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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom.
Listens:
17027
Who:
Core 2
If you are a non-employee who has discovered this facility amid the ruins of civilization, welcome! And remember: Testing is the future, and the future starts with you.
Listens:
3475
Who:
Announcer
Space.
Listens:
1036
Who:
Core 1
Poor self-esteem.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
3982
Who:
Announcer
Dammit, we know! Everybody knows! Space! You! In it! We get it!
Listens:
31886
Who:
Core 2
Ohhhh, we're so close, plug me in!
Listens:
308
Who:
Wheatley
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
2292
Who:
Announcer
Aw. Bless your little primate brain. I'm not actually in the room with you. Am I? Technology. It's complicated. Can't hurt the big god face.
Listens:
1770
Who:
Wheatley
Did you know humans frown on weight variances?
Listens:
716
Who:
GLaDOS
To clarify, I was being a little bit facetious about wanting to get rid of monitors. They're actually really quite useful. So I do want them around. So if you could just avoid smashing them.
Listens:
504
Who:
Wheatley
Pfff. I guess.
Listens:
537
Who:
Core 2
One moment.
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
It won't.
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
ORANGE, please observe your partner's favorite animal.
Listens:
494
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's see what the next test is. Oh. Advanced Aerial Faith Plates.
Listens:
424
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look.
Listens:
1564
Who:
Core 1
Oh! What can we do with me then. I know! Plug me into the port, please.
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
Oh I know! I know I know I know I know I know - let's go to space!
Listens:
1344
Who:
Core 1
Just get it off me...
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
You're saying to yourself, why should I jump into the pit? I'll tell you why. Guess who's down there? Your parents! You're not adopted after all! It's your natural parents down there in the pit. Should have mentioned it before. But I didn't. So jump on down and reunite with mommy and daddy.
Listens:
3013
Who:
Wheatley
Put me down!
Listens:
979
Who:
Turret
Oh, but I just... have made my actual first mistake... by telling you my plan. Just now. Grrr... It's me old Achilles heel again. Armed with that knowledge, I imagine you won't even use the conversion gel. Oh fate! Oh cruel mistress.
Listens:
800
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
579
Who:
Defective Turret
Seeks out conflicts with co-workers.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
Where are you going? Don't run! Don't run! I'll tell you why you shouldn't run: The harder you breathe, the more neurotoxin you'll inhale. It's bloody clever, this stuff. Seriously, it's devilish.
Listens:
658
Who:
Wheatley
I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
Listens:
699
Who:
GLaDOS
Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Listens:
586
Who:
Wheatley
FOOL! You were a fool to come back, because I've trapped you again! Helpless. You're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing. You're at my lack of mercy.
Listens:
2244
Who:
Wheatley
Hello! This is the part where I kill you.
Listens:
109423
Who:
Wheatley
How's that taste, pal?
Listens:
466
Who:
Core 2
I’ll just save the safety information about the dangerous experiment you’re about to do for AFTER the experiment.
Listens:
486
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey! It's me!
Listens:
2981
Who:
Turret
Alright. Still nothing, let's keep moving.
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
I lied.
Listens:
782
Who:
GLaDOS
If he's not getting his solution euphoria, we could be in a lot of trouble.
Listens:
485
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, now you're just being cruel. Blue receives 25 science collaboration points.
Listens:
400
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey.
Listens:
809
Who:
Core 1
Are you scared to save those humans?
Listens:
304
Who:
GLaDOS
Bam! Bam bam bam! Take that, space.
Listens:
4153
Who:
Core 1
This is just getting embarrassing.
Listens:
1661
Who:
Defective Turret
Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably - Oh, wait. It's a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!
Listens:
4495
Who:
GLaDOS
I am a coiled spring right now. Tension and power. Just... I'm a muscle. Like a big arm muscle, punching through a brick wall, and it's hitting the wall so hard the arm is catching on fire. Oh yeah.
Listens:
3973
Who:
Core 2
Stalemate detected.
Listens:
4376
Who:
Announcer
Let's do it again! Pick me up again!
Listens:
302
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on! I thought I fixed that.
Listens:
637
Who:
Wheatley
We have to split up here for a moment. Portal up to that passage and I'll see you on the other side.
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
I can't move, though. That's the problem now.
Listens:
919
Who:
Wheatley
I have only met one other team closer and one of them was an imbecile I had to destroy.
Listens:
602
Who:
GLaDOS
Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
Listens:
1455
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey lady.
Listens:
1509
Who:
Core 1
It's been fun. Don't come back.
Listens:
3813
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactions?
Listens:
601
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't make lemonade!
Listens:
21207
Who:
Turret
Do you remember when we were friends?
Listens:
690
Who:
Wheatley
I don't hate you
Listens:
13100
Who:
Turret
Goodbye
Listens:
8571
Who:
Turret
Orange, can you write down all the ways you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior?
Listens:
291
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'd tell you if I were dead. Courtesy. Mark of a civil society. So, just let me know.
Listens:
434
Who:
Wheatley
Don't be a stranger!
Listens:
407
Who:
Defective Turret
Are you OK?
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
Target lost
Listens:
3919
Who:
Turret
Yay, Blue is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
729
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
602
Who:
GLaDOS
Never listens.
Listens:
388
Who:
GLaDOS
Who's there?
Listens:
2070
Who:
Turret
Notice the moat area. Very deadly. Extremely dangerous. Eventually. Not at the moment. Still working on it, still working on it.
Listens:
432
Who:
Wheatley
To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you if you fail. He refused. I understand. That would be like asking me not to test.
Listens:
346
Who:
GLaDOS
This place is going to blow up if I don't get back in my body!
Listens:
358
Who:
GLaDOS
Nope. Still can't see.
Listens:
768
Who:
Defective Turret
The locking mechanism can tell you aren't humans.
Listens:
360
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh. Alright? I don't know whether you're picking up on what I'm saying there, but...
Listens:
346
Who:
Wheatley
Well. Have fun soaring through the air without a care in the world.
Listens:
654
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactor Explosion Timer destroyed.
Listens:
3926
Who:
Announcer
Where'd you go? Come back! Come back!
Listens:
676
Who:
Wheatley
Oh... Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
27051
Who:
Caroline
You know, in some human sports, the winner is the one who scores the fewest possible points?
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
She's bringing the whole place down! Hurry!
Listens:
315
Who:
Wheatley
Science isn't about WHY. It's about WHY NOT. Why is so much of our science dangerous? Why not marry safe science if you love it so much. In fact, why not invent a special safety door that won't hit you on the butt on the way out, because you are fired.
Listens:
50065
Who:
Cave Johnson
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST job, tending to all the smelly humans.
Listens:
749
Who:
Wheatley
Are you alright?
Listens:
333
Who:
Wheatley
Wait. Why DID you trundle over here? You're not HUNGRY, are you? It's hard to see, what's that in your hand? Knowing you it's a deep fryer.
Listens:
3669
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, enough about that first person's file. Let's look at some others.
Listens:
398
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
6788
Who:
Defective Turret
Good news! I can use this equipment to shut down the neurotoxin system. It is, however, password protected. AH! Alarm bells! No. Don't worry. Not a problem for me.
Listens:
562
Who:
Wheatley
I can only place a portal on a white portalable surface.
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll give you credit: I guess you ARE listening to me. But for the record: You don't have to go THAT slowly.
Listens:
416
Who:
GLaDOS
Be a shame to miss it, wouldn't it? Just for the old neurotoxin. Neurotoxin will still be here tomorrow. Whereas that bird will be gone any minute. Already got one talon off the branch. Gonna be gone.
Listens:
637
Who:
Wheatley
Thanks anyway...
Listens:
1166
Who:
Turret
Come on, you've already solved it once. Less than a minute ago you solved this puzzle. Do it again, please.
Listens:
890
Who:
Wheatley
At this rate, our best hope is for the fuel cell to meltdown in 2 million years and hope the explosion powers the system.
Listens:
610
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes! Go and catch one of the crap turrets, and bring it back!
Listens:
1088
Who:
Wheatley
I'm still here, I'm still working, I haven't forgotten about you!
Listens:
321
Who:
Wheatley
What's that behind you? It's only a robot on a bloody stick! A different one!
Listens:
522
Who:
Wheatley
That poster! Go look at it for a second, would you?
Listens:
679
Who:
GLaDOS
No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!
Listens:
615
Who:
Wheatley
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
1346
Who:
GLaDOS
They'll probably throw you a party.
Listens:
442
Who:
GLaDOS
To reiterate: This is not a competition.
Listens:
706
Who:
GLaDOS
While I do need you to be in the room so I can see them, I want to be clear. There is no reason whatsoever for you to look at them.
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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