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Portal 2
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This next test involves discouragement redirection cubes. I'd just finished building them before you had your, well, episode. So now we'll both get to see how they work.
Listens:
547
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
1629
Who:
Turret
Blue, is there something you would like to say?
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm seriously not paying atten-- STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Listens:
6023
Who:
GLaDOS
Have you worked out the one good trait humans have, yet?
Listens:
583
Who:
GLaDOS
This is not good.
Listens:
395
Who:
GLaDOS
If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.
Listens:
1526
Who:
Announcer
She probably deserved it.
Listens:
865
Who:
Turret
I've got a surprise for you after this next test. Not a fake, tragic surprise like last time. A real surprise, with tragic consequences. And real confetti this time. The good stuff. Our last bag. Part of me's going to miss it, I guess-but at the end of the day it was just taking up space.
Listens:
9301
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
503
Who:
Defective Turret
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space! Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba!
Listens:
19542
Who:
Core 1
Grab it and attach it to him!
Listens:
341
Who:
GLaDOS
There's no turret in it... Maybe the system stores a backup image?
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
Martyr.
Listens:
389
Who:
GLaDOS
This body is amazing, seriously!
Listens:
350
Who:
Wheatley
ow.
Listens:
548
Who:
GLaDOS
SHUT UP!
Listens:
19759
Who:
Wheatley
I'm done.
Listens:
1339
Who:
GLaDOS
That's it, no, that's it! Yeah.
Listens:
331
Who:
Wheatley
Stay back.
Listens:
390
Who:
GLaDOS
Destroying them is part of the test. They are no more important to you than you are to me.
Listens:
435
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
1427
Who:
Defective Turret
Humans find that an admirable trait.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
You're doing a great job of disappointing me.
Listens:
871
Who:
GLaDOS
Are we in space yet? What's the hold-up? Gotta go to space. Gotta go to SPACE.
Listens:
1560
Who:
Core 1
Plug me in, we're running out of time.
Listens:
402
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn.
Listens:
2181
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
10143
Who:
Cave Johnson
Oh... It's you.
Listens:
46790
Who:
GLaDOS
Diamonds are made when coal is put under intense pressure. Diamonds put under intense pressure become foam pellets, commonly used today as packing material.
Listens:
1919
Who:
Core 3
I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world.
Listens:
597
Who:
GLaDOS
Hmm. This Plate must not be calibrated to someone of your... generous... ness. I'll add a few zeros to the maximum weight.
Listens:
54548
Who:
GLaDOS
So. Was there anything you wanted to apologize to ME for?
Listens:
363
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't blame you
Listens:
24567
Who:
Turret
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
2904
Who:
GLaDOS
Um, hello?
Listens:
1423
Who:
Turret
Ohhh. I see. [chuckle]
Listens:
699
Who:
Wheatley
Help me, space cops. Space cops, help.
Listens:
4029
Who:
Core 1
Ah. I tell ya. Humans. Love 'em. Just... The way they look is great. And their... folklore. Wonderful isn't it? Very colorful...
Listens:
987
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent! You're a predator and these tests are your prey. Speaking of which, I was researching sharks for an upcoming test. Do you know who else murders people who are only trying to help them?
Listens:
3543
Who:
GLaDOS
It's not, though.
Listens:
648
Who:
GLaDOS
OW...
Listens:
404
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
2353
Who:
GLaDOS
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Listens:
1300
Who:
GLaDOS
Walk casually toward my position and we'll go shut her down.
Listens:
371
Who:
Wheatley
Your brains are too small to feel either of those emotions. So I can trust you one hundred percent.
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. No. I fizzled that one too.
Listens:
581
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, really? Space? Really? You should have said something! We had no idea!
Listens:
1977
Who:
Core 2
Let's go in!
Listens:
322
Who:
Wheatley
In 1879, Sandford Fleming first proposed the adoption of worldwide standardized time zones at the Royal Canadian Institute.
Listens:
655
Who:
Core 3
You both need to do something.
Listens:
304
Who:
GLaDOS
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
2312
Who:
Core 1
Pfff. I guess.
Listens:
561
Who:
Core 2
I'll give you a hint. Button. That's all I'm gonna say. One word. Button.
Listens:
443
Who:
Wheatley
You're no longer bothering me. You're only hurting my impression of you.
Listens:
461
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, but I just... have made my actual first mistake... by telling you my plan. Just now. Grrr... It's me old Achilles heel again. Armed with that knowledge, I imagine you won't even use the conversion gel. Oh fate! Oh cruel mistress.
Listens:
819
Who:
Wheatley
Designed this test myself. It's a little bit difficult.
Listens:
321
Who:
Wheatley
I'll be honest, I might have heard that one before, though. Sort of cheating.
Listens:
381
Who:
Wheatley
Have you got any ideas?
Listens:
307
Who:
Wheatley
Please put me down
Listens:
1430
Who:
Turret
Those of you helping us test the repulsion gel today, just follow the blue line on the floor.
Listens:
1058
Who:
Cave Johnson
Watch and learn, everyone. Watch and learn.
Listens:
502
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, well, alright. Just do your idea and then come straight back.
Listens:
308
Who:
Wheatley
If that doesn't motivate you, I'm not sure what will.
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
MOVE.
Listens:
529
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, how well do you really know Orange? Do you trust Orange? What if I told you, you aren't Orange's first cooperative partner?
Listens:
474
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll wait--I'll wait one hour. Then I'll come back and, assuming I can locate your dead body, I'll bury you. Alright? Brilliant! Go team! See you in an hour! Hopefully! If you're not... dead.
Listens:
854
Who:
Wheatley
Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Listens:
604
Who:
Wheatley
And she will probably kill us if, um, she's awake.
Listens:
422
Who:
Wheatley
If you had any belongings, please pick them up now. We don't want old newspapers and sticks cluttering up the building.
Listens:
1019
Who:
Cave Johnson
I let him keep his job. I'm not a monster. Ignore what he's saying, though. Keep testing.
Listens:
720
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, give 'em hell, sweetheart!
Listens:
875
Who:
Defective Turret
Blue
Listens:
1811
Who:
GLaDOS
You don't have to test with the garbage. It's garbage.
Listens:
598
Who:
GLaDOS
Irritable.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
BAM! Secret panel! That I opened. While your back was turned.
Listens:
488
Who:
Wheatley
We're not gonna release this stuff into the wild until it's good and damn ready, so as long as you keep yourself in top physical form, there'll always be a limo waiting for you.
Listens:
1030
Who:
Cave Johnson
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1453
Who:
Defective Turret
Wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth wanna go to earth. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
2617
Who:
Core 1
[tired breathing] Nevermind. Nevermind. Solve it yourself. You're on your own.
Listens:
548
Who:
Wheatley
Did you guess 'sharks'? Because that's wrong. The correct answer is 'nobody.' Nobody but you is that pointlessly cruel.
Listens:
4261
Who:
GLaDOS
But now, looking around, seeing Aperture restored to its former glory? You don't have to worry about leaving EVER again. I mean that.
Listens:
493
Who:
GLaDOS
Whoa! Hey! Don't fall!
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
Oh my god. What has he done to this place?
Listens:
1611
Who:
GLaDOS
Powerup complete.
Listens:
3824
Who:
Announcer
What if you froze like that?
Listens:
2234
Who:
GLaDOS
It won't.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
[beep] Sarcasm Self Test complete. [beep]
Listens:
315133
Who:
Announcer
Oh, brilliant. You DID find a portal gun! You know what? It just goes to show: people with brain damage are the real heroes in the end aren't they? At the end of the day. Brave.
Listens:
2932
Who:
Wheatley
The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Orange is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One.
Listens:
423
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
477
Who:
Defective Turret
I thought you'd be faster at this, but I can appreciate the desire to stop and smell the testing. That other scent you smell? That's the stench of my utter disappointment in you.
Listens:
1672
Who:
GLaDOS
In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
Listens:
870
Who:
Core 3
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space.
Listens:
2221
Who:
Core 2
Agh! Bird! Bird! Kill it! It's evil!
Listens:
38450
Who:
GLaDOS
The body he's squatting in - MY body - has a built-in euphoric response to testing. Eventually you build up a resistance to it, and it can get a little... unbearable. Unless you have the mental capacity to push past it.
Listens:
781
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, what?
Listens:
461
Who:
Defective Turret
clickclickclick
Listens:
490
Who:
Defective Turret
I guess quitting that course together is a sign of teamwork.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
Over there is where they used to keep the old neurotoxin release button. BIG responsibility, the guy in charge of the neurotoxin release button. And guess who he WAS? He wasn't me. But I was his assistant, and I did a lot of his admin.
Listens:
803
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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