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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Uh oh.
Listens:
482
Who:
Wheatley
Never listens.
Listens:
391
Who:
GLaDOS
He's found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... em, just something I came up with to phase out human test subjects.
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
I would say extremely deadly but we all know, for you and your amazing ability to be reassembled nothing is deadly.
Listens:
339
Who:
GLaDOS
There. Bing! Perfect. On you go.
Listens:
464
Who:
Wheatley
You know, I'm not supposed to do this, but... you can shoot SOMETHING... through the blue bridges.
Listens:
608
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm fine!
Listens:
1239
Who:
Turret
Ohhh! Are you having a laugh?
Listens:
1012
Who:
Wheatley
Was. Was self-destructing. Already fixed.
Listens:
636
Who:
Wheatley
If you have trouble with simple counting, use the following mnemonic device: one comes before two comes before 60 comes after 12 comes before six trillion comes after 504. This will make your earlier counting difficulties seem like no big deal.
Listens:
3116
Who:
Core 3
If cube- and button-based testing caused this emergency, don't worry. The odds of this happening twice are very slim.
Listens:
1507
Who:
Announcer
Dang!
Listens:
754
Who:
Defective Turret
And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up.
Listens:
547
Who:
Wheatley
The humans accidentally forgot to put a security DVD in the player.
Listens:
367
Who:
GLaDOS
Where'd you go? Come back! Come back!
Listens:
678
Who:
Wheatley
Come on, stop muckin' around! Plug me in!
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
You messed with the wrong turret!
Listens:
19443
Who:
Defective Turret
Enjoy this next test. I'm going to go to the surface. It's a beautiful day out. Yesterday I saw a deer. If you solve this next test, maybe I'll let you ride an elevator all the way up to the break room, and I'll tell you about the time I saw a deer again.
Listens:
4018
Who:
GLaDOS
It seems kind of silly to point this out, since you're running around plotting to destroy me. But I'd say we're done testing.
Listens:
501
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, that's sad. But impressive. Maybe they worked at the phone company.
Listens:
3484
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
498
Who:
Defective Turret
Noted.
Listens:
752
Who:
Turret
Spinning thing. Hmmm. Not sure.
Listens:
300
Who:
Wheatley
After that...who knows? I might take up a hobby. Reanimating the dead, maybe.
Listens:
871
Who:
GLaDOS
Most of them are simply good test subjects.
Listens:
294
Who:
GLaDOS
I miss this that smell.
Listens:
425
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, DON'T PANIC! I can still stop it, not a problem. There's a password! I'll just hack it. Here we go.
Listens:
998
Who:
Wheatley
Conversion gel. It's dripping out of that pipe there.
Listens:
382
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning! All testing courses are currently available.
Listens:
2182
Who:
Announcer
Space...
Listens:
1300
Who:
Core 1
In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group of Minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
Listens:
866
Who:
Core 3
You may as well have a little rest, actually, while I work on it.
Listens:
315
Who:
Wheatley
Try one of those childish gestures.
Listens:
476
Who:
GLaDOS
Do it!
Listens:
499
Who:
Wheatley
Blue just taught orange a valuable lesson in trust. For that, blue receives 14 science collaboration points.
Listens:
424
Who:
GLaDOS
There we go. I wanted to talk to you for a moment, if I may.
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
We're not safe yet. Quick! Follow the walkway.
Listens:
314
Who:
Wheatley
Are you scared to save those humans?
Listens:
292
Who:
GLaDOS
And again, not playing along. You're ruining what are some really good speeches, actually.
Listens:
453
Who:
Wheatley
Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Listens:
5711
Who:
Wheatley
Probably.
Listens:
299
Who:
GLaDOS
Watch and learn, everyone. Watch and learn.
Listens:
494
Who:
Defective Turret
Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?
Listens:
580
Who:
Wheatley
All right. I’m bringing this farce to a close.
Listens:
388
Who:
GLaDOS
Fantastic.
Listens:
924
Who:
Defective Turret
Blue, Orange and I were just discussing your behavior on the last few tests.
Listens:
360
Who:
GLaDOS
You win.
Listens:
1345
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhh, we're so close, plug me in!
Listens:
310
Who:
Wheatley
Great work! Because this message is prerecorded, any observations related to your performance are speculation on our part. Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
Listens:
3046
Who:
Announcer
Space going to space can't wait.
Listens:
3129
Who:
Core 1
Oh my.
Listens:
690
Who:
Turret
I'll bet you think I forgot about your surprise. I didn't. In fact, we're headed to your surprise right now. After all these years. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it.
Listens:
713
Who:
GLaDOS
Really, not even humans do that anymore.
Listens:
311
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. Didn't go for that, I see. Knew I was lying. Point to you. But you still are inhaling neurotoxin. So, point deducted.
Listens:
322
Who:
Wheatley
Orange just taught blue a valuable lesson in trust. For that, orange receives 17 science collaboration points.
Listens:
530
Who:
GLaDOS
There. Try it now.
Listens:
516
Who:
GLaDOS
It's alright! Everything's good. I just invented some more tests!
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah.
Listens:
399
Who:
Defective Turret
Go on.
Listens:
360
Who:
Wheatley
Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!
Listens:
1370
Who:
Wheatley
I lied.
Listens:
793
Who:
GLaDOS
[laugh] Our handiwork. Shouldn't laugh. They do feel pain. Of a sort. All simulated. But real enough for them I suppose.
Listens:
741
Who:
Wheatley
Try to jump across.
Listens:
294
Who:
Wheatley
AH!
Listens:
565
Who:
Wheatley
Don't like space. Don't like space.
Listens:
3874
Who:
Core 1
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
608
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna do it. I don't want to go in there. Don't... Don't go in there - She's off. She's off! Panic over! She's off. All fine! On we go.
Listens:
603
Who:
Wheatley
Touche, young lady, touche.
Listens:
1270
Who:
Defective Turret
And check this out! I'm a bloody genius now!
Listens:
713
Who:
Wheatley
I’m sorry, Subject Blue.
Listens:
456
Who:
GLaDOS
Briefly.
Listens:
776
Who:
GLaDOS
You can also feel free to relax for up to 20 minutes in the waiting room, which is a damn sight more comfortable than the park benches most of you were sleeping on when we found you.
Listens:
1245
Who:
Cave Johnson
Annnnd off we go!
Listens:
363
Who:
Wheatley
You both made it. It seems no matter what I try to do to pull you apart or destroy you, you just keep going. Keep testing.
Listens:
342
Who:
GLaDOS
Welcome to the Computer Intelligence Training and Enrichment Center Human Test Subject Research Center. You have unlocked all available courses.
Listens:
3075
Who:
Announcer
You may want to try and avoid those turrets.
Listens:
330
Who:
GLaDOS
Warning: Core corruption at 50 percent.
Listens:
8268
Who:
Announcer
You are having so much trouble navigating this space; I wish I could say I created this test.
Listens:
564
Who:
GLaDOS
Coming through!
Listens:
2058
Who:
Turret
Catwalks are safe during defective turret testing.
Listens:
933
Who:
Announcer
Wanna go to space.
Listens:
1034
Who:
Core 1
Okay, fine. Let's all act like humans. 'Look at me. Boy, do I love sweating. Let's convert beef and leaves into energy and excrete them later and go shopping.'
Listens:
46980
Who:
GLaDOS
We did it! I'm in control of the whole facility now!
Listens:
394
Who:
Wheatley
I have the results of the last chamber: You are a horrible person. That's what it says: A horrible person. We weren't even testing for that.
Listens:
3554
Who:
GLaDOS
ORANGE, please observe your partner's favorite animal.
Listens:
513
Who:
GLaDOS
This is Tic-Tac-Toe-Two.
Listens:
885
Who:
GLaDOS
Aw. Just thinking back to the old days when we were friends. Good old friends. Not enemies. And I'd say something like 'come back', and you'd be like 'no problem!' And you'd come back. What happened to those days?
Listens:
1872
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
810
Who:
Core 1
Please get it off me.
Listens:
548
Who:
GLaDOS
Tadah! Only the turret control center. Thank you very much.
Listens:
414
Who:
Wheatley
This is a clean room facility, decontaminates can harm the turret redemption process.
Listens:
944
Who:
Announcer
Here it is - the turret factory entrance! We made it.
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
Your failing gives me no new data, it just delays the inevitable.
Listens:
346
Who:
GLaDOS
Come on through.
Listens:
338
Who:
Wheatley
I’m on fire ow.
Listens:
5103
Who:
Turret
Yeah, that's right! Still defective!
Listens:
906
Who:
Defective Turret
Second time's a charm...
Listens:
788
Who:
Defective Turret
Space.
Listens:
1001
Who:
Core 1
Yeah.
Listens:
493
Who:
Defective Turret
If Orange had said those things about me, Orange would never make it to the next reassembly station.
Listens:
289
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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