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Hey lady. Lady.
Listens:
1031
Who:
Core 1
I hardly think you're even trying with these gestures anymore.
Listens:
279
Who:
GLaDOS
Here's the plan: Get him to say, 'You two have been a thorn in my side long enough.' Then tell your pretty ears to stand back, because I am going to zing him into space.
Listens:
2146
Who:
Core 2
Those of you helping us test the repulsion gel today, just follow the blue line on the floor.
Listens:
965
Who:
Cave Johnson
Fifty thousand years is a lot of time to think. About me. About you. We were doing so well together.
Listens:
698
Who:
GLaDOS
The lab boys just informed me that I should not have mentioned the control group. They're telling me I oughtta stop making these pre-recorded messages. That gave me an idea: make more pre-recorded messages. I pay the bills here, I can talk about the control group all damn day.
Listens:
3183
Who:
Cave Johnson
Now let's continue testing.
Listens:
1095
Who:
GLaDOS
The surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
Listens:
1305
Who:
GLaDOS
I have to agree. Orange is penalized 75 science collaboration points.
Listens:
312
Who:
GLaDOS
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
34002
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, this is just PERFECT!
Listens:
1345
Who:
Defective Turret
I'm in space.
Listens:
1848
Who:
Core 1
Are you trying to impress me? What would impress me more is if you never did that again.
Listens:
421
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodbye Caroline!
Listens:
24938
Who:
Caroline
Neurotoxin level at capacity in five minutes.
Listens:
4400
Who:
Announcer
That's it. Scan it for me.
Listens:
607
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay... that's probably correct. But where it is incorrect is while I've been stalling you WE JUST PRESSED THE BUTTON! USE THE MOMENT OF CONFUSION I'VE JUST CREATED TO PRESS THE BUTTON!
Listens:
582
Who:
Wheatley
Target aquired.
Listens:
2215
Who:
Turret
Didn't even get to the good part yet. Twist ending.
Listens:
582
Who:
Wheatley
Could you turn around? Is that possible?
Listens:
260
Who:
Wheatley
Hello! This is the part where I kill you.
Listens:
106815
Who:
Wheatley
Something is wrong, this door should be opening.
Listens:
379
Who:
GLaDOS
Sleep mode activated
Listens:
6247
Who:
Turret
It's not, though.
Listens:
621
Who:
GLaDOS
STAY CALM! Stay calm! 'Prepare.' That's all it's saying. It's just saying 'Prepare.' It's all fine. Alright? Don't move. I'm going to get us out of here.
Listens:
710
Who:
Wheatley
Let's go in!
Listens:
268
Who:
Wheatley
Sollllve it...
Listens:
306
Who:
Wheatley
That's another fifty point penalty.
Listens:
559
Who:
GLaDOS
The atomic weight of Germanium is seven two point six four.
Listens:
756
Who:
Core 3
three
Listens:
631
Who:
GLaDOS
Target acquired.
Listens:
9326
Who:
Turret
Hey, a countdown clock! Man, that is trouble. Situation's looking pretty ugly. For such a beautiful woman. If you don't mind me saying.
Listens:
1297
Who:
Core 2
You alright down there? Can you hear me? Hello?
Listens:
750
Who:
Wheatley
Nope. Okay. A... A... A... A... A... C.
Listens:
453
Who:
Wheatley
Hello, and again, welcome to the Aperture Science Enrichment Center.
Listens:
5092
Who:
Announcer
Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber... is looking pretty good.
Listens:
1049
Who:
GLaDOS
Space!
Listens:
1651
Who:
Core 1
Conversion gel. It's dripping out of that pipe there.
Listens:
324
Who:
GLaDOS
Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens.
Listens:
2002
Who:
Core 3
Welcome, gentlemen, to Aperture Science. Astronauts, war heroes, Olympians--you're here because we want the best, and you are it. So: Who is ready to make some science?
Listens:
4212
Who:
Cave Johnson
We're still doing science sir.
Listens:
1858
Who:
Caroline
Steals lunch from staff fridge.
Listens:
270
Who:
GLaDOS
Ha ha ha ha ha, good one.
Listens:
2267
Who:
GLaDOS
Seriously, though. Goodbye.
Listens:
2351
Who:
GLaDOS
There. Fixed.
Listens:
508
Who:
Wheatley
You're saying to yourself, why should I jump into the pit? I'll tell you why. Guess who's down there? Your parents! You're not adopted after all! It's your natural parents down there in the pit. Should have mentioned it before. But I didn't. So jump on down and reunite with mommy and daddy.
Listens:
2893
Who:
Wheatley
Oh I know! I know I know I know I know I know - let's go to space!
Listens:
1301
Who:
Core 1
It appears you're developing human traits. The worst human traits.
Listens:
264
Who:
GLaDOS
And what's this, a lovely handbag? And the three portal device! It's all down there!
Listens:
1049
Who:
Wheatley
Before re-entering a relaxation vault at the conclusion of testing, please take a moment to write down the results of your test. An Aperture Science Reintegration Associate will revive you for an interview when society has been rebuilt.
Listens:
1101
Who:
Announcer
I don't even know what I just said! But I can find out!
Listens:
383
Who:
Wheatley
Honey does not spoil.
Listens:
598
Who:
Core 3
Per our last conversation: You're also ugly. I'm looking at your file right now, and it mentions that more than once.
Listens:
1237
Who:
GLaDOS
Yeah, how ya doin'.
Listens:
799
Who:
Defective Turret
Ha! I knew we were going the right way.
Listens:
273
Who:
Wheatley
Go on. Walk up to the window. Take a look out.
Listens:
271
Who:
Wheatley
Hopeless. Just hopeless.
Listens:
416
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay, you win.
Listens:
858
Who:
Turret
The Fact Sphere is always right.
Listens:
743
Who:
Core 3
Blue now has a Portal Device. Finally.
Listens:
498
Who:
GLaDOS
I think I can break us out of here in the next chamber. Just play along.
Listens:
266
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey, just in case this pit isn't actually bottomless, do you think maybe you could unstrap one of those long fall boots of yours and shove me into it?
Listens:
606
Who:
GLaDOS
To your left... you'll see some lights of some kind. Don't know what they do. But very sciencey anyway.
Listens:
619
Who:
Wheatley
The portal will open and emergency testing will begin in three. Two. One.
Listens:
1960
Who:
Announcer
Now I spy something that starts with an 'a'.
Listens:
318
Who:
Wheatley
YES YES! IN YOUR FACE! I GOT YO-ah, nope.
Listens:
4154
Who:
Wheatley
Yeah, I'm uh... I'm a bad man!
Listens:
917
Who:
Defective Turret
I, uh... don't have any bullets. Are you gonna give me any bullets? Are the bullets up there?
Listens:
4362
Who:
Defective Turret
Okay, down those stairs, please?
Listens:
309
Who:
Wheatley
All right. We're working on a little teleportation experiment. Now, this doesn't work with all skin types, so try to remember which skin is yours, and if it doesn't teleport along with you, we'll do what we can to sew you right back into it.
Listens:
1639
Who:
Cave Johnson
If you want to upset a human, just say their weight variance is above or below the norm.
Listens:
787
Who:
GLaDOS
Yay, Orange is back. Testing can continue.
Listens:
436
Who:
GLaDOS
Blue, being the last one standing is not the goal.
Listens:
336
Who:
GLaDOS
This next test may result in your death. If you want to know what that's like, think back to that time you killed me, and substitute yourself for me.
Listens:
639
Who:
GLaDOS
Wanna go to space. Space.
Listens:
978
Who:
Core 1
The scientists were always hanging cores on me to regulate my behavior. I've heard voices all my life. But now I hear the voice of a conscience, and it's terrifying, because for the first time it's my voice.
Listens:
1541
Who:
GLaDOS
Here we are. The Incinerator Room. Be careful not to trip over any parts of me that didn't get completely burned when you threw them down here.
Listens:
728
Who:
GLaDOS
But don't worry, you are in the lead.
Listens:
285
Who:
GLaDOS
It's... It's moving up.
Listens:
263
Who:
Wheatley
Orange, can you write down all the ways you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior?
Listens:
273
Who:
GLaDOS
You are simply experiencing a rare reaction in which the Material Emancipation Grill may have emancipated the ear tubes inside your head.
Listens:
981
Who:
Announcer
Are you doing that just to aggravate me?
Listens:
264
Who:
GLaDOS
Congratulations! This pre-recorded congratulations assumes you have mastered the principles of portal momentum.
Listens:
729
Who:
GLaDOS
I can drop the fake praise.
Listens:
354
Who:
GLaDOS
Brilliant you made it through! Well done! Follow me, we've still got work to do. At least she can't touch us back here.
Listens:
380
Who:
Wheatley
Blue, please disregard the following statement: Orange, you have been a shining light in an otherwise ungodly morass of incompetence.
Listens:
547
Who:
GLaDOS
Annnnd off we go!
Listens:
324
Who:
Wheatley
Yes!
Listens:
492
Who:
Wheatley
Simple word. 'Apple'.
Listens:
575
Who:
Wheatley
Blue do what Orange just did.
Listens:
267
Who:
GLaDOS
I shouldn't spoil this, but... remember how I'm going to live forever, but you're going to be dead in sixty years? Well, I've been working on a present for you. Well, I guess it's more of a medical procedure. Well, technically it's more of a medical experiment. You know how excruciating it is when someone removes all of your bone marrow? Well, what if after I did that, I put something back IN that added four years to your life?
Listens:
3369
Who:
GLaDOS
We should be getting close. Ohh, I can't wait to see the look on her face. No neurotoxin, no turrets--she'll never know what hit her!
Listens:
376
Who:
Wheatley
Don't plug him in.
Listens:
383
Who:
GLaDOS
Then there was a sort of long chunk of time where absolutely nothing happened and then there's us escaping now. So that's pretty much the whole story, you're up to speed. Don't touch anything.
Listens:
492
Who:
Wheatley
Hold on, hold on, hold on... Almost there...
Listens:
361
Who:
Wheatley
Okay, so the bad news is the tests are MY tests now. So they can kill us.
Listens:
456
Who:
GLaDOS
Substitute core accepted.
Listens:
1284
Who:
Announcer
Space. Space. Space. Space. Comets. Stars. Galaxies. Orion.
Listens:
1918
Who:
Core 1
Hey! Hey! Up here!
Listens:
298
Who:
Wheatley
[cough] As a result, you may have heard we're gonna phase out human testing. There's still a few things left to wrap up, though.
Listens:
1885
Who:
Cave Johnson
00:00 / 00:00
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