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So... we're all supposed to be blind, then, right? It's not just me? Alright, fantastic.
Listens:
2250
Who:
Defective Turret
Today's Security Code is: 5,33,41,18
Listens:
7236
Who:
Announcer
Yeah, that's right. Little bullseye.
Listens:
402
Who:
Defective Turret
Never listens.
Listens:
376
Who:
GLaDOS
There you are
Listens:
2047
Who:
Turret
Lady.
Listens:
625
Who:
Core 1
It emphasizes teamwork.
Listens:
287
Who:
GLaDOS
Pff. Whatever.
Listens:
571
Who:
Core 2
Only one more test after this.
Listens:
289
Who:
GLaDOS
In 1879, Sandford Fleming first proposed the adoption of worldwide standardized time zones at the Royal Canadian Institute.
Listens:
606
Who:
Core 3
The photos weren't as popular as we had hoped, so we repurposed the cameras.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
You are having so much trouble navigating this space; I wish I could say I created this test.
Listens:
536
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha... That sounded real. No! That was actually an impression of you. Actually. Because you just fell into my trap. My brilliant trap. Just then. I wanted you to trick me into bursting that pipe. You didn't trick me. Seemingly trick me. Gives you false hope. Leads to overconfidence. And that leads to mistakes. Fatal mistakes. It's all part of my plan.
Listens:
2067
Who:
Wheatley
Hey!
Listens:
848
Who:
Turret
Catwalks are safe during defective turret testing.
Listens:
911
Who:
Announcer
Say. Remember when we cleared the air back there? Is there... anything you want to say to me? Anything?
Listens:
470
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test... [boom!] ..is... [BOOM!] dangerous. I'll be right back.
Listens:
50279
Who:
GLaDOS
You're no longer bothering me. You're only hurting my impression of you.
Listens:
412
Who:
GLaDOS
Diamonds are made when coal is put under intense pressure. Diamonds put under intense pressure become foam pellets, commonly used today as packing material.
Listens:
1865
Who:
Core 3
Oh, that's sad. But impressive. Maybe they worked at the phone company.
Listens:
3417
Who:
GLaDOS
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
1258
Who:
Cave Johnson
Might want to just pick me up.
Listens:
278
Who:
Wheatley
You have no idea what it's like in this body.
Listens:
283
Who:
Wheatley
So that's a complete reassembly. New vitals. Spit-shine on the old ones. Plus we're scooping out tumors. Frankly, you oughtta be paying us.
Listens:
1699
Who:
Cave Johnson
That's right. A potato just called your eyes fat.
Listens:
5828
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue
Listens:
1780
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go home.
Listens:
1095
Who:
Core 1
I never expected you to make it this far. To be honest, after your performance in the calibration test I was ready to break down your cores and put them back in the scientific calculators I took them from.
Listens:
608
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha ha ha ha ha, good one.
Listens:
2296
Who:
GLaDOS
Even I was created with a imperfection, I was given too much empathy with human suffering.
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
Be honest. You can't even tell, can you? Seamless.
Listens:
316
Who:
Wheatley
Bam! Bam bam bam! Take that, space.
Listens:
4128
Who:
Core 1
Always sulking.
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
Spinny-blade-wall!
Listens:
662
Who:
Wheatley
Every test chamber is equipped with an emancipation grill at its exit, so that test subjects can't smuggle test objects out of the test area. This one is broken.
Listens:
388
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. You made it to one of the human habitats. We're looking for an artifact. Think of it as an archeological dig.
Listens:
930
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. Here's a good idea. You should definitely press that button.
Listens:
390
Who:
Wheatley
SHUT UP!
Listens:
18851
Who:
Wheatley
I agree, Blue. That was entertaining.
Listens:
288
Who:
GLaDOS
[clap clap clap]
Listens:
133787
Who:
GLaDOS
Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba! Space! Ba! Ba! Ba ba ba!
Listens:
19165
Who:
Core 1
Anyway, we're really close to busting out. Just hang in there for - OW!
Listens:
329
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, almost there. On the other side of that wall is one of the old testing tracks. There's a piece of equipment in there we're gonna need to get out of here. I think this is a docking station. Get ready...
Listens:
361
Who:
Wheatley
Still, it turns out they're a great portal conductor. So now we're gonna see if jumping in and out of these new portals can somehow leech the lunar poison out of a man's bloodstream. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. [coughs] Let's all stay positive and do some science.
Listens:
19033
Who:
Cave Johnson
Absolutely no improvement.
Listens:
824
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay. Plan B, subsection one: Stand still so I can bring you back.
Listens:
640
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue is first to acquire a Portal Device.
Listens:
377
Who:
GLaDOS
Allright. Preparing to interface with the neurotoxin central control circuit. Begin: 'Ello, guv! Neurotoxin inspectah! Need to shut this place down for a moment! Here's my credentials. Shut yourself down. I am totally legit. From the board of international neurotoxin... um... observers. From the United... Arab Emirates. Hello.
Listens:
3829
Who:
Wheatley
Wait! I've got an idea!
Listens:
399
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, that port looks comfy. Why don't you put me on it, please.
Listens:
283
Who:
Wheatley
I tell you, if I was up against impossible odds, this is the way I'd want to go out: mashed with dignity. That'd be the way I'd choose.
Listens:
367
Who:
Wheatley
But you were different weren't you? Such a good jumper. Problem solver. Clever. But ambitious. That's your Achilles Heel. Mine's-oh! Oh! Almost told you. Clever, clever girl. Again: brain damaged like a fox, you.
Listens:
2245
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no...
Listens:
561
Who:
GLaDOS
Good!
Listens:
10665
Who:
Announcer
As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
Listens:
1123
Who:
Cave Johnson
Congratulations on passing that test.
Listens:
398
Who:
GLaDOS
Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
Listens:
1349
Who:
GLaDOS
While I cannot control the world outside of the testing courses, the reassembly machine can continue with his work.
Listens:
282
Who:
GLaDOS
This close and you are going to fail me?
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
'Yeah? Well this thorn... is about to take you down.' Oh yeah!
Listens:
679
Who:
Core 2
Just go.
Listens:
3564
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes? Something you need?
Listens:
427
Who:
GLaDOS
At which point the cat reflects on the time he ate all of the man's lasagna and feels remorse.
Listens:
1429
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on. Just... March on through that hole.
Listens:
283
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, don't sink to Orange's level.
Listens:
294
Who:
GLaDOS
But now, looking around, seeing Aperture restored to its former glory? You don't have to worry about leaving EVER again. I mean that.
Listens:
435
Who:
GLaDOS
Now, you are just wasting my time.
Listens:
370
Who:
GLaDOS
Fine. Let the games begin.
Listens:
4096
Who:
Wheatley
Right. Well, I’m going to take this rail down the back way.
Listens:
343
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
Listens:
2310
Who:
Cave Johnson
The most poisonous fish in the world is the orange ruffy. Everything but its eyes are made of a deadly poison. The ruffy's eyes are composed of a less harmful, deadly poison.
Listens:
2389
Who:
Core 3
You're angry. I know it. 'She’s tested me too hard.' Boo hoo. I don't suppose you ever stopped whining long enough to reflect on your own shortcomings, though, did you?
Listens:
5312
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought we fixed that.
Listens:
994
Who:
Defective Turret
You know what makes me laugh? The thought of you stopping that.
Listens:
378
Who:
GLaDOS
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis.
Listens:
1244
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes it is! We can use it to get out of here!
Listens:
297
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm going to space.
Listens:
1197
Who:
Core 1
Busybody.
Listens:
289
Who:
GLaDOS
Ummmm. Yeah, I can't do it if you're watching.
Listens:
375
Who:
Wheatley
Correct Blue, Orange can't hear you.
Listens:
298
Who:
GLaDOS
Violent temper. Oh, I'd like to see that.
Listens:
441
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
463
Who:
Defective Turret
Welcome back to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center.
Listens:
841
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look down at the floor. [BUZZER]
Listens:
2011
Who:
Announcer
You just beat this test. Literally twenty seconds ago.
Listens:
676
Who:
Wheatley
You will hear a buzzer. When you hear the buzzer, look up at the ceiling. [BUZZER]
Listens:
2985
Who:
Announcer
Why do I hate you so much? You ever wonder that? I'm brilliant. I’m not bragging. It's an objective fact. I'm the most massive collection of wisdom that’s ever existed. And I hate you. It can't be for no reason. You must deserve it.
Listens:
31473
Who:
GLaDOS
You look great, by the way. Very healthy.
Listens:
1573
Who:
GLaDOS
All these science spheres are made of asbestos, by the way. Keeps out the rats. Let us know if you feel a shortness of breath, a persistent dry cough or your heart stopping. Because that's not part of the test. That's asbestos.
Listens:
32822
Who:
Cave Johnson
I wouldn't have warned you about this before, back when we hated each other. But those turrets are firing real bullets. So look out. I'd hate for something tragic to happen to you before I extract all your bone marrow.
Listens:
1444
Who:
GLaDOS
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
12372
Who:
Core 1
I'm not going to lie to you, the odds are a million to one. And that's with some generous rounding.
Listens:
932
Who:
GLaDOS
To make a photocopier, simply photocopy a mirror.
Listens:
1233
Who:
Core 3
Are you still there? Can you pick me up, do you think? If you are there?
Listens:
2576
Who:
Wheatley
Sorry
Listens:
2837
Who:
Turret
The one you risked your life to get to. So you could escape certain death. No rush.
Listens:
282
Who:
Wheatley
SPAAACCCCCE!
Listens:
583480
Who:
Core 1
Listen to me. We had a lot of fun testing and antagonizing each other, and, yes, sometimes it went too far. But we're off the clock now. It's just us talking. Like regular people. And this is no joke - we are in deep trouble.
Listens:
891
Who:
GLaDOS
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
562
Who:
Wheatley
All right, you know what, it's gonna be best if you can get him to say something first. It's just better if I have a set-up.
Listens:
424
Who:
Core 2
00:00 / 00:00
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