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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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For your test.
Listens:
243
Who:
Wheatley
Defective Turret testing active.
Listens:
813
Who:
Announcer
Uhhh, no bullets. Sorry.
Listens:
492
Who:
Defective Turret
Participates unconstructively. Obviously a time-waster.
Listens:
278
Who:
GLaDOS
I thought of some good news. He's going to run out of test chambers eventually. I never stockpiled them.
Listens:
285
Who:
GLaDOS
Go on!
Listens:
254
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that.
Listens:
51656
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Yes. Well done.
Listens:
893
Who:
Wheatley
Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably - Oh, wait. It's a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!
Listens:
4197
Who:
GLaDOS
The portal will open and something will happen that Subject Blue is too smart to need any instructions about in three. Two. One.
Listens:
338
Who:
GLaDOS
Orange now has a Portal Device. Finally.
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
Moves lips while reading.
Listens:
267
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright. So my paradox idea didn't work.
Listens:
404
Who:
GLaDOS
Run! I don't need to do the voice. RUN!
Listens:
594
Who:
Wheatley
Yahh. Gehhh!
Listens:
605
Who:
Wheatley
All sealed off years ago, of course.
Listens:
242
Who:
Wheatley
Nope. Still can't see.
Listens:
687
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm pretty sure we're going the right way. Just to reassure you...
Listens:
246
Who:
Wheatley
There are 5000 other two subject teams in direct competition with you.
Listens:
285
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, look, okay, I'll be honest. You're the LAST test subject left. And if you DON'T help me, we're both going to die. Alright? I didn't want to say it, you dragged it out of me. Alright? Dead. Dos Muerte.
Listens:
511
Who:
Wheatley
For this next test, we put nanoparticles in the gel. In layman's terms, that's a billion little gizmos that are gonna travel into your bloodstream and pump experimental genes and RNA molecules and so forth into your tumors.
Listens:
1346
Who:
Cave Johnson
Irritable.
Listens:
263
Who:
GLaDOS
It's... It's moving up.
Listens:
242
Who:
Wheatley
Oh. Did I accidentally fizzle that before you could complete the test? I'm sorry.
Listens:
678
Who:
GLaDOS
[computer gibberish]
Listens:
4400
Who:
GLaDOS
Didn't pick up on my sarcasm...
Listens:
4424
Who:
Wheatley
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
1426
Who:
Announcer
Bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts.
Listens:
17424
Who:
Cave Johnson
To maintain a constant testing cycle, I simulate daylight at all hours and add adrenal vapor to your oxygen supply. So you may be confused about the passage of time. The point is, yesterday was your birthday. I thought you'd want to know.
Listens:
3318
Who:
GLaDOS
Coming! Coming! Don't start yet!
Listens:
246
Who:
Wheatley
I don't want to drive a wedge between the two of you, but I've been studying Blue's performance, and I don't know how to put this... I'm certain you're trying very hard.
Listens:
932
Who:
GLaDOS
Impossible as it is to imagine, there actually is a solution. Devilishly hidden.
Listens:
267
Who:
Wheatley
Orange is penalized
Listens:
289
Who:
GLaDOS
There's a star. There's another one. Star. Star star star. Star.
Listens:
1476
Who:
Core 1
Oh there goes another one. They're not Inexpensive. I'd just like to point that out. It seems unfair to smash screens. You could give them to people. Instead of smashing them, unscrew them and give them to a homeless person. I don't know what a homeless person would do with one. But you get my point. And you can't unscrew them, they're bolted in. But - just stop it!
Listens:
1237
Who:
Wheatley
Try one of those childish gestures.
Listens:
384
Who:
GLaDOS
Ah. That just cleans right off, does it? Well, that would have been good to know. A little earlier.
Listens:
427
Who:
Wheatley
Don't mind me. Continue escaping.
Listens:
336
Who:
Wheatley
Oh my.
Listens:
596
Who:
Turret
Killing you? Is hard.
Listens:
1360
Who:
GLaDOS
I am sure it happened by accident, but why don't you put it back in the player?
Listens:
270
Who:
GLaDOS
Look who's back, were you scared to continue those tests?
Listens:
241
Who:
GLaDOS
You're okay! Great! Come on!
Listens:
284
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, sorry. I'm still cleaning out the test chambers.
Listens:
333
Who:
GLaDOS
It didn't matter to me - I was in it for the science. Him, though...
Listens:
507
Who:
GLaDOS
Also, are you alive? That's important, should have asked that first.
Listens:
669
Who:
Wheatley
If I stop watching, I'm sure you'll get bored of this.
Listens:
264
Who:
GLaDOS
Take me with you? Please?
Listens:
780
Who:
Defective Turret
Yeah!
Listens:
726
Who:
GLaDOS
Good. Now please return to your bed.
Listens:
1461
Who:
Announcer
Space going to space can't wait.
Listens:
2965
Who:
Core 1
Hey, safe travels, there.
Listens:
348
Who:
Defective Turret
Help!
Listens:
776
Who:
Turret
You never considered that maybe I tested you to give the endless hours of your pointless existence some structure and meaning. Maybe to help you concentrate, so just maybe you’d think of something more worthwhile to do with your sorry life.
Listens:
2318
Who:
GLaDOS
The other? Well...
Listens:
265
Who:
GLaDOS
Perfect, the door's malfunctioning. I guess somebody is going to have to repair it. No, it's okay, I'll do that too. I'll be right back. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
655
Who:
GLaDOS
Here she comes! Keep testing! Remember: you never saw me!
Listens:
253
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, can't blame me for trying. Okay... New tests, new tests... there's gotta be some tests around here somewhere.
Listens:
1392
Who:
Wheatley
In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.
Listens:
1927
Who:
Core 3
This place is self-destructing, you idiot!
Listens:
674
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, it's alright. Go ahead.
Listens:
244
Who:
Wheatley
Look, anyway. I've spoken enough. Take your time. I'll let you think about it. I don't want to pressure you: is it the lair? Is it the masher? You know what my opinion is: Masher. I'm leaning toward masher. Up to you. Just gonna give you some time to think
Listens:
437
Who:
Wheatley
I can’t keep quiet about this. I think Orange is actively trying to sabotage your success. Let’s keep this between us.
Listens:
290
Who:
GLaDOS
Um, hello?
Listens:
1289
Who:
Turret
I’m scared!
Listens:
685
Who:
Turret
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire, so don't actually do it.
Listens:
2058
Who:
GLaDOS
Excuse me?
Listens:
783
Who:
Turret
Reactor Explosion Uncertainty Emergency Preemption Protocol initiated: This facility will self destruct in two minutes.
Listens:
6803
Who:
Announcer
Be a shame to miss it, wouldn't it? Just for the old neurotoxin. Neurotoxin will still be here tomorrow. Whereas that bird will be gone any minute. Already got one talon off the branch. Gonna be gone.
Listens:
528
Who:
Wheatley
No!
Listens:
356
Who:
Wheatley
Hello again, did you know these are the only set of tests available to you... you are going to need to select them again.
Listens:
928
Who:
GLaDOS
You are making this harder than it needs to be.
Listens:
256
Who:
GLaDOS
BLUE, please observe your partner's... interesting choice.
Listens:
492
Who:
GLaDOS
There she is...
Listens:
264
Who:
Wheatley
We will attempt to comply with these now non-existent agencies by playing some more smooth jazz.
Listens:
3100
Who:
Announcer
See nothing bad happened.
Listens:
556
Who:
GLaDOS
AH!
Listens:
525
Who:
Wheatley
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.
Listens:
1056
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's another core! This one should do it!
Listens:
247
Who:
GLaDOS
It's interesting. You won't regret it. I promise.
Listens:
242
Who:
Wheatley
Whoever wins this battle is clearly superior, and will earn the allegiance of the Fact Sphere.
Listens:
617
Who:
Core 3
Better buy a telescope. Wanna see me. Buy a telescope. Gonna be in space.
Listens:
5356
Who:
Core 1
Just stop it already.
Listens:
449
Who:
GLaDOS
That poster! Go look at it for a second, would you?
Listens:
593
Who:
GLaDOS
Something is wrong, this door should be opening.
Listens:
344
Who:
GLaDOS
Like the potato!
Listens:
178303
Who:
Defective Turret
Let's go in!
Listens:
247
Who:
Wheatley
So. If you've got any reservations whatsoever about this plan, now would be the time to voice them.
Listens:
239
Who:
Wheatley
Had a bit of a brain wave. There I was, smashing some steel plates together, and I thought, 'yes, it's deadly. But what's missing? What's missing?' And I thought lots of sharp bits welded onto the flat bits.
Listens:
1777
Who:
Wheatley
I'm guessing this wasn't one of the scientist's children. I don't want to be snobby, but let's be honest: It's got manual laborer written all over it. I'm not saying they're not as good as the professionals. They're just a lot dumber.
Listens:
542
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no...
Listens:
466
Who:
GLaDOS
Here we are. The Incinerator Room. Be careful not to trip over any parts of me that didn't get completely burned when you threw them down here.
Listens:
602
Who:
GLaDOS
And FOOLISH! No way out. At my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my nothing.
Listens:
959
Who:
Wheatley
I know how humans make more humans, and frankly, it's ridiculous. It also assumes that you already have a human, which I hope somebody got fired over. So I came up a with BETTER way.
Listens:
22465
Who:
GLaDOS
Miss you!
Listens:
660
Who:
GLaDOS
Now your fat eyes have seen everything.
Listens:
1258
Who:
GLaDOS
And you'll probably get ringworm. And Athlete's Foot. And... Cholera. Or something... Horrible. It's gonna be even worse than if I'd just blown you up.
Listens:
487
Who:
Wheatley
You really don't need to keep failing.
Listens:
288
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm done.
Listens:
1211
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations. You're upside down now.
Listens:
589
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
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