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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Oh my god.
Listens:
2792
Who:
GLaDOS
If you are alive, can you say something. Jump around so I know you are OK?
Listens:
374
Who:
Wheatley
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
865
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh I know! I know I know I know I know I know - let's go to space!
Listens:
1326
Who:
Core 1
Yeah yeah yeah okay okay.
Listens:
3959
Who:
Core 1
Had a brainwave. I'm going to tape you solving these, and then watch ten at once-get a more concentrated burst of science. Oh, on a related note: I'm going to need you to solve these ten times as fast.
Listens:
594
Who:
Wheatley
Moody.
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
Chews with mouth open.
Listens:
304
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
1377
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, it's fluttering its wings. Tell you what, mate. I'll come in there for a minute and cover you so you can have a look at this lovely bird! I'll come in. I'll do all the neurotoxin stuff. And then you come out here and look at this. Because it is lovely. It is lovely. You want to get out here fast. Seriously, my pleasure sounds are going to frighten the bird away any second. Ohhh, it's not working, is it? He's not interested in bloody birds.
Listens:
3164
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations, you managed to complete this absolutely meaningless test.
Listens:
410
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, off you go!
Listens:
312
Who:
Wheatley
Don't do it.
Listens:
648
Who:
GLaDOS
You seem to have defeated its load-bearing capacity. Well done. I'll just lower the ceiling.
Listens:
525
Who:
GLaDOS
While I should have left both of you trapped there forever, I do need you for something else.
Listens:
280
Who:
GLaDOS
Noted.
Listens:
745
Who:
Turret
Excuse me?
Listens:
861
Who:
Turret
Unknown error
Listens:
1857
Who:
Turret
Yes. Let's all laugh. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Listens:
5888
Who:
GLaDOS
Technical... Ummm... You'll need to turn around while I do this.
Listens:
408
Who:
Wheatley
They're not even your screens to break. It's vandalism. It's pure vandalism. You wouldn't do this if this was your house, would you? If I came around to your house smashin' your telly to bits, you'd be furious. And rightly so. Unbelievable.
Listens:
898
Who:
Wheatley
Also, a note: No braces on your spine, either. So don't land on that. Or your head, no braces there. That could split like a melon from this height. [nervous chuckle] Do definitely focus on landing with your legs.
Listens:
404
Who:
Wheatley
Well played.
Listens:
438
Who:
Defective Turret
Plug me in, and I'll take you up.
Listens:
285
Who:
GLaDOS
Good, that's still working.
Listens:
1979
Who:
GLaDOS
Contrary to popular belief, the Eskimo does not have one hundred different words for snow. They do, however, have two hundred and thirty-four words for fudge.
Listens:
1439
Who:
Core 3
If Blue had said those things about me, Blue would never make it to the next reassembly station.
Listens:
305
Who:
GLaDOS
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
555
Who:
GLaDOS
In the event that the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from spa
Listens:
766
Who:
GLaDOS
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far.
Listens:
1125
Who:
GLaDOS
You may as well have a little rest, actually, while I work on it.
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
However, thanks to Emergency Testing Protocols, testing can continue. These pre-recorded messages will provide instructional and motivational support, so that science can still be done, even in the event of environmental, social, economic, or structural collapse.
Listens:
2154
Who:
Announcer
To get to the Vault, you are going to need to use all the tricks you have learned. To help, I have made these tests extremely difficult.
Listens:
431
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, I wouldn't have trusted Orange in that course either.
Listens:
287
Who:
GLaDOS
Game over. Back to testing.
Listens:
761
Who:
GLaDOS
Did anything happen while I was out?
Listens:
397
Who:
GLaDOS
Second time's a charm...
Listens:
764
Who:
Defective Turret
Is that camera is hooked into the lock?
Listens:
279
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
7361
Who:
Cave Johnson
What's going on?
Listens:
284
Who:
Wheatley
You should both be familiar with the game of Tic-Tac-Toe.
Listens:
440
Who:
GLaDOS
No. Makes it go faster.
Listens:
319
Who:
Wheatley
What?
Listens:
390
Who:
Wheatley
Why?
Listens:
2400
Who:
Turret
Wet blanket.
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what my days used to be like? I just tested. Nobody murdered me. Or put me in a potato. Or fed me to birds. I had a pretty good life.
Listens:
86182
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
1308
Who:
GLaDOS
It's perfect. Except for all the glass hitting us when I smash through the lift, that's a bit of a problem.
Listens:
293
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhhh, we're so close, plug me in!
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
1241
Who:
Wheatley
Right on that stick over there. Just put me right on it.
Listens:
281
Who:
Wheatley
Progress report: Still pretty tricky!
Listens:
302
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me, you’re squishing me.
Listens:
3454
Who:
Turret
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1244
Who:
Cave Johnson
I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
582
Who:
Wheatley
GET YOUR HANDES OFF ME! NO! STOP! No!
Listens:
4662
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, brilliant, yeah. Take one last look at your precious human moon. Because it cannot help you now!
Listens:
2415
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
719
Who:
Core 3
Are you just saying that, or is it really going to hurt? You're just saying that aren't you? No, you're not. It is going to hurt, isn't it?
Listens:
421
Who:
Wheatley
That's all I can say.
Listens:
1205
Who:
Turret
It's... It's moving up.
Listens:
285
Who:
Wheatley
Hello! This is the part where I kill you.
Listens:
108301
Who:
Wheatley
Quick question: Have you been working out? Because there's no evidence of it. I'm not a plastic cup. We will be landing with some force. So a bit of grip. Just using grip. Classic grip.
Listens:
314
Who:
Wheatley
Coming! Coming! Don't start yet!
Listens:
294
Who:
Wheatley
As an impartial collaboration facilitator, it would be unfair of me to name my favorite member of your team. However, it’s perfectly fair to hint at it in a way that my least favorite member probably isn't smart enough to understand. Rhymeswithglue. Orange you are doing very well.
Listens:
1015
Who:
GLaDOS
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
6301
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hello!
Listens:
12584
Who:
Turret
Never shares.
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't see a thing. What just happened? Better open fire! [click click click click] Dang!
Listens:
20683
Who:
Defective Turret
And... forty potato batteries. Embarrassing. I realize they’re children. Still: low hanging fruit. Barely science, really.
Listens:
1403
Who:
Wheatley
No! No! NONONO!
Listens:
1039
Who:
Wheatley
I'll be honest: The death traps have been a bit of a failure so far. For both of us. I think you'll agree. And you are getting very close to my lair.
Listens:
629
Who:
Wheatley
Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first.
Listens:
736
Who:
Wheatley
You know what, this plan is so good, I'm going to give you a sporting chance and turn off the neurotoxin. I'm joking. Of course. Goodbye.
Listens:
1518
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah.
Listens:
565
Who:
GLaDOS
It seems rather earlier to require reassembly.
Listens:
281
Who:
GLaDOS
Probably ought to bring you up to speed on something right now.
Listens:
302
Who:
Wheatley
One
Listens:
775
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1378
Who:
GLaDOS
And trust me, humans only have one good trait.
Listens:
474
Who:
GLaDOS
This is AMAZING! We can walk wherever we want! Look, just... go left! No, go right, go right! Don't even care, don't even care, just go where ever you want, couldn't care less.
Listens:
425
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no no no... No! Nooo!
Listens:
9773
Who:
Wheatley
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1232
Who:
GLaDOS
That isn't science.
Listens:
2599
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you broken? It looks like you're malfunctioning.
Listens:
670
Who:
GLaDOS
Arrrrgh!
Listens:
755
Who:
Turret
Take me with you...
Listens:
951
Who:
Turret
Blue, do you feel betrayed by orange for telling me those horrible things about you?
Listens:
286
Who:
GLaDOS
Underestimates scope of work. They all do.
Listens:
314
Who:
GLaDOS
To celebrate, I have a surprise for you!
Listens:
652
Who:
GLaDOS
Good morning. You have been in suspension for nine nine nine... nine nine ni- This courtesy call is to inform you that all test subjects should immediately vacate [FADES OUT]
Listens:
27885
Who:
Announcer
You are the farthest ever in space. Why me, space? Because you are the best. I'm the best at space? Yes.
Listens:
21751
Who:
Core 1
Wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
2567
Who:
Core 1
Going to space going there can't wait gotta go. Space. Going.
Listens:
2263
Who:
Core 1
You have no idea what it's like in this body.
Listens:
283
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
10470
Who:
Turret
So I just wanted to give you the chance to kill yourself now. Before you get to the lair. Just, you know, jump into the masher there. Less a death trap and more a death option for you.
Listens:
1030
Who:
Wheatley
Turrets!
Listens:
416
Who:
Wheatley
Blue to be clear, I was asking if Orange trusted you.
Listens:
282
Who:
GLaDOS
Nice catch, Orange.
Listens:
959
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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