Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
1078
Who:
Wheatley
The billionth digit of Pi is 9.
Listens:
1067
Who:
Core 3
Yeah... Made this test myself. Out of some smaller tests. That I found. Lying around.
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
No wait, come back. Sorry. Please. I was going somewhere with that.
Listens:
703
Who:
Wheatley
Oh!
Listens:
1277
Who:
Turret
Shutting down
Listens:
13617
Who:
Turret
But it's not too late to avoid all of that by simply not using the gel. There you go, I said it. I gave away my plan. But I couldn't watch you hurt yourself like this.
Listens:
351
Who:
Wheatley
Template
Listens:
3019
Who:
Announcer
At the time of this recording, Federal disclosure policies require us to inform you that this next test is probably lethal and to redirect you to a safer test environment.
Listens:
1486
Who:
Announcer
You're in this together, aren't you? You've been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you're brain damaged! Then you convince me you're sworn enemies with your best friend over here!
Listens:
845
Who:
Wheatley
Don't make eye contact whatever you do...
Listens:
321
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, be a sport lady, and just tell him I killed you.
Listens:
2674
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm going to space.
Listens:
1170
Who:
Core 1
Good. For him. Alright, back to thinking.
Listens:
524
Who:
GLaDOS
Whoa! Hey! Don't fall!
Listens:
289
Who:
Wheatley
Look down. Where am I? Where am I?
Listens:
274
Who:
Wheatley
No! I'm not listening! I'm not listening!
Listens:
611
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations on completing that test. But something seems off.
Listens:
269
Who:
GLaDOS
While it may appear that I am only tracking your accomplishments using science collaboration points, the truth is every aspect of your performance will be reflected in your final score.
Listens:
339
Who:
GLaDOS
This should take us right to her. I can't believe I'm finally doing this!
Listens:
269
Who:
Wheatley
MOVE.
Listens:
471
Who:
Wheatley
You know, deleting Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson. The best solution to a problem is usually the easiest one. And I'll be honest.
Listens:
1541
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! You came back! Didn't actually plan... for that. Can't actually reset the death trap. So. Ah. Could you jump into that pit, there? Would you just jump into that pit for me?
Listens:
1206
Who:
Wheatley
All reactor core safeguards are now non-functional. Please prepare for reactor core meltdown.
Listens:
7830
Who:
Announcer
Good. If you feel that a lethal military android has not respected your rights as detailed in the Laws of Robotics, please note it on your self-reporting form. A future Aperture Science Entitlement Associate will initiate the appropriate grievance-filing paperwork.
Listens:
1801
Who:
Announcer
In case you're interested, there's still some positions available for that bonus opportunity I mentioned earlier. Again: all you gotta do is let us disassemble you. We're not banging rocks together here. We know how to put a man back together.
Listens:
1605
Who:
Cave Johnson
Yeah! How'd you like that?
Listens:
412
Who:
Core 2
You are going to die in this room.
Listens:
739
Who:
Core 3
I probably wouldn't have let things get this far, but you go ahead and do things your way.
Listens:
787
Who:
Core 2
To try and make this course more exciting, I asked the reassembly machine to not reassemble you if you fail. He refused. I understand. That would be like asking me not to test.
Listens:
307
Who:
GLaDOS
Plug me into that stick on the wall over there. I'll show you something.
Listens:
423
Who:
Wheatley
I give you a score of 3.4 for style and 10 for being annoying.
Listens:
1337
Who:
GLaDOS
Now, maybe you don't have any tumors. Well, don't worry. If you sat on a folding chair in the lobby and weren't wearing lead underpants, we took care of that too.
Listens:
2382
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ohhh. I see. [chuckle]
Listens:
648
Who:
Wheatley
Oh... can someone reassemble Blue?
Listens:
275
Who:
GLaDOS
Thank you, that was very brave of you to tell me.
Listens:
366
Who:
GLaDOS
I can only imagine.
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Walk up to the window. Take a look out.
Listens:
275
Who:
Wheatley
No tricks. This potato only generates 1.1 volts of electricity. I literally do not have the energy to lie to you.
Listens:
7224
Who:
GLaDOS
This on? [thump thump] Hey. Listen up down there. That thing's called an elevator. Not a bathroom.
Listens:
2096
Who:
Cave Johnson
I think he's getting desperate.
Listens:
285
Who:
GLaDOS
Stop with the waves.
Listens:
333
Who:
GLaDOS
Stop doing that! All you need to do is open the Vault door!
Listens:
366
Who:
GLaDOS
For your test.
Listens:
272
Who:
Wheatley
AHH!
Listens:
1322
Who:
GLaDOS
Today, you will be testing with a partner.
Listens:
306
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Non-lethal as ever.
Listens:
862
Who:
Defective Turret
Cryptic.
Listens:
372
Who:
GLaDOS
This. Sentence. Is. FALSE don't think about it don't think about it...
Listens:
31869
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, I'll stop the elevator. Anything? Take your time...
Listens:
426
Who:
GLaDOS
To get to the Vault, you are going to need to use all the tricks you have learned. To help, I have made these tests extremely difficult.
Listens:
426
Who:
GLaDOS
Wait here. Don't go anywhere. I'll be back.
Listens:
468
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha ha! Gotcha right where I want ya!
Listens:
657
Who:
Defective Turret
Again, those are science collaboration points, which you should not confuse with points from competitions such as Who-Gets-To-Live-At-The-End-And-Who-Doesn’t. I mean basketball.
Listens:
1413
Who:
GLaDOS
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
715
Who:
Core 3
Emotional problems.
Listens:
410
Who:
GLaDOS
Sorry
Listens:
2820
Who:
Turret
Don't listen to him. Jump.
Listens:
456
Who:
GLaDOS
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
543
Who:
Wheatley
Pick--would you pick me up?
Listens:
282
Who:
Wheatley
If Orange had said those things about me, Orange would never make it to the next reassembly station.
Listens:
272
Who:
GLaDOS
Turn around. I'll only be a second. If you don't mind.
Listens:
338
Who:
Wheatley
You know, I'd tell you if I were dead. Courtesy. Mark of a civil society. So, just let me know.
Listens:
417
Who:
Wheatley
Fifty thousand years is a lot of time to think. About me. About you. We were doing so well together.
Listens:
722
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes. You're the tumor.
Listens:
875
Who:
GLaDOS
Alalalawl
Listens:
5560
Who:
Turret
Avoids responsibility.
Listens:
269
Who:
GLaDOS
I hope that was some kind of joke.
Listens:
414
Who:
GLaDOS
Manual core replacement required.
Listens:
2218
Who:
Announcer
[clap clap]
Listens:
21306
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay! Keep your eye on the turret line, I'm gonna go and hack the door open.
Listens:
299
Who:
Wheatley
Okay. Listen. I can't do it with you watching. I know it seems pathetic, given what we've been through. But just turn around. Please?
Listens:
323
Who:
Wheatley
Ohhh, the Sun. I'm gonna meet the Sun. Oh no! What'll I say? 'Hi! Hi, Sun!' Oh, boy!
Listens:
3382
Who:
Core 1
Hmm. This Plate must not be calibrated to someone of your... generous... ness. I'll add a few zeros to the maximum weight.
Listens:
53435
Who:
GLaDOS
In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
Listens:
851
Who:
Core 3
Oh, come ON!
Listens:
805
Who:
Defective Turret
Did you put a virus in them? It's not going to work either. I've got a firewall, mate. Literally, actually, now that I look around. There appears to be literally a wall of fire around this place. Alarming. To say the least.
Listens:
23972
Who:
Wheatley
Oo. Oo. Oo. Lady. Oo. Lady. Oo. Let's go to space.
Listens:
18375
Who:
Core 1
Raseph, the Semitic god of war and plague, had a gazelle growing out of his forehead.
Listens:
815
Who:
Core 3
I'll give you credit: I guess you ARE listening to me. But for the record: You don't have to go THAT slowly.
Listens:
386
Who:
GLaDOS
ORANGE, please observe your partner's favorite animal.
Listens:
428
Who:
GLaDOS
Failure...
Listens:
1681
Who:
Turret
Alternate core detected.
Listens:
1569
Who:
Announcer
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1217
Who:
Cave Johnson
One
Listens:
757
Who:
GLaDOS
That conversion gel has been sitting in that pipe going stagnant for years. You'll probably get botulism portalling through it like that.
Listens:
382
Who:
Wheatley
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
1973
Who:
Announcer
So what am I, uh, supposed to do here?
Listens:
1146
Who:
Defective Turret
But the important thing is you're back. With me. And now I'm onto all your little tricks. So there's nothing to stop us from testing for the rest of your life.
Listens:
625
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
7470
Who:
Wheatley
Just a heads-up: That coffee we gave you earlier had fluorescent calcium in it so we can track the neuronal activity in your brain. There's a slight chance the calcium could harden and vitrify your frontal lobe. Anyway, don't stress yourself thinking about it. I'm serious. Visualizing the scenario while under stress actually triggers the reaction.
Listens:
4675
Who:
Cave Johnson
It's not, though.
Listens:
628
Who:
GLaDOS
Um.
Listens:
465
Who:
Defective Turret
Of course the humans only had one try at it, you can just keep trying.
Listens:
273
Who:
GLaDOS
This is trouble.
Listens:
890
Who:
Defective Turret
All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons? Don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! 'I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?'
Listens:
124117
Who:
Cave Johnson
Ah. That just cleans right off, does it? Well, that would have been good to know. A little earlier.
Listens:
491
Who:
Wheatley
I'll bet you're both dying to know what your big surprise is. Only TWO more chambers!
Listens:
440
Who:
Wheatley
Go on!
Listens:
271
Who:
Wheatley
I am not sure you will need him but he will be there.
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
