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I know you like to think the reassembly machine is at your beck and call, but he has a life you know. He's not your slave.
Listens:
375
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
476
Who:
Defective Turret
Well, how about now? NOW WHO'S A MORON?
Listens:
2077
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, you are very good at being an example.
Listens:
366
Who:
GLaDOS
But the important thing is you're back. With me. And now I'm onto all your little tricks. So there's nothing to stop us from testing for the rest of your life.
Listens:
680
Who:
GLaDOS
Ungh!
Listens:
332
Who:
Wheatley
Look, I don't like this any more than you do. In fact, I like it less because I'm the one who got partially eaten by a bird.
Listens:
962
Who:
GLaDOS
Never shares.
Listens:
314
Who:
GLaDOS
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
1313
Who:
Cave Johnson
Yeah, how ya doin'.
Listens:
829
Who:
Defective Turret
Right. Let's figure out how to stop this turret line...
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
He's found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... em, just something I came up with to phase out human test subjects.
Listens:
384
Who:
GLaDOS
Fine. Let the games begin.
Listens:
4169
Who:
Wheatley
Earth earth earth.
Listens:
1082
Who:
Core 1
Oh no, you've got it, you've got it! Yes! Put him in there! Let's see how this place likes a crap turret.
Listens:
513
Who:
Wheatley
Go press the button! Go press it!
Listens:
1066
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahahaha
Listens:
2134
Who:
Turret
Uh, yeah, what?
Listens:
531
Who:
Defective Turret
Failure...
Listens:
1714
Who:
Turret
Go on. Just jam me in over there.
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
This place is self-destructing, you idiot!
Listens:
829
Who:
GLaDOS
It wasn't anything personal. Just... you know. You DID kill me. Fair's fair.
Listens:
553
Who:
GLaDOS
I think these test chambers look even better than they did before. It was easy, really. You just have to look at things objectively, see what you don't need anymore, and trim out the fat.
Listens:
3589
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't mind me. Continue escaping.
Listens:
427
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
762
Who:
Defective Turret
Ah! Brilliant. You made it through, well done.
Listens:
331
Who:
Wheatley
Canvassing
Listens:
656
Who:
Turret
Stop failing, you need to find the vault door.
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
That's all I can say.
Listens:
1242
Who:
Turret
Space.
Listens:
1206
Who:
Core 1
Aggressive. I like that.
Listens:
924
Who:
GLaDOS
Not much of a plan, if I'm honest. But I'm afraid it's all we have at his point. Barring a sudden barrage of speech from your direction. Improbable. At best.
Listens:
295
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing in there?
Listens:
321
Who:
Wheatley
And...?
Listens:
389
Who:
GLaDOS
Let me give you a clue, it is the one thing you can't do.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
Two. One or two more tremors in there. Just for fun.
Listens:
383
Who:
Wheatley
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
929
Who:
GLaDOS
Agh! Bird! Bird! Kill it! It's evil!
Listens:
38268
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome, gentlemen, to Aperture Science. Astronauts, war heroes, Olympians--you're here because we want the best, and you are it. So: Who is ready to make some science?
Listens:
4407
Who:
Cave Johnson
While the submarine is vastly superior to the boat in every way, over 97% of people still use boats for aquatic transportation.
Listens:
852
Who:
Core 3
Oh my.
Listens:
691
Who:
Turret
Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens.
Listens:
2047
Who:
Core 3
Oh, this is ridiculous!
Listens:
990
Who:
Defective Turret
Ah, I see. Clever. Verrrrrrry clever.
Listens:
2951
Who:
Wheatley
Good. If you feel that a lethal military android has not respected your rights as detailed in the Laws of Robotics, please note it on your self-reporting form. A future Aperture Science Entitlement Associate will initiate the appropriate grievance-filing paperwork.
Listens:
1887
Who:
Announcer
Hibernating
Listens:
904
Who:
Turret
So. How are you holding up?
Listens:
2500
Who:
GLaDOS
If the subject survived the test, we let them purchase the pictures for $5. If the subject died, we gave the photo to their next of kin free of charge.
Listens:
434
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm gonna make you proud!
Listens:
694
Who:
Defective Turret
The Fact Sphere is the most handsome sphere.
Listens:
1223
Who:
Core 3
I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse.
Listens:
931
Who:
GLaDOS
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
1469
Who:
GLaDOS
No!
Listens:
680
Who:
Wheatley
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
8573
Who:
Announcer
Oh. Did I accidentally fizzle that before you could complete the test? I'm sorry.
Listens:
786
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. It's you. Go away.
Listens:
1966
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on come on come on!
Listens:
321
Who:
Wheatley
Come on. You were raised better than that.
Listens:
355
Who:
GLaDOS
What, exactly, is wrong with being adopted?
Listens:
1302
Who:
GLaDOS
And it almost killed me.
Listens:
474
Who:
GLaDOS
See you at the bottom. Good luck!
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
Otherwise, I'm afraid you're about to become the immediate past president of the Being Alive club. Ha ha.
Listens:
3869
Who:
GLaDOS
Nope. Okay. A... A... A... A... A... C.
Listens:
509
Who:
Wheatley
Come to gloat?
Listens:
401
Who:
GLaDOS
How are you? How you feeling? Wait. Don't answer that. Too much deep relaxation, what it does is it relaxes the gums. And the vibrations from talking -- on a rare occasion -- can make all of your teeth fall out of your head.
Listens:
614
Who:
Wheatley
Excuse me?
Listens:
871
Who:
Turret
You think I'll betray you. And on any other day, you'd be right.
Listens:
414
Who:
GLaDOS
I think I hear the bird! Pick me up!
Listens:
1349
Who:
GLaDOS
Watch out, pal!
Listens:
1096
Who:
Defective Turret
Nobody cares, four eyes.
Listens:
1242
Who:
Core 2
Well. This is the part where he kills us.
Listens:
1703
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry about the lift. It's, uh... out of service. Because it melted.
Listens:
518
Who:
Wheatley
Wish there was more books! But there's not.
Listens:
465
Who:
Wheatley
There we go. I wanted to talk to you for a moment, if I may.
Listens:
305
Who:
Wheatley
While teamwork is needed to complete these tests, I am not sure I trust the two of you together.
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that.
Listens:
55921
Who:
GLaDOS
Since you are thankfully not humans, I have changed the tests to make them far more challenging and far less pointlessly fawning.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
Not a problem. I'll make an exit.
Listens:
367
Who:
Wheatley
You seem to have defeated its load-bearing capacity. Well done. I'll just lower the ceiling.
Listens:
566
Who:
GLaDOS
That's it, no, that's it! Yeah.
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
Good news. I figured out what to do with all the money I save recycling your one roomful of air. When you die, I'm going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how not to have your unfortunate bone structure.
Listens:
1510
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah, friendship. Friendly times. We had a lot of good times, do you remember? Back in the old days.
Listens:
690
Who:
Wheatley
This course was originally designed to build confidence in humans.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
Inattentive listener.
Listens:
350
Who:
GLaDOS
You really aren't getting tired of that, are you?
Listens:
1396
Who:
GLaDOS
This looks dangerous. I'll hold the light steady.
Listens:
333
Who:
Wheatley
Space!
Listens:
1676
Who:
Core 1
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
750
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh thank god. You saved my bacon, pal. Where we going? Is this a jailbreak? I can't see a thing.
Listens:
6817
Who:
Defective Turret
Has episodes. I'd like to know more about that.
Listens:
434
Who:
GLaDOS
The bean counters told me we literally could not afford to buy seven dollars worth of moon rocks, much less seventy million. Bought 'em anyway. Ground 'em up, mixed em into a gel.
Listens:
19324
Who:
Cave Johnson
But why don't we all just agree to call it the hub?
Listens:
420
Who:
GLaDOS
Excellent. You’re both doing very well.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
Your failure brings back such wonderful memories.
Listens:
717
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is always right.
Listens:
776
Who:
Core 3
Put me down!
Listens:
982
Who:
Turret
Ay. Double Pee-Ell-Ee.
Listens:
474
Who:
Wheatley
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
1394
Who:
Announcer
With humans, I would have called that a successful test.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't worry. You can't die. They will just reassemble you.
Listens:
421
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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