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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Oh! What can we do with me then. I know! Plug me into the port, please.
Listens:
317
Who:
Wheatley
So. If you've got any reservations whatsoever about this plan, now would be the time to voice them.
Listens:
380
Who:
Wheatley
Hello. Hello. Hell-- Aw, crap...
Listens:
13058
Who:
Defective Turret
The way you two just gave up on that test together shows you are really working as a team.
Listens:
307
Who:
GLaDOS
It's happening sooner than I expected.
Listens:
361
Who:
GLaDOS
The end.
Listens:
1659
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait. Just thought of something? How am I going to get in? You know, being bloody massive and everything.
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, come on, you guys!
Listens:
654
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh! Sorry. The lift. Sorry. I keep forgetting.
Listens:
502
Who:
Wheatley
You could stand to lose a few pounds.
Listens:
829
Who:
Core 3
I am a coiled spring right now. Tension and power. Just... I'm a muscle. Like a big arm muscle, punching through a brick wall, and it's hitting the wall so hard the arm is catching on fire. Oh yeah.
Listens:
4053
Who:
Core 2
Well, I tried.
Listens:
424
Who:
Defective Turret
You two are going to LOVE this big surprise. In fact, you might say that you're both going to love it to death. Love it... until it kills you. Until you're dead.
Listens:
3555
Who:
Wheatley
That’s right. You're not humans.
Listens:
387
Who:
GLaDOS
Powerup initiated.
Listens:
4823
Who:
Announcer
Blah.
Listens:
1120
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I'll take that as a no, then. Fine. Well. May the best man win. Sphere. May the best sphere win. Swap that in. Much more clever. Books.
Listens:
857
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry, what's going on over there? You know, I'm actually over here, still thinking really hard!
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.
Listens:
1188
Who:
GLaDOS
This looks dangerous. I'll hold the light steady.
Listens:
335
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, fine. Let's all act like humans. 'Look at me. Boy, do I love sweating. Let's convert beef and leaves into energy and excrete them later and go shopping.'
Listens:
47157
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you.
Listens:
604
Who:
GLaDOS
It burns.
Listens:
2876
Who:
Turret
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
754
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, it will. Believe me, it will.
Listens:
1818
Who:
GLaDOS
It's interesting. You won't regret it. I promise.
Listens:
350
Who:
Wheatley
Weighted Cubes calibrated.
Listens:
448
Who:
GLaDOS
We will attempt to comply with these now non-existent agencies by playing some more smooth jazz.
Listens:
3370
Who:
Announcer
Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly.
Listens:
718
Who:
GLaDOS
Plug me in, plug me in!
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
735
Who:
Core 1
Orange, blue isn't a human. The lesson on trust only needs to be taught once. Orange is penalized 1 science collaboration point.
Listens:
363
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah.
Listens:
580
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Let's do this!
Listens:
649
Who:
Defective Turret
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
541
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting fact: you're not breathing real air. It's too expensive to pump this far down. We just take carbon dioxide out of a room, freshen it up a little, and pump it back in. So you'll be breathing the same room full of air for the rest of your life. I thought that was interesting.
Listens:
4893
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, new turrets. Not defective. Ace of fours. The best hand. Unbeatable, I imagine.
Listens:
1610
Who:
Wheatley
Pop a portal. Behind me, on the wall. Come on through.
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
Can't. See. A. Thing.
Listens:
1381
Who:
Defective Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
574
Who:
Defective Turret
Procrastinator.
Listens:
462
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't either you have drive to be better than the other?
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
The likelihood of you dying violently within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1473
Who:
Core 3
That extra half volt helps but it isn't going to power miracles. If I think too hard, I'm going to fry this potato before we get a chance to burn up in the atomic fireball that little idiot is going- [bzzpt]
Listens:
3707
Who:
GLaDOS
For instance, Orange, you just lost two opportunity advisement points.
Listens:
402
Who:
GLaDOS
What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...
Listens:
2106
Who:
Wheatley
Like the potato!
Listens:
187995
Who:
Defective Turret
Well. This is the part where he kills us.
Listens:
1713
Who:
GLaDOS
You ever notice how nobody stops what they're doing to listen? We don't care.
Listens:
603
Who:
Core 2
Orange receives
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you guess 'sharks'? Because that's wrong. The correct answer is 'nobody.' Nobody but you is that pointlessly cruel.
Listens:
4257
Who:
GLaDOS
We should be getting close. Ohh, I can't wait to see the look on her face. No neurotoxin, no turrets--she'll never know what hit her!
Listens:
419
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, so the bad news is the tests are MY tests now. So they can kill us.
Listens:
515
Who:
GLaDOS
Luckily I'm a bigger person than that. I'm happy to put this all behind us and get back to work. After all, we've got a lot to do, and only sixty more years to do it. More or less. I don't have the actuarial tables in front of me.
Listens:
1020
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't press that button. You don't know what you're doing.
Listens:
1793
Who:
GLaDOS
Violent temper. Oh, I'd like to see that.
Listens:
473
Who:
GLaDOS
You never considered that maybe I tested you to give the endless hours of your pointless existence some structure and meaning. Maybe to help you concentrate, so just maybe you’d think of something more worthwhile to do with your sorry life.
Listens:
2599
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh really. That's what the two of you think, is it?
Listens:
331
Who:
Wheatley
Quick question: Have you been working out? Because there's no evidence of it. I'm not a plastic cup. We will be landing with some force. So a bit of grip. Just using grip. Classic grip.
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
It's the lift just there. The thing that looks like a lift. That's what you're looking for. It is confusing, I know.
Listens:
315
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. New plan. Act natural. We've done NOTHING wrong.
Listens:
518
Who:
Wheatley
Nevermind. I have to go... check something. Test on your own recognizance. I'll be back.
Listens:
526
Who:
GLaDOS
And they said no one would ever die during this test, thanks for proving them wrong.
Listens:
470
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on! Over here! This way!
Listens:
310
Who:
Wheatley
Just say 'Apple'. Classic. Very simple.
Listens:
862
Who:
Wheatley
This body is amazing, seriously!
Listens:
350
Who:
Wheatley
Do you smell neurotoxin?
Listens:
609
Who:
Wheatley
Go on. Walk up to the window. Take a look out.
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
Space. Space. Space. Space. Comets. Stars. Galaxies. Orion.
Listens:
1978
Who:
Core 1
Ohhhh, space.
Listens:
1086
Who:
Core 1
Orange, I agree. I never noticed that about Blue before.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
4801
Who:
GLaDOS
That poster! Go look at it for a second, would you?
Listens:
693
Who:
GLaDOS
Do not do it!
Listens:
351
Who:
Wheatley
What's happening? Um. Hmm... Ok.
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
I am NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
15761
Who:
Wheatley
The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Orange is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One.
Listens:
422
Who:
GLaDOS
Hi?
Listens:
900
Who:
Turret
Quick word about the future plans that I've got in store.
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
eight
Listens:
594
Who:
GLaDOS
I think he's getting desperate.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
645
Who:
GLaDOS
All right. You create a distraction then, and I'll distract him from YOUR distraction.
Listens:
434
Who:
Core 2
Coming! Coming! Don't start yet!
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
Poor self-esteem.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
1250
Who:
Cave Johnson
Try to get us down there. I'll hit him with a paradox.
Listens:
541
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! Squeaky-voice! How'd I do?
Listens:
980
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, I like this guy.
Listens:
1540
Who:
GLaDOS
Agh!
Listens:
330
Who:
Wheatley
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
11704
Who:
GLaDOS
So... this cat loves lasagna so much that he eats all of the lasagna in his house. Okay, apparently it's not the cat's house or his lasagna. Oh good! The man who owns the lasagna is furious!
Listens:
70875
Who:
GLaDOS
Being Caroline taught me another valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
933
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is the most intelligent sphere.
Listens:
841
Who:
Core 3
Space.
Listens:
1048
Who:
Core 1
Congratulations, you completed the standard section of this course. Before we can go any further, I will need you to complete one more test outside of the standard testing track.
Listens:
307
Who:
GLaDOS
The situation you are in is very dangerous.
Listens:
2971
Who:
Core 3
And here's the best part. There's a conveyor belt that will convey you in convenient comfort right into the masher. You won't have to lift a finger. Everything's been taken care of. Didn't have to. Didn't have to do that.
Listens:
506
Who:
Wheatley
We're still doing science sir.
Listens:
1956
Who:
Caroline
Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn.
Listens:
2168
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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