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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Yay, Blue is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
747
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, so it's not the most watertight plan to go confront an omnipotent power-mad A.I. with.
Listens:
469
Who:
GLaDOS
I HAVE to test. All the time. Or I get this... this ITCH. It must be hardwired into the system or something.
Listens:
1210
Who:
Wheatley
At the time of this recording, Federal disclosure policies require us to inform you that this next test is probably lethal and to redirect you to a safer test environment.
Listens:
1591
Who:
Announcer
We're a lot alike, you and I. You tested me. I tested you. You killed me. I--oh, no, wait. I guess I HAVEN'T killed you yet. Well. Food for thought.
Listens:
3521
Who:
GLaDOS
Uh oh. You're stranded. Let's see if the cube will try to help you escape. Actually, so that we're not here all day, I'll just cut to the chase: It won't. Any feelings you think it has for you are simply byproducts of your sad, empty life.
Listens:
1794
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
570
Who:
GLaDOS
Say, you're good at murder. Could you - ow - murder this bird for me?
Listens:
4467
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm different...
Listens:
70565
Who:
Turret
I am not sure you will need him but he will be there.
Listens:
380
Who:
GLaDOS
Searching
Listens:
881
Who:
Turret
Alright. He's not even trying to be subtle anymore.
Listens:
906
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! But when I DO test... ohhhhh, man alive! Nothing feels better. It's just... why I've gotta test, I've gotta test!
Listens:
1866
Who:
Wheatley
That's it. Scan it for me.
Listens:
678
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh.
Listens:
467
Who:
GLaDOS
For that Blue is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
1043
Who:
GLaDOS
Humans find that an admirable trait.
Listens:
329
Who:
GLaDOS
Fifty thousand years is a lot of time to think. About me. About you. We were doing so well together.
Listens:
822
Who:
GLaDOS
I am not sure how I can make these tests any easier for you.
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
This final course is training to reach the human vault. So this actually has a purpose. Those other courses were fun, but let's be honest, I need human test subjects for it to be science.
Listens:
402
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations on completing the Aperture Science standard cooperative testing courses.
Listens:
536
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, can't win 'em all...
Listens:
547
Who:
Defective Turret
Cryptic.
Listens:
451
Who:
GLaDOS
Here it is - the turret factory entrance! We made it.
Listens:
319
Who:
Wheatley
I would say extremely deadly but we all know, for you and your amazing ability to be reassembled nothing is deadly.
Listens:
345
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, your plan is working perfectly.
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
The answer is beneath us.
Listens:
2129
Who:
Turret
Here, stand behind me. Yeah, just like that. Just like you're doing. Things are about to get real messy.
Listens:
699
Who:
Core 2
I can't move, though. That's the problem now.
Listens:
938
Who:
Wheatley
Ooagh!
Listens:
369
Who:
Wheatley
If that doesn't motivate you, I'm not sure what will.
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Listens:
638
Who:
Core 3
And...?
Listens:
394
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
6305
Who:
Turret
Oh. Did I accidentally fizzle that before you could complete the test? I'm sorry.
Listens:
800
Who:
GLaDOS
Excuse me, you’re squishing me.
Listens:
3519
Who:
Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
931
Who:
Defective Turret
Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. I'll show you something.
Listens:
465
Who:
Wheatley
How was that?
Listens:
381
Who:
Defective Turret
[clap clap clap]
Listens:
137226
Who:
GLaDOS
Look down. Where am I? Where am I?
Listens:
357
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Central core is eighty percent corrupt.
Listens:
2516
Who:
Announcer
Now, escape pod... escape pod...
Listens:
376
Who:
Wheatley
Blah.
Listens:
1037
Who:
GLaDOS
Hellllooo, imbecile.
Listens:
4966
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on...
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
Do not do it!
Listens:
429
Who:
Wheatley
Your vitals remain well within testing norms, so there is no need to worry about sudden death from collaborative shock syndrome.
Listens:
441
Who:
GLaDOS
Still here on the floor. Waiting to be picked up. Um.
Listens:
312
Who:
Wheatley
Ahungh.
Listens:
350
Who:
Wheatley
What do you have there?
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
Hello!
Listens:
827
Who:
Wheatley
In fact, I'm going to have to take a break for a minute. A partial break during which I'll stop the facility from exploding while still throwing bombs at you.
Listens:
612
Who:
Wheatley
Get in the lift.
Listens:
337
Who:
Wheatley
After that...who knows? I might take up a hobby. Reanimating the dead, maybe.
Listens:
886
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange what did you do?
Listens:
398
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1386
Who:
Turret
Yes, it's funny because most of it actually happened.
Listens:
973
Who:
GLaDOS
Really? You’re just going to blatantly cheat?
Listens:
743
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, get moving.
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Pick me up!
Listens:
681
Who:
Wheatley
So... this cat loves lasagna so much that he eats all of the lasagna in his house. Okay, apparently it's not the cat's house or his lasagna. Oh good! The man who owns the lasagna is furious!
Listens:
71178
Who:
GLaDOS
Keep moving! Just keep moving!
Listens:
313
Who:
Wheatley
Well... I'll be here during the whole next test.
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
Defective Turret testing active.
Listens:
990
Who:
Announcer
Crap.
Listens:
2613
Who:
Defective Turret
Dammit, we know! Everybody knows! Space! You! In it! We get it!
Listens:
32250
Who:
Core 2
I know how humans make more humans, and frankly, it's ridiculous. It also assumes that you already have a human, which I hope somebody got fired over. So I came up a with BETTER way.
Listens:
24202
Who:
GLaDOS
Was. Was self-destructing. Already fixed.
Listens:
659
Who:
Wheatley
Hey lady.
Listens:
1520
Who:
Core 1
Um. You've got a yacht. And... Boys! Loads of fellas. Hunky guys down there. Possibly even a boyfriend! Who's to say at this stage. But, a lot of good looking fellas down there. And, ah, a boy band as well! That haven't seen a woman in years. And they're not picky at all. They don't care if you've got a bit of brain damage. If you've been running around sweating. And... A farm! A pony farm! And... Just jump down, would ya?
Listens:
193958
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, don't sink to Orange's level.
Listens:
329
Who:
GLaDOS
You know when I mentioned ten minutes? A little bit optimistic!
Listens:
366
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back, testing is available.
Listens:
1108
Who:
GLaDOS
Be honest. You can't even tell, can you? Seamless.
Listens:
347
Who:
Wheatley
YES! I KNEW someone was alive in here!
Listens:
403
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go to space. Space.
Listens:
1009
Who:
Core 1
I just now realized that I used to rely on my management rail to not fall into bottomless pits. And you're my rail now. And you can fall into bottomless pits. I'm rambling out of fear, but here's the point: don't get close to the edge.
Listens:
899
Who:
Wheatley
The two of you have forged an excellent partnership, with one of you handling the cerebral challenges and the other ready to ponderously waddle into action should the test suddenly become an eating contest.
Listens:
1001
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, let me explain again. Pop a portal. Behind me. Alright? And come on through.
Listens:
350
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
2360
Who:
GLaDOS
Your test assignment will vary, depending on the manner in which you have bent the world to your will.
Listens:
1025
Who:
Cave Johnson
You may want to try and avoid those turrets.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn.
Listens:
2243
Who:
Wheatley
Preparing to dispense product
Listens:
2678
Who:
Turret
To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you. He refused. I understand, that would be like asking me not to test.
Listens:
314
Who:
GLaDOS
[fast gibberish]
Listens:
5900
Who:
GLaDOS
Whee!
Listens:
2274
Who:
Turret
I AM NOT! A MORON!
Listens:
8256
Who:
Wheatley
Arrrrgh!
Listens:
769
Who:
Turret
For that Orange is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
645
Who:
GLaDOS
And off we go.
Listens:
379
Who:
Wheatley
In summary: walk all the way to certain doom, or give up now. Honorably. Like a samurai! Save yourself a trip. It's win-win for you.
Listens:
422
Who:
Wheatley
DANCING is NOT SCIENCE!
Listens:
47276
Who:
GLaDOS
Oi, it's close... can you see? Am I gonna make it through? Have I got enough space?
Listens:
780
Who:
Wheatley
Let me answer those questions with a question: Who wants to make sixty dollars? Cash.
Listens:
1870
Who:
Cave Johnson
Don't. Do it.
Listens:
944
Who:
GLaDOS
And again, not playing along. You're ruining what are some really good speeches, actually.
Listens:
463
Who:
Wheatley
Keep it up and your arm will get stuck like that.
Listens:
339
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't believe you came back.
Listens:
539
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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