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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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TF2 Music
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Hello! This is the part where I kill you.
Listens:
103571
Who:
Wheatley
I don't hate you
Listens:
12447
Who:
Turret
One
Listens:
694
Who:
GLaDOS
One of my best tests and they let plants grow here? Can you believe this? You can't test plants! We tried. They just sit there, never showing pain nor fear.
Listens:
1523
Who:
GLaDOS
[BUZZER NOISE]
Listens:
19204
Who:
Wheatley
I love it, too. So let's get you a dual portal device and go do some science.
Listens:
684
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations, you completed the standard section of this course. Before we can go any further, I will need you to complete one more test outside of the standard testing track.
Listens:
264
Who:
GLaDOS
How can you fail at this? It isn't even a test.
Listens:
1512
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Wow! Good! I did not think that was going to work.
Listens:
852
Who:
Wheatley
I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world.
Listens:
527
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange do what Blue just did.
Listens:
259
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
2745
Who:
Turret
On three. Ready? One... Two...
Listens:
310
Who:
Wheatley
Hello!
Listens:
11880
Who:
Turret
The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying, because for the first time it's my voice.
Listens:
1479
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh good, that's back online. I'll start getting everything else working while you perform this first simple test.
Listens:
744
Who:
GLaDOS
We've had some times, haven't we? Like that time I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I'd die or not when I did, and all you had to do was catch me? Annnd you didn't. Did you? Ohhhh. You remember that? I remember that. I remember that all the time.
Listens:
775
Who:
Wheatley
Did you hear that? I think something just exploded. Man, we are in a lot of danger. This is like Christmas. No, it's better than Christmas. This should be its own holiday. Explosion Day!
Listens:
2230
Who:
Core 2
Congratulations. Your ability to complete this test proves the humans wrong. They described it as impossible, deadly, cruel, and one test subject even had the nerve to call it broken.
Listens:
972
Who:
GLaDOS
Hurry! This way!
Listens:
241
Who:
Wheatley
Here it comes, pal!
Listens:
417
Who:
Defective Turret
Remember when I told you that he was specifically designed to make bad decisions? Because I think he's decided not to maintain any of the crucial functions required to keep this facility from exploding.
Listens:
441
Who:
GLaDOS
Until now.
Listens:
286
Who:
GLaDOS
Might want to just pick me up.
Listens:
245
Who:
Wheatley
Great work! Because this message is prerecorded, any observations related to your performance are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
2807
Who:
Announcer
With humans, I would have called that a successful test.
Listens:
242
Who:
GLaDOS
We will attempt to comply with these now non-existent agencies by playing some more smooth jazz.
Listens:
3100
Who:
Announcer
The Space Sphere will never go to space.
Listens:
17427
Who:
Core 3
Get in the lift! Get in the lift!
Listens:
252
Who:
Wheatley
So. Welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best, and you're it. Nope. Couldn't keep a straight face.
Listens:
3054
Who:
Cave Johnson
Orange, I agree. I never noticed that about Blue before.
Listens:
240
Who:
GLaDOS
If Blue had said those things about me, Blue would never make it to the next reassembly station.
Listens:
240
Who:
GLaDOS
Volcano-ologists are experts in the study of volcanoes.
Listens:
517
Who:
Core 3
Hello? Can y--no?
Listens:
1310
Who:
Wheatley
After you told me to turn the beam off, I thought I'd lost you. Went poking around for other test subjects. No luck there. Everyone's still all dead.
Listens:
386
Who:
Wheatley
Be honest. You can't even tell, can you? Seamless.
Listens:
249
Who:
Wheatley
Orange, how well do you really know Blue? Do you trust Blue?
Listens:
240
Who:
GLaDOS
Agh! You're alive! Great!
Listens:
458
Who:
Wheatley
[sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned.
Listens:
1279
Who:
Wheatley
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
1000
Who:
Wheatley
Core transfer?
Listens:
722
Who:
GLaDOS
Hmm. This emancipation grill is broken.
Listens:
466
Who:
GLaDOS
I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.
Listens:
7117
Who:
GLaDOS
Look down. Who's that, down there, talking? It's me! Down on the floor. Needing you to pick me up.
Listens:
355
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry, what?
Listens:
2066
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah!
Listens:
5173
Who:
GLaDOS
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
1426
Who:
Announcer
You know what my days used to be like? I just tested. Nobody murdered me. Or put me in a potato. Or fed me to birds. I had a pretty good life.
Listens:
83112
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry about the mess. I've really let the place go since you killed me. By the way, thanks for that.
Listens:
1214
Who:
GLaDOS
Not you, test subject, you're doing fine.
Listens:
1560
Who:
Cave Johnson
You win.
Listens:
1186
Who:
GLaDOS
YEAH! What's happening?
Listens:
398
Who:
Defective Turret
In case you are worried about the humans, don't be. They aren't all monsters.
Listens:
1696
Who:
GLaDOS
Hmm. This Plate must not be calibrated to someone of your... generous... ness. I'll add a few zeros to the maximum weight.
Listens:
51903
Who:
GLaDOS
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
10166
Who:
Cave Johnson
Welcome back, testing is available.
Listens:
1002
Who:
GLaDOS
ORANGE, please show me where you would like me to place a portal.
Listens:
357
Who:
GLaDOS
To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you if you fail. He refused. I understand. That would be like asking me not to test.
Listens:
268
Who:
GLaDOS
I am!
Listens:
1268
Who:
Caroline
Oh! Right, the escape lift! I'll call it now.
Listens:
270
Who:
Wheatley
Come on come on come on!
Listens:
246
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations! The simple fact that you're standing here listening to me means you've made a glorious contribution to science.
Listens:
1421
Who:
Cave Johnson
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
32783
Who:
GLaDOS
DO press it.
Listens:
315
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent. The Enrichment Center reminds you that bold, persistent experimentation is the hallmark of good science.
Listens:
368
Who:
GLaDOS
If you want to just call it quits, we could just sit here. Forever. That's an option. Option A: Sit here. Do nothing. Option B: Go through there, and if she's alive, she'll almost certainly kill us.
Listens:
436
Who:
Wheatley
Awful attendance record.
Listens:
286
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, listen, let me lay something on you here. It's pretty heavy. They told me NEVER NEVER EVER to disengage myself from my Management Rail. Or I would DIE. But we're out of options here. So... get ready to catch me, alright, on the off chance that I'm not dead the moment I pop off this thing.
Listens:
832
Who:
Wheatley
Caroline deleted.
Listens:
19976
Who:
Announcer
Stalemate Resolved.
Listens:
1651
Who:
Announcer
While I should have left both of you trapped there forever, I do need you for something else.
Listens:
240
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!
Listens:
1237
Who:
Wheatley
And...?
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped 'em into the door mechanism. Shut it right down. I--AGH!
Listens:
1040
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. Still nothing, let's keep moving.
Listens:
243
Who:
Wheatley
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
9444
Who:
Announcer
I can't move, though. That's the problem now.
Listens:
834
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, what?
Listens:
369
Who:
Defective Turret
Good!
Listens:
10137
Who:
Announcer
Hey, nice potato!
Listens:
96088
Who:
Defective Turret
We could get one of the crap turrets. We could put it in the scanner and see what happens.
Listens:
293
Who:
Wheatley
Arrrrgh!
Listens:
688
Who:
Turret
Come closer.
Listens:
641
Who:
Turret
You have just passed through an Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which erases most Aperture Science equipment that touches it.
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
No! I'm not listening! I'm not listening!
Listens:
557
Who:
Wheatley
I'm done.
Listens:
1211
Who:
GLaDOS
To get to the Vault, you are going to need to use all the tricks you have learned. To help, I have made these tests extremely difficult.
Listens:
385
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1160
Who:
Wheatley
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
1106
Who:
GLaDOS
This way! This way!
Listens:
239
Who:
Wheatley
Blah.
Listens:
986
Who:
GLaDOS
Technical... Ummm... You'll need to turn around while I do this.
Listens:
369
Who:
Wheatley
Begin juggling test in three. Two. One.
Listens:
674
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you notice I didn't even stay to the end of your last test?
Listens:
250
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm fine!
Listens:
1132
Who:
Turret
Now it's broken turret's time to shine!
Listens:
3359
Who:
Defective Turret
I don't want this!
Listens:
18108
Who:
Caroline
Don't press that button. You don't know what you're doing.
Listens:
1600
Who:
GLaDOS
This is a clean room facility, decontaminates can harm the turret redemption process.
Listens:
811
Who:
Announcer
You have no idea what it's like in this body.
Listens:
247
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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