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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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Let's go in!
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
I can only place a portal on a white portalable surface.
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
Space space wanna go to space
Listens:
1031
Who:
Core 1
Warning: Core overheating. Nuclear meltdown imminent.
Listens:
19587
Who:
Announcer
HA! I knew someone was alive in here.
Listens:
361
Who:
Wheatley
Fact: Space does not exist.
Listens:
4236
Who:
Core 3
Preparing to dispense product
Listens:
2648
Who:
Turret
You really are doing great... Chell.
Listens:
43282
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, down those stairs, please?
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
It's been a pleasure!
Listens:
466
Who:
Defective Turret
Well done. Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
Listens:
77725
Who:
GLaDOS
Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve.
Listens:
2569
Who:
Core 3
Well, I did my best.
Listens:
492
Who:
Defective Turret
Not a problem. I'll make an exit.
Listens:
362
Who:
Wheatley
Are you still there?
Listens:
58624
Who:
Turret
Oh. No. I fizzled that one too.
Listens:
573
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, so it's not the most watertight plan to go confront an omnipotent power-mad A.I. with.
Listens:
454
Who:
GLaDOS
I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making. Taekwondo... Bedroom.
Listens:
17072
Who:
Core 2
Time to watch the master.
Listens:
502
Who:
Defective Turret
Today, you will be testing with a partner.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Where we going? What are we doing? Agh!
Listens:
511
Who:
Defective Turret
Orange do what Blue just did.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
Template
Listens:
3179
Who:
Announcer
Didn't pick up on my sarcasm...
Listens:
4893
Who:
Wheatley
Your eagerness to test pleases me. Your inane gesturing does not.
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
These tests are potentially lethal when communication, teamwork, and mutual respect are not employed at all times. Naturally this will pose an interesting challenge for one of you, given the other's performance so far.
Listens:
1169
Who:
GLaDOS
You were right, Orange. Blue was dumb enough to fall for your trap.
Listens:
634
Who:
GLaDOS
You could stand to lose a few pounds.
Listens:
824
Who:
Core 3
Whew. There we go! Now I'll be honest, you are probably in no fit state to run this particular type of cognitive gauntlet. But... um... at least you're a good jumper. So... you've got that. You've got the jumping on your side. Just do your best, and I'll meet you up ahead.
Listens:
537
Who:
Wheatley
Lucky for you two, while I cannot control the world outside of the testing courses, the reassembly machine can continue with his work.
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
625
Who:
Wheatley
[disinterested] Ohhh, you solved it. Oh. Good. Good one... Good for you...
Listens:
637
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is always right.
Listens:
774
Who:
Core 3
Sorry, what?
Listens:
2246
Who:
Wheatley
Wait wait wait wait. I know I know I know. Lady wait. Wait. I know. Wait. Space.
Listens:
2744
Who:
Core 1
Hello.
Listens:
4280
Who:
Turret
Okay. Plan B, subsection one: Stand still so I can bring you back.
Listens:
695
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1425
Who:
Defective Turret
Well. Have fun soaring through the air without a care in the world.
Listens:
674
Who:
GLaDOS
I lied.
Listens:
793
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm pretty sure we're going the right way. Just to reassure you...
Listens:
297
Who:
Wheatley
Here's an idea, since making tests is difficult--why don't you just keep solving THIS test. Same one. And I can just... watch you solve it. Yes. That sounds much easier.
Listens:
866
Who:
Wheatley
Agh!
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
And FOOLISH! No way out. At my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing.
Listens:
1074
Who:
Wheatley
I am!
Listens:
3128
Who:
Caroline
So what do you say? You carry me up to him and put me back into my body, and I stop us from blowing up and let you go.
Listens:
501
Who:
GLaDOS
Noooooo!
Listens:
2046
Who:
Turret
The Sun is 330,330 times larger than Earth.
Listens:
771
Who:
Core 3
Only one more test after this.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you have a gun? Because I should really have a gun. What is that thing you're holding?
Listens:
588
Who:
Core 2
Well. This is the part where he kills us.
Listens:
1696
Who:
GLaDOS
It's not like I've got hordes of replacement monitors just lying around back here in the old warehouse that I can just wheel out an bolt back on. I didn't order in loads of spare monitors thinking some crazy woman was going to go around smashing them all. Sorry if that's my fault. Sorry if I didn't have the forethought to think oh she might go crazy one day instead of just getting on with things. Sorry I didn't think of that.
Listens:
9066
Who:
Wheatley
Hi there!
Listens:
2144
Who:
Defective Turret
Ummmm. Yeah, I can't do it if you're watching.
Listens:
382
Who:
Wheatley
Well... Good. Good. Finally, a nemesis worthy of my vast intellect.
Listens:
768
Who:
Wheatley
If groups of hunter-gatherers appear to have made this - or any - test chamber their home, DO NOT AGITATE THEM. Test through them.
Listens:
456
Who:
GLaDOS
Um, hello?
Listens:
1418
Who:
Turret
Yeah, what?
Listens:
521
Who:
Defective Turret
Orange, blue isn't a human. The lesson on trust only needs to be taught once. Orange is penalized 1 science collaboration point.
Listens:
355
Who:
GLaDOS
Just say 'Apple'. Classic. Very simple.
Listens:
856
Who:
Wheatley
Not entirely, not entirely. Look at the word 'test', on the wall there. That's brand new.
Listens:
399
Who:
Wheatley
Follow the feeder tube to the generator room! I'll meet you there.
Listens:
295
Who:
Wheatley
To initiate a core transfer, please deposit substitute core in receptacle.
Listens:
1354
Who:
Announcer
You do know I can't wave back right?
Listens:
469
Who:
GLaDOS
I love it, too. So let's get you a dual portal device and go do some science.
Listens:
777
Who:
GLaDOS
89% of magic tricks are not magic. Technically, they are sorcery.
Listens:
2466
Who:
Core 3
That did it! Neurotoxin at zero percent! Yes!
Listens:
370
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going. Going to space.
Listens:
1015
Who:
Core 1
The humans can't free themselves.
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
Come back!
Listens:
475
Who:
Wheatley
...What are you doing?...
Listens:
1284
Who:
GLaDOS
Nobody is going to space, mate!
Listens:
21915
Who:
Wheatley
ow.
Listens:
539
Who:
GLaDOS
But don't worry, you are in the lead.
Listens:
345
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, this way
Listens:
297
Who:
Wheatley
Blue! Orange has always been my favorite.
Listens:
625
Who:
GLaDOS
So I've been thinking: We need humans for these tests. And since the only human within a thousand miles of us is a test-ruining sociopath... I'll just have to MAKE some.
Listens:
1620
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, enough about that first person's file. Let's look at some others.
Listens:
403
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes, you 'solved' it, but I'm wondering if there are a number of ways to solve them and you're picking all the worst ways.
Listens:
488
Who:
Wheatley
I don't want this!
Listens:
19423
Who:
Caroline
Right. Well, I’m going to take this rail down the back way.
Listens:
374
Who:
Wheatley
Anyway, look, we're really close to busting out, just hang in there for five more chambers.
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
If you're allergic to peanuts, you might want to tell somebody now, because this next test may turn your blood into peanut water for a few minutes. On the bright side, if we can make this happen, they're gonna have to invent a new type of Nobel Prize to give us, so hang in there.
Listens:
2088
Who:
Cave Johnson
The locking mechanism can tell you aren't humans.
Listens:
374
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you going to open the door? At any time?
Listens:
554
Who:
Wheatley
Here it comes, pal!
Listens:
486
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, great! Here comes another core!
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
To complete this test, you need to find a set of blue prints.
Listens:
291
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh. Disappointing.
Listens:
1173
Who:
Wheatley
If you have, in fact, not, you are encouraged to take a moment to reflect on your failure before proceeding into the next chamber.
Listens:
430
Who:
GLaDOS
On three. Ready? One... Two...
Listens:
395
Who:
Wheatley
Explosion imminent. Evacuate the facility immediately.
Listens:
29235
Who:
Announcer
Oh thank god, you're alright.
Listens:
1841
Who:
GLaDOS
I agree, Blue. That was entertaining.
Listens:
346
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't take anything with you.
Listens:
412
Who:
GLaDOS
Enjoy this next test. I'm going to go to the surface. It's a beautiful day out. Yesterday I saw a deer. If you solve this next test, maybe I'll let you ride an elevator all the way up to the break room, and I'll tell you about the time I saw a deer again.
Listens:
4018
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
580
Who:
Defective Turret
I never expected you to make it this far. To be honest, after your performance in the calibration test I was ready to break down your cores and put them back in the scientific calculators I took them from.
Listens:
639
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait! I've got an idea!
Listens:
407
Who:
GLaDOS
I consider that a failing, by the way.
Listens:
726
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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