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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
Portal 2 PTI
Portal 2 Music
Portal 1
Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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That's where YOU come in.
Listens:
881
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, listen, we should get our stories straight, alright? If anyone asks -- and no one's gonna ask, don't worry -- but if anyone asks, tell them as far as you know, the last time you checked, everyone looked pretty much alive. Alright? Not dead.
Listens:
1041
Who:
Wheatley
On three. Ready? One... Two...
Listens:
337
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah! Non-lethal as ever.
Listens:
846
Who:
Defective Turret
Are you scared to save those humans?
Listens:
263
Who:
GLaDOS
Hah! It bloody worked! I hacked it! Hacked. Properly. Properly hacked. Ha ha ha!
Listens:
1193
Who:
Wheatley
Alright, fine. I'm not saying another word until you do it properly. I'm sick of this.
Listens:
515
Who:
Wheatley
Oh! Yes. Well done.
Listens:
922
Who:
Wheatley
What are you...
Listens:
268
Who:
Wheatley
Argumentative.
Listens:
260
Who:
GLaDOS
Technical... Ummm... You'll need to turn around while I do this.
Listens:
384
Who:
Wheatley
If the Earth is currently governed by a manner of animal-king, sentient cloud, or other governing body that either refuses to or is incapable of listening to reason, th- [RECORDING SHORTS OUT]
Listens:
4195
Who:
Announcer
YEEEHAAAAAW!
Listens:
12254
Who:
Core 1
Oh, really? Space? Really? You should have said something! We had no idea!
Listens:
1879
Who:
Core 2
No. No. That was the solution. Rrrg! What am I missing?
Listens:
303
Who:
Wheatley
Dang! All right, if anyone asks, I killed you.
Listens:
1181
Who:
Defective Turret
Goodnight
Listens:
5731
Who:
Turret
I think he's getting desperate.
Listens:
278
Who:
GLaDOS
Hell, put her in my computer. I don't care.
Listens:
1581
Who:
Cave Johnson
Do you know where I was?
Listens:
271
Who:
GLaDOS
What? No, you pressed that bAGGGHHHHHH
Listens:
926
Who:
Wheatley
The Fact Sphere is not defective. Its facts are wholly accurate and very interesting.
Listens:
2493
Who:
Core 3
Yeah!
Listens:
719
Who:
GLaDOS
Alright, you can go.
Listens:
368
Who:
Defective Turret
Also, a note: No braces on your spine, either. So don't land on that. Or your head, no braces there. That could split like a melon from this height. [nervous chuckle] Do definitely focus on landing with your legs.
Listens:
373
Who:
Wheatley
I don't know what you think you are doing, but I don't like it. I want you to stop.
Listens:
845
Who:
GLaDOS
In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor people are able to do this.
Listens:
1981
Who:
Core 3
I’m scared!
Listens:
868
Who:
Turret
Sorry, we're closed
Listens:
2050
Who:
Turret
Hellllooo, imbecile.
Listens:
4723
Who:
GLaDOS
Nope. Okay. A... A... A... A... A... C.
Listens:
437
Who:
Wheatley
And we're only seeing the top layer. It goes down for miles.
Listens:
267
Who:
Wheatley
What a horrible little machine.
Listens:
576
Who:
GLaDOS
Careful... Careful...
Listens:
258
Who:
Wheatley
And whose fault do you think it's going to be when the management comes down here and finds ten thousand flipping vegetables?
Listens:
1548
Who:
Wheatley
He's taking us right TO him! This is PERFECT.
Listens:
321
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, in case you got covered in that repulsion gel, here's some advice the lab boys gave me: DO NOT get covered in the repulsion gel.
Listens:
2226
Who:
Cave Johnson
Narcissist.
Listens:
291
Who:
GLaDOS
Finally! I had almost given up hope of ever testing again.
Listens:
394
Who:
GLaDOS
You know what? I think we're well past the point of tasteful restraint. So I'll tell you: they all died. Horrifically. Trying to get that portal device that you're gripping in your meaty little fingers there.
Listens:
657
Who:
Wheatley
So I've been thinking: We need humans for these tests. And since the only human within a thousand miles of us is a test-ruining sociopath... I'll just have to MAKE some.
Listens:
1492
Who:
GLaDOS
You know, I'd tell you if I were dead. Courtesy. Mark of a civil society. So, just let me know.
Listens:
406
Who:
Wheatley
This is the neurotoxin generator. Bit bigger than I expected. Not going to be able to just, you know, push it over. Have to apply some cleverness.
Listens:
628
Who:
Wheatley
Oh no. He found the cooperative testing initiative. It's... something I came up to phase out human testing just before you escaped.
Listens:
630
Who:
GLaDOS
Might as well give you the tour.
Listens:
268
Who:
Wheatley
What was that?
Listens:
337
Who:
Wheatley
You like revenge, right? Everybody likes revenge. Well, let's go get some.
Listens:
2492
Who:
GLaDOS
Template missing. Continuing from memory.
Listens:
1196
Who:
Announcer
Hello? Anyone in there?
Listens:
1325
Who:
Wheatley
Oh well. We have warehouses FULL of the things. Absolutely worthless. I'm happy to get rid of them.
Listens:
899
Who:
GLaDOS
If you're dying, but not dead, stomp once. If you're dead, obviously no stomps. And two stomps if you're not dead. Lemme just run through that again: If you're dying but not dead stomp just once. If you're dead, obviously you won't be stomping. And if you're not dead, give me two stomps.
Listens:
1140
Who:
Wheatley
Oh, shut up!
Listens:
2224
Who:
Core 2
Target acquired.
Listens:
9267
Who:
Turret
AH!
Listens:
4079
Who:
Wheatley
Dang.
Listens:
602
Who:
Defective Turret
No sense of humor.
Listens:
308
Who:
GLaDOS
Click click click! Still defective!
Listens:
2251
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm not going to lie to you, the odds are a million to one. And that's with some generous rounding.
Listens:
885
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, I'll take that as a no, then.
Listens:
361
Who:
Wheatley
five
Listens:
542
Who:
GLaDOS
What about that camera?
Listens:
283
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Still not working.
Listens:
680
Who:
Defective Turret
Heh heh heh heh...
Listens:
556
Who:
Defective Turret
A gallon of water weighs 8.34 pounds
Listens:
633
Who:
Core 3
There is a framed painting on the wall. Please go stand in front of it.
Listens:
1310
Who:
Announcer
Alright. Your funeral, pal.
Listens:
544
Who:
Defective Turret
If you feel liquid running down your neck, relax, lie on your back, and apply immediate pressure to your temples.
Listens:
468
Who:
GLaDOS
We are now going to take a break from the collaboration for an instructional competition.
Listens:
275
Who:
GLaDOS
There's nothing in space! That's why it's space!
Listens:
5615
Who:
Core 2
Good. You have a dual portal device. There should be a way back to the testing area up ahead.
Listens:
419
Who:
GLaDOS
Heh heh heh...
Listens:
397
Who:
Defective Turret
Bring your daughter to work day. That did not end well.
Listens:
627
Who:
Wheatley
That extra half volt helps but it isn't going to power miracles. If I think too hard, I'm going to fry this potato before we get a chance to burn up in the atomic fireball that little idiot is going- [bzzpt]
Listens:
3500
Who:
GLaDOS
Destroying them is part of the test. They are no more important to you than you are to me.
Listens:
371
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha! I like your style. You make up your own rules, just like me.
Listens:
645918
Who:
Cave Johnson
Are you still there? Can you pick me up, do you think? If you are there?
Listens:
2517
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, I'm gonna lay my cards on the table: I don't wanna do it. I don't want to go in there. Don't... Don't go in there - She's off. She's off! Panic over! She's off. All fine! On we go.
Listens:
523
Who:
Wheatley
I'll give you a hint. Button. That's all I'm gonna say. One word. Button.
Listens:
403
Who:
Wheatley
clickclickclick
Listens:
1325
Who:
Defective Turret
I knew it was gonna be cool being in charge of everything, but... wow, this is cool!
Listens:
325
Who:
Wheatley
Let's try this again. Try to make your way across the machinery.
Listens:
257
Who:
Wheatley
Warning: Core corruption at 75 percent.
Listens:
4845
Who:
Announcer
Insecure.
Listens:
284
Who:
GLaDOS
Ayeyeyeyeye
Listens:
3675
Who:
Turret
Just stop flailing around like an incompetent.
Listens:
1204
Who:
GLaDOS
Thanks!
Listens:
496
Who:
GLaDOS
Ohhhhhh, we just made it! That was close.
Listens:
259
Who:
Wheatley
Don't press that button. You don't know what you're doing.
Listens:
1655
Who:
GLaDOS
While I do need you to be in the room so I can see them, I want to be clear. There is no reason whatsoever for you to look at them.
Listens:
257
Who:
GLaDOS
After that...who knows? I might take up a hobby. Reanimating the dead, maybe.
Listens:
805
Who:
GLaDOS
The atomic weight of Germanium is seven two point six four.
Listens:
750
Who:
Core 3
Never completes work.
Listens:
260
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah! Nice!
Listens:
504
Who:
Core 2
You know when I mentioned ten minutes? A little bit optimistic!
Listens:
263
Who:
Wheatley
Give me another channnnce!
Listens:
753
Who:
Defective Turret
While I will receive all the glory for the rescue don't think you two aren't going to get something. The bond you form during these tests will last a lifetime.
Listens:
260
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! Right, the escape lift! I'll call it now.
Listens:
286
Who:
Wheatley
Violent temper. Oh, I'd like to see that.
Listens:
399
Who:
GLaDOS
Nooooo. No, I don't think it is. I think you're wrong.
Listens:
2079
Who:
Wheatley
I'm no psychiatrist, but coming from a bunch of eggheads who wouldn't recognize the thrill of danger if it walked up and snapped their little pink bras, that sounds like 'projection'.
Listens:
1990
Who:
Cave Johnson
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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