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Portal 2
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Hey! How's it going! I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They are REALLY small, so -ah - I KNOW, Jerry. No, I'm on BREAK, mate. On a break.
Listens:
596
Who:
Wheatley
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
10065
Who:
Announcer
Halley's Comet can be viewed orbiting Earth every seventy-six years. For the other seventy-five, it retreats to the heart of the sun, where it hibernates undisturbed.
Listens:
910
Who:
Core 3
Are you doing that just to aggravate me?
Listens:
272
Who:
GLaDOS
AHHHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1607
Who:
Turret
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
877
Who:
GLaDOS
Does it actually make you feel good when you do that? Because it's not impressive. Noone's impressed. It's just glass, isn't it. Fragile. A baby could smash one of them. It's not impressive.
Listens:
666
Who:
Wheatley
Over there is where they used to keep the old neurotoxin release button. BIG responsibility, the guy in charge of the neurotoxin release button. And guess who he WAS? He wasn't me. But I was his assistant, and I did a lot of his admin.
Listens:
766
Who:
Wheatley
Go! Go go go!
Listens:
272
Who:
Wheatley
There's some sort of control room up top. Let's go investigate.
Listens:
271
Who:
Wheatley
Tungsten has the highest melting point of any metal, at 3,410 degrees Celsius.
Listens:
659
Who:
Core 3
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
7240
Who:
GLaDOS
I won't let you down!
Listens:
378
Who:
Defective Turret
This final course is training to reach the human vault. So this actually has a purpose. Those other courses were fun, but let's be honest, I need human test subjects for it to be science.
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
You asked for this!
Listens:
367
Who:
Defective Turret
So sometimes there's still trash in them. Standing around. Smelling, and being useless.
Listens:
402
Who:
GLaDOS
How about a knife, then? You keep the gun, I'll use a knife.
Listens:
510
Who:
Core 2
On the floor. Needing your help. The whole time. All the time. Needing your help.
Listens:
273
Who:
Wheatley
You've still got to get through the door. Please. Need to get through that door there.
Listens:
278
Who:
Wheatley
Just glass. Transparent. Smooth. Not going to hurt you. Have a look.
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
Still. It's a better plan than exploding. Marginally.
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
Agh, just... I just gotta get it through here...
Listens:
281
Who:
Wheatley
You did WHAT?
Listens:
3152
Who:
Wheatley
This course was created and then abandoned by humans. They tend to do that, create something wonderful and then abandon it.
Listens:
959
Who:
GLaDOS
The bean counters told me we literally could not afford to buy seven dollars worth of moon rocks, much less seventy million. Bought 'em anyway. Ground 'em up, mixed em into a gel.
Listens:
18581
Who:
Cave Johnson
Pick--would you pick me up?
Listens:
282
Who:
Wheatley
Enjoy this next test. I'm going to go to the surface. It's a beautiful day out. Yesterday I saw a deer. If you solve this next test, maybe I'll let you ride an elevator all the way up to the break room, and I'll tell you about the time I saw a deer again.
Listens:
3851
Who:
GLaDOS
It would be pointless for either of us to hurt Blue’s feelings. But it’s clear to everyone monitoring the test who’s carrying who here.
Listens:
540
Who:
GLaDOS
Excuse me
Listens:
2059
Who:
Turret
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
9598
Who:
Cave Johnson
It's perfect. Except for all the glass hitting us when I smash through the lift, that's a bit of a problem.
Listens:
279
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on! This is a bit tricky!
Listens:
352
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, I see you waving.
Listens:
989
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm different...
Listens:
68258
Who:
Turret
Can you hear that? She has really kicked this place into high gear now.
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
Critical error
Listens:
12958
Who:
Turret
Hey! How's it going? Here I am again!
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
As the name implies, there are only two minor differences: One, the board; two, the rules.
Listens:
422
Who:
GLaDOS
What's going on?
Listens:
276
Who:
Wheatley
Stop with the waves.
Listens:
333
Who:
GLaDOS
I need backup!
Listens:
686
Who:
Turret
Why?
Listens:
1100
Who:
Turret
It won't be enough.
Listens:
1020
Who:
Turret
*I* have to go to the wing that was made entirely of glass and pick up fifteen acres of broken glass. By myself.
Listens:
1659
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, hold on now WHOA WHOA WHOA!
Listens:
1589
Who:
Defective Turret
You two are going to LOVE this big surprise. In fact, you might say that you're both going to love it to death. Love it... until it kills you. Until you're dead.
Listens:
3451
Who:
Wheatley
Let go!
Listens:
404
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going. Going to space.
Listens:
967
Who:
Core 1
Oh! Thanks.
Listens:
415
Who:
GLaDOS
There's another wall over here!
Listens:
281
Who:
Wheatley
Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you.
Listens:
571
Who:
GLaDOS
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
1182
Who:
GLaDOS
I made it all up.
Listens:
961
Who:
GLaDOS
Even humans, as stupid as they are, would say you look stupid when you do that.
Listens:
598
Who:
GLaDOS
Get mad!
Listens:
33641
Who:
Turret
I don't even know what I just said! But I can find out!
Listens:
395
Who:
Wheatley
And a monitor. Yes. That'll be important, I imagine. I'll keep my eye on that. In case something useful comes up like 'password identified' or something like that.
Listens:
358
Who:
Wheatley
The irony is that you were almost at the last test.
Listens:
476
Who:
GLaDOS
It's... It's moving up.
Listens:
272
Who:
Wheatley
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
1059
Who:
Wheatley
Helloooo?
Listens:
1098
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Squeaky-voice! How'd I do?
Listens:
883
Who:
Defective Turret
Woah! Where are we? How long have I been out?
Listens:
608
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, well, alright. Just do your idea and then come straight back.
Listens:
286
Who:
Wheatley
Enh!
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
Ahahaha
Listens:
2080
Who:
Turret
Can I get some bullets here? Anybody got bullets?
Listens:
724
Who:
Defective Turret
There must be something wrong with the reassembly machine.
Listens:
1161
Who:
GLaDOS
You’ve made your point.
Listens:
803
Who:
Turret
That isn't science.
Listens:
2581
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay back.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
You may as well have a little rest, actually, while I work on it.
Listens:
272
Who:
Wheatley
Just say 'Apple'. Classic. Very simple.
Listens:
789
Who:
Wheatley
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
1283
Who:
Wheatley
As you can see, in my version the man points out to the cat that the house is equipped with deadly neurotoxin dispensers.
Listens:
1508
Who:
GLaDOS
Well... Good. Good. Finally, a nemesis worthy of my vast intellect.
Listens:
681
Who:
Wheatley
This way! This way!
Listens:
281
Who:
Wheatley
Agh!
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
Still, if it were, Blue would be winning.
Listens:
561
Who:
GLaDOS
89% of magic tricks are not magic. Technically, they are sorcery.
Listens:
2394
Who:
Core 3
Hold on, I'll stop the elevator. Anything? Take your time...
Listens:
426
Who:
GLaDOS
YES YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE MORON THEY BUILT TO MAKE ME AN IDIOT!
Listens:
10421
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm fired, aren't I?
Listens:
2156
Who:
Defective Turret
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
1245
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Get a goooood lonnnnng look.
Listens:
422
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, anyway. I've spoken enough. Take your time. I'll let you think about it. I don't want to pressure you: is it the lair? Is it the masher? You know what my opinion is: Masher. I'm leaning toward masher. Up to you. Just gonna give you some time to think
Listens:
482
Who:
Wheatley
This test is so outside the box, I can't-- I mean WON'T even tell you what you are looking for.
Listens:
307
Who:
GLaDOS
Butterfingers.
Listens:
3910
Who:
Wheatley
Follow me! You're gonna love this.
Listens:
372
Who:
Wheatley
Done. I guess. I suppose. I wasn't paying attention.
Listens:
395
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you notice I didn't even stay to the end of your last test?
Listens:
277
Who:
GLaDOS
According to most advanced algorithms, the world's best name is Craig.
Listens:
4418
Who:
Core 3
This is AMAZING! We can walk wherever we want! Look, just... go left! No, go right, go right! Don't even care, don't even care, just go where ever you want, couldn't care less.
Listens:
406
Who:
Wheatley
I see you
Listens:
2846
Who:
Turret
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5654
Who:
Core 2
The Enrichment Center will now provide a list of numbers and fruits. Write them down as they will become important later in the experiment. Not the fruits, though. Seven. Avocado. Forty. Please continue into the next test chamber.
Listens:
939
Who:
GLaDOS
Are we in space?
Listens:
1014
Who:
Core 1
clickclickclick
Listens:
977
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright, this next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome devil go about his business.
Listens:
7267
Who:
Cave Johnson
Well, on with the test.
Listens:
297
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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