Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Ha ha, YES! I knew you'd solve it!
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
Crap!
Listens:
1070
Who:
Defective Turret
Do not do it!
Listens:
417
Who:
Wheatley
Warning, sphere corruption at twenty-- rats cannot throw up.
Listens:
2674
Who:
Core 3
Hold on...
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
And off we go.
Listens:
365
Who:
Wheatley
This is the last test for the standard course. It's just something I whipped up for you. I thought you might enjoy a challenge for once.
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, come on, you guys!
Listens:
645
Who:
Defective Turret
Wait! I know! You get into the lift, okay? Then I'll eject myself out of my new body into the lift just as you pass by me! Brilliant.
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
721
Who:
GLaDOS
Is it fun when you degrade yourselves like that?
Listens:
1230
Who:
GLaDOS
You have a gift for these tests. That’s not just flattery. You are great at science.
Listens:
872
Who:
GLaDOS
All right. You create a distraction then, and I'll distract him from YOUR distraction.
Listens:
425
Who:
Core 2
Duck and weave, duck and weave! Ohh, the sweet science.
Listens:
512
Who:
Core 2
See that?
Listens:
301
Who:
Wheatley
There.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
987
Who:
Defective Turret
Uhoh
Listens:
966
Who:
Turret
Oh those clerks.
Listens:
413
Who:
GLaDOS
I honestly never thought we would need to track how many times died in the hub.
Listens:
400
Who:
GLaDOS
Hurry!
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
You know, in some human sports, the winner is the one who scores the fewest possible points?
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
What a horrible little machine.
Listens:
611
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Play it cool. Play it cool. Here come the space cops.
Listens:
5229
Who:
Core 1
Now, escape pod... escape pod...
Listens:
361
Who:
Wheatley
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Man, that sounded a whole lot better in my head.
Listens:
999
Who:
Core 2
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1356
Who:
Wheatley
Ay. Double Pee-Ell-Ee.
Listens:
469
Who:
Wheatley
I don't hate you
Listens:
13104
Who:
Turret
Turn around. I'll only be a second. If you don't mind.
Listens:
373
Who:
Wheatley
Interpreting vague answer as YES.
Listens:
26037
Who:
Announcer
She probably deserved it.
Listens:
855
Who:
Turret
You are going to die in this room.
Listens:
769
Who:
Core 3
Come closer.
Listens:
685
Who:
Turret
We could get one of the crap turrets. We could put it in the scanner and see what happens.
Listens:
340
Who:
Wheatley
[gentle laughter] It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
7479
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah. I tell ya. Humans. Love 'em. Just... The way they look is great. And their... folklore. Wonderful isn't it? Very colorful...
Listens:
964
Who:
Wheatley
Do you know why they abandoned this course? Too deadly.
Listens:
437
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
1384
Who:
Announcer
I'll just move that out of the way for you. This place really is a wreck.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
What's happening on your side, anything?
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
Blue do what Orange just did.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, deleting Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson. The best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one. And I'll be honest.
Listens:
1629
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey!
Listens:
854
Who:
Turret
You know what? Just get in the lift. We'll iron out the details as we go.
Listens:
335
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. It's you. Go away.
Listens:
1949
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, you know the old formula: Comedy equals tragedy plus time. And you have been asleep for a while. So I guess it's actually pretty funny when you do the math.
Listens:
19953
Who:
GLaDOS
'Let there be light.' That's, uh... God. I was quoting God.
Listens:
2474
Who:
Wheatley
Where we going? What are we doing? Agh!
Listens:
508
Who:
Defective Turret
The likelihood of you dying within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1630
Who:
Core 3
Remember when I told you that you were the only subjects to pass the calibration tests?
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you testing me?
Listens:
385
Who:
GLaDOS
Space wanna go wanna go to space wanna go to space
Listens:
1021
Who:
Core 1
I believe the ratio of good test subjects to monsters is about... a million to 1.
Listens:
830
Who:
GLaDOS
Chronically late.
Listens:
363
Who:
GLaDOS
Well... I'll be here during the whole next test.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
Do NOT plug that little idiot into MY mainframe.
Listens:
1904
Who:
GLaDOS
Owww!
Listens:
956
Who:
Turret
Yahh. Gehhh!
Listens:
736
Who:
Wheatley
Can you hear that? She has really kicked this place into high gear now.
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
Template
Listens:
3173
Who:
Announcer
One: No portal surfaces.
Listens:
1036
Who:
Wheatley
[BUZZER NOISE]
Listens:
22350
Who:
Wheatley
It's not, though.
Listens:
645
Who:
GLaDOS
I honestly, TRULY didn't think you'd fall for that.
Listens:
1826
Who:
GLaDOS
You will need him for the final track.
Listens:
300
Who:
GLaDOS
I think these test chambers look even better than they did before. It was easy, really. You just have to look at things objectively, see what you don't need anymore, and trim out the fat.
Listens:
3555
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry. That just slipped out. A bit insensitive. Umm... The smelly humans...
Listens:
561
Who:
Wheatley
For safety.
Listens:
357
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, look, the point is we're gonna break out of here, alright? But we can't do it yet. Look for me fifteen chambers ahead.
Listens:
359
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I'll take that as a no, then. Fine. Well. May the best man win. Sphere. May the best sphere win. Swap that in. Much more clever. Books.
Listens:
845
Who:
Wheatley
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1248
Who:
GLaDOS
But now, looking around, seeing Aperture restored to its former glory? You don't have to worry about leaving EVER again. I mean that.
Listens:
464
Who:
GLaDOS
Just, ah... pick me up. Take me with you.
Listens:
307
Who:
Wheatley
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
7435
Who:
GLaDOS
And she will probably kill us if, um, she's awake.
Listens:
410
Who:
Wheatley
So. Welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best, and you're it. Nope. Couldn't keep a straight face.
Listens:
3344
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh. Sorry. Could have... sworn you said something.
Listens:
361
Who:
Wheatley
The photos weren't as popular as we had hoped, so we repurposed the cameras.
Listens:
363
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue to be clear, I was asking if Orange trusted you.
Listens:
288
Who:
GLaDOS
Here she comes! Keep testing! Remember: you never saw me!
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
You're the type of show-off who only shows off really stupid things.
Listens:
529
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, just a second...
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
Come on! Come on!
Listens:
289
Who:
Wheatley
Conversion gel. It's dripping out of that pipe there.
Listens:
374
Who:
GLaDOS
I miss this that smell.
Listens:
423
Who:
GLaDOS
Still, if it were, Orange would be winning.
Listens:
461
Who:
GLaDOS
Be careful. Hugging can lead to... well, me disassembling you forever.
Listens:
506
Who:
GLaDOS
Ayeyeyeyeye
Listens:
3886
Who:
Turret
Good!
Listens:
10750
Who:
Announcer
Sorry, what?
Listens:
2240
Who:
Wheatley
Oh I'll tell you what's also down there. Your parents and... There's also an escape elevator!. Down there. Funny. I should have mentioned it before. But so it's down there. So pop down. Jump down. You've got your folks down there and an escape elevator
Listens:
1103
Who:
Wheatley
She was provoking you.
Listens:
832
Who:
Turret
And FOOLISH! No way out. At my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing.
Listens:
1070
Who:
Wheatley
Look - metal ball, I CAN hear you.
Listens:
1810
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'.
Listens:
2072
Who:
Cave Johnson
Think about this.
Listens:
473
Who:
GLaDOS
So that's a complete reassembly. New vitals. Spit-shine on the old ones. Plus we're scooping out tumors. Frankly, you oughtta be paying us.
Listens:
1716
Who:
Cave Johnson
NO!
Listens:
718
Who:
GLaDOS
Just---if you just--okay, just stand by the podium and just look up.
Listens:
333
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!