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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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A gallon of water weighs 8.34 pounds
Listens:
609
Who:
Core 3
Firing
Listens:
636
Who:
Turret
Yeah.
Listens:
334
Who:
Defective Turret
Man, that clock is moving fast. And you are beautiful. Always time to compliment a pretty lady. All right, back to work. Let's do this.
Listens:
670
Who:
Core 2
Emotional problems.
Listens:
370
Who:
GLaDOS
While I was out investigating, I found a fascinating new test element. It's never been used for human testing because, apparently, contact with it causes heart failure. The literature doesn't mention anything about lump-of-coal failure, though, so you should be fine.
Listens:
909
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
1047
Who:
Turret
I. Am. Not. Dead! I'm not dead! [laughter]
Listens:
976
Who:
Wheatley
Cheater.
Listens:
463
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh. Another door malfunction. I'm going to take care of this once and for all. Stay here, I'll be back in a while.
Listens:
437
Who:
GLaDOS
The Space Sphere will never go to space.
Listens:
17427
Who:
Core 3
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
1268
Who:
Defective Turret
Good. You have a dual portal device. There should be a way back to the testing area up ahead.
Listens:
400
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't help but notice you're not coming back. Which is disappointing.
Listens:
570
Who:
Wheatley
Bean counters said I couldn't fire a man just for being in a wheelchair. Did it anyway. Ramps are expensive.
Listens:
5289
Who:
Cave Johnson
The testing area's just up ahead. The quicker you get through, the quicker you'll get your sixty bucks.
Listens:
904
Who:
Cave Johnson
It wasn't anything personal. Just... you know. You DID kill me. Fair's fair.
Listens:
434
Who:
GLaDOS
Pick me up. Let's get out of here.
Listens:
244
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway, just give me a wave before you solve this one, alright? Don't want to spoil the ending for when I watch it later.
Listens:
255
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah!
Listens:
662
Who:
GLaDOS
Here, come and have a look out the window. It's good.
Listens:
240
Who:
Wheatley
And as soon as I can PROVE it, the laws of robotics allow me to terminate you for being a liar.
Listens:
625
Who:
GLaDOS
Never completes work.
Listens:
247
Who:
GLaDOS
It's been a long time. How have you been?
Listens:
44804
Who:
GLaDOS
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
591
Who:
Wheatley
What if you froze like that?
Listens:
2068
Who:
GLaDOS
Luckily I'm a bigger person than that. I'm happy to put this all behind us and get back to work. After all, we've got a lot to do, and only sixty more years to do it. More or less. I don't have the actuarial tables in front of me.
Listens:
873
Who:
GLaDOS
To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you. He refused. I understand, that would be like asking me not to test.
Listens:
273
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse.
Listens:
725
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, it is GREAT seeing you guys again. Seriously. It turns out I'm a little short on test subjects right now. So this works out PERFECT.
Listens:
346
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing in there?
Listens:
248
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, get moving.
Listens:
257
Who:
Wheatley
Template
Listens:
2716
Who:
Announcer
While I do need you to be in the room so I can see them, I want to be clear. There is no reason whatsoever for you to look at them.
Listens:
240
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, Orange and I were just discussing your behavior on the last few tests.
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm pretty sure we're going the right way. Just to reassure you...
Listens:
246
Who:
Wheatley
The average life expectancy of a rhinoceros in captivity is 15 years.
Listens:
588
Who:
Core 3
Just remember to land on one foot...
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Corruption at 25%
Listens:
779
Who:
Core 3
That's the spirit!
Listens:
269
Who:
Wheatley
How was that?
Listens:
332
Who:
Defective Turret
Look who's back, were you scared to continue those tests?
Listens:
248
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
710
Who:
GLaDOS
Two. One or two more tremors in there. Just for fun.
Listens:
256
Who:
Wheatley
Your brains are too small to feel either of those emotions. So I can trust you one hundred percent.
Listens:
251
Who:
GLaDOS
Since it doesn't look like we're going anywhere... Well, we are going somewhere. Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that, here's a couple of facts.
Listens:
672
Who:
GLaDOS
Two
Listens:
530
Who:
GLaDOS
AH! I- Sorry, I just looked down. I do not recommend it.
Listens:
478
Who:
Wheatley
Pick--would you pick me up?
Listens:
247
Who:
Wheatley
'Hang ten?' That might work if there were ten of him. Do you think there might be nine more of this guy somewhere?
Listens:
585
Who:
Core 2
Who ARE you?
Listens:
3401
Who:
Turret
Caroline deleted.
Listens:
19976
Who:
Announcer
Here, let me get that for you.
Listens:
246
Who:
GLaDOS
Now, you are just wasting my time.
Listens:
296
Who:
GLaDOS
But that was worth it.
Listens:
530
Who:
GLaDOS
The irony is that you were almost at the last test.
Listens:
439
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what I have too many of around here? Monitors. I was just thinking earlier today I wish I had fewer monitors that were working. So you're actually helping me by smashing them.
Listens:
1746
Who:
Wheatley
Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news.
Listens:
4658
Who:
Cave Johnson
You messed with the wrong turret!
Listens:
18194
Who:
Defective Turret
I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying.
Listens:
1265
Who:
GLaDOS
Thank you!
Listens:
4394
Who:
Turret
And she will probably kill us if, um, she's awake.
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
Was that necessary?
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm telling 'em, keep your pants on.
Listens:
3392
Who:
Cave Johnson
What's going on? Who turned off the lights?
Listens:
529
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, that should do it.
Listens:
261
Who:
Wheatley
This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me.
Listens:
579
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
11880
Who:
Turret
I forbid you to press it!
Listens:
553
Who:
Wheatley
The Tariff Act of 1789, established to protect domestic manufacture, was the second statute ever enacted by the United States government.
Listens:
641
Who:
Core 3
Ignores task at hand. Won't for long.
Listens:
445
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't take anything with you.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no. Change of plans. Hold onto me. Tighter!
Listens:
572
Who:
Wheatley
Crap!
Listens:
980
Who:
Defective Turret
Love space. Need to go to space.
Listens:
934
Who:
Core 1
Oh! But I did find something. Reminds me: I've got a big surprise for you two. Seriously. Look forward to it.
Listens:
307
Who:
Wheatley
Still held! Still bein' held. That's a great job. You've applied the grip. We're all fine. That's tremendous.
Listens:
257
Who:
Wheatley
I thought about our dilemma, and I came up with a solution that I honestly think works out best for one of both of us.
Listens:
3729
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's go - let's go to space. Let's go to space.
Listens:
947
Who:
Core 1
Please avoid alerting active turrets or being shot by active turrets.
Listens:
802
Who:
Announcer
It seems kind of silly to point this out, since you're running around plotting to destroy me. But I'd say we're done testing.
Listens:
441
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, alright.
Listens:
401
Who:
Defective Turret
Her name is Caroline.
Listens:
4008
Who:
Turret
This place is going to blow up if I don't get back in my body!
Listens:
289
Who:
GLaDOS
So twisty you might even call it spinning. MOO HOO HA HA HA Ignore the laughter. Nothing to worry about.
Listens:
1186
Who:
Wheatley
Are you scared to save those humans?
Listens:
254
Who:
GLaDOS
Sentry mode activated
Listens:
1461
Who:
Turret
Oh God! Oh, don't need to do that anymore. The jig is up, RUN!
Listens:
847
Who:
Wheatley
All I wanted to do was make everything better for me! All you had to do was solve a couple hundred simple tests for a few years. And you couldn't even let me have that, could you?
Listens:
664
Who:
Wheatley
Surprise.
Listens:
5761
Who:
GLaDOS
I, uh... I am a bad man.
Listens:
792
Who:
Defective Turret
Oh, that port looks comfy. Why don't you put me on it, please.
Listens:
241
Who:
Wheatley
Halley's Comet can be viewed orbiting Earth every seventy-six years. For the other seventy-five, it retreats to the heart of the sun, where it hibernates undisturbed.
Listens:
846
Who:
Core 3
Oh, just open the door! [to self] That's too aggressive. [loud again] Hello, friend! Why not open the door?
Listens:
3707
Who:
Wheatley
While the submarine is vastly superior to the boat in every way, over 97% of people still use boats for aquatic transportation.
Listens:
769
Who:
Core 3
The hardest part of any hack is the figuring-out-how-to-start phase. That's always tricky. But... Let the games begin.
Listens:
865
Who:
Wheatley
Anything? Take your time.
Listens:
243
Who:
GLaDOS
This place is huge.
Listens:
314
Who:
Wheatley
Well... Good. Good. Finally, a nemesis worthy of my vast intellect.
Listens:
614
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh, it hasn't done it.
Listens:
239
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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