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Portal 2
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I think after that display, we should take a break from the official testing courses.
Listens:
296
Who:
GLaDOS
Lady. I love space. I know! Spell it! S P... AACE. Space. Space.
Listens:
21023
Who:
Core 1
You only failed
Listens:
630
Who:
GLaDOS
It's been a long time. How have you been?
Listens:
48201
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, down these stairs.
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
Nope. Still can't see.
Listens:
775
Who:
Defective Turret
Well done. You know, when I woke up and saw the state of the labs, I started to wonder if there was any point to going on. I came THAT close to just giving up and letting you go.
Listens:
404
Who:
GLaDOS
Not getting better with age!
Listens:
523
Who:
Defective Turret
According to Norse legend, thunder god Thor's chariot was pulled across the sky by two goats.
Listens:
826
Who:
Core 3
Yes? Something you need?
Listens:
453
Who:
GLaDOS
Even if I am lying, what do you have to lose? You're going to die either way.
Listens:
592
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, my facility.
Listens:
468
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm being serious, I think there's something really wrong with me.
Listens:
1283
Who:
GLaDOS
And there's a flat bit. Not sure what that is. But: noted. If anyone says to me is there a flat bit? Yes, there it is.
Listens:
561
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back, testing is available.
Listens:
1102
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh thank god, you're alright.
Listens:
1842
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhh. I see. [chuckle]
Listens:
698
Who:
Wheatley
Let's see here, exit exit exit... there is no exit.
Listens:
535
Who:
Wheatley
I am not sure you will need him but he will be there.
Listens:
370
Who:
GLaDOS
Can you see it anywhere? I can't see it anywhere. Uh. Tell you what, plug me in and I'll turn the lights on.
Listens:
370
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing? Put me back this instant.
Listens:
399
Who:
GLaDOS
Here, let me get that for you.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
Watch and learn, everybody. Watch and learn.
Listens:
456
Who:
Defective Turret
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
2310
Who:
Core 1
Crap!
Listens:
1235
Who:
Defective Turret
Blue, orange isn't a human. The lesson on trust only needs to be taught once. Blue is penalized 1 science collaboration point.
Listens:
356
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
545
Who:
GLaDOS
Aw. Just thinking back to the old days when we were friends. Good old friends. Not enemies. And I'd say something like 'come back', and you'd be like 'no problem!' And you'd come back. What happened to those days?
Listens:
1882
Who:
Wheatley
Cellular phones will not give you cancer. Only hepatitis.
Listens:
1314
Who:
Core 3
Sorry to interject again, but if you do NOT push the button the deadly neurotoxin emitters will come back online, at which point she will most likely fill you to brimming with neurotoxin. Not trying to rush you. Just throwing that out for leisurely digestion in your own time.
Listens:
951
Who:
Wheatley
It wasn't anything personal. Just... you know. You DID kill me. Fair's fair.
Listens:
553
Who:
GLaDOS
Being Caroline taught me another valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
929
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. Now please return to your bed.
Listens:
1665
Who:
Announcer
Yeah! Nice!
Listens:
610
Who:
Core 2
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
2345
Who:
GLaDOS
Ooh. It's dark down here isn't it?
Listens:
314
Who:
Wheatley
I'm--do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to work on the assumption that you're still alive and I'm just going to wait for you up ahead.
Listens:
393
Who:
Wheatley
Huh. That was easy.
Listens:
348
Who:
Wheatley
Don't press that button. You don't know what you're doing.
Listens:
1772
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1489
Who:
GLaDOS
It says this next test was designed by one of Aperture's Nobel prize winners. It doesn't say what the prize was for. Well, I know it wasn't for Being Immune To Neurotoxin.
Listens:
1255
Who:
GLaDOS
Uh oh.
Listens:
490
Who:
Wheatley
Since making test participation mandatory for all employees, the quality of our test subjects has risen dramatically. Employee retention, however, has not.
Listens:
2998
Who:
Cave Johnson
Anyway, look, the point is we're gonna break out of here, alright? But we can't do it yet. Look for me fifteen chambers ahead.
Listens:
370
Who:
Wheatley
You know, I'm not supposed to do this, but... you can shoot SOMETHING... through the blue bridges.
Listens:
610
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay don't panic! Allright? Stop panicking! I can still stop this. Ahh. Oh there's a password. It's fine. I'll just hack it. Not a problem... umm...
Listens:
945
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent. I think you have earned a break from the official testing courses.
Listens:
384
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha! Missed me that time. Ohhh, you were solving-nevermind, carry on. My fault.
Listens:
499
Who:
Wheatley
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
6520
Who:
Cave Johnson
Just glass. Transparent. Smooth. Not going to hurt you. Have a look.
Listens:
355
Who:
Wheatley
I think we're in trouble.
Listens:
386
Who:
GLaDOS
We're still doing science sir.
Listens:
3147
Who:
Caroline
Startles easily. Boo!
Listens:
547
Who:
GLaDOS
Frequent bouts of uncontrollable rage.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
On three. Ready? One... Two...
Listens:
397
Who:
Wheatley
He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived. And you just put him in charge of the entire facility.
Listens:
30377
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
1265
Who:
Wheatley
Right. Well, I’m going to take this rail down the back way.
Listens:
378
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Plan B. We need humans.
Listens:
721
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought you'd be faster at this, but I can appreciate the desire to stop and smell the testing. That other scent you smell? That's the stench of my utter disappointment in you.
Listens:
1667
Who:
GLaDOS
They'll probably throw you a party.
Listens:
455
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations on successfully returning to the central hub room. From here you can select all previously completed courses.
Listens:
1130
Who:
Announcer
Uh oh.
Listens:
449
Who:
GLaDOS
Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball.
Listens:
1435
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh boy.
Listens:
1067
Who:
Core 1
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
14503
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, that felt really good.
Listens:
1483
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
690
Who:
Core 1
Let's go - let's go to space. Let's go to space.
Listens:
1042
Who:
Core 1
Weighted Cubes calibrated.
Listens:
442
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations! The simple fact that you're standing here listening to me means you've made a glorious contribution to science.
Listens:
1565
Who:
Cave Johnson
It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
3839
Who:
GLaDOS
Correct Blue, Orange can't hear you.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no, you've got it, you've got it! Yes! Put him in there! Let's see how this place likes a crap turret.
Listens:
513
Who:
Wheatley
Volcano-ologists are experts in the study of volcanoes.
Listens:
575
Who:
Core 3
This is AMAZING! We can walk wherever we want! Look, just... go left! No, go right, go right! Don't even care, don't even care, just go where ever you want, couldn't care less.
Listens:
462
Who:
Wheatley
A, A, A, A, A, A. [NNNT!] No. A, A, A, A, A, B. [NNNT!] Hold on, I've done both of these. Skip ahead. A, B, C... D, G, H.[DING!]
Listens:
175242
Who:
Wheatley
I'm not going to lie to you, the odds are a million to one. And that's with some generous rounding.
Listens:
991
Who:
GLaDOS
That's ridiculous, how do they know for sure the tests are deadly if they could still write the suggestion?
Listens:
427
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, I agree. I never noticed that about Blue before.
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
They say the old caretaker of this place went absolutely crazy. Chopped up his entire staff. Of robots. All of them robots. They say at night you can still hear the screams. Of their replicas. All of them functionally indistinguishable from the originals. No memory of the incident. Nobody knows what they’re screaming about. Absolutely terrifying. Though obviously not paranormal in any meaningful way.
Listens:
19014
Who:
Wheatley
I miss this that smell.
Listens:
426
Who:
GLaDOS
Failure...
Listens:
1714
Who:
Turret
Orange, blue isn't a human. The lesson on trust only needs to be taught once. Orange is penalized 1 science collaboration point.
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
Caroline, are the compensation vouchers ready?
Listens:
1076
Who:
Cave Johnson
Hurry!
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
Hello!
Listens:
1007
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, DON'T PANIC! I can still stop it, not a problem. There's a password! I'll just hack it. Here we go.
Listens:
999
Who:
Wheatley
Welcome back quitters, maybe you can find another course for you to fail.
Listens:
607
Who:
GLaDOS
So what am I, uh, supposed to do here?
Listens:
1237
Who:
Defective Turret
Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.
Listens:
559
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, did you bring your little portal gun? Nothing to portal onto here, luv. Just ten pounds of dead weight. About to be two hundred and ten. Fatty.
Listens:
7000
Who:
Wheatley
Space...
Listens:
7491
Who:
Core 1
Mister Johnson
Listens:
1800
Who:
Caroline
Halley's Comet can be viewed orbiting Earth every seventy-six years. For the other seventy-five, it retreats to the heart of the sun, where it hibernates undisturbed.
Listens:
953
Who:
Core 3
Moody.
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
Very impressive! Because this message is prerecorded, any comments we may make about your success are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
1395
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey hey hey!
Listens:
2083
Who:
Turret
Problems with authority.
Listens:
321
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
1118
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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