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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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I am not sure how I can make these tests any easier for you.
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
10003
Who:
Cave Johnson
Not bad. I forgot how good you are at this. You should pace yourself, though. We have A LOT of tests to do.
Listens:
2512
Who:
GLaDOS
Timid.
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, get moving.
Listens:
319
Who:
Wheatley
Right. Hmm. I'm gonna have to hack the door so we can get at it.
Listens:
358
Who:
Wheatley
Well, on with the test.
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
Wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home wanna go home.
Listens:
1303
Who:
Core 1
Just glass. Transparent. Smooth. Not going to hurt you. Have a look.
Listens:
352
Who:
Wheatley
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
6495
Who:
Cave Johnson
Turrets!
Listens:
430
Who:
Wheatley
Goodbye, Caroline.
Listens:
20776
Who:
GLaDOS
Dang.
Listens:
585
Who:
Defective Turret
Using your ping tool, please indicate where you would like me to place your two portals. Ping each location.
Listens:
433
Who:
GLaDOS
Blah.
Listens:
1019
Who:
GLaDOS
Go press the button! Go press it!
Listens:
1062
Who:
GLaDOS
You do know I can't wave back right?
Listens:
469
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay... that's probably correct. But where it is incorrect is while I've been stalling you WE JUST PRESSED THE BUTTON! USE THE MOMENT OF CONFUSION I'VE JUST CREATED TO PRESS THE BUTTON!
Listens:
653
Who:
Wheatley
Reactions?
Listens:
605
Who:
GLaDOS
Something is wrong, this door should be opening.
Listens:
396
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.
Listens:
2088
Who:
Cave Johnson
I know you like to think the reassembly machine is at your beck and call, but he has a life you know. He's not your slave.
Listens:
367
Who:
GLaDOS
Really? Alright.
Listens:
394
Who:
Defective Turret
Didn't even get to the good part yet. Twist ending.
Listens:
633
Who:
Wheatley
Activated
Listens:
2701
Who:
Turret
Just get it off me...
Listens:
341
Who:
GLaDOS
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1283
Who:
Cave Johnson
There are 5000 other two subject teams in direct competition with you.
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
That will give you PLENTY of time to chat.
Listens:
369
Who:
GLaDOS
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
6608
Who:
Core 1
It seems kind of silly to point this out, since you're running around plotting to destroy me. But I'd say we're done testing.
Listens:
501
Who:
GLaDOS
Her name is Caroline.
Listens:
4338
Who:
Turret
This situation is hopeless.
Listens:
765
Who:
Core 3
I talked my way onto the nanobot work crew rebuilding this shaft. They're REALLY small, so they have very tiny little brains. But there're a billion of 'em, so it's only a matter of time until ONE of them notices I'm the size of a planet.
Listens:
974
Who:
Wheatley
Apples. Oranges. Pears. Plums. Kumquats. Tangerines. Lemons. Limes. Avocado. Tomato. Banana. Papaya. Guava.
Listens:
6591
Who:
Core 3
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
2046
Who:
Announcer
Do something only a human would do.
Listens:
450
Who:
GLaDOS
Nobody is going to space, mate!
Listens:
21915
Who:
Wheatley
For your testing convenience, all tests are available and all safety precautions within testing chambers have been deactivated.
Listens:
1158
Who:
Announcer
Yahh. Gehhh!
Listens:
742
Who:
Wheatley
Fine, 500 point penalty for Orange.
Listens:
634
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry, what's going on over there? You know, I'm actually over here, still thinking really hard!
Listens:
340
Who:
Wheatley
Tell ya what, why don't you put me down and I'll make a distraction.
Listens:
468
Who:
Core 2
You have no idea how tiring it is to praise someone for placing an edgeless safety cube into a receptacle designed to exactly fit an edgeless safety cube.
Listens:
639
Who:
GLaDOS
Let go!
Listens:
413
Who:
Wheatley
ORANGE, please observe your partner's favorite animal.
Listens:
513
Who:
GLaDOS
Gotta go to space. Yeah. Gotta go to space.
Listens:
1174
Who:
Core 1
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
1263
Who:
Wheatley
Plug me in, and I'll take you up.
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, fine. Let's all act like humans. 'Look at me. Boy, do I love sweating. Let's convert beef and leaves into energy and excrete them later and go shopping.'
Listens:
46982
Who:
GLaDOS
Do NOT plug that little idiot into MY mainframe.
Listens:
1905
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, can't blame me for trying. Okay... New tests, new tests... there's gotta be some tests around here somewhere.
Listens:
1540
Who:
Wheatley
How is this even science, without the consequence of death?
Listens:
444
Who:
GLaDOS
Has episodes. I'd like to know more about that.
Listens:
432
Who:
GLaDOS
Well. This is the part where he kills us.
Listens:
1696
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1279
Who:
Wheatley
Good shot!
Listens:
775
Who:
Turret
Oh, come ON!
Listens:
849
Who:
Defective Turret
Those people, in the portrait. They look so familiar...
Listens:
406
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh. Alright? I don't know whether you're picking up on what I'm saying there, but...
Listens:
350
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, really? Space? Really? You should have said something! We had no idea!
Listens:
1969
Who:
Core 2
If you were human, you would want a reward for completing this test. A reward for testing?!?!
Listens:
411
Who:
GLaDOS
That's his voice up ahead.
Listens:
328
Who:
GLaDOS
Now you're thinking with stupidity.
Listens:
1959
Who:
GLaDOS
There should be one in the corner.
Listens:
326
Who:
GLaDOS
And FOOLISH! No way out. At my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing.
Listens:
1074
Who:
Wheatley
Did you ever stop to think that eventually there’s a point where your name gets mentioned for the very last time. Well, here it is: I’m going to kill you, Chell.
Listens:
110537
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm still here, I'm still working, I haven't forgotten about you!
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
MOVE.
Listens:
525
Who:
Wheatley
Stay calm! 'Prepare' - that's all they're saying. 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm gonna get us out of here.
Listens:
621
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, hang on. What if we gave it something ELSE to scan?
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
14488
Who:
Wheatley
We will attempt to comply with these now non-existent agencies by playing some more smooth jazz.
Listens:
3354
Who:
Announcer
What are you...
Listens:
322
Who:
Wheatley
I don't want to drive a wedge between the two of you, but I've been studying Blue's performance, and I don't know how to put this... I'm certain you're trying very hard.
Listens:
1053
Who:
GLaDOS
Every test chamber is equipped with an emancipation grill at its exit, so that test subjects can't smuggle test objects out of the test area. This one is broken.
Listens:
394
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm going through the list of test subjects in cryogenic storage. I managed to find two with your last name. A man and a woman. So that's interesting. It's a small world.
Listens:
590
Who:
GLaDOS
Of course the humans only had one try at it, you can just keep trying.
Listens:
335
Who:
GLaDOS
I hope that was some kind of joke.
Listens:
430
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done!
Listens:
668
Who:
Turret
To complete this test, you need to find a set of blue prints.
Listens:
291
Who:
GLaDOS
Problems with authority.
Listens:
321
Who:
GLaDOS
Well played.
Listens:
463
Who:
Defective Turret
For that Blue is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
1015
Who:
GLaDOS
Fact: Space does not exist.
Listens:
4236
Who:
Core 3
Catwalks are safe during defective turret testing.
Listens:
933
Who:
Announcer
I love it, too. So let's get you a dual portal device and go do some science.
Listens:
777
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Ha ha ha!
Listens:
413
Who:
Defective Turret
But that was worth it.
Listens:
627
Who:
GLaDOS
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space! Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba!
Listens:
19451
Who:
Core 1
Is it the lack of mirrors in test chambers that encourages you to do this?
Listens:
289
Who:
GLaDOS
[humming]
Listens:
1841
Who:
Core 1
Lawl
Listens:
89547
Who:
Turret
Without the consequence of death, is this even science?
Listens:
519
Who:
GLaDOS
This place is going to blow up if I don't get back in my body!
Listens:
365
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
507
Who:
Defective Turret
To celebrate, I have a surprise for you!
Listens:
702
Who:
GLaDOS
Narcissist.
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
Very good. You’ve really come together as a team. Thanks to the one of you who appears to be doing all of the work.
Listens:
465
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Get in.
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
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