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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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This is AMAZING! We can walk wherever we want! Look, just... go left! No, go right, go right! Don't even care, don't even care, just go where ever you want, couldn't care less.
Listens:
395
Who:
Wheatley
Nobody is going to space, mate!
Listens:
21249
Who:
Wheatley
Blue just taught orange a valuable lesson in trust. For that, blue receives 14 science collaboration points.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
NO!
Listens:
772
Who:
GLaDOS
Take me with you...
Listens:
926
Who:
Turret
Brain Mapping. Artificial Intelligence. We should have been working on it thirty years ago. I will say this - and I'm gonna say it on tape so everybody hears it a hundred times a day: If I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I want Caroline to run this place.
Listens:
2667
Who:
Cave Johnson
I can't hold on! Come on!
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
You can't fire me I quit!
Listens:
3812
Who:
Defective Turret
Alright, going on three just gives you too much time to think about it. Let's, uh, go on one this time. Okay, ready?
Listens:
281
Who:
Wheatley
Not paying attennnntion...
Listens:
482
Who:
GLaDOS
Uh, yeah, what?
Listens:
457
Who:
Defective Turret
Do not press that button!
Listens:
519
Who:
Wheatley
All right. I’m bringing this farce to a close.
Listens:
322
Who:
GLaDOS
Enh!
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
These things happen.
Listens:
3427
Who:
Turret
Excellent.
Listens:
839
Who:
GLaDOS
Arrrrgh!
Listens:
735
Who:
Turret
Oh, my facility.
Listens:
417
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't press that button. You don't know what you're doing.
Listens:
1670
Who:
GLaDOS
You're the type of show-off who only shows off really stupid things.
Listens:
488
Who:
GLaDOS
Done! Hacked!
Listens:
586
Who:
Wheatley
I found some bird eggs up here. Just dropped 'em into the door mechanism. Shut it right down. I--AGH!
Listens:
1089
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Oh oh! Yes. Alright. Just had a brainwave. I'll be back. If you're still alive. I'll be back. Don't die until I get back.
Listens:
963
Who:
Wheatley
[sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned.
Listens:
1359
Who:
Wheatley
Avoid defective defective turrets as they may still be active.
Listens:
862
Who:
Announcer
Seriously, though. Goodbye.
Listens:
2351
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes sir, Mister Johnson.
Listens:
1552
Who:
Caroline
We should be getting close. Ohh, I can't wait to see the look on her face. No neurotoxin, no turrets--she'll never know what hit her!
Listens:
376
Who:
Wheatley
This was another test no one had ever completed before you two. Oh, the science we used to learn with this test. Now the test is useless.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, I took the liberty of watching the tapes of you killing her, and I'm not going to make the same mistakes. Four part plan is this:
Listens:
641
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent. You’re both doing very well.
Listens:
296
Who:
GLaDOS
All right, your funeral. Your beautiful-lady-corpse open casket funeral.
Listens:
705
Who:
Core 2
The bean counters told me we literally could not afford to buy seven dollars worth of moon rocks, much less seventy million. Bought 'em anyway. Ground 'em up, mixed em into a gel.
Listens:
18379
Who:
Cave Johnson
That said, I would really appreciate it if you could test as fast as possible. Caroline, please bring me more pain pills.
Listens:
1580
Who:
Cave Johnson
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
658
Who:
GLaDOS
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space!
Listens:
1610
Who:
Core 1
Contrary to popular belief, the Eskimo does not have one hundred different words for snow. They do, however, have two hundred and thirty-four words for fudge.
Listens:
1417
Who:
Core 3
You have no idea what it's like in this body.
Listens:
267
Who:
Wheatley
The average adult body contains half a pound of salt.
Listens:
543
Who:
Core 3
The Adventure Sphere is a blowhard and a coward.
Listens:
1077
Who:
Core 3
This is the main breaker room.
Listens:
307
Who:
Wheatley
All right. You create a distraction then, and I'll distract him from YOUR distraction.
Listens:
407
Who:
Core 2
One: No portal surfaces.
Listens:
979
Who:
Wheatley
I'm--do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to work on the assumption that you're still alive and I'm just going to wait for you up ahead.
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
Had a bit of a brain wave. There I was, smashing some steel plates together, and I thought, 'yes, it's deadly. But what's missing? What's missing?' And I thought lots of sharp bits welded onto the flat bits.
Listens:
1852
Who:
Wheatley
ow.
Listens:
676
Who:
GLaDOS
You did WHAT?
Listens:
3137
Who:
Wheatley
You win.
Listens:
1273
Who:
GLaDOS
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit. They are found in Australians.
Listens:
964
Who:
Core 3
I think I can break us out of here in the next chamber. Just play along.
Listens:
266
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh great, dancing again.
Listens:
767
Who:
GLaDOS
Um. 'TRUE'. I'll go 'true'.
Listens:
19811
Who:
Wheatley
Nicely Done!
Listens:
564
Who:
Wheatley
*I* have to go to the wing that was made entirely of glass and pick up fifteen acres of broken glass. By myself.
Listens:
1612
Who:
GLaDOS
Pop a portal on that wall behind me there, and I'll meet you on the other side of the room.
Listens:
269
Who:
Wheatley
Blah.
Listens:
1041
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry, are you still there? Could you--could you pick me up?
Listens:
1220
Who:
Wheatley
Okay!
Listens:
403
Who:
Defective Turret
So what do you say? You carry me up to him and put me back into my body, and I stop us from blowing up and let you go.
Listens:
476
Who:
GLaDOS
There. Bing! Perfect. On you go.
Listens:
444
Who:
Wheatley
'Caw! Caw!' Oh, look! There's a bird out here! A Lovely bird. Gorgeous plumage. Majestic. Won't be here long. A lovely bird like that. Once in a lifetime opportunity to see a lovely bird like that. Lovely plumage.
Listens:
4067
Who:
Wheatley
I'm Cave Johnson. I own the place.
Listens:
4806
Who:
Cave Johnson
Pshh. Really? And do what, exactly?
Listens:
584
Who:
Wheatley
For your test.
Listens:
264
Who:
Wheatley
Haha, Mr. Johnson!
Listens:
2122
Who:
Caroline
Was that course too difficult?
Listens:
288
Who:
GLaDOS
Wheeeeee-OHNO!
Listens:
8504
Who:
Turret
I did everything you asked!
Listens:
3256
Who:
Turret
Do you remember when we were friends?
Listens:
641
Who:
Wheatley
If we start making a list of things that aren't here, we could be here all night. You know, pens for instance. Let's stick with things we can see. Not stuff that isn't here.
Listens:
307
Who:
Wheatley
I don't think I want to go through that again.
Listens:
287
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not defective!
Listens:
2248
Who:
Defective Turret
Woooaaah!
Listens:
1168
Who:
Turret
Oh, that's sad. But impressive. Maybe they worked at the phone company.
Listens:
3359
Who:
GLaDOS
Press the button again.
Listens:
1031
Who:
GLaDOS
Just glass. Transparent. Smooth. Not going to hurt you. Have a look.
Listens:
327
Who:
Wheatley
Alright. Paradox time.
Listens:
1197
Who:
GLaDOS
And they said no one would ever die during this test, thanks for proving them wrong.
Listens:
428
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you know that people with guilty consciences are more easily startled by loud noises--[train horn]--
Listens:
34232
Who:
GLaDOS
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
34002
Who:
GLaDOS
Plug me in, and I'll take you up.
Listens:
267
Who:
GLaDOS
SPAAACCCCCE!
Listens:
579401
Who:
Core 1
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1193
Who:
Cave Johnson
But I overcame my handicap. That's a true story.
Listens:
469
Who:
GLaDOS
Two. One or two more tremors in there. Just for fun.
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
Might want to just pick me up.
Listens:
267
Who:
Wheatley
I see you
Listens:
2837
Who:
Turret
I’m sorry, Subject Orange.
Listens:
433
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhhohohhhh. Wow. Well done, seriously, both of you. Why don't you two go on ahead? I'll catch up with you.
Listens:
2296
Who:
Wheatley
But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.
Listens:
894
Who:
Wheatley
WHAT ARE YOU DOING WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT BUTTON - oh, the door's open! Well done. Let's see what's inside.
Listens:
2795
Who:
Wheatley
Yes, you. Box. Your stuff. Out the front door. Parking lot. Car. Goodbye.
Listens:
9504
Who:
Cave Johnson
There's no turret in it... Maybe the system stores a backup image?
Listens:
267
Who:
Wheatley
At the time of this recording, Federal disclosure policies require us to inform you that this next test is probably lethal and to redirect you to a safer test environment.
Listens:
1465
Who:
Announcer
Click click click! Still defective!
Listens:
2270
Who:
Defective Turret
I know how humans make more humans, and frankly, it's ridiculous. It also assumes that you already have a human, which I hope somebody got fired over. So I came up a with BETTER way.
Listens:
23300
Who:
GLaDOS
Two
Listens:
577
Who:
GLaDOS
If you have, in fact, not, you are encouraged to take a moment to reflect on your failure before proceeding into the next chamber.
Listens:
407
Who:
GLaDOS
AHHHHHHH!
Listens:
1955
Who:
Wheatley
Annnnd we're back!
Listens:
869
Who:
Defective Turret
00:00 / 00:00
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