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Portal 2
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And...?
Listens:
389
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably - Oh, wait. It's a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!
Listens:
4558
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go to earth.
Listens:
1160
Who:
Core 1
Ohhhh, now he's playing classical music.
Listens:
3746
Who:
GLaDOS
Stop it!
Listens:
5594
Who:
GLaDOS
You're in this together, aren't you? You've been playing me the whole time! Both of you! First you make me think you're brain damaged! Then you convince me you're sworn enemies with your best friend over here!
Listens:
900
Who:
Wheatley
I am not sure you will need him but he will be there.
Listens:
370
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1364
Who:
Wheatley
Unlike us, humans need to be taught teamwork.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
For instance, Blue, you just lost two opportunity advisement points.
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
Shootin' blanks every time, ALL the time.
Listens:
1351
Who:
Defective Turret
At the rate you are completing these tests, I am beginning to think you don't share my excitement for rescuing crying trapped injured dying humans.
Listens:
420
Who:
GLaDOS
Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
Listens:
911
Who:
Core 3
There is a box part here. Probably got some electronics in there.
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
THREE! That's high. It's TOO high, isn't it, really, that--
Listens:
608
Who:
Wheatley
Well, I'm back. The Aerial Faith Plate in here is sending a distress signal.
Listens:
1402
Who:
GLaDOS
To clarify, I was being a little bit facetious about wanting to get rid of monitors. They're actually really quite useful. So I do want them around. So if you could just avoid smashing them.
Listens:
517
Who:
Wheatley
Slapping hands. That accomplishes something.
Listens:
365
Who:
GLaDOS
Stay casual when I tell you this: I think I smell neurotoxin.
Listens:
444
Who:
Wheatley
(excited gasps)
Listens:
1631
Who:
Core 1
Oh no, you've got it, you've got it! Yes! Put him in there! Let's see how this place likes a crap turret.
Listens:
515
Who:
Wheatley
Narcissist.
Listens:
334
Who:
GLaDOS
Follow me! You're gonna love this.
Listens:
436
Who:
Wheatley
Tadah! Only the turret control center. Thank you very much.
Listens:
417
Who:
Wheatley
*cough* Press the button, would you?
Listens:
1172
Who:
Wheatley
Don't mind me. Just moving the test chamber a little closer to me. Had a thought: Maybe proximity to the test solving might give us stronger results.
Listens:
302
Who:
Wheatley
After you told me to turn the beam off, I thought I'd lost you. Went poking around for other test subjects. No luck there. Everyone's still all dead.
Listens:
447
Who:
Wheatley
But now, looking around, seeing Aperture restored to its former glory? You don't have to worry about leaving EVER again. I mean that.
Listens:
488
Who:
GLaDOS
You think I'll betray you. And on any other day, you'd be right.
Listens:
417
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, a note: No braces on your spine, either. So don't land on that. Or your head, no braces there. That could split like a melon from this height. [nervous chuckle] Do definitely focus on landing with your legs.
Listens:
432
Who:
Wheatley
Excellent work.
Listens:
369
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't worry, they are of no use to anyone, totally boring and useless.
Listens:
372
Who:
GLaDOS
Press the button again.
Listens:
1096
Who:
GLaDOS
I can't decide which is my favorite; the crushers for crushing you or the reassembly machine for putting you back together so you can be crushed again.
Listens:
493
Who:
GLaDOS
AHHHHHHH!
Listens:
2071
Who:
Wheatley
The Enrichment Center will now provide a list of numbers and fruits. Write them down as they will become important later in the experiment. Not the fruits, though. Seven. Avocado. Forty. Please continue into the next test chamber.
Listens:
1039
Who:
GLaDOS
Plug me in, we're running out of time.
Listens:
398
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange, do you feel betrayed by Blue for telling me those horrible things about you?
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on. You were raised better than that.
Listens:
355
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't be a stranger!
Listens:
410
Who:
Defective Turret
Never on time.
Listens:
376
Who:
GLaDOS
The average human male is about sixty percent water. Far as we're concerned, that's a little extravagant. So if you feel a bit dehydrated in this next test, that's normal. We're gonna hit you with some jet engines, and see if we can't get you down to twenty or thirty percent.
Listens:
2075
Who:
Cave Johnson
We're so close, you can't fail now!
Listens:
367
Who:
GLaDOS
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
1314
Who:
Cave Johnson
Welcome back to the hub, did you fail at selecting the correct course?
Listens:
503
Who:
GLaDOS
You can't give up now.
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
Hold on, I'll stop the elevator. Anything? Take your time...
Listens:
473
Who:
GLaDOS
This time is OUR time.
Listens:
1718
Who:
Defective Turret
If I stop watching, I'm sure you'll get bored of this.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue just taught orange a valuable lesson in trust. For that, blue receives 14 science collaboration points.
Listens:
427
Who:
GLaDOS
Gently cleaning the tongue twice a day is the most effective way to fight bad breath.
Listens:
549
Who:
Core 3
There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. I can't personally oversee every one of them, so these pre-recorded messages'll cover any questions you might have, and respond to any incidents that may occur in the course of your science adventure.
Listens:
1292
Who:
Cave Johnson
But you two have become quite the team. Extremely close.
Listens:
395
Who:
GLaDOS
Test chamber completed. In the interest of science, the Enrichment Center proudly presents the following list of numbers: Nine. Seven. Fifty. Three. Seven hundred and seven.
Listens:
1389
Who:
GLaDOS
Space space going to space oh boy
Listens:
2143
Who:
Core 1
Blue to be clear, I was asking if Orange trusted you.
Listens:
294
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyway, here's a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness onto.
Listens:
956
Who:
GLaDOS
No one has ever completed this test before. The humans must have reconfigured it from my original plans.
Listens:
340
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, fine. I'll ask you again in a few decades.
Listens:
304
Who:
GLaDOS
Steals lunch from staff fridge.
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
*cough cough* Pressthebutton.
Listens:
7637
Who:
Wheatley
So what do you say? You carry me up to him and put me back into my body, and I stop us from blowing up and let you go.
Listens:
503
Who:
GLaDOS
All those pieces of the ceiling that keep falling out? Probably actually pieces of the ceiling, I'll bet. That looked real. But it doesn't signify anything, is my point.
Listens:
456
Who:
Wheatley
Heh heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
1155
Who:
GLaDOS
A nanosecond lasts one billionth of a second.
Listens:
558
Who:
Core 3
If the subject survived the test, we let them purchase the pictures for $5. If the subject died, we gave the photo to their next of kin free of charge.
Listens:
435
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
1010
Who:
Wheatley
Keep it up, baby! You're creamin' him!
Listens:
479
Who:
Core 2
Just so you know, I have to go give a deposition. For an upcoming trial. In case that interests you.
Listens:
380
Who:
GLaDOS
Iguanas can stay underwater for twenty-eight point seven minutes.
Listens:
633
Who:
Core 3
In the event that the Enrichment Center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from spa
Listens:
801
Who:
GLaDOS
All we had to do was pull that lever.
Listens:
608
Who:
GLaDOS
Be honest. You can't even tell, can you? Seamless.
Listens:
344
Who:
Wheatley
We've had some times, haven't we? Like that time I jumped off my management rail, not sure if I'd die or not when I did, and all you had to do was catch me? Annnd you didn't. Did you? Ohhhh. You remember that? I remember that. I remember that all the time.
Listens:
892
Who:
Wheatley
Kick him! Or punch him. You're the boss, dimples.
Listens:
871
Who:
Core 2
Hey, I can see it! The feeder tube's just in the next room!
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
I wonder if the humans will make a statue of me for rescuing them? Oh, don't worry, if they ever write a historical document of my heroic rescue, I will make sure your names are included in the footnotes.
Listens:
599
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done. In fact, you did so well, I'm going to note this on your file, in the commendations section. Oh, there's lots of room here. 'Did.... well. ... Enough.'
Listens:
5062
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
4275
Who:
Wheatley
Lacks charisma.
Listens:
310
Who:
GLaDOS
Really? You’re just going to blatantly cheat?
Listens:
732
Who:
GLaDOS
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Listens:
776
Who:
Core 3
No sense of humor.
Listens:
349
Who:
GLaDOS
You need to be a trained stalemate associate to press that button. You're unqualified.
Listens:
1115
Who:
GLaDOS
No. Makes it go faster.
Listens:
322
Who:
Wheatley
I was outside watching some deer frolic. You don't even care about the outside do you?
Listens:
824
Who:
GLaDOS
Very good. You’ve really come together as a team. Thanks to the one of you who appears to be doing all of the work.
Listens:
468
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on. Ohhhh. Hit me with it.
Listens:
606
Who:
Wheatley
The humans can't free themselves.
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
The hardest part of any hack is the figuring-out-how-to-start phase. That's always tricky. But... Let the games begin.
Listens:
952
Who:
Wheatley
Lucky for you two, while I cannot control the world outside of the testing courses, the reassembly machine can continue with his work.
Listens:
301
Who:
GLaDOS
5000 point penalty! Are you happy now?
Listens:
1780
Who:
GLaDOS
So he's inexplicably happy all of a sudden, even though he should be going out of his mind with test withdrawal. AND he's got a surprise for us. What did he FIND back there?
Listens:
752
Who:
GLaDOS
In order to ensure that sufficient power remains for core testing protocols, all safety devices have been disabled.
Listens:
518
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, let's do this.
Listens:
450
Who:
Defective Turret
The Schrodinger's cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat in a box must be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and dead. Schrodinger created this paradox as a justification for killing cats.
Listens:
9091
Who:
Core 3
I don't understand!
Listens:
5736
Who:
Turret
Ha ha ha ha ha, good one.
Listens:
2334
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, buddy!
Listens:
726
Who:
Wheatley
What are you doing? YOU MONSTER! They're one of us.
Listens:
7322
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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