180
Who:
Wheatley
Get to HER! I'll find you!
Listens:
297
Who:
Wheatley
You just solved it, didn't you? I-told you to tell me before you... NNNNGH! Why are making this so HARD for me?
Listens:
564
Who:
Wheatley
I love it too. There's just one small thing we need to take care of first.
Listens:
740
Who:
GLaDOS
Where are you going? Don't run! Don't run! I'll tell you why you shouldn't run: The harder you breathe, the more neurotoxin you'll inhale. It's bloody clever, this stuff. Seriously, it's devilish.
Listens:
671
Who:
Wheatley
Ah! How long's the door been open?
Listens:
404
Who:
Wheatley
This is the neurotoxin generator. Bit bigger than I expected. Not going to be able to just, you know, push it over. Have to apply some cleverness.
Listens:
911
Who:
Wheatley
And they said no one would ever die during this test, thanks for proving them wrong.
Listens:
466
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm actually asking. Because I have no idea. He's not listed anywhere in the employee database.
Listens:
535
Who:
GLaDOS
This is AMAZING! We can walk wherever we want! Look, just... go left! No, go right, go right! Don't even care, don't even care, just go where ever you want, couldn't care less.
Listens:
462
Who:
Wheatley
Technical... Ummm... You'll need to turn around while I do this.
Listens:
422
Who:
Wheatley
Diamonds are made when coal is put under intense pressure. Diamonds put under intense pressure become foam pellets, commonly used today as packing material.
Listens:
1917
Who:
Core 3
Your ping tool is invaluable for communicating specific locations to your partner.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
YEAH! What's happening?
Listens:
480
Who:
Defective Turret
Come on come on come on!
Listens:
321
Who:
Wheatley
Stop it!
Listens:
5592
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations on completing that test. But something seems off.
Listens:
296
Who:
GLaDOS
DANCING is NOT SCIENCE!
Listens:
46851
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha! Death trap!
Listens:
827
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! It's going faster, which I was... not expecting.
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
No, seriously. Do come back. Come back, please.
Listens:
1240
Who:
Wheatley
Shake it off! Shake it off!
Listens:
527
Who:
Core 2
Pff. Whatever.
Listens:
591
Who:
Core 2
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
1260
Who:
Wheatley
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Listens:
774
Who:
Core 3
This next test involves turrets. You remember them, right? They're the pale spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh wait. That's you in five seconds. Good luck.
Listens:
1777
Who:
GLaDOS
See nothing bad happened.
Listens:
636
Who:
GLaDOS
You will never go into space.
Listens:
1067
Who:
Core 3
Interpreting vague answer as YES.
Listens:
26271
Who:
Announcer
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
745
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
5986
Who:
GLaDOS
Why should I be kept informed about the life functions of the ten thousand bloody test subjects I'm supposed to be in charge of?
Listens:
464
Who:
Wheatley
Did you feel that? That idiot doesn't know what he's doing up there. This whole place is going to explode in a few hours if somebody doesn't disconnect him.
Listens:
1314
Who:
GLaDOS
Human tapeworms can grow up to twenty-two point nine meters.
Listens:
669
Who:
Core 3
Yes, you 'solved' it, but I'm wondering if there are a number of ways to solve them and you're picking all the worst ways.
Listens:
490
Who:
Wheatley
Go ahead, plug me in.
Listens:
361
Who:
GLaDOS
Here it is - the turret factory entrance! We made it.
Listens:
313
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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