Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Impossible as it is to imagine, there actually is a solution. Devilishly hidden.
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
Hey! Moron!
Listens:
23864
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on! We have to go!
Listens:
283
Who:
Wheatley
Are you trying to weigh me down? Think I'll fall out of the ceiling? Won't work. I'm not just quite brilliant, I'm also quite strong. Biggest muscle in my body: my brain. Second biggest: My muscles. So, it's not going to work. Clearly.
Listens:
1123
Who:
Wheatley
Earth.
Listens:
1726
Who:
Core 1
Feeds off the misery of others.
Listens:
286
Who:
GLaDOS
Dad! I'm in space! [low-pitched 'space' voice] I'm proud of you, son. [normal voice] Dad, are you space? [low-pitched 'space' voice] Yes. Now we are a family again.
Listens:
459650
Who:
Core 1
We're still doing science sir.
Listens:
3094
Who:
Caroline
You did very well.
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
Die!
Listens:
1637
Who:
Defective Turret
The humans accidentally forgot to put a security DVD in the player.
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought of another great thing about humans. You invented us. Giving us the opportunity to let you relax while we invented everything else. We couldn't have done any of that without you. Classy. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
583
Who:
Wheatley
I'm starting to think you don't want to rescue the humans.
Listens:
320
Who:
GLaDOS
So sometimes there's still trash in them. Standing around. Smelling, and being useless.
Listens:
428
Who:
GLaDOS
There should be a portal device on that podium over there.
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
Wow.
Listens:
747
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing no no no no no!
Listens:
1055
Who:
Defective Turret
You know what, this plan is so good, I'm going to give you a sporting chance and turn off the neurotoxin. I'm joking. Of course. Goodbye.
Listens:
1518
Who:
Wheatley
Be a shame to miss it, wouldn't it? Just for the old neurotoxin. Neurotoxin will still be here tomorrow. Whereas that bird will be gone any minute. Already got one talon off the branch. Gonna be gone.
Listens:
598
Who:
Wheatley
This place is huge.
Listens:
364
Who:
Wheatley
I know we're in a lot of trouble and probably about to die.
Listens:
437
Who:
GLaDOS
Did my hint help? It did, didn't it? You know, if any of our supervisors had been immune to neurotoxin, they'd be FURIOUS with us right now.
Listens:
1548
Who:
GLaDOS
Aw. Bless your little primate brain. I'm not actually in the room with you. Am I? Technology. It's complicated. Can't hurt the big god face.
Listens:
1745
Who:
Wheatley
Don't press it! COME BACK!
Listens:
914
Who:
Wheatley
Uhhhh... Blam! Blam blam blam! I'm not defective!
Listens:
3901
Who:
Defective Turret
You know what? Just get in the lift. We'll iron out the details as we go.
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
It's still going down! Keep it up!
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
I don't blame you
Listens:
23996
Who:
Turret
Keep it up and your arm will get stuck like that.
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
GAH!
Listens:
490
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an interesting story. I almost got a job down here in Manufacturing. Guess who the foreman went with? Only an exact duplicate of himself. Nepotism. Ended up giving me the WORST possible job: tending to all the smelly humans. The umm... Sorry about that. That just slipped out.
Listens:
1185
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! Death trap!
Listens:
778
Who:
Wheatley
Well, you passed the test. I didn't see the deer today. I did see some humans. But with you here I've got more test subjects than I'll ever need.
Listens:
858
Who:
GLaDOS
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
12372
Who:
Core 1
Press it! Press the button!
Listens:
1379
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, now you're just being cruel. Blue receives 25 science collaboration points.
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
If you are wondering what that smell is, that is the smell of human fear.
Listens:
293
Who:
GLaDOS
Frequent mood swings.
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on! I thought I fixed that.
Listens:
619
Who:
Wheatley
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
504
Who:
GLaDOS
In Greek myth, Prometheus stole fire from the Gods and gave it to humankind. The jewelry he kept for himself.
Listens:
3110
Who:
Core 3
In just a moment, the word 'blah' will be repeated over and over again. If at some point you hear a number rather than the word 'blah', ignore it, it is not important.
Listens:
1850
Who:
GLaDOS
Annnnnnnnd... Nothing.
Listens:
3304
Who:
Wheatley
Well, no matter. Because I'm STILL holding all the cards, and guess what: they're allll Full Houses! I've never played cards. Meaning to learn.
Listens:
2015
Who:
Wheatley
Lucky for you two, while I cannot control the world outside of the testing courses, the reassembly machine can continue with his work.
Listens:
287
Who:
GLaDOS
This time is OUR time.
Listens:
1709
Who:
Defective Turret
Crap.
Listens:
2539
Who:
Defective Turret
According to Norse legend, thunder god Thor's chariot was pulled across the sky by two goats.
Listens:
809
Who:
Core 3
Ohhhhhh, yes she is.
Listens:
406
Who:
Wheatley
The one you risked your life to get to. So you could escape certain death. No rush.
Listens:
282
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, down these stairs.
Listens:
288
Who:
Wheatley
Oh come on... If it makes you feel any better, they abandoned you at birth, so I very seriously doubt they'd even want to see you.
Listens:
765
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't want you to beat yourselves up about this, but the Results Auditor isn't recording your test results. Because you're not human. Which, when you think about it, is technically your fault.
Listens:
683
Who:
GLaDOS
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Listens:
733
Who:
Core 3
Really? Alright.
Listens:
375
Who:
Defective Turret
It won't be enough.
Listens:
1042
Who:
Turret
This is the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center or SinTech.
Listens:
608
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
2930
Who:
Turret
Do something only a human would do.
Listens:
436
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing, are you just having a little five minutes to yourself? Fair enough. You've had a rough time. You've been asleep for who knows how long. You've got the massive brain damage. And you're having a little rest. But NOW. Get yourself up. And pick me up.
Listens:
1132
Who:
Wheatley
It shouldn't be hard to stay alive long enough to find him.
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
Sometimes testing has to occur outside the confines of the lab.
Listens:
280
Who:
GLaDOS
Nap time
Listens:
3333
Who:
Turret
You know who found that interesting? Nobody. That didn't affect anybody's life in any way whatsoever. Life would be exactly the same if you hadn't said anything.
Listens:
2028
Who:
Core 2
You know, deleting Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson. The best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one. And I'll be honest.
Listens:
1582
Who:
GLaDOS
Hi again!
Listens:
928
Who:
Defective Turret
Chronically late.
Listens:
341
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, wait, let me light this path for you.
Listens:
292
Who:
Wheatley
'Hang ten?' That might work if there were ten of him. Do you think there might be nine more of this guy somewhere?
Listens:
637
Who:
Core 2
I thought you'd be faster at this, but I can appreciate the desire to stop and smell the testing. That other scent you smell? That's the stench of my utter disappointment in you.
Listens:
1622
Who:
GLaDOS
They're not even your screens to break. It's vandalism. It's pure vandalism. You wouldn't do this if this was your house, would you? If I came around to your house smashin' your telly to bits, you'd be furious. And rightly so. Unbelievable.
Listens:
899
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, I'm uh... I'm a bad man!
Listens:
940
Who:
Defective Turret
I know your cores are reused from calculation machines, built for simple mathematical operations and not for testing, but if we can rescue the humans I promise you something to add maybe even subtract.
Listens:
532
Who:
GLaDOS
What's that behind you? It's only a robot on a bloody stick! A different one!
Listens:
510
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Non-lethal as ever.
Listens:
874
Who:
Defective Turret
Arrrrgh!
Listens:
755
Who:
Turret
Please go to space.
Listens:
1000
Who:
Core 1
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
1259
Who:
GLaDOS
Helloooooooooooo!
Listens:
2317
Who:
Wheatley
Was there any sort of announcement before it opened? Like an alarm or a hacker alert? I mean, fair enough, the important thing is it's open, but just mention in the future. Cough or something.
Listens:
574
Who:
Wheatley
The Mexican-American War ended in 1848 with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo.
Listens:
576
Who:
Core 3
Violent temper. Oh, I'd like to see that.
Listens:
441
Who:
GLaDOS
Avoids responsibility.
Listens:
288
Who:
GLaDOS
OW! You stabbed me! What is WRONG with yo-WhoOOAAahhh. Hold on. Do you have a multimeter? Nevermind. The gun must be part magnesium... It feels like I'm outputting an extra half a volt. Keep an eye on me: I'm going to do some scheming. Here I g-[BZZZ!]
Listens:
15528
Who:
GLaDOS
An extra special bonus course that ends with us finding and freeing humans!
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
Follow the feeder tube to the generator room! I'll meet you there.
Listens:
281
Who:
Wheatley
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
721
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought of some good news. He's going to run out of test chambers eventually. I never stockpiled them.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
Pleased to meetcha.
Listens:
931
Who:
Defective Turret
You both made it. It seems no matter what I try to do to pull you apart or destroy you, you just keep going. Keep testing.
Listens:
328
Who:
GLaDOS
It's not, though.
Listens:
641
Who:
GLaDOS
Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.
Listens:
1167
Who:
Announcer
Some emergency testing may require prolonged interaction with lethal military androids. Rest assured that all lethal military androids have been taught to read and provided with one copy of the Laws of Robotics. To share.
Listens:
2918
Who:
Announcer
What are you two doing?
Listens:
486
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha! Missed me that time. Ohhh, you were solving-nevermind, carry on. My fault.
Listens:
478
Who:
Wheatley
Here we go! Now do it again!
Listens:
1977
Who:
Wheatley
four
Listens:
553
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah! Brilliant. You made it through, well done.
Listens:
389
Who:
Wheatley
A computer. Not a surprise. Expected. Check that off the list. Computer identified. Tick.
Listens:
468
Who:
Wheatley
Come on, you've already solved it once. Less than a minute ago you solved this puzzle. Do it again, please.
Listens:
860
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
