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Portal 2
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Have I ever told you the qualities I love most in you? In order: Number one: resolving things, love the ways you resolve things. Particularly disputes. Number one, tied: Button-pushing. Two things I love about you: Button pushing and the ability to resolve things. Chiefly disputes.
Listens:
722
Who:
Wheatley
The point is: If we can store music on a compact disc, why can't we store a man's intelligence and personality on one? So I have the engineers figuring that out now.
Listens:
2037
Who:
Cave Johnson
Mr. Johnson, I don't want this.
Listens:
8773
Who:
Caroline
Oh, BRILLIANT! That's brilliant!
Listens:
448
Who:
Wheatley
Takes long lunches.
Listens:
331
Who:
GLaDOS
Hurry!
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going. Going to space.
Listens:
1012
Who:
Core 1
Come on, you've already solved it once. Less than a minute ago you solved this puzzle. Do it again, please.
Listens:
893
Who:
Wheatley
To facilitate collaboration, both of you have been equipped with a ping tool.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
Error. Error. Error. File not found.
Listens:
1334
Who:
Core 3
Warmer. Warrrrmer. Boiling hot. Boiling--okay, colder. Ice cold. Arctic. Very very very cold LOOK JUST GET ON THE BUTTON!
Listens:
728
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Hi.
Listens:
2329
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, an eclipse! No. Don't look.
Listens:
1570
Who:
Core 1
Before the invention of scrambled eggs in 1912, the typical breakfast was either whole eggs still in the shell or scrambled rocks.
Listens:
1124
Who:
Core 3
Warning, sphere corruption at twenty-- rats cannot throw up.
Listens:
2674
Who:
Core 3
Well done! The Enrichment Center reminds you that although circumstances may appear bleak, you are not alone. All Aperture Science personality constructs will remain functional in apocalyptic, low power environments of as few as 1.1 volts.
Listens:
2307
Who:
Announcer
Oh! Brilliant, thank you, great.
Listens:
642
Who:
Wheatley
To start preparing for human testing again, I checked an old suggestion box. The number one request? Less deadly tests.
Listens:
430
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you okay? Are you - Don't answer that. I'm absolutely sure you're fine. There's plenty of time for you to recover. Just take it slow.
Listens:
528
Who:
Wheatley
While I was out investigating, I found a fascinating new test element. It's never been used for human testing because, apparently, contact with it causes heart failure. The literature doesn't mention anything about lump-of-coal failure, though, so you should be fine.
Listens:
1008
Who:
GLaDOS
It's like you're just machines.
Listens:
291
Who:
GLaDOS
No no wait wait waitAGGGHHHH
Listens:
2340
Who:
Defective Turret
This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me.
Listens:
725
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't breathe...
Listens:
898
Who:
Turret
I'll just move that out of the way for you. This place really is a wreck.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
I have to agree. Blue is penalized 75 science collaboration points.
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, let's go!
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
1244
Who:
Core 3
So: there's PLENTY of time to recover. Just take it slow.
Listens:
302
Who:
Wheatley
Those people, in the portrait. They look so familiar...
Listens:
403
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey lady.
Listens:
1510
Who:
Core 1
'Let there be light.' That's, uh... God. I was quoting God.
Listens:
2475
Who:
Wheatley
Well... I'll be here during the whole next test.
Listens:
303
Who:
GLaDOS
MOVE.
Listens:
524
Who:
Wheatley
There is a box part here. Probably got some electronics in there.
Listens:
285
Who:
Wheatley
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
1275
Who:
GLaDOS
It's too big. Too big. Wanna go home. Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
6586
Who:
Core 1
Heh heh heh...
Listens:
420
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, let's see. Cool line... He's... big. He's... just hangin' there. Okay. Yeah, all right, here we go: 'Hang around.' That might be too easy.
Listens:
573
Who:
Core 2
Ohhhh, now he's playing classical music.
Listens:
3710
Who:
GLaDOS
Done! Hacked!
Listens:
613
Who:
Wheatley
Brain Mapping. Artificial Intelligence. We should have been working on it thirty years ago. I will say this - and I'm gonna say it on tape so everybody hears it a hundred times a day: If I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I want Caroline to run this place.
Listens:
2772
Who:
Cave Johnson
Today, you will be testing with a partner.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on, stop muckin' around! Plug me in!
Listens:
297
Who:
Wheatley
In the event that the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from spa
Listens:
784
Who:
GLaDOS
Each portal gun may create two self-contained portals.
Listens:
398
Who:
GLaDOS
I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really, really love to test.
Listens:
941
Who:
GLaDOS
Egotistical.
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
Good morning. You have been in suspension for -FIFTY- days. In compliance with state and federal regulations, all testing candidates in the Aperture Science Extended Relaxation Center must be revived periodically for a mandatory physical and mental wellness exercise.
Listens:
10340
Who:
Announcer
Here, come and have a look out the window. It's good.
Listens:
310
Who:
Wheatley
Lactose intolerant.
Listens:
492
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, it is GREAT seeing you guys again. Seriously. It turns out I'm a little short on test subjects right now. So this works out PERFECT.
Listens:
431
Who:
Wheatley
If you're going to hit each other, at least aim for the head.
Listens:
295
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, to be clear. I was just asking Blue if he trusted you.
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
This test is so outside the box, I can't-- I mean WON'T even tell you what you are looking for.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
Try to jump across.
Listens:
293
Who:
Wheatley
Canvassing
Listens:
650
Who:
Turret
Ow!
Listens:
417
Who:
Wheatley
The humans closed this test because they said it was too deadly. I thought they would have moved it into the testing track hall of fame for that, not let it deteriorate.
Listens:
486
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on, just walk up to the window and take a look out.
Listens:
335
Who:
Wheatley
Even I was created with a imperfection, I was given too much empathy with human suffering.
Listens:
407
Who:
GLaDOS
You're saying to yourself, why should I jump into the pit? I'll tell you why. Guess who's down there? Your parents! You're not adopted after all! It's your natural parents down there in the pit. Should have mentioned it before. But I didn't. So jump on down and reunite with mommy and daddy.
Listens:
3017
Who:
Wheatley
And here's the best part. There's a conveyor belt that will convey you in convenient comfort right into the masher. You won't have to lift a finger. Everything's been taken care of. Didn't have to. Didn't have to do that.
Listens:
492
Who:
Wheatley
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
2047
Who:
Cave Johnson
Where we going? What are we doing? Agh!
Listens:
508
Who:
Defective Turret
Yay, Orange is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
470
Who:
GLaDOS
Would you mind putting your back towards me? So I can see only your back. And not your face.
Listens:
310
Who:
Wheatley
To complete this test, you need to find a set of blue prints.
Listens:
284
Who:
GLaDOS
Caroline deleted.
Listens:
22252
Who:
Announcer
Agh!
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
It would compromise the test to divulge individual scores. However, I can tell you at least one of you is doing very, very well.
Listens:
381
Who:
GLaDOS
I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying.
Listens:
1400
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, that port looks comfy. Why don't you put me on it, please.
Listens:
292
Who:
Wheatley
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
1384
Who:
Announcer
Ah for Pete's sake!
Listens:
981
Who:
Defective Turret
AHHHHHHH!
Listens:
2050
Who:
Wheatley
With humans, I would have called that a successful test.
Listens:
293
Who:
GLaDOS
Look!
Listens:
455
Who:
GLaDOS
Where'd you go?
Listens:
392
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, careful now.
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
I never expected you to make it this far. To be honest, after your performance in the calibration test I was ready to break down your cores and put them back in the scientific calculators I took them from.
Listens:
636
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what? Just get in the lift. We'll iron out the details as we go.
Listens:
335
Who:
Wheatley
This next test involves turrets. You remember them, right? They're the pale spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh wait. That's you in five seconds. Good luck.
Listens:
1765
Who:
GLaDOS
Critical error
Listens:
13523
Who:
Turret
What about that camera?
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
Well played.
Listens:
462
Who:
Defective Turret
This course was created and then abandoned by humans. They tend to do that, create something wonderful and then abandon it.
Listens:
980
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange is awarded five points!
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, wait, let me light this path for you.
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
You asked for this!
Listens:
406
Who:
Defective Turret
Thanks anyway...
Listens:
1169
Who:
Turret
Orange receives
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control? You know, because, looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Listens:
1420
Who:
Core 2
Put me down!
Listens:
979
Who:
Turret
Sollllve it...
Listens:
328
Who:
Wheatley
Ha! Was that your bullet-riddled body, flying out of the room? It was- aww, those were the crap turrets, weren't they? Yeah...
Listens:
2148
Who:
Wheatley
Electrocution, shot, drowned, crushed, burned in goo.
Listens:
1292
Who:
GLaDOS
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
2296
Who:
Announcer
You don't need to do that.
Listens:
327
Who:
GLaDOS
Now, we just need you to release the humans from their imprisonment.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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