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Portal 2
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Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Listens:
752
Who:
Wheatley
See you at the bottom. Good luck!
Listens:
330
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, sorry. I'm still cleaning out the test chambers.
Listens:
448
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, hang on. What if we gave it something ELSE to scan?
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
Don't you DARE plug him in.
Listens:
678
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, be a sport lady, and just tell him I killed you.
Listens:
2748
Who:
Defective Turret
The humans accidentally forgot to put a security DVD in the player.
Listens:
376
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah.
Listens:
403
Who:
Defective Turret
AH!
Listens:
650
Who:
Wheatley
Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news.
Listens:
5108
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh, it's a core you've put on me! Who told you to do that? Was it her? [as if he's looking around] It's just making me stronger, luv! It's a fool's errand!
Listens:
2813
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent. The Enrichment Center reminds you that bold, persistent experimentation is the hallmark of good science.
Listens:
461
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, it's not nice to make fun of Orange like that.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
There is a box part here. Probably got some electronics in there.
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
'Skeletons.' Right, I guess I DID stockpile some tests.
Listens:
977
Who:
GLaDOS
On ya go.
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
There are 5000 other two subject teams in direct competition with you.
Listens:
352
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm different...
Listens:
70389
Who:
Turret
Wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
2618
Who:
Core 1
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
6090
Who:
GLaDOS
Right on that stick over there. Just put me right on it.
Listens:
295
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, I GOT it, didn't I?
Listens:
481
Who:
Defective Turret
Please put me down
Listens:
1434
Who:
Turret
Hell, put her in my computer. I don't care.
Listens:
1667
Who:
Cave Johnson
All right. I’m going to bring this farce to a close before someone sustains a serious Tic-Tac-Toe-Two-related injury.
Listens:
485
Who:
GLaDOS
I won't let you down!
Listens:
420
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello?
Listens:
2601
Who:
Turret
Don't listen to him. Jump.
Listens:
544
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, this way
Listens:
302
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, I see you waving.
Listens:
1054
Who:
GLaDOS
Can you reach that wall back there?
Listens:
296
Who:
Wheatley
You know how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a belated birthday present for you. Well... more of a belated birthday medical procedure. Well. Technically, it's a medical EXPERIMENT. What's important is, it's a present.
Listens:
3064
Who:
GLaDOS
Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
1449
Who:
Caroline
Still, it turns out they're a great portal conductor. So now we're gonna see if jumping in and out of these new portals can somehow leech the lunar poison out of a man's bloodstream. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. [coughs] Let's all stay positive and do some science.
Listens:
19562
Who:
Cave Johnson
Alright, I'm pulling you out.
Listens:
755
Who:
GLaDOS
Argumentative.
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
12464
Who:
Core 1
Simple word. 'Apple'.
Listens:
635
Who:
Wheatley
Ahahaha
Listens:
2141
Who:
Turret
The upcoming tests require you to work together as a team.
Listens:
397
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't press that button. You don't know what you're doing.
Listens:
1801
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello? Friend.
Listens:
29687
Who:
Turret
Had a brainwave. I'm going to tape you solving these, and then watch ten at once-get a more concentrated burst of science. Oh, on a related note: I'm going to need you to solve these ten times as fast.
Listens:
654
Who:
Wheatley
Still here on the floor. Waiting to be picked up. Um.
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
If I made these tests any easier, they wouldn't be tests.
Listens:
328
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?
Listens:
662
Who:
GLaDOS
Aggggh!
Listens:
362
Who:
Wheatley
Corruption at 25%
Listens:
886
Who:
Core 3
Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna do it. I don't want to go in there. Don't... Don't go in there - She's off. She's off! Panic over! She's off. All fine! On we go.
Listens:
611
Who:
Wheatley
I thought of some good news. He's going to run out of test chambers eventually. I never stockpiled them.
Listens:
395
Who:
GLaDOS
Try something.
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
Was that necessary?
Listens:
394
Who:
GLaDOS
One of my best tests and they let plants grow here? Can you believe this? You can't test plants! We tried. They just sit there, never showing pain nor fear.
Listens:
1662
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
588
Who:
Defective Turret
Is anyone there?
Listens:
7781
Who:
Turret
Federal Superfund regulations require us to inform you that you must now leave the theater, as measuring the effects of asbestos-lined promotional clothing is not part of today's presentation. Enjoy your free t-shirt. Goodbye.
Listens:
4985
Who:
GLaDOS
Allright, what have we got?
Listens:
293
Who:
Wheatley
Jump! Actually, looking at it, that is quite a distance, isn't it?
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
I shouldn't spoil this, but... remember how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a present for you. Well, I guess it's more of a medical procedure. Well, technically it's more of a medical experiment. You know how excruciating it is when someone removes all of your bone marrow? Well, what if after I did that, I put something back IN that added four years to your life?
Listens:
3577
Who:
GLaDOS
Dad! I'm in space! [low-pitched 'space' voice] I'm proud of you, son. [normal voice] Dad, are you space? [low-pitched 'space' voice] Yes. Now we are a family again.
Listens:
463809
Who:
Core 1
Passive-aggressive.
Listens:
471
Who:
GLaDOS
Dreams are the subconscious mind's way of reminding people to go to school naked and have their teeth fall out.
Listens:
1320
Who:
Core 3
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
620
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
1431
Who:
GLaDOS
Agggh...
Listens:
502
Who:
Defective Turret
Lacks charisma.
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
Ooh. It's dark down here isn't it?
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
Just so you know, I have to go give a deposition. For an upcoming trial. In case that interests you.
Listens:
384
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh, not now!
Listens:
532
Who:
Defective Turret
Blue, why did you do that to Orange?
Listens:
361
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent.
Listens:
898
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohp! Where are you going? Nowhere. Not going anywhere. Got you trapped like a little jumpsuited rat.
Listens:
695
Who:
Wheatley
There should be one in the corner.
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
There. If you have any questions, just remember what I said in slow motion. Test on your own recognizance, I'll be right back.
Listens:
1086
Who:
GLaDOS
Please wave to your partner.
Listens:
627
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom.
Listens:
17126
Who:
Core 2
Ow. I hate this bird.
Listens:
2013
Who:
GLaDOS
And to your right, something huge hurtling towards you OH GOD RUN! THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THERE.
Listens:
2824
Who:
Wheatley
Could you turn around? Is that possible?
Listens:
294
Who:
Wheatley
Wait, what if this hurts? What if it REALLY hurts? Ohhh, I didn't think of that.
Listens:
2032
Who:
Wheatley
I'm guessing this wasn't one of the scientist's children. I don't want to be snobby, but let's be honest: It's got manual laborer written all over it. I'm not saying they're not as good as the professionals. They're just a lot dumber.
Listens:
657
Who:
Wheatley
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
2091
Who:
Cave Johnson
The plural of surgeon general is surgeons general. The past tense of surgeons general is surgeonsed general.
Listens:
1416
Who:
Core 3
Hello!
Listens:
12839
Who:
Turret
Orange what did you do?
Listens:
394
Who:
GLaDOS
(excited gasps)
Listens:
1637
Who:
Core 1
Oh, you are kidding me.
Listens:
6153
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello! This is the part where I kill you.
Listens:
110785
Who:
Wheatley
AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl-- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
Listens:
7066
Who:
Wheatley
You may want to try and avoid those turrets.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
The good news is... well, none so far, to be honest. I'll get back to you on that.
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, go on, just pull that turret out.
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
We're not safe yet. Quick! Follow the walkway.
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
And whose fault do you think it's going to be when the management comes down here and finds ten thousand flipping vegetables?
Listens:
1730
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, I'm uh... I'm a bad man!
Listens:
959
Who:
Defective Turret
Very good! You found those useless blueprints.
Listens:
528
Who:
GLaDOS
Would you mind putting your back towards me? So I can see only your back. And not your face.
Listens:
314
Who:
Wheatley
Come on through.
Listens:
342
Who:
Wheatley
You did it!
Listens:
482
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah! There you are. Great. Let me just get rid of this catwalk.
Listens:
413
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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