Please make sure you own these games if you are going to listen to their content!
News: Loading...
Quote:
Who:
Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
Like
+1
Tweet
@Portal2Sounds
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
Popular
Original Order
Random
This site requires that
Javascript be enabled
.
Good work getting this far, future-starter! That said, if you are simple-minded, old, or irradiated in such a way that the future should not start with you, please return to your primitive tribe and send back someone better-qualified for testing.
Listens:
2552
Who:
Announcer
Yes, I see you, and no, I don't care.
Listens:
5231
Who:
GLaDOS
To clarify, I was being a little bit facetious about wanting to get rid of monitors. They're actually really quite useful. So I do want them around. So if you could just avoid smashing them.
Listens:
461
Who:
Wheatley
Avocados have the highest fiber and calories of any fruit. They are found in Australians.
Listens:
982
Who:
Core 3
And we would have talked our way out of it. Oh! Except you forgot to tell me you'd murdered her. And that she needed you to live, so the only available vent for her rage would be good old crushable Wheatley. Yeah. Little details I remember. Easy little tidbits you could have used to save me from getting crushed if you'd cared, which you didn't, obviously. And still don't.
Listens:
3264
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
704
Who:
Defective Turret
If I made these tests any easier, they wouldn't be tests.
Listens:
272
Who:
GLaDOS
Where am I? Guess. Guess guess guess. I'm in space.
Listens:
2990
Who:
Core 1
Don't worry I'm absolutely guaranteeing you 100 percent that it's this way... Oh it's not this way.
Listens:
652
Who:
Wheatley
Enough! I told you not to put these cores on me. But you don't listen, do you? Quiet. All the time. Quietly not listening to a word I say. Judging me. Silently. The worst kind.
Listens:
1376
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, orange isn't a human. The lesson on trust only needs to be taught once. Blue is penalized 1 science collaboration point.
Listens:
307
Who:
GLaDOS
And again, not playing along. You're ruining what are some really good speeches, actually.
Listens:
412
Who:
Wheatley
Ah, come on!
Listens:
444
Who:
Defective Turret
Kick him! Or punch him. You're the boss, dimples.
Listens:
801
Who:
Core 2
But the real point is - oh, oh! You know what I've just remembered? Football! Kicking a ball around for fun. Cruel, obviously. Humans love it. Metaphor. Should have seen this coming.
Listens:
2120
Who:
Wheatley
Agh!
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
We're a lot alike, you and I. You tested me. I tested you. You killed me. I--oh, no, wait. I guess I HAVEN'T killed you yet. Well. Food for thought.
Listens:
3337
Who:
GLaDOS
Pens. Might need those. Don't see any though. So...
Listens:
293
Who:
Wheatley
Impossible as it is to imagine, there actually is a solution. Devilishly hidden.
Listens:
291
Who:
Wheatley
Ignores task at hand. Won't for long.
Listens:
478
Who:
GLaDOS
See nothing bad happened.
Listens:
598
Who:
GLaDOS
Door?
Listens:
357
Who:
Wheatley
Ah! Perhaps the turrets have found a way to use garrotes. That would explain the extremely... quiet killing. That I'm hearing.
Listens:
689
Who:
Wheatley
Anxious.
Listens:
311
Who:
GLaDOS
I’m flyinnnng!
Listens:
2462
Who:
Turret
The answer is beneath us.
Listens:
2080
Who:
Turret
I defy you to tell me there's a purpose to what you're doing.
Listens:
318
Who:
GLaDOS
Then, when he's no more use to you, he has a little accident. Doesn't he? 'Falls' off his management rail. Doesn't he?
Listens:
541
Who:
Wheatley
A computer. Not a surprise. Expected. Check that off the list. Computer identified. Tick.
Listens:
450
Who:
Wheatley
Annnnd we're back!
Listens:
879
Who:
Defective Turret
Did something happen? [yawn] I wasn't watching.
Listens:
523
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what? Just get in the lift. We'll iron out the details as we go.
Listens:
279
Who:
Wheatley
You're doing a great job of disappointing me.
Listens:
842
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what makes me laugh? The thought of you cutting that out.
Listens:
418
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you two doing?
Listens:
473
Who:
GLaDOS
I'm--do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to work on the assumption that you're still alive and I'm just going to wait for you up ahead.
Listens:
341
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, you win.
Listens:
866
Who:
Turret
Cube- and button-based testing remains an important tool for science, even in a dire emergency.
Listens:
1263
Who:
Announcer
This is the neurotoxin generator. Bit bigger than I expected. Not going to be able to just, you know, push it over. Have to apply some cleverness.
Listens:
674
Who:
Wheatley
Here it is - the turret factory entrance! We made it.
Listens:
276
Who:
Wheatley
Space...
Listens:
7381
Who:
Core 1
That conversion gel has been sitting in that pipe going stagnant for years. You'll probably get botulism portalling through it like that.
Listens:
382
Who:
Wheatley
What a nasty piece of work she was, honestly. Like a proper maniac.
Listens:
606
Who:
Wheatley
To maintain a constant testing cycle, I simulate daylight at all hours and add adrenal vapor to your oxygen supply. So you may be confused about the passage of time. The point is, yesterday was your birthday. I thought you'd want to know.
Listens:
3603
Who:
GLaDOS
Still, it turns out they're a great portal conductor. So now we're gonna see if jumping in and out of these new portals can somehow leech the lunar poison out of a man's bloodstream. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. [coughs] Let's all stay positive and do some science.
Listens:
18876
Who:
Cave Johnson
All right. You create a distraction then, and I'll distract him from YOUR distraction.
Listens:
414
Who:
Core 2
Spinny-blade-wall!
Listens:
647
Who:
Wheatley
I'll be honest: The death traps have been a bit of a failure so far. For both of us. I think you'll agree. And you are getting very close to my lair.
Listens:
615
Who:
Wheatley
Rats cannot throw up.
Listens:
955
Who:
Core 3
Hurry!
Listens:
292
Who:
Wheatley
Core transfer?
Listens:
765
Who:
GLaDOS
Anyone got any bullets?
Listens:
639
Who:
Defective Turret
Finish it...
Listens:
358
Who:
Wheatley
If we're lucky, she won't find out all her turrets are crap until it's too late. [laughs] Classic.
Listens:
608
Who:
Wheatley
Lacks confidence.
Listens:
274
Who:
GLaDOS
You already did this one. It'll be easy.
Listens:
294
Who:
GLaDOS
I did everything you asked!
Listens:
3279
Who:
Turret
I can't move. And unless you're planning to saw your own head off and wedge it into my old body, you're going to need me to replace him. We're at an impasse.
Listens:
833
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, can't blame me for trying. Okay... New tests, new tests... there's gotta be some tests around here somewhere.
Listens:
1497
Who:
Wheatley
But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage.
Listens:
908
Who:
Wheatley
Oh... Mr. Johnson...
Listens:
26642
Who:
Caroline
Ahungh.
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
Just a heads up: We're gonna have a superconductor turned up full blast and pointed at you for the duration of this next test. I'll be honest, we're throwing science at the wall here to see what sticks. No idea what it'll do. Probably nothing. Best-case scenario, you might get some superpowers. Worst case, some tumors, which we'll cut out.
Listens:
10455
Who:
Cave Johnson
So, when you kill that guy, do you have a cool line? You know, prepared? Tell you what: Lemme help you with that while you run around.
Listens:
498
Who:
Core 2
Hold on, hold on, hold on... Almost there...
Listens:
376
Who:
Wheatley
Are you scared to save those humans?
Listens:
291
Who:
GLaDOS
GET IN!
Listens:
308
Who:
Wheatley
Hey.
Listens:
647
Who:
Core 1
Oh, but I just... have made my actual first mistake... by telling you my plan. Just now. Grrr... It's me old Achilles heel again. Armed with that knowledge, I imagine you won't even use the conversion gel. Oh fate! Oh cruel mistress.
Listens:
765
Who:
Wheatley
This is just getting embarrassing.
Listens:
1653
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, have it your way. What, are you fighting that guy? You got that under control there? Cuz it looks like there's a lot of stuff on fire...
Listens:
477
Who:
Core 2
[BUZZER NOISE]
Listens:
21202
Who:
Wheatley
Hey, hold on whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Listens:
717
Who:
Defective Turret
Ah for Pete's sake!
Listens:
962
Who:
Defective Turret
But I need to protect the humans!
Listens:
4285
Who:
Turret
I agree, Blue. That was entertaining.
Listens:
271
Who:
GLaDOS
Activated
Listens:
2602
Who:
Turret
Didn't pick up on my sarcasm...
Listens:
4725
Who:
Wheatley
I'm not defective!
Listens:
1360
Who:
Defective Turret
Best of luck, lady!
Listens:
440
Who:
Defective Turret
Remember when I told you that you were the only subjects to pass the calibration tests?
Listens:
313
Who:
GLaDOS
Since you are thankfully not humans, I have changed the tests to make them far more challenging and far less pointlessly fawning.
Listens:
285
Who:
GLaDOS
Ungh!
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
Honey does not spoil.
Listens:
611
Who:
Core 3
[sound of pages turning] Oh, sorry. Hope that didn't disturb you just then. It was the sound of books. Pages being turned.
Listens:
1370
Who:
Wheatley
We're not safe yet. Quick! Follow the walkway.
Listens:
269
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, you are very good at being an example.
Listens:
337
Who:
GLaDOS
Just---if you just--okay, just stand by the podium and just look up.
Listens:
276
Who:
Wheatley
This course was originally designed to build confidence in humans.
Listens:
272
Who:
GLaDOS
So. Welcome to Aperture. You're here because we want the best, and you're it. Nope. Couldn't keep a straight face.
Listens:
3226
Who:
Cave Johnson
But I'm huge! [laugh turning to maniacal laugh]
Listens:
38405
Who:
Wheatley
Roman toothpaste was made with human urine. Urine as an ingredient in toothpaste continued to be used up until the 18th century.
Listens:
840
Who:
Core 3
Anyway, look, we're really close to busting out, just hang in there for five more chambers.
Listens:
287
Who:
Wheatley
Space Court. For people in space. Judge space sun presiding. Bam. Guilty. Of being in space. I'm in space.
Listens:
5407
Who:
Core 1
Undermines others.
Listens:
343
Who:
GLaDOS
Awwww, come on.
Listens:
1060
Who:
Defective Turret
Orange, now you're just being cruel. Orange receives 25 science collaboration points.
Listens:
367
Who:
GLaDOS
Back again? Maybe you can just stay and live here.
Listens:
272
Who:
GLaDOS
Space. Space. Gonna go to space.
Listens:
1015
Who:
Core 1
Space!
Listens:
1657
Who:
Core 1
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
Like these quotes? Share them with your friends!
