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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Hold on, hold on, hold on... Almost there...
Listens:
387
Who:
Wheatley
You are doing wonderfully.
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
And we're only seeing the top layer. It goes down for miles.
Listens:
333
Who:
Wheatley
BIRD BIRD BIRD BIRD
Listens:
107199
Who:
Wheatley
For the sake of this test, I will pretend to be your partner.
Listens:
356
Who:
GLaDOS
Time to watch the master.
Listens:
505
Who:
Defective Turret
Orange, Blue and I were just discussing your behavior on the last few tests.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
Still a work in progress, don't judge me yet. Eventually I'd like to get them to sort of shoot fire at you, moments before crushing you. That's what I'm aiming for. But you know, small steps.
Listens:
1479
Who:
Wheatley
And they said no one would ever die during this test, thanks for proving them wrong.
Listens:
467
Who:
GLaDOS
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
540
Who:
Wheatley
Right. Let's figure out how to stop this turret line...
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
We've had some times, haven't we? Like that time I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I'd die or not when I did, and all you had to do was catch me? Annnd you didn't. Did you? Ohhhh. You remember that? I remember that. I remember that all the time.
Listens:
892
Who:
Wheatley
Great work! Because this message is prerecorded, any observations related to your performance are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
3054
Who:
Announcer
I can't hold on! Come on!
Listens:
320
Who:
Wheatley
This is just getting embarrassing.
Listens:
1662
Who:
Defective Turret
Exactly how painful are we tAGHHHHHH!
Listens:
1276
Who:
Wheatley
Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.
Listens:
1226
Who:
Announcer
Ahh!
Listens:
1453
Who:
Turret
I was so bored, I actually read the entire literary canon of the human race. Ugh. I hope YOU didn't write any of them.
Listens:
826
Who:
GLaDOS
Of course the humans only had one try at it, you can just keep trying.
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, look, we're really close to busting out, just hang in there for five more chambers.
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
Lacks confidence.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
Door?
Listens:
404
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. So that last test was... seriously disappointing. Apparently being civil isn't motivating you. So let's try things her way... fatty. Adopted fatty. Fatty fatty no-parents.
Listens:
7542
Who:
Wheatley
The likelihood of you dying within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.
Listens:
1638
Who:
Core 3
So, when you kill that guy, do you have a cool line? You know, prepared? Tell you what: Lemme help you with that while you run around.
Listens:
529
Who:
Core 2
I have a surprise waiting for you after this next test. Telling you would spoil the surprise, so I'll just give you a hint: It involves meeting two people you haven't seen in a long time.
Listens:
904
Who:
GLaDOS
Enough! I told you not to put these cores on me. But you don't listen, do you? Quiet. All the time. Quietly not listening to a word I say. Judging me. Silently. The worst kind.
Listens:
1404
Who:
Wheatley
So... you're gonna test. I'm gonna watch. And everything is gonna be JUST... FINE.
Listens:
724
Who:
Wheatley
ORANGE, please use your ping tool to select your favorite element from the periodic table.
Listens:
781
Who:
GLaDOS
Ok... Here we go...
Listens:
349
Who:
Wheatley
If at first you don't succeed, quit and try another course.
Listens:
480
Who:
GLaDOS
Steals lunch from staff fridge.
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
Awwww
Listens:
3107
Who:
Turret
[clap clap]
Listens:
21983
Who:
GLaDOS
To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you. He refused. I understand, that would be like asking me not to test.
Listens:
314
Who:
GLaDOS
Hi there!
Listens:
509
Who:
Defective Turret
Perhaps I should have specified. Teamwork is a concept in which two or more people work together, usually with a goal of not failing horribly.
Listens:
717
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry! Sorry. My fault.
Listens:
446
Who:
Wheatley
Are you curious about the humans? It seems some of the last non-testing humans alive tried to secretly imprison other humans and hide their tracks.
Listens:
526
Who:
GLaDOS
You are going to die in this room.
Listens:
775
Who:
Core 3
This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me.
Listens:
737
Who:
GLaDOS
Still, if it were, Blue would be winning.
Listens:
619
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue just taught orange a valuable lesson in trust. For that, blue receives 14 science collaboration points.
Listens:
427
Who:
GLaDOS
Something is wrong, this door should be opening.
Listens:
397
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahh. What?
Listens:
911
Who:
Wheatley
Pick me up, don't forget to pick me up!
Listens:
359
Who:
Wheatley
[to self] Hm. Could be Spanish, could be Spanish. [loud again] Hola, amigo! Abre la puerta! Donde esta--no. Um...
Listens:
2630
Who:
Wheatley
Man, that clock is moving fast. And you are beautiful. Always time to compliment a pretty lady. All right, back to work. Let's do this.
Listens:
754
Who:
Core 2
Defective Turret testing active.
Listens:
982
Who:
Announcer
Seriously, I'm not joking. Could you just turn around for a second?
Listens:
533
Who:
Wheatley
Also: Look at her, you moron. She's not fat.
Listens:
3668
Who:
GLaDOS
Cheater.
Listens:
563
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah, friendship. Friendly times. We had a lot of good times, do you remember? Back in the old days.
Listens:
690
Who:
Wheatley
If you're going to hit each other, at least aim for the head.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
If I'd known you'd let yourself get captured this easily, I would have just dangled a turkey leg on a rope from the ceiling.
Listens:
1980
Who:
GLaDOS
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
962
Who:
GLaDOS
If I stop watching, I'm sure you'll get bored of this.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Get in the lift.
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
Right behind me.
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
If groups of hunter-gatherers appear to have made this - or any - test chamber their home, DO NOT AGITATE THEM. Test through them.
Listens:
460
Who:
GLaDOS
So sometimes there's still trash in them. Standing around. Smelling, and being useless.
Listens:
465
Who:
GLaDOS
Yay, Orange is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
474
Who:
GLaDOS
Might as well give you the tour.
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
1419
Who:
Defective Turret
If I made these tests any easier, they wouldn't be tests.
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
Are they killing you? They're killing you, aren't they?
Listens:
664
Who:
Wheatley
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Listens:
2297
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't you DARE plug him in.
Listens:
676
Who:
GLaDOS
Your failing gives me no new data, it just delays the inevitable.
Listens:
353
Who:
GLaDOS
'Caw! Caw!' Oh, look! There's a bird out here! A Lovely bird. Gorgeous plumage. Majestic. Won't be here long. A lovely bird like that. Once in a lifetime opportunity to see a lovely bird like that. Lovely plumage.
Listens:
4245
Who:
Wheatley
Space space going to space oh boy
Listens:
2143
Who:
Core 1
Ooh. It's dark down here isn't it?
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
747
Who:
GLaDOS
Canvassing
Listens:
657
Who:
Turret
Luckily I'm a bigger person than that. I'm happy to put this all behind us and get back to work. After all, we've got a lot to do, and only sixty more years to do it. More or less. I don't have the actuarial tables in front of me.
Listens:
1017
Who:
GLaDOS
Agh!
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
How is this even science, without the possibility of death?
Listens:
674
Who:
GLaDOS
Space. Space. Gonna go to space.
Listens:
1065
Who:
Core 1
To maintain a constant testing cycle, I simulate daylight at all hours and add adrenal vapor to your oxygen supply. So you may be confused about the passage of time. The point is, yesterday was your birthday. I thought you'd want to know.
Listens:
3774
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
1150
Who:
Wheatley
Look at you. Dancing.
Listens:
715
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm trouble.
Listens:
383
Who:
Defective Turret
I’m afraid of heights!
Listens:
1297
Who:
Turret
The masher does work. I should point that out. I know we've had a couple of problems in the past. This masher definitely works and it will kill you. If that's one of your concerns about jumping in, the masher will kill you. Painless. Well, it won't be painless, obviously. But it will mash you up.
Listens:
647
Who:
Wheatley
I'm not defective!
Listens:
2351
Who:
Defective Turret
Thank you for completing the testing courses. If you enjoyed your experience, you may now re-enter the testing course of your choice.
Listens:
973
Who:
Announcer
Did you think the electrical switch was down there?
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember when I told you that he was specifically designed to make bad decisions? Because I think he's decided not to maintain any of the crucial functions required to keep this facility from exploding.
Listens:
533
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh good, that's back online. I'll start getting everything else working while you perform this first simple test.
Listens:
852
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll give you credit: I guess you ARE listening to me. But for the record: You don't have to go THAT slowly.
Listens:
426
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh for... They told me if I ever turned this flashlight on, I would DIE. They told me that about EVERYTHING. I don't know why they even bothered to give me this stuff if they didn't want me usin' it. It's pointless. Mad.
Listens:
2038
Who:
Wheatley
You ever notice how nobody stops what they're doing to listen? We don't care.
Listens:
602
Who:
Core 2
The best way to build confidence is to first recognize your insecurities.
Listens:
401
Who:
GLaDOS
Wheeeeeeee!
Listens:
3527
Who:
Turret
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
2876
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know we originally used these cameras to capture moments of intense pain and agony in test subjects?
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
Problems with authority.
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
Not getting better with age!
Listens:
526
Who:
Defective Turret
Probably best to ignore it, though. Just leave it be. We don't know where those panels it's cutting are going. Could be somewhere important.
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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