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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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Ahhhhhh. 'FALSE'. I'll go 'false'.
Listens:
5752
Who:
Wheatley
No! No! You're LYING! You're LYING!
Listens:
627
Who:
Wheatley
Maybe you ARE getting human emotions.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
As founder and CEO of Aperture Science, I thank you for your participation and hope we can count on you for another round of tests.
Listens:
1149
Who:
Cave Johnson
Probably.
Listens:
302
Who:
GLaDOS
Federal Superfund regulations require us to inform you that you must now leave the theater, as measuring the effects of asbestos-lined promotional clothing is not part of today's presentation. Enjoy your free t-shirt. Goodbye.
Listens:
4974
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh no...
Listens:
421
Who:
Wheatley
Owwwww!
Listens:
1436
Who:
Turret
AGH! You look TERRIB--you look good. Looking good, actually. If I'm honest.
Listens:
823
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! But I did find something. Reminds me: I've got a big surprise for you two. Seriously. Look forward to it.
Listens:
349
Who:
Wheatley
Thanks anyway...
Listens:
1182
Who:
Turret
That's not funny.
Listens:
1862
Who:
GLaDOS
Love space. Need to go to space.
Listens:
1043
Who:
Core 1
Lacks empathy.
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Notice the moat area. Very deadly. Extremely dangerous. Eventually. Not at the moment. Still working on it, still working on it.
Listens:
450
Who:
Wheatley
You really don't need to keep failing.
Listens:
385
Who:
GLaDOS
Yes sir!
Listens:
3997
Who:
Caroline
Humans can survive underwater. But not for very long.
Listens:
1186
Who:
Core 3
Get in the lift! Get in the lift!
Listens:
386
Who:
Wheatley
No, wait, wait!
Listens:
582
Who:
Defective Turret
Blue just taught orange a valuable lesson in trust. For that, blue receives 14 science collaboration points.
Listens:
427
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello.
Listens:
1132
Who:
Defective Turret
Walk casually toward my position and we'll go shut her down.
Listens:
370
Who:
Wheatley
Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
Listens:
911
Who:
Core 3
Don't you DARE plug him in.
Listens:
677
Who:
GLaDOS
There are 5000 other two subject teams in direct competition with you.
Listens:
348
Who:
GLaDOS
Since making test participation mandatory for all employees, the quality of our test subjects has risen dramatically. Employee retention, however, has not.
Listens:
3004
Who:
Cave Johnson
I'm in space.
Listens:
2560
Who:
Core 1
Orange, Blue and I were just discussing your behavior on the last few tests.
Listens:
325
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah.
Listens:
580
Who:
GLaDOS
That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?
Listens:
1314
Who:
Cave Johnson
Okay, let's try this way.
Listens:
439
Who:
Wheatley
Can you get out?
Listens:
292
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, so the bad news is the tests are MY tests now. So they can kill us.
Listens:
515
Who:
GLaDOS
If you've cut yourself at all in the course of these tests, you might have noticed that your blood is pure gasoline. That's normal. We've been shooting you with an invisible laser that's supposed to turn blood into gasoline, so all that means is, it's working.
Listens:
3235
Who:
Cave Johnson
Perfectionist. What's wrong with that?
Listens:
444
Who:
GLaDOS
You may want to try and avoid those turrets.
Listens:
332
Who:
GLaDOS
Get dirty with this robot! This robot owes you money! This robot owes! You! Money!
Listens:
1335
Who:
Core 2
Space space wanna go to space yes please space. Space space. Go to space.
Listens:
18837
Who:
Core 1
Burning people! He says what we're all thinking!
Listens:
8116
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
Listens:
2416
Who:
Cave Johnson
Just hang in there for five more - What? Jerry, you can't fire me for that! Yes, JERRY -- OR, maybe your prejudiced worksite should have accommodated a nanobot of my size. Thanks for the hate crime, Jer!
Listens:
1371
Who:
Wheatley
See that scanner out there? It's deciding which turrets to keep and which to toss. And it's using that MASTER turret as a template! If we pull out the template turret, it'll shut down the whole production line.
Listens:
450
Who:
Wheatley
Probably best to ignore it, though. Just leave it be. We don't know where those panels it's cutting are going. Could be somewhere important.
Listens:
304
Who:
Wheatley
Oh oh oh oh. Wait wait. Wait I know. I know. I know wait. Space.
Listens:
1354
Who:
Core 1
No no no! Don't do that! Stand right there! [to self] Start the machine start the machine start the machine...
Listens:
801
Who:
Wheatley
Wait wait wait wait. I know I know I know. Lady wait. Wait. I know. Wait. Space.
Listens:
2756
Who:
Core 1
Oh! I've just had one idea, which is that I could pretend to her that I've captured you, and give you over and she'll kill you, but I could... go on living. What's your view on that?
Listens:
1673
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on -
Listens:
342
Who:
Wheatley
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future, God help you.
Listens:
4044
Who:
Announcer
Don't worry. You can't die. They will just reassemble you.
Listens:
423
Who:
GLaDOS
Ooagh!
Listens:
367
Who:
Wheatley
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
536
Who:
GLaDOS
This ain't Marquis of Queensberry Rules, sweetie! Pour on the mustard!
Listens:
598
Who:
Core 2
Okay, almost there. On the other side of that wall is one of the old testing tracks. There's a piece of equipment in there we're gonna need to get out of here. I think this is a docking station. Get ready...
Listens:
368
Who:
Wheatley
Remember when I first told you how to find that little portal thing you love so much? Thought you'd die on the way, if I'm honest. All the others did.
Listens:
673
Who:
Wheatley
Ah, crap.
Listens:
1363
Who:
Defective Turret
How's that taste, pal?
Listens:
472
Who:
Core 2
NOT a team player.
Listens:
535
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, it was nice catching up. Let's get to business.
Listens:
749
Who:
GLaDOS
For that Blue is penalized fifty science collaboration points.
Listens:
1022
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on.
Listens:
366
Who:
Wheatley
Impossible as it is to imagine, there actually is a solution. Devilishly hidden.
Listens:
340
Who:
Wheatley
Dad! I'm in space! [low-pitched 'space' voice] I'm proud of you, son. [normal voice] Dad, are you space? [low-pitched 'space' voice] Yes. Now we are a family again.
Listens:
463129
Who:
Core 1
You're just delaying the inevitable. You cannot run from my bombs forever. Well, you can if I keep aiming them poorly. But I'll get better as we go, and you'll just get tired.
Listens:
909
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no! nonononono!
Listens:
14522
Who:
Wheatley
And here I thought this room was dangerously unlethal.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
Can't read.
Listens:
359
Who:
GLaDOS
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
1343
Who:
Announcer
Anxious.
Listens:
350
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, that's right! Still defective!
Listens:
912
Who:
Defective Turret
Not interested in anything else. Don't TOUCH anything else. Don't even LOOK at anything else, just--well, obviously you've got to look at everything else to find ESCAPE POD, but as soon as you've looked at something and it doesn't say ESCAPE POD, look at something else, look at the next thing. Alright? But don't touch anything else or look at any--well, look at other things, but don't... you understand.
Listens:
1675
Who:
Wheatley
Timid.
Listens:
328
Who:
GLaDOS
Ow.
Listens:
578
Who:
Wheatley
Oh!
Listens:
1359
Who:
Turret
No, no, I'm sure it's this way. I'm definitely sure it's this way.
Listens:
311
Who:
Wheatley
Bring your daughter to work day. That did not end well.
Listens:
674
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is a good person, whose insights are relevant.
Listens:
732
Who:
Core 3
You know, in the end, yes, they let me go. It's all politics, to be honest. It's a big popularity contest, it's all about who you know, and whose back you're willing to scratch, who doesn't touch -- or, in my case, who did accidentally touch -- the neurotoxin button.
Listens:
1364
Who:
Wheatley
Grab it and attach it to him!
Listens:
339
Who:
GLaDOS
You KNOW her?
Listens:
634
Who:
Wheatley
Hi there!
Listens:
2147
Who:
Defective Turret
I'll just move that out of the way for you. This place really is a wreck.
Listens:
362
Who:
GLaDOS
Might want to just pick me up.
Listens:
290
Who:
Wheatley
Congratulations. I am sure if I had the time to repair these tests, you would have never completed them. So again, congratulations on completing the broken easy tests.
Listens:
512
Who:
GLaDOS
Sir, the test.
Listens:
1427
Who:
Caroline
Blue now has a Portal Device. Finally.
Listens:
541
Who:
GLaDOS
I found two little robots back here. Built specifically for testin'!
Listens:
393
Who:
Wheatley
There's the exit! We're almost out of here!
Listens:
307
Who:
Wheatley
You have been a thorn in my side long enough!
Listens:
908
Who:
Wheatley
This situation is hopeless.
Listens:
768
Who:
Core 3
Did you know I discovered a way to eradicate poverty? But then you KILLED me. So that's gone.
Listens:
881
Who:
GLaDOS
clickclickclick
Listens:
632
Who:
Defective Turret
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
2054
Who:
Announcer
Be careful!
Listens:
312
Who:
Wheatley
How would you use it in a sentence? 'Mmm, this apple's crunchy,' you might say. And I'm not even asking you for the whole sentence. Just the word 'Apple'.
Listens:
928
Who:
Wheatley
The humans can't free themselves.
Listens:
315
Who:
GLaDOS
ow.
Listens:
734
Who:
GLaDOS
Let's keep moving. The factory entrance must be around here somewhere.
Listens:
326
Who:
Wheatley
I just thought you find that interesting, most winners do.
Listens:
364
Who:
GLaDOS
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