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Portal 2
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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That’s right. You're not humans.
Listens:
348
Who:
GLaDOS
The first commercial airline flight took to the air in 1914. Everyone involved screamed the entire way.
Listens:
943
Who:
Core 3
Don't make lemonade!
Listens:
20910
Who:
Turret
Which involves deadly lasers and how test subjects react when locked in a room with deadly lasers.
Listens:
1009
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on.
Listens:
328
Who:
Wheatley
Emotional problems.
Listens:
430
Who:
GLaDOS
Oooh! Ooh! Hi hi hi hi hi. Where we going? Where we going? Hey. Lady. Where we going? Where we going? Let's go to space!
Listens:
8362
Who:
Core 1
How about a knife, then? You keep the gun, I'll use a knife.
Listens:
531
Who:
Core 2
You are having so much trouble navigating this space; I wish I could say I created this test.
Listens:
537
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, I'm uh... I'm a bad man!
Listens:
940
Who:
Defective Turret
Are you still there?
Listens:
57243
Who:
Turret
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
467
Who:
Defective Turret
GET YOUR HANDES OFF ME! NO! STOP! No!
Listens:
4662
Who:
GLaDOS
Doesn't bother me. I gotta say, the view's mighty nice from right here.
Listens:
527
Who:
Core 2
And that's why I can't help you solve these tests.
Listens:
543
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh oh oh ohohohoh oh. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
1088
Who:
Core 1
Do, uh.... we get some eyes at some point?
Listens:
705
Who:
Defective Turret
Well played.
Listens:
439
Who:
Defective Turret
Are you alive down there?
Listens:
459
Who:
Wheatley
Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need.
Listens:
858
Who:
GLaDOS
Blabbermouth.
Listens:
433
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
4932
Who:
Turret
Back again!
Listens:
964
Who:
Defective Turret
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
9746
Who:
Cave Johnson
Congratulations on completing the Aperture Science standard cooperative testing courses.
Listens:
485
Who:
GLaDOS
You find a way to stun him, I'll send you a core, and then you attach it to him. If we do it a few times, he might become corrupt enough for another core transfer.
Listens:
381
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, fine. I'm not saying another word until you do it properly. I'm sick of this.
Listens:
571
Who:
Wheatley
You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
Listens:
2028
Who:
Core 2
Also, I took the liberty of watching the tapes of you killing her, and I'm not going to make the same mistakes. Four part plan is this:
Listens:
663
Who:
Wheatley
If you ARE there, would you mind... giving me a little bit of help? [nervous laugh] Just picking me up.
Listens:
427
Who:
Wheatley
So that's just what I was doing. I was just reading... ah... books. So I'm not a moron.
Listens:
2233
Who:
Wheatley
No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!
Listens:
590
Who:
Wheatley
Open the door!
Listens:
372
Who:
Wheatley
Agh!
Listens:
321
Who:
Wheatley
You did it!
Listens:
452
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, I almost forgot, when you go outside the testing courses the only way I can retrieve you is to violently disassemble and then carefully reassemble you.
Listens:
614
Who:
GLaDOS
The billionth digit of Pi is 9.
Listens:
1104
Who:
Core 3
Brain Mapping. Artificial Intelligence. We should have been working on it thirty years ago. I will say this - and I'm gonna say it on tape so everybody hears it a hundred times a day: If I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I want Caroline to run this place.
Listens:
2723
Who:
Cave Johnson
Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
1414
Who:
Caroline
I thought we fixed that.
Listens:
994
Who:
Defective Turret
The likelihood of you dying violently within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1441
Who:
Core 3
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
1365
Who:
Defective Turret
Good!
Listens:
3009
Who:
Announcer
It wasn't anything personal. Just... you know. You DID kill me. Fair's fair.
Listens:
513
Who:
GLaDOS
It emphasizes teamwork.
Listens:
287
Who:
GLaDOS
He's taking us right TO him! This is PERFECT.
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
We are now going to take a break from the collaboration for an instructional competition.
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
Just turn around.
Listens:
283
Who:
Wheatley
Every time you fail, it's a reminder of the way things used to be. But then there you are. Again. Like nothing happened.
Listens:
465
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh thank god, you're alright.
Listens:
1823
Who:
GLaDOS
Sir!
Listens:
1363
Who:
Caroline
Live turret line is active. Enter room with extreme caution.
Listens:
892
Who:
Announcer
AH!
Listens:
525
Who:
Wheatley
Jump! Actually, looking at it, that is quite a distance, isn't it?
Listens:
302
Who:
Wheatley
Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's going to burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm going to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
Listens:
152030
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hey, nice potato!
Listens:
99894
Who:
Defective Turret
Laughs at own jokes. What a bore.
Listens:
655
Who:
GLaDOS
Never listens.
Listens:
376
Who:
GLaDOS
For instance, Orange, you just lost two opportunity advisement points.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
You never considered that maybe I tested you to give the endless hours of your pointless existence some structure and meaning. Maybe to help you concentrate, so just maybe you’d think of something more worthwhile to do with your sorry life.
Listens:
2474
Who:
GLaDOS
Woooaaah!
Listens:
1199
Who:
Turret
Did you notice I didn't even stay to the end of your last test?
Listens:
293
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange receives
Listens:
293
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, stop moving.
Listens:
424
Who:
Wheatley
Please test your device by portaling to that ledge.
Listens:
282
Who:
GLaDOS
That's it. Scan it for me.
Listens:
644
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Good news! [electic pop] Nevermind.
Listens:
6646
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, yes, it's a trap. But it's only way through. Let's just do it.
Listens:
638
Who:
GLaDOS
A computer. Not a surprise. Expected. Check that off the list. Computer identified. Tick.
Listens:
468
Who:
Wheatley
I saw it. It was an accident.
Listens:
918
Who:
Turret
This is trouble.
Listens:
914
Who:
Defective Turret
Can I help you?
Listens:
894
Who:
Turret
Try something.
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
Target aquired.
Listens:
2271
Who:
Turret
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
911
Who:
GLaDOS
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
34528
Who:
GLaDOS
Searching
Listens:
847
Who:
Turret
Hell, put her in my computer. I don't care.
Listens:
1633
Who:
Cave Johnson
Be careful!
Listens:
295
Who:
Wheatley
Orange what did you do?
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
Well... Good. Good. Finally, a nemesis worthy of my vast intellect.
Listens:
706
Who:
Wheatley
Hi?
Listens:
874
Who:
Turret
Look out! I'm right behind you! No, of course I'm not. Saw through that too. Forty feet tall, right in front of you. Not my greatest ruse. To be honest. Still a giant robot, though.
Listens:
1210
Who:
Wheatley
This is the main breaker room. Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else.
Listens:
398
Who:
Wheatley
Oh oh oh oh. Wait wait. Wait I know. I know. I know wait. Space.
Listens:
1324
Who:
Core 1
Lacks confidence.
Listens:
282
Who:
GLaDOS
Still running. Alright. Looks tiring. Tell you what - you stop running and I'll stop bombing you... That seems fair.
Listens:
494
Who:
Wheatley
Anything? Take your time.
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what? Go ahead and jump. You've got braces on your legs. No braces on your arms, though. Gonna have to rely on the old human strength to keep a grip on the device and, by extension, me. So do. Do make sure to maintain a grip.
Listens:
448
Who:
Wheatley
All right. We're working on a little teleportation experiment. Now, this doesn't work with all skin types, so try to remember which skin is yours, and if it doesn't teleport along with you, we'll do what we can to sew you right back into it.
Listens:
1661
Who:
Cave Johnson
Didn't pick up on my sarcasm...
Listens:
4807
Who:
Wheatley
Am I being too vague? I despise you. I loathe you. You arrogant, smugly quiet, awful jumpsuited monster of a woman. You and your little potato friend. This place would have been a triumph if it wasn't for you!
Listens:
22001
Who:
Wheatley
Human tapeworms can grow up to twenty-two point nine meters.
Listens:
637
Who:
Core 3
Space going to space can't wait.
Listens:
3104
Who:
Core 1
Reactor Explosion Timer destroyed.
Listens:
3818
Who:
Announcer
Careful... Careful...
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
Just--do the test! Just do the test.
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
Probably best to ignore it, though. Just leave it be. We don't know where those panels it's cutting are going. Could be somewhere important.
Listens:
286
Who:
Wheatley
That's where YOU come in.
Listens:
919
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh dear.
Listens:
902
Who:
Turret
00:00 / 00:00
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