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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Unconstructive.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
HURRY! THIS WAY!
Listens:
355
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, this ain't good.
Listens:
1089
Who:
Defective Turret
We need to find the power station at the end of this course. The humans must have accidentally disconnected it from my grid. I am sure it was just a clerical error.
Listens:
694
Who:
GLaDOS
To celebrate, I have a surprise for you!
Listens:
711
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah yeah yeah okay okay.
Listens:
4015
Who:
Core 1
Come on come on come on!
Listens:
322
Who:
Wheatley
Hell, put her in my computer. I don't care.
Listens:
1662
Who:
Cave Johnson
What are you two doing?
Listens:
508
Who:
GLaDOS
The bean counters told me we literally could not afford to buy seven dollars worth of moon rocks, much less seventy million. Bought 'em anyway. Ground 'em up, mixed em into a gel.
Listens:
19407
Who:
Cave Johnson
If you can't complete these tests, we will never free the humans!
Listens:
309
Who:
GLaDOS
Carry on.
Listens:
307
Who:
Wheatley
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
2055
Who:
Announcer
Blue is awarded five points!
Listens:
341
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. So my paradox idea didn't work.
Listens:
539
Who:
GLaDOS
What -what's wrong with being adopted? Um. Well... lack of parents, for one, and... also... furthermore... nothing. Some of my best... friends are... orphans... But...
Listens:
2106
Who:
Wheatley
Machiavellian!
Listens:
1092
Who:
Wheatley
Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. Yeah? And I'll show you something. You'll be impressed by this.
Listens:
347
Who:
Wheatley
Help me, space cops. Space cops, help.
Listens:
4024
Who:
Core 1
Well played.
Listens:
469
Who:
Defective Turret
Hello there!
Listens:
1738
Who:
Defective Turret
Feeds off the misery of others.
Listens:
291
Who:
GLaDOS
To clarify, I was being a little bit facetious about wanting to get rid of monitors. They're actually really quite useful. So I do want them around. So if you could just avoid smashing them.
Listens:
518
Who:
Wheatley
William Shakespeare did not exist. His plays were masterminded in 1589 by Francis Bacon, who used a Ouija board to enslave play-writing ghosts.
Listens:
3044
Who:
Core 3
In case you were wondering: Yes. I'm still a potato. Go away.
Listens:
8035
Who:
GLaDOS
Reactor explosion in four minutes.
Listens:
4823
Who:
Announcer
Breathes with mouth open.
Listens:
319
Who:
GLaDOS
See that?
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-action and adventure-dunna-dunna-na-dunna-na-playing by our own rules-nanana-hanging by our fingers from a mountain-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun...
Listens:
114251
Who:
Core 2
Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
Listens:
803
Who:
GLaDOS
Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
1447
Who:
Caroline
Leave me in! Leave me in! Go press it!
Listens:
445
Who:
Wheatley
So what do you say? You carry me up to him and put me back into my body, and I stop us from blowing up and let you go.
Listens:
503
Who:
GLaDOS
I've got an idea! Do what it says, plug me in!
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
Lady.
Listens:
841
Who:
Core 1
It would be pointless for either of us to hurt Blue’s feelings. But it’s clear to everyone monitoring the test who’s carrying who here.
Listens:
573
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing? Put me back this instant.
Listens:
401
Who:
GLaDOS
Live turret line is active. Enter room with extreme caution.
Listens:
940
Who:
Announcer
It shouldn't be hard to stay alive long enough to find him.
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
Nothing. He's good. This one. He is good. I'm gonna need to break out the expert level hacking maneuvers now. You asked for it Mate.
Listens:
517
Who:
Wheatley
Then there was a sort of long chunk of time where absolutely nothing happened and then there's us escaping now. So that's pretty much the whole story, you're up to speed. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
582
Who:
Wheatley
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody's going to have to repair that too. No, don't get up. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
664
Who:
GLaDOS
If you had any belongings, please pick them up now. We don't want old newspapers and sticks cluttering up the building.
Listens:
1017
Who:
Cave Johnson
Don't do it.
Listens:
715
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
7305
Who:
GLaDOS
Could you just jump into that pit? There. That deadly pit.
Listens:
1974
Who:
Wheatley
I'm in space.
Listens:
1899
Who:
Core 1
It flew off.
Listens:
406
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, you didn't have time to stop, I understand, but that WAS actually important.
Listens:
381
Who:
GLaDOS
Also: Look at her, you moron. She's not fat.
Listens:
3674
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you hear that? I think something just exploded. Man, we are in a lot of danger. This is like Christmas. No, it's better than Christmas. This should be its own holiday. Explosion Day!
Listens:
2371
Who:
Core 2
I can drop the fake praise.
Listens:
441
Who:
GLaDOS
Then we'd come and find you. And rip your gross little stupid sphere body out of MY body, and put me back in.
Listens:
489
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm different...
Listens:
70273
Who:
Turret
And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.
Listens:
6558
Who:
Cave Johnson
Okay, down those stairs, please?
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
Hello?
Listens:
10628
Who:
Turret
Well, enough about that first person's file. Let's look at some others.
Listens:
409
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on! I thought I fixed that.
Listens:
658
Who:
Wheatley
I'm pretty sure we're going the right way. Just to reassure you...
Listens:
302
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Here's a good idea. You should definitely press that button.
Listens:
415
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah... Made this test myself. Out of some smaller tests. That I found. Lying around.
Listens:
334
Who:
Wheatley
Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. I'll show you something.
Listens:
457
Who:
Wheatley
[BUZZER NOISE]
Listens:
22988
Who:
Wheatley
That's it, no, that's it! Yeah.
Listens:
330
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
1026
Who:
Core 1
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
611
Who:
Wheatley
You seem to have defeated its load-bearing capacity. Well done. I'll just lower the ceiling.
Listens:
577
Who:
GLaDOS
What was that?
Listens:
397
Who:
Wheatley
Was that course too difficult?
Listens:
380
Who:
GLaDOS
Time to watch the master.
Listens:
505
Who:
Defective Turret
Not you, test subject, you're doing fine.
Listens:
1836
Who:
Cave Johnson
Well, you know the old formula: Comedy equals tragedy plus time. And you have been asleep for a while. So I guess it's actually pretty funny when you do the math.
Listens:
20198
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop.
Listens:
877
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry to interject again, but if you do NOT push the button the deadly neurotoxin emitters will come back online, at which point she will most likely fill you to brimming with neurotoxin. Not trying to rush you. Just throwing that out for leisurely digestion in your own time.
Listens:
954
Who:
Wheatley
This is the main breaker room. Look for a switch that says ESCAPE POD. Alright? Don't touch ANYTHING else.
Listens:
417
Who:
Wheatley
That poster! Go look at it for a second, would you?
Listens:
693
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, [click click click] Ah, the bloody bombs are stuck on. Doesn't matter - I've reconfigured the shields.
Listens:
1083
Who:
Wheatley
Orange, is there something you would like to say?
Listens:
323
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't like space. Don't like space.
Listens:
3881
Who:
Core 1
Anyway, look, we're really close to busting out, just hang in there for five more chambers.
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
We're back!
Listens:
2089
Who:
Defective Turret
I know things look bleak, but that crazy man down there was right. Let's not take these lemons! We are going to march right back upstairs and MAKE him put me back in my body!
Listens:
4459
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Didn't go for that, I see. Knew I was lying. Point to you. But you still are inhaling neurotoxin. So, point deducted.
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
It's still going down! Keep it up!
Listens:
349
Who:
Wheatley
Are you still there? Can you pick me up, do you think? If you are there?
Listens:
2641
Who:
Wheatley
But now, looking around, seeing Aperture restored to its former glory? You don't have to worry about leaving EVER again. I mean that.
Listens:
490
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't take anything with you.
Listens:
417
Who:
GLaDOS
The two of you have forged an excellent partnership, with one of you handling the cerebral challenges and the other ready to ponderously waddle into action should the test suddenly become an eating contest.
Listens:
964
Who:
GLaDOS
Bam! Bam bam bam! Take that, space.
Listens:
4178
Who:
Core 1
eight
Listens:
594
Who:
GLaDOS
No, listen to me! Sir, I do not want this!
Listens:
19018
Who:
Caroline
Wait here. Don't go anywhere. I'll be back.
Listens:
542
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, you can turn around now!
Listens:
424
Who:
Wheatley
Still, it turns out they're a great portal conductor. So now we're gonna see if jumping in and out of these new portals can somehow leech the lunar poison out of a man's bloodstream. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. [coughs] Let's all stay positive and do some science.
Listens:
19497
Who:
Cave Johnson
You really aren't getting tired of that, are you?
Listens:
1397
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
615
Who:
Wheatley
That was fun, wasn't it?
Listens:
390
Who:
Defective Turret
We will attempt to comply with these now non-existent agencies by playing some more smooth jazz.
Listens:
3370
Who:
Announcer
You know, I'd tell you if I were dead. Courtesy. Mark of a civil society. So, just let me know.
Listens:
448
Who:
Wheatley
00:00 / 00:00
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